Yes, this is whats happening

by ellen

I still doubt but after reading this I feel I face with such situation wiht a family member. (sometimes i think may be I am the one who needs help,)I cannot stop thinking abour her, I've tryed to change her vews, I have tryed to understand the way she thinks(my mother)..and I got lost myself. Feel all the time fatigue, lost every interest, if only her exists in my life her and I. And I feel without my understanding she manipulates my life. And I am so weak that I am afraid to change my life.

Comments for Yes, this is whats happening

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May 10, 2013
light of them which are in darkness
by: Anonymous

Did you know that this is what your name means? A light of them which are in darkness.I agree with sandy. Now this might sound a little crazy but if you didn't have something wonderful inside of you you wouldn't have someone trying to take it from you.Narcissist"s target the kind of people they "wish" they could be. They will steal what you are( your identity) and infuse that into their image and at the same time project their derision on to your image.It's all about head games with these people.Psychological predators.I encourage you to study this personality disorder. Knowledge really is power.I hope in time you will find peace in the understanding that n mother is incapable of the love that you most certainly deserve.I was raised in a home with a n mother. I always felt like there was something wrong with me.Never good enough.I suffered through her hateful stares and nasty one liners.She would encourage my siblings to verbally abuse me and tell lies about me. and it doesn't stop when you leave home.I am grateful for this website. I can't change the past but can now think freely and see my tomorrow. And so can you.Don't ever stop searching for the truth. Best wishes to you.

Jan 21, 2010
Never give up!
by: Sandy

You're not crazy. You are not alone in your troubles. You are special and beautiful and a human being worthy of being treated right. Your mom sounds like someone I know. We all have someone like that in our lives. Someone we love, but they are destructive to our self-esteem, self-love and they increase our guilt for no reason except to control us. They want to control us, sometimes on purpose, sometimes because they don't know any better behaviors. Either way, they don't have the right to disrespect, abuse, put down and make us feel guilty, unworthy of love, and just like we owe them for the very air we breath. Please know that my father and husband are the same way. (I too went through a divorce from a physically abusive man.) I choose to stay woth a verbally and emotionally abusive man because of a young son, but I also chose to love myself and not respond to their hurtful comments or "jokes". It took me 4 decades to realize I was worthy of unconditional, unjudgemental love. Please don't do this to yourself. Know that you are loved, you are worthy of love and that God loves you too. Sometimes we feel insane, so sad that we want to give up...this is a lie! Don't ever give up!!!! Never give up!!!!
With love as always,

Jan 20, 2010
I can not get why I am niave
by: ellen

You know something that really drives me mad about me. I am so naive. Do not get why. May be in my moms back ground I seem so. As I felt she is unusually doubtfull and not like everyone, never thinks she is wrong, never lets your oppinion to be taken into account. And I react opposite of her, always feel guilt, not sure, maind scattered, low consentration. I am quite attracitve female and divorced very bad stressful experience. But my nerves are so bad I can not even work at the moment I just do private classes at home. She confirms I am not able to deal wiht peopel (even her silence says so) as I attack. And I know my mom and many other popele use this, they suck my attacks and energy get even stornger. aNd I feel empty, aimless
Someone wrote to my wall
Four ways of life....
1. Believe in yourself, before you belive in others.
2. A mistake is meant to happen, it's there to teach you.
3. Don't regret, it's what makes you what you are now.

My problem is:
1.I belive in others before I belive in me.
2.I know I do mistakes but others use them not to repeat most of the time.
3.And I feel I grow yes but still cannot get the point of Enjoy life, you only live once.

May be it will take more time to get to that. I am desperately trying to get myslef togather. Dream so much to get my own family. But even then she makes me doubt. Oh God I was not like that before, every word of hesitation makes me give up. just my chest aches and my brain too. Give me some luck. I love you. I want to have so meaning to fight for.

Jan 15, 2010
You are worthy of love...and freedom...
by: sandy

I don't blog, but i'M HERE TO TELL YOU YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are not crazy. She only controls you because you love her so much. You can not change her. The path to growth and freedom is to admit you can't change her, but you can chose to be happy. On old man once said to me. Be happy you woke up on the right side of the flowers today. If all you have to be happy and free about is that you woke up today breathing, than so be it.
She can't take your soul, your being. Only you and God own that. You have the right to keep it. Chose to love yourself and know that you are loved, if even by a stranger on the internet, and by a God who knew you before you were born. Please know that all is not lost and that there is hope in life. It may take growing up and leaving home as you get older, but I truley hope that you know you are worth helping, that there is help out there at women's shelters and with school counsellors. Please, step out of the hole and help yourself, you're worth it.
With love as always...S

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