thank you this helps

by mary
(seattle , washington)

Been trying to figure out this guy forever.. Started out so nice.. Then one day he hit me with a accusation that was cruel and totally not me.. I didn't think or intend what he accused me of..I was shocked.
I got trapped in a situation where he would seem to "forget" his outbursts.. But over time.. I realized he didn't.. He stored them away and they became "truth" that he would later drag out to accuse me of again.
Denying them, got me accused of "lying"...
He seems to have no awareness of who is truly the bad person.. He seems completely convinced I have brought this on myself.. I am who he says I am.. And all the kindness I have shown him, in trying to prove I am not this despicable person..Has been wasted.. He only believes his delusions..
I have gone though all the emotion.. Now I feel nothing..
And his outbursts are just outbursts.. And he seems to have come to the point., that he feels he is far "too good" for me~! He only stays out of kindness~! His kindness ..Because I have become isolated from friends.. Thanks to my frustration pain and anger.. Making me feel not good enough emotionally to even want to seek out my friends.. Waiting until I felt emotionally good again..Only he won't allow that to happen..

As I got stronger and less believing in his "truth". He got meaner.. Then nicer.. Then meaner again.. But never "sorry" never sorry for his hate filled tirade's ..Never sorry for his assaults on the core of my being..

Those were due me.. Because I "deserved" them. He says I brought them on myself..~!

So yes I am ready to stop thinking I can beat this guy at his game.. Done thinking I can make him 'feel' bad for how he has treated me..
Because the sad truth is.. He empowers his own thinking..
I never had a chance , ever to get through to a kind or caring inner person.. One that could "feel" anything but contempt ...
True.. These kind of people do NOT think like normal people..

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