This has been an awesome insight. I am dealing with everything in this article! It's like I bend over backwards for these people and I get kicked or beat up! And I feel the hurt sooo deep! At one point I thought I was going to pass out from all the stress!

I do however disagree on how to work with them. I do want to work with them however I think hey should know what they are doing to me! Why should I go out of my way to give to their needs? It makes me feel even worse to have to work harder to please them. I have not read the book and maybe there is something there that will help me on this.

I do notice that when I sit down and quietly tell them how they make me feel - well as you said it does make it worse and doesn't solve a thing!

I just don't want to have to cater to them just because they are that way! They need to realize exactly what they are doing to people!



Hi Rica,

It's not catering to them. It's understanding how they work and that the usual techniques you use with other people, won't work with them. It's about not falling for their games to drag you into their dramas and to put you on the defensive. That's what they want so it's about being aware of what's really happening so you don't play their games. Then, they don't have the same effect on you and they'll be far less likely to target you as a victim.


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Jan 07, 2010
by: Carmel

The thing is Rica u need to take care of your own needs first before u can help anyone else.
If u approach them by saying "I feel very hurt when u say or do that? rather than telling them how they made u feel........thats blaming them and they will only react to it.
Sure go and help.........but u need to become more selfish and put yourself first.....that way u wont feel so hurt
"Love yourself"

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