I WANTED TO CRY READING THIS, NOT ONLY IS HE A BLAMER, BUT HE IS A FEW OTHER THINGS ALSO. He blames me for everything,he woke up late and lost one of his jobs,who was to blame, ME! He chipped his tooth hollering at me, and he says " You see what u made me do". ITS CRAZY. I dont even go places with him anymore, afraid that if something goes wrong, i will be blamed. If the tire goes flat, he will say, you caused this mess. He never admits when he is wrong, and never apologises for nothing. I thought that it was because he is African and im African-American, but i dont think that matters. This is EMOTIONAL ABUSE to the fullest. Sorry but i dont need the book, because i am ending this marriage, he is also selfish self-centered and egotistical. The worse thing about him is, he puts on this fake face to people, as if he is this kind sweet person, and no one will ever believe he treats me this way. He is also a Hypocritical-Saint, Loves Church. But as soon as he leaves out those doors, the evil devil comes out to play. I dont like this man and i am leaving him, PERIOD.Life is too short to be dealing with people like this.


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Jan 24, 2018
by: Chris

Wow, I understand fully,my girlfriend used me and got me for more than 10,000 dollars. I will survive, but upset and hurt. Lied to me for 3 years,

Oct 26, 2016
It's all about him
by: Anonymous

My husband and I have been together for almost 11 years. He was so charming and nice to me when we dated the first 3 months. That's when I fell in love with him and got married happily until then.. Throughout my years with him, I have been blamed for everything.. (I feel you ladies).. I'm going to make this short and sweet but recently I have been blamed for something stupid. Our car had broken down yesterday, (my husband wasn't with me). I called him and told what had happened. He began to have an angry toned voice as I tried to keep things smooth during our conversations over the phone. His voice began to change again as he was trying to prepare himself to get ready to blame it on me. I had explained everything to him what happened over and over, dictating me to check the car, did not ask me if I am okay. (*Sighs).. Anyways, made my way home by taxi and still, he goes on and on and on about the car. I think explaining it to the walls and ceilings would understood me once but I had to explain the same shit over again but face to face with him. Yes, in the end I got the blame for it. I could feel my blood getting boiled and rising and feels that if my body was going to turn inside-out. I got so teary and angry at the same time that I asked him, "Why is it my fault?". His response were, "Because you were the one who was driving". If that was him driving, that will be on a different novel. Yes, I was the one driving but it's not like I had damaged the car on purpose.

So the next day (meaning today) he went to go to get our car towed to our mechanics. I called him to see how long he will be as I was still angry with him and he asked me, "What is wrong with you?" and my reply was, "I am sick of you blaming things on me, you don't admit or have mentioned once in your life. I have accepted your blames on me so you can shut your mouth and feel better about yourself". And he responded back to me and said, "Why don't you leave?". Then, I hung up on him.

I have been abused and got named called for so long from this horrible person and worse. I probably can't deal with his blames on me but the thing is I don't know where to begin. I'm just asking for my life back how it was. I feel terribly low.

Jun 06, 2016
Believes his own fiction
by: Anonymous

I came across this article when I googled my husband blames me for everything.
When something goes wrong in our household my husband is the first to place blame on someone whether it be the kids, myself or even our clients. He never actually takes blame unless i have documented the incident and when I show him he will change his story to further prove it wasn't his fault. Or if he knows he cant win he will say its because he does to much and that hes just going to stop and have me do everything. I feel like I am in a no win situation. Also we used to run a business together and he would criticize my every move and say I would be better if I did things like him. He also put down any house work I did saying if I were better structured I would have time to do it all. My self esteem went greatly down hill. I often thought about suicide. I tried to explain to him how I felt but he would just say if I listened things wouldnt be so hard for me. We have been together/married for 4 years and have been through a lot and it has gotten better. He used to scream and punch walls but no longer does that. Its this one thing he does the blame game that is wrecking the intimacy I have with him. I never feel like I can trust or completely rely on this man even when things are good. I don't know what to do and feel lost. I want to leave but have two small kids with him and wonder how they will suffer for my actions. He also is very manipulative and fear I could lose custody as he tries to bully me into staying with accusations of child beatings. I apologize for this being all over the place but things come out as I remember. Thanks!

Apr 11, 2016
its my husband to a tee
by: Anonymous

Just read the article about blamers and highlighted every section that relates to my husband. He is without doubt a blamer and is sucking the life out of me. I'm anxious, nervous, scared to say anything, what will he do next, all the time, and yes its always my fault. He's had such rages of anger at me I've just sat on the floor crying and then that seems to fuel him more and he just carrys on.
I recorded him once and he actually sounded like some one out of a mental asylum the way he was laughing at me.
He tell's me he supports me and does everything for me but he dos'nt, he rides of the back of what I do, and his arrogance especially of late is unbelievable, yet everyone thinks he's nice and helpful. I'm writing this wondering what I will go home to tonight as he's got a strop on. I try not to go out with friends or not round my Dads to often as all I get it 'dont be long' its like dealing with a very spoilt 5 year old but his attacks are killing me mentally. I live in fear of what will happen next, when is the next outburst going to happen.
I've made plans for a way out, but it will take time, I hope I can last out that long

Mar 29, 2016
Sounds too familiar
by: Anonymous

I felt like you were talking about my husband. I can assure you it has nothing to do with being African. He is in the choir and oh so helpful to everyone else. There is so much more I could say but I'm sure you already know. We have a 15 year old daughter together and I fear that I may lose custody if I tried to divorce him. He would be cool as a cucomber in a family court because he has no emotional attachment. I get so angry or upset that I have trouble expressing myself. Unfortunately this marriage is starting to get very unhealthy for me. This affects my ability to be the mother I want to be. Also affects my work. In hindsight he has always had a victim and it just happens to be me now.

May 26, 2015
I don't know what to do.
by: Anonymous

I feel as tho this article was about my husband. I don't know if he lies but he does blame me for everything that happens. He gets upset very fast and to everyone else he is so nice and they just all adore him. I don't understand how someone can have 2 very differnt personalities. I have thought about leaving him but I can't bring my self to do it I just love him to much or something. I'm 22 and we have been together sense I was 15. I just hope I can work thru this and not be effected by negative comments from him. Everyone else that wrote something about their husbands sounded like it was way worse than what I'm dealing with.

May 22, 2015
by: Anonymous

Leaving him only solves one problem. There is a reason you were attracted to him in the first place. Figure out why you were attracted to him and do not repeat the same bad choice again.

May 07, 2012
My Husband is a blamer through and through...
by: Sharon Australia

I was as my wits end with him...I was drinking more and smoking more letting my daughter down day by day...just to drown out his negative words and constant blame,even if I did nothing wrong he would just verbally attack me.Was walking on egg shells.I went through the guilt went through the how can I be any better to stop the verbal abuse on me and my daughter,I just did not understand this man or what planet he was on Around my mother he was a different person at one stage he did talk to her told her a heap of lies about me and she believed everyone of them..was the worst time for me I had nobody he had sucked her in with his lies also..lying is nothing to him..the behaviour he displays and the discusting things he calls me doesnt admit to any of it then has the gall to say I did and said those things..stomps his feet slams doors and locks him self in his room and gives me the silent treatment for days on end..that was then.

Now that I have read your book OMG talk about give my self a kick in the pants.I have stopped drinking and smoking I am excersising everyday looking after my health and letting everything that he says degrading to me for no reason just falls off me.I just look at him as a very odd human that has no Idea.I feel so much more impowered by not giving a reaction and now have taught my daughter to do the same and guess what hes not liking it at all for hes getting no reaction from us at all nothing...and hes not happy.He still blames me for everything funny that I just larf now for it is just so silly to hear him accuses me of this,when I use to get really upset and get angry and try and defend my self.I feel I am now in control of my choices and my own self power and he will never have it again..and I will never be a victim again.

Under all his crap behaviours ,I occasionally see a nice man but with in 10 mins his mouth kills it...He just cant contol it.I have found when my daughter and my self are happy he cant stand it ...when we are having fun around the house hes hurling abuse we just larf more because it just sounds so ridiculous.
He knows I am changing and not reacting anymore still confused and I think I will forever be for this type of human I will never understand what he gets out of what he does to the people he is suppose to love.but I guess karma and the universe finds us all one day to teach us a lesson ..his is yet to come.
I do thank him coming into my life for teaching me how to be much stronger have a good look at my self and stay calm at all times,its much quieter at home and much better for my daughter not to hear his abuse as much for I dont react anymore at all.
Thank you again its like you wrote this book about my husband word for word like you were writing about my life...I have gone over it twice and also wrote it in my words what you said so it will stick in my head at all times and your words you wrote will imprint in my head.
Thank you you woke me up and I found me again...

Dec 30, 2011
I Understand
by: Bobbi Jo

This article has helpled my tremondously, thank you.I understand! I am living with someone that I have a 2 year old son with and this man has worn me out emotionally, you can never win! I too have chosen not to deal with this any longer. He will not work, does nothing to contribute to his son financially, refuses to help with house cleaning. He babysits and makes my life a living hell! Why would we want to understand and change to allow them to continue to treat other human beings in this manner? Shouldn't they be the ones seeking help to learn to deal with their problem. I am fed up with changing myself to understand and going through life as if I were in hell due to his problems. It will never change! OK so I read the book and understand how it all works, that only means that I learn to live with it and survive it, never being truly happy or free from the abuse.

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