Always To Blame, Always My Fault

A case study on the negative person who makes you feel like you're always to blame and it's always your fault

by Catherine Pratt
www.Life-With-Confidence.com

For this case study on negative people, let’s talk about the negative person who makes you feel like you're always to blame, it's always your fault and nothing you do is ever right.

Most likely after many of your encounters with this person, you end up feeling guilty, upset, emotionally drained and confused. You may even feel like you're completely useless or incompetent.

The most difficult times to deal with this type of negative person is when they're in the role of your boss, your parent, or your significant other.

This type of person isn't always easy to identify at first. For ease of reading this article, I'm going to use "he" throughout but a blamer can be male or female. The blamer can be very charming and likeable yet also have this darker side. When you're dealing with the darker side, it will feel like the rug is always being pulled out from under you and nothing you do is ever right, or you get blamed for his mistakes or his deceptions. Trying to be rational with him doesn't work. Trying to get him to see how hurt you feel by what he's doing doesn't work. In fact, these two tactics will make it much, much worse.

So, what should we call this particular type of negative person? I tend to call them blamers because they always blame someone else for anything and everything. They are never the one at fault. This is one of the main clues to identifying this type of personality. They always blame everyone else but themselves when things go wrong.

They are extreme blamers though in that this blaming aspect is a main part of their personality. They're not someone who just occasionally blames others when they get frustrated.

You'll sometimes hear what I call "blamers" also being referred to as "narcissists" by psychologists. When I first heard this description of them, I didn't associate it with the type of personality I was constantly encountering. I thought of narcissists as meaning people who are basically in love with themselves, only talk about themselves, and don't care about anyone else. But, this is only one very specific type of narcissist. There are many different layers and levels to narcissists and you'll find that they can come across as very caring towards others in certain situations, seem charming and interested in you when you first meet, talk about other people and just do not seem to match the most well known description of a narcissist. They can come across as truly nice people in the beginning, and it's not until later that you suddenly realize you feel like you're trapped in a nightmare and also that you're now very much involved even though you may not want to be.

Whether they're called blamers or narcissists, I think this is one of the most destructive types of negative people you can ever deal with. They can have an extremely negative effect on your thinking and your own behavior. They can actually cause such intense anguish and distress, it will last a lifetime until you gain the awareness that it wasn't you, it was the situation that you were (or are currently) in.

If you've been a victim of this type of negative person, you may feel like there is something wrong with you and that if only you were better, or smarter, or nicer, or more competent at your job, or just did the right things for once then the situation would be better between you and the negative person. You end up feeling like it's all your fault which can end up causing depression, self loathing, or other self destructive tendencies.

Defending yourself from this type of person will only make the situation much worse and you'll end up being attacked even more. If you point out how you're innocent and didn't do anything wrong or that he's really to blame then an explosion of anger will most likely occur. Then the tables will be quickly turned on you and the blamer will make it appear that everything is entirely your fault. He's innocent and you're the evil one.

You'll also find that he expects you to do things "exactly" as he would do it. This is because he doesn't see you as a separate person. You are a reflection on him. Nothing you do is ever right though and he'll constantly criticize you and belittle you. Micromanaging is something he loves to do as well.

A clue that you're dealing with this type of personality is that he tends to show different sides of his behavior to different people. For example, one child may be treated differently than the others. In the situation of a blamer boss, he'll be very nice to his superiors or certain colleagues yet absolute "HELL" to work for. He can also be very hot and cold in his relationships in that one moment everything is fine and then the next he's intensely angry at you. This is one of the reasons it can cause such mental distress for the victim. Other people don't understand what it's like because they can't always see what's really going on. The blamer will be highly admired by some as they never see this dark side of his behavior.

On the flip side, he's very sensitive to any perceived criticism from others and may even start to attack or say he's been deeply hurt even when no true criticism has been said.

With some blamers, they are deceptive and manipulative all the time. Their philosophy tends to be “attack others before they attack me” which means that if they’ve made a mistake they tend to blame others or start to attack others before they can be caught. Often, they see nothing wrong with lying and will lie even if there's no need to. Another interesting characteristic they tend to have is that they tend to project any of their own wrong doings on to someone else.

The biggest clue of all that you may be dealing with a narcissist is actually how it makes you feel. If you feel distressed, anxious, guilty, like you're incompetent after dealing with him, then this is a good sign you may be dealing with a narcissist. Also, if you find that you tend to block out all emotions when dealing with other people and feel like there's always a wall between you and others, this could be a sign. Or you may find that you emphasize way too much with others and this might be another clue. Coping with a narcissist will have led you to have developed certain survival skills which could have led you to a very skewed view of the world and how to deal with it. So, relationships may feel tricky and confusing for you. You may find that you constantly feel angry and hurt all at the same time. Different people respond differently to the narcissists but these are some of the more common effects.

The strategies you've probably learned along the way on how to deal with "normal" people will not work with this type of negative person. You're dealing with a different mentality and you'll need very different strategies for this specific type of person.

There's a fascinating documentary called, "I, Pyschopath" which demonstrates how these people are very different from the "average" person. In this documentary, one of the tests they perform is a brain scan on the narcissist and it's very clear that his brain does not function the same as a non-narcissist. This interview with a narcissist also shows that they do choose their victims and they're very calculating as to what they're trying to achieve when bullying for example. If you'd like to watch this documentary, I found a copy available to watch here:
http://blip.tv/file/2268740

But, if any of this sounds familiar with what you're dealing with then you may want to learn more and find some solutions that actually work and provide you with some relief.

It's a powerful moment when your perspective suddenly changes. You can see that what you've believed in the past hasn't been true at all. You've just been manipulated by blamers / narcissists to believe certain things and if you watch the documentary I mentioned, even the experts say that they still get taken and conned by them. So, it's not that something is wrong with you. It's that you need to understand this personality type you're dealing with and learn new strategies and techniques specific to working with them. And, that's something you can definitely do. You can take effective action to gain the understanding you need and by doing that, you take back your life and your sanity.

Help Is Available

Here you'll find over 50 signs or characteristics of a blamer clearly laid out so you know what to look for. This will also help you to become aware of how they may be affecting you and manipulating you without you realizing it.

This information can be truly beneficial when you've been thinking that there's something wrong with you. You'll now be able to see it's not you, it's the other person and the reaction they cause within you. It's the relationship that's wrong, not you.

I also provide detailed suggestions and examples on how to deal with blamers. I even have 25 tips on how to avoid confrontations with the blamer. This is information you just won't find anywhere else.

In this report you'll also find information on:

1. how the blamer's mind works and the best way to deal with it (blamers have a completely different perspective on the world than the rest of us do)
2. how to avoid feeling hurt or guilty by the blamer's comments
3. how to be more tolerant of a blamer's behavior
4. how to improve your self confidence and be much more accepting of yourself
5. how to let go of your desire to change the blamer or have him finally understand you
6. how to be more satisfied with yourself and others by letting go of your expectations
7. how to have meaningful and satisfying long-term relationships with others
8. how to free yourself from the emotional attachment to a blamer so you can finally live your life to its full potential

Basically, you'll learn how to get along reasonably well with the blamer and avoid the ugly confrontations that otherwise seem to happen way too often. You'll also be able to free yourself from the mental anguish he used to cause in you.

The other really great benefit of discovering this information is that relationships that previously might have seemed hopeless can suddenly become manageable simply by understanding what’s really happening behind the scenes.

Here's the Table of Contents so you can see exactly what you'll find inside this detailed report.

Please Note: This book is NOT for you if:
If you’re in the phase where you’re still dealing with intense anger at the narcissist and what you see as him doing to you, this is not the book for you. When you’re in that phase you’re looking for someone to agree with you on how it’s all the blamer’s fault and that they need to be one to change. You feel you’re the victim, you want to be hear that yes, blamers are evil, horrible people and you want to know how to make them change. I know exactly what it's like. I've been there. But, Sorry, this book is not for you.

This book is for when you’re ready to be open to seeing a new perspective. It's a hard thing to realize that the only way a narcissist can have power over you is if you let him have it and that’s what this book is about. Changing yourself so that you completely change the relationship with the narcissist. When you change you no longer come across as a victim which is why the blamer chose you in the past. You need to be ready to completely break free of the victim mindset. This book will help you to see how it all worked, how you’ve been playing into the games, and what you can do to effectively deal with the situation. It’s about taking back your own personal power. It’s not about blaming people for your ruined life.

So, you may not be ready for the information contained in this book yet and that’s okay. Just be aware that if you’re looking for advice like, “the only way to deal with them is to hurt them like they’ve hurt you” you definitely won’t find it in this book. Ideas like that only continue to keep you trapped in a game with the narcissist which you can never win. The key is to stop playing those games. Once you see how the game is played, you suddenly gain this incredible understanding of what’s really been going on and you just no longer get caught up in the dramas. You’ll no longer be consumed with anger and continuous thoughts about them. You’re just suddenly free to be you again. They no longer have any power over you anymore. It’s an incredible moment and it can be yours but you have to be ready for it. That’s the key. You need to be ready.

If you're sure you're ready for it, then , simply click on the "Add To Cart" button below and you'll have it instantly (format: pdf file):

Note: This is an ebook only so you'll receive a pdf to download.

Money Back Guarantee
If it doesn't match what you're dealing with, just let me know and I'll give you a full refund. No sense paying for something that doesn't work for you (Please Note: must be within 60 days due to my payment processor's refund rules). But, I think you'll find that so much of what you've been dealing with all suddenly makes sense when you understand what this personality is all about and the absolute best way to deal with it.

Be sure to get your copy of this report today so you can stop the anguish and take back control of your life. You don't have to go through another day of feeling like it's always your fault and you're always to blame.

Additional Resources

What To Do When Blamers Make Negative Comments About Others
This can happen often with a blamer and it can make you feel incredibly awkward. Also, depending on how you answer, it could make the situation much worse for you. Some tips on how to deal with this particular situation.

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