The impossible boss

by No name
(a big city)

My boss is one of those people nothing you ever do is good enough. He criticises people to justifies his existence. He called me a bluff saying maybe I ought to work for someone else in the company instead of him, I took on his challenge and he immediately softened up. But later have HR collect opinions from others trying to build enough evidence that I am not a competent employee to justify firing me and not have to compensate me for getting rid of me because of my wrong doings at work. I cannot afford to lose my job so an apologetic message were sent to him, he immediately accepted and appreciated my mail. Referring to some of the ways how to deal with a blamer. I find that you are damned if you sympathise with them and you will be damned if you don't. My boss actually said he is the most difficult person to work with. When someone openly admits that, in fact they are expecting people to assure them that they are actually not that difficult. Over the course of the few months I work for him, constant reasurrance that he is such a great teacher and how much I've learnt from him sustained my job. I was told I am the longest assistant so far. For blamers as such, one could say they are easy to handle if you know where they are coming from. They need cajoling and reasurrances that you are always besides them no matter what and when, not in person but on the communicative level. As long as you respond to them in the proximity of 5 to 10 min time frame, their insecurity is being calmed. Maybe because of my mild temperament and goodnatureness, I always attract blamers and agressive people, be it my boss or my boyfriend and husband, they wanted to exercise their control over a tamed person. When I refused to be controlled, my ex-husband went as far as suing me till I was penniless, and drove me to the edge. His strategies resembles much to my boss's tactics in building a case against people that he wants to control over and be the door mat they so craved for their bruised ego. These people no doubt were the victims of how they were brought up. My advice is get out when time suits. Do not ever feel that we are not good enough, we are not the problematic one, they are. There is little we could do especially when these blamers are the senior executives in the company, others may very well aware they are the one who has serious psychological problem, for the sake for their own job security, who would dare to openly defy or challenge them? There are just too many sick people around.

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Mar 12, 2018
Appreciate you!
by: MR

Very good post and dealing with similar issues at work now. Found that your experience assured me that it is not just myself that has these problems with their boss. For me I see a lot of insecurity coupled by the fact I am looking to transfer makes her insecure and I am worried she will block my transfer to instead PIP me to make her look like the one who is right. I am a top performer on my team and my team mates think I am crazy to think this way. All I know is that many nights have been spent awake pondering the unknown. Best piece of mind has been this- your job is what you do for money not who you are. I will eventually move on and be better off. That and building up family, savings and therapy sessions have helped me to cope. Keep it in perspective and keep your head up!

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