Thank you for saving my sanity

by M
(Wales)

Thanks goodness; at last there's help for people who have experienced 'BLAMERS' in their lives.
Having grown up with a single parent blamer, backed by a family of blamers, I have experienced self-harm and have genuinely felt suicidal after experiencing confrontations. I have lived my life unable to complete or achieve very much; feeling I was all wrong, useless and that I couldn't do anything, resulting in me stopping myself feeling my efforts were not good enough. After an emotional breakdown in 2001 resulting in a return to the blamer's home, I took full responsibilty that I was the one that was all wrong and needed therapy and was mentally ill. I'm 45 years old, thankfully having survived this long, and am now looking at the social conditioning inflicted by my blamer understanding what has happened to my mind and the way I think, feel and behave. I have wanted to just disappear, change my life, but then I felt responsible and with an enlightened view that I should help. Again my beliefs that I am fully responsible dominate. Reading this book will be a godsend.

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Aug 26, 2012
 Thank you M for sharing
by: M 39

Much of what you write rings true in my ears. You can really ruin a child by being a blamer!

The funny thing I discovered was I got blamed for not completing college, not getting a good job etc. And this was embarrassing to my BLAMER. How could I shame him in such way.........

And I am a very smart individual with tested IQ of 129. But I never felt I could amount to anything and actively sabotaged my own advancement because I did not feel I was worthy of advancement!

Having somebody tell you for 20 years you can not do anything right does leave a mark on your personality!
Jun 12, 2010
 Thanks, I really needed this
by: Anonymous

I really needed this after the day I had today. I've been getting started in a new business and I was showing it to my family members. I probably should have avoided this member at all costs but for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to show them the business. They told me several times to call and confirm and I left a message with them earlier (they weren't home)to see what time would be good for them because they said they didn't know whether they were going to be home at our agreed appointment time window. I wanted them to call back and let me know because I didn't want to waste my or my trainer's time if they weren't going to be home. I waited and waited and got no call back so I assumed they weren't home and I was going to call later to reschedule. I was about to find out (and part of me knew something was up about them, but I didn't expect to get the reaction that I was about to.)that this person was a blamer(now that I know the term for it). About 2 hrs after the agreed appointment time I get a phone call from the family member. Long story short I couldn't get a word in edgewise and she (yes it was a she)started rambling on about how she was waiting for me and about how her husband got tired of waiting and went to sleep. She even told me that "I was fired" (even though she isn't my boss), and her excuse of not having my number was a bunch of bull because she doesn't have any problem calling me or anyone in my house when she needs a favor. (I even said I was sorry but this didn't stop her belittlement of me) I was trying to tune it all out but thank god some cosmic force intervened and the call was dropped (I don't like to hang up on people but I was about 5 seconds from doing so). When she called back I was so pissed that I couldn't speak to her. Another family member who I live with basically defended me and we left it at the point where if she's interested, she'll call me to reschedule(which she probably won't and to be honest I don't really care). This was my first really negative experience in my new business and it's really sad that it turned out to be a family member, but oh well. It only gives me strength to do better and show her that I'm "not fired".
Jun 09, 2010
 COMMENT ON SAVING MY SANITY
by: Shallyn

Hello. Reading your story gives me a sigh of relief to know that I'm not the only one out there. We have different stories, but the same feelings of low self-worth, etc. I need help in the blaming game also and rid this feeling of anxiety and depression. It has been a whirlwind, over and over.
Hope to hear more from you

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