Narcissistic sister

by Stephanie
(Australia)

It's so encouraging to read these comments from people who have experienced the same problem. I have a sister who has NPD. She is 2 years older than me. Ever since I was a child I knew she was intensely jealous of me, constantly criticise me and try to shame me in front of family members and friends. I didn't realize the extent of her mental condition i.e. NPD when I read about it only a few years ago. I am now 47 years of age and can't believe that she is still trying to make my life hell today. I made the mistake for many years of trying to please her, trying to be the most wonderful kind sister to her I could be but then realized no matter what I did she would constantly berate me and maliciously gossip about me to family members. The weird thing is she desperately wants to be near to me and even suggested living together! I have spent many years travelling, trying to run away from her and keep some distance but still her behavior continues from afar. I have realized I have to cut her completely out of my life and find love and support from friends. Fortunately I have a few family memebers who know me well and support me. I often feel very angry and so overwhelmed with resentment. I know I have to accept the situation - it is as it is. I have met many wonderful, nurturing, beautiful people in the world. I deserve, we all deserve love and respect. Its time for me to spend the rest of my love surrounding myself with these wonderful people. Most of all treat myself with all the love and respect I deserve.

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Mar 16, 2018
'Don't drink the koolaid'
by: Louise

This post is long and don't expect anyone will read it all so will put my 2 penith in now...the dysfunction in an 'N' family is so deeply ingrained it's hard to see the forest for the tree's...what I now practice after many years of watching JJ is take the emotion out of the equation when trying to work out whats real or true...just because it's family is no guarantee of honesty or loyalty...I know first hand what family members are capable of doing to another having been subjected for many years to CSA by my father...DON'T JUST BELIEVE WHAT YOU ARE TOLD, IF IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE IT'S NOT TRUE...

We all sound the same but different...I'm now 60 and hadn't even heard of the word 'Narcissist'10 years ago...I'm the scapegoat in my family, I can't tell you how relieved I was to learn about these terms, it was like finally having a diagnosis for an illness I had suffered all my life and now could find a cure...as the betrayal blindness cleared I started to see my oldest sister GC for who she really is...seen as the family hero,smart IQ140+, successful, own business, married 2.2 children,since divorced but maintains long term relationships...me on the other hand, didn't get HSC, never married, single parent of 1, drug user all my life...I'm seen as bad, she as good...she has my mothers POA and has dealt with her finances since my 'N' father past 18yrs ago...a comment made to me some 7yrs ago now, in reference to mum's finances, gave me cause to do some investigating...OMG...when my father died 18yrs ago, she had inserted herself into the company as a director (on paper)giving herself shares, retired my father the director after he had really retired (died)emptied the bank account, sold all assets, with which she bought a villa in a Fiji resort, put the business into liquidation for an unusually extended period of 7yrs (statute of limitation)and didn't stop there, 7 yrs on probably spent all the money, then took over mum's investment funds from her lawyer and has had the use of that for a further 10yrs...when I first discovered all this in 2010 I accused her of theft, WRONG THING TO DO...she lied, gave excuses which the family believed, painted me as a criminal for looking at mum's bank accounts and turned the family on me...another 7yrs on and she has now moved my aging mother in with her to care for(well I must say)not even a year past and she said it was too much and time for mum to go in to a home...NO WAY not while I'm living...I put paid to her idea so she could sell mum's home, suggesting she move back in and get a live in carer...that caused my sister to 'spin out' something I have never seen her do, so reserved emotionless actually, again turning it on me saying mum doesn't want to move back home she's best to stay with her...so on the out once more after making amends for the last fiasco I caused...now even my own son who is in his 30's is telling me to apologize and let things go...desperate to enjoy mum's final years sharing them with family, I sent a heart felt email of apology, praising her for mum's care, thanking her for supporting my drug rehabilited son (she's his support person) asking for forgiveness as had done so we could both move past all this...she appreciated my sentiments, however, asked what had she done that required my forgiveness and continued, 6 paragraphs, going over the whole matter of my fathers business of 18yrs past, defending all she had done ending by saying dad would be proud of her...3 days of email waring later and I am no closer to my mother or any other member of the family...it did make me take another look in to things and have now obtained hard evidence of theft...I'm going to sit on it for now, certainly will not address it while mum is still with us (at her place) I wouldn't mind if she put her in a home now, at least I'd be able to visit her...all the writings I've read advise not to take a 'N' to court, don't seek revenge it will always backfire and I hear Dr Phil's words "do you want to be a right fighter or happy"...I would love to see her held accountable but if that happened, would I be happy...?don't let things slide to where it's too late, listen to your intuition that was honed throughout your childhood...nip it in the bud, say something straight away and stop any abuse, as minor as it seems family members or not, if you turn a blind eye and say nothing, you are no better by ENABLING...good people can rid society of narcissism...

Feb 23, 2018
I sold my soul to the devil (my sister)
by: Vanessa

It is amazing to see how others have gone through similar experiences. I have questioned my self worth, my value, being able to trust myself in making the right decision...the list goes on. I have a sister that is 2 years older than me and a twin (from my mom's side). I can relate so much to how others see you from the outside. She is smart, has a good life, loving, soft spoken. But when I was on bedrest w/ my son, she took me in. Helped me and I was extremely gracious. I didnt realize I would be selling my soul to the devil and owe my every move, every free moment - she controlled me in every way where I didnt even think I could make a decision w/out her input. Should I fail or succeed, I never did it right. My twin sister and I do not have a relationship because I dont fit the 'stereotypical' family. I have never been married and cant even hold a relationship w/ a man. I have been tormented w/ her critical comments and the ones she said behind my back and feel like an idiot. Its amazing how you can trust someone with your heart and soul...never realizing, until its too late, the amount of stress, anxiety, self-respect that was burned in her flames. I havent talked to her in a few years and I am still angry. I try to let it go, write it down, express to others. Some are open to listening and others think I over exaggerating because I come off so strong. I wish their was support for abuse like this. It doesnt just exist with a parent or partner. Abuse comes in many forms. I am far from perfect and had my share of mistakes. Since day one of my first memories, I thought my options in life had limitations. I was the second twin, so I was a mistake, not wanted, to I couldnt understand why I wasnt liked at my dads house. Well, she told everyone lies about me. Thats hard in jr high. I am now 39 years and I miss my sisters. I have a younger sister and we get a long great. My support system is small. My mom, who also doesnt speak to my older sister/twin due to them being extremely judgmental. I have created this protective shell and I dont know how to let love in because I dont trust myself to find the right person. My sister ripped me to shreds my entire life. Her own pain, instilled in me and its real. I hate her, but love her. To break the chains of your own destructive thoughts - created from others, its not easy. I have become a very positive person and I am working on myself. Trusting myself is the next step.

Being vulnerable is my biggest fear - - the fear I live every day because I am very vulnerable on the inside. Just no one knows. How can I overcome my fears? How can I break the chains? I dont feel like I can ever fall, because no one will catch me. I dont know how to do anything but be a mom, because I limited myself w/ the fears of having what everyone should have - happiness. I used to pray for happiness, until I realized its from you on the inside. Im a work in a progress. I will never give up. I just want to breathe easier......

Aug 16, 2017
Is my sister a blamer?
by: Anonymous

When I searched 'my sister blames me for everything', I came across this site. It has been an eye-opening experience ever since. I'm 15 years old and my sister is 17 years old. Since she hit puberty she targets me, she tries to ruin my life. She always makes hateful comments about me in front of my family, I had a really bad panic attack at school and I ran crying through the school, she happened to see it and I asked her not to tell my parents (they think I'm faking it), but at dinner she looks at me and says to me 'why were you crying at at school?' She just cannot handle when she doesn't know something. She blames me for the way she treats me and I feel like she is ruining our family. The problem with her arises when she doesn't get what she wants, she freaks out and begins to bring up things that happened in the past and she blames most likely me or my mother. I've talked to a few of her friends and they say that she doesn't behave like that with them. She is an 'angel' with her friends, but why isn't she like that with us? I'm not sure if she is narcissistic, but what I know for sure is that I'm better of without her. She has been gone for 4 weeks for a summer job and I feel way calmer, I don't have panic attacks anymore and I feel a lot better about myself. I'm afraid for when she comes back, but I'm not letting her get to me anymore. Obviously I can't move out yet, bus she is moving to Barcelona next year(I live in the Netherlands).
I still have to figure out if she truly is a blamer or that I have contributed to her behavior. Maybe I'm a blamer in her eyes too.

May 19, 2017
Sister narcisist
by: Anonymous

I feel the pain, living with this for years. How awful to be subjected to it. The insults the going behind your back, the stealing of money from parents. And the list goes on. I am now sixty and we own homes together that were inherited and I can't shake her. I want to sell and go my own way, and that makes her crazy. Had to take the financial account away from her because she was using house money for herself. Beat me up everyday as a child. Bad mouthed me to mother(also a narcissist) so much and it wasn't even true. Stole from me. She thought she would inherit everything but it turned out 50/50. And of course that put her over the edge. All of a sudden when my parents are gone she suddenly loves me want so spend time with me. Scary stuff, she just insinuates herself into my life my daughter life says horrific things to us. Has no empathy for us. My daughter wants nothing to do with her. She has never treated my daughter right. She puts all this fake caring and buying cousins gifts, bad mouths me. She very explosive. No one would believe what she does to us. Stuck for now, but not forever. Never once has she given me a birthday gift, etc. I could go on and on. I just have to get away from her. Drives around my house 3 to 4 times a day, like a shark. Its creepy. She hates my daughter, I think she feels she is her way. and I did my will to leave it to my daughter as it should be. Now she wishes us dead, so she can have it all. Its is so sickening. She actually said she waited her whole life for her inheritance. Who does that? guarding my parents for years to keep me out. OMG Very sick woman. I was told to be very careful if we are anywhere she can push me off a cliff. I advised she get an attorney because this has to end. I am not spending the rest of my life having her suck any bit of happiness away. She ruins everything, she shows up and you can cut the air with a knife, its so uncomfortable. And she still comes its scary. With ours friends out in the back yard having fun, She shows and the mood changes instantly. I just can be around this life sucking vampire anymore its taking a toll.

Mar 03, 2017
selish to the core
by: Anonymous

my narcissistic sister and I are only 11 months apart and she was always so difficult ,it wasn't easy but the end of our relationship for me was went she had no empathy when I lost my husband suddenly, in fact she was mean and 4 days later we lost our dad and 3 months later our mom.SHE CAME IN THE HOUSE WHEN MY BROTHER AND I WERENT THERE AND TOOK ALOT OF FURNITURE AND OTHER ITEMS SHE WASNT SUPPOSE TO TAKE BUT THE BOTTOM LINE WAS SHE TOOK MY DADS AND MOM'S URNS WITH THEIR ASHES TO her town Oxnard ca, without my brother and I knowing my mom and dad wanted their ashes laid in their own home town santa maria ca. and my mom told me where she wanted them scattered I mean my GOD SHE IS SO NARRISSISTIC she thinks she is the only important child to our parents so she even stold their ashes! a total disrespect not only to her siblings but to mom and dads dyning wishes !

Nov 05, 2016
I thought I was crazy
by: Anonymous

my sister is two years older then me and just recently things she did never made sense family is suppose to love you ,but I did a lot of research on narcissist and over joyed that there are many people who under stand what I went through, I am finally working on healing and I know it is going to take a long time to heal ,because I can not even imagine why the narcissist can treat people in such a cruel way

Jul 24, 2015
It does get better and easier!
by: Anonymous

I posted here a few months ago, trying to get away from my covert narcissist sister. I have learned zo much since I wrote my comment. I said I had to work till August 1st but we just gave her tbe business and I ran away from that moldy shit hole.

As the months go on, my sister keeps texting empty apologies for the way she acted, thats called "hoovering" so they can win you back.

Stay strong every one! I do not reply and each time it gets easier. I have learned through this experience that evil does exist. There is evil in the world and people who you thought loved you will put poison in ur food and stab you in the neck.

Being co dependant and empathetic means we are truly good people who only hope for good, at least I do. We deserve to be treated kindly, respectfully and lovingly. Every single one of us. It puts tears in my eyes to think how many of us have fought our whole lives to gain love from people who can never ever give it. They are dead inside and have no concept of love respect or kindness.

Best wishes every one. Please be strong, you deserve it so much as do I.

Jun 07, 2015
I have a Narcissistic Sister as well
by: Anonymous

Your comment was exactly like my sister. My sister is 3 years older than me and when we were children, she always pointed out that I wasn't worth anything. She would belittle my accomplishments, criticize my appearance (I was skinnier than her) and always picked fights with me when things didn't go her way. She would tell my friends what I wrote in my diary when we were teenagers and now that we are adults she still likes to control me and have started to extend her negative vomit towards my son. That was my last draw, I finally said enough is enough and told her what I was feeling. Knowing her as the blamer she turned my declaration around and blamed me for everything and pointed the fingers at me, like always. She said I should stop contacting her even though she is the one constantly contacting me. She even befriended my best friend from high school to keep tabs on me. I think she may have more psychological problems, than just calling it a disorder. Thank god for my husband and close friends to keep my sanity and feel loved because my mom doesn't even see it and my brothers don't want to get involve. In some way I feel liberated from her grasp and I don't feel like I lost anything because our relationship was never that loving in the beginning. I'm actually happy :)

Oct 31, 2014
Jealous sister
by: Anonymous

OMG. when I read your account t I bought I was reading about myself. I ha experienced mental abuse and bullying from my sister all my life. she has spent the last 19 years trying to Al plot up my marriage and badmouthing my husband constantly.
she is incapable of sustaining a relationship with a man so wants to destroy mine.
she has caused me so much mental anguish I have finally severed all ties with her. It is hard when it is your sister, but you know, you don't have to love your relatives. thank goodness we can choose our friends. I have some wonderful friends.
You made the right decision in not seeing your sister.
enjoy the freedom you now have.



May 09, 2013
truth will set you free
by: Anonymous

I have a n sister who is two years older than me. She would rather die than see a blessing come my way or hear a good word said about me.Unbeknownst to me her jealousy consumed her.She dirty's me up to anyone that will listen to her.I recently discovered she stole my inheritance money from my father.For twenty years she stayed close to me. watching me struggle and stress financially.Knowing all the while she was sitting on a pile of cash that belonged to me.I am in the process of exposing her secret.She never once said she didn't do it or try to prove her innocence.Her only reply is that i'm delusional and have psychological problems.To everyone on the outside it looks like i'm just jealous of her.She is an emotional predator of the worst kind.I severed my relationship with her two years ago. You can believe she would sink her lying fangs into my kids.I do a lot of reading about this personality disorder. My only option is no contact. Not ever.Now she gets to live every day wondering "is today the day?". Just knowing that she lives in sheer terror of me exposing her gives me some relief from the anger i feel towards her.The truth to a narcissist is a vile stench. It's threatening to them like someone pointing a gun at you.These people are born without souls.I'm grateful i can go forward set free from the oppressive devilish deceit of my sister.No one can steal your integrity.Your mind is your own. Protect it. Best wishes to you.

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