Wanting to improve my family life

I am glad i found this article. after trying to ignore another round of insults. I think I am married to a narcissist. I am blamed for everything that goes wrong and I am never enough. He belittles me. He has horrible things to say about my family but only behind their back. So they think i am cold and he is the victim. i am blamed for us having 'no friends' but he does not like any of the people we may have been friends with and has been out right rude at times. He is often overwhelmed by competition in his career but rather than try some useful approach he instead spends hours making negative comments about others. This happens almost daily. Then he mopes and takes it out on me and our 2 children. I constantly try to encourage him and give him positive feedback to counteract this negativity he feels toward everyone but this does not work. I do work so he is not the sole breadwinner although he tells me he is. He is unreasonable, irrational and worse when drunk. Very explosive temper which scares our children but as my father was similar I am hardened to this type of behavior. I dont want the same for my kids. It just saddens me that things seem to be getting worse even as I try my best to stay positive and change to fit his wants, which I begin to realize are endless, always changing and will always be. he fits every description listed in this article. But still I feel sorry to leave him, sometimes he acts as though the whole world is against him. And he is sometimes a great father and almost obsessively loving towards me at times.

I have a hard time keeping from defending myself in situations, it is not me. But I hate fighting and HATE negativity. I wish I could learn to overlook this behavior but it is so all encompassing that our kids and I are affected. How do I keep our family positive and be a good role model for our 2 boys? So they learn to respect women. and they are losing respect for their father which I am also blamed for and which i dont want. This is an exhausting thing to deal with and try to live happily with. I know it could be much worse. I feel for all the women in worse situations and I hope each and every one knows how strong and important they are. Thank you for explaining some of this frustrating behavior and I hope it will help me better our family.

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Mar 15, 2016
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by: Anonymous

I think I know why there are no comments to your post. It's because your post is so composed and you have an amazing grasp on what is happening. Your post is not self pitying. You're not using victim speak. You seem to be handling things really well. Your post has a feeling of "we" not "me vs the monster" that I really appreciate. And out of all comments made on the original post, yours has shown me that I can be calm and handle this with dignity and retain some self respect. I'm not a victim. I am an imperfect participant. I am part of the problem even if the part I play is just staying in the situation. And I am also a crucial part of the solution. If I choose to stay. But the "he's sick and wrong (blaming) and I don't deserve this (victim) after all I've done for him (martyr)" may not be the way, unless one's intention is to end things.

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