They don’t know that I know

by TheSwollenEyeball
(New Jersey)

I’m 29 years old, live in the states and just last night I received the news from a dying uncle in Peru that he is my biological father and my cousins are actually my brothers.. I told myself I’ll try to be as mature as possible about it all and get proof before I over-react, but at one point I don’t know what happened to me I just dug my face into my pillow and screamed. All I could say was “what is he saying?” Over and over again and just cried myself to sleep. He made me promise not to tell my parents until they came out and told me themselves. He says both my parents knew, but they had a choice of where I would be raised and with who and so they chose US. I don’t know what to do.. I love my mother and “father” very much, they’ve always been such amazing parents but I just can’t help seeing them in a whole different light now.. How can I face them and act like everything is alright? How can I face my brothers knowing I’m only their half sister? It’s so heartbreaking to think I didn’t come from the father I knew. How could I face him? I’ve always been obsessed with finding out truths about this world and now with this news I’m torn about wanting to find out if my “uncle” is lying or not.. I’m so afraid of the answer and the stress and drama it’ll bring. I don’t want this to change the relationship I have with my family.. I want this to be ok so bad, I keep saying this won’t change anything it’s no big deal I love them but why does it feel like a part of me has died? I thank God for my fiancé being here with me when I received the news, if it weren’t for him at that moment I would’ve felt more alone than I ever have. I’m trying to put myself in their situation and I can understand not wanting to hurt your child with the truth and prefer they live their life not ever knowing. But as the one not knowing, all I want is the painful truth. I’d rather not die wondering if my entire life was a lie.

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