Lots to deal with

by Darlene

I am dealing with a husband and his 16 year old daughter who are narcisstic. They both blame me for everything!! My step-daughter has hated me since my husband and I first met and has caused problems between us (also her mom and her boyfriend) and does not see her dad anymore bc of it. There is a lot more than the narcissism going on with both of them--or maybe it is the narcissism at work. The longer I am with my husband--we have been together for almost 4 years-married for almost 1 year--the more things I see and "catch on" to. He manipulates everyone and will do whatever it takes to get his way with everyone. It is sick to watch him work his "magic" with people. I am a big believer of trust and honesty and I get none of this with him. He hides things from me and lies out the a** to me and tells me I don't know what I am ever talking about when he has been "caught". He sneaks around to see and call his daughter even and then lies about it. He erases all his phone calls from his phone--he made sure to get a business phone so I can't keep track of his calls bc I was checking them bc he would lie to me about it when I asked him. His daughter has lied about me to everyone and spread rumors about me and my husband believes her and everyone else's lis. I am put at the bottom of his list of priorities---actually I don't think I am even on the list at all--until he wants sex!! His family all hate me bc they don't know the "real" him and they have no idea the truth. All they see and hear is his fun-loving great side--which only comes out for them and certain people. It was there when we first met but quickly vanished. I have been doing sooo much to work on myself and to change and he refuses and says he doesn't need to change and won't change....
My 5 kids have been "bullied" by him and lied about from his daughter -- she has blamed them for everything, especially my oldest daughter. There is sooo much more but..... It is sooo unreal it is hard for me to wrap my brain around it. To think these people actually don't have a conscience and treat people this way and have no remorse. Where's the empathy?

Comments for Lots to deal with

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Sep 24, 2013
 Described my life
by: Anonymous

You just described my entire life. I have been w my husband for 7 yrs married 4 and his daughter does the same things to me, lies about me and my children and he believes her over me, when I correct her behavior (she's 18 but lives in our home) about what information she relays to my children or not following house rules my husband and I set together, he takes her side. And he's the one one who sat down with me to explain the rules to her. She calls him i bet if.i counted there would be over 30 phone calls in a 24 h&r period. He is very cold to my kids, and we have just recently separated. We are in counseling and doing better (I think) but when I bring this issue up its going to go bad I know it. I don't think he even notices that he does it. And when I've tried to talk to him about it he gets mad and defensive and denies anything and calls me jealous. I am not jealous, btw, but I do see a very unhealthy relationship between them. She treats him like he is her husband, and he lets her rule the house over me because when I say anything about what she did, like messes things she shows my kids or has told me shes done and I try to talk to him about it he will flip out, I don't know what to do anymore. She's 18 and will not move out or on w her life, no college has a crap job and no ambition. I have tried my hardest to have a relationship w her only to have my heart broken with her turning around and telling her dad a lies about me and him believing it so then we fight. When she's not here we have a great relationship but when she is there are waves. Now that we are separated they live together, he will come and visit me and say he's staying the night but will make up some excuse to have to run back, and then either wont return or will call me and say she is doing something (he will do this in a whisper) the. Leave at a time he sometimes goes to work. And hides the fact that we are working things out and then hides it from me that he isn't telling her. I am so confused and don't know what to do. I am so in love with my husband, but who can live like that?? I keep trying to tell myself she's 18 and grown but she's not leaving. I just want us to have a marriage not a power struggle that shouldn't even be tolerated by him. Any suggestions plz let me know.. Thanks
Soooooo confused,
Sep 24, 2011
 Panic attack mom
by: Anonymous

I read your story ad it fits as close as u can get to my situation. My step daughter is the root of all fights to deal with in my marriage with her dad. She is fully grown 26 and has no job because she thinks that because he served this country while she was growing up he owes her and will til he passes away and wants it all on a silver platter and does not want to have to have a job to even help out with anything. We pay her truck note oh yea by way he went today and bought a new truck jet for her and she just got the other one but she said she wanted new and he does wat ever she wants no matter what. He won't even discuss family money or even te fact that just the mention of her mask me have a panic attack. He just has bent over and has taken it up the a** because she makes him feel guilty for serving the country and we have only been married about 2 yrs. And they say mean hurtful things about me and he don't care but says he loves me and wants to be with me. I have gotten to where I do t believe a world ge says about wanting to be with me. He let's her bully him and try to run our accounts and she is just a bitch and I hate her and always will. She has the attitude that everyone in this world owes her. She will never get a job or have good friends or even get married with an attitude like that. She weighs about 300 pounds and eats like to men and she is a slob and dirty and stinky I need help on how to no get a panic attack kist at the mention of her. And try to salvage wat I can or wats left of my marriage.
Feb 08, 2011
 I could cry just reading
by: Anonymous

Your story.... It's me all over again.

I am so thankful i found this site and don't feel alone. I don't anymore!

Sending strength and courage to you!
Jul 08, 2010
 Follow the video link.....
by: John

Lots..... I want you to know that I am an outgoing, laughing, confident, self employed adult who loved life fully and couldn't find a single situatuion to pull positive out of.

I left a stagnant marriage and then.....I was reeled in by a narcissistic, psychopath blamer who I am still fighting to come to terms with for a final goodbye.

I noticed changes in me. Laughter was gone. Openess gave way to being closed. I was isolated from my friends and family. I did and continue to do nothing for myself. The most blatant situations were my fault. In fact, my wife to be had such a tantrum the day prior to our wedding that we ended up missing the time window to apply for our licence. Mind you that months later the story shaped and shifted to define me as the abuser and her the ultimate victim.

I have noticed the pattern that there is no responsibility for this personalilty. In fact, it blows right by lack of responsibility to pure self victimization.

In the past 8 weeks I have seen a therapist. Initially I went on the grounds that I was broken and the only way for our relationship to succeed was to seek help and straighten out. Come to find out..... I was indeed broken and I realize that the only straightening that needs to be had is the end of this relationship.

I have poured my heart, soul and money (I mention $ because I have dumped an obscene amount into her "sit back and take" lifestyle and abandoned my financial responsibilities). I am getting back on my feet. I am resilient and I will break free from this.

I watched the clip, posted by a link under the "Blamer" page to the self professed psychopath. I watched in awe and horror. It was as if my S.O. was encapuslated in another body. The coldness, the sudden angry attack upon confrontation of their stories/lies, the character attacks.

I have not said goodbye, not yet. But I can feel myself healing. I can feel the relief building. I have opened my eyes to those that care around me and realized again what I have always known, life is to short for their bullshit!

Best of luck and remember, we all sail our own ships and as long as we are on the right side of the dirt, we DO have the ability to do something about it.
Feb 23, 2009
 Your living my life
by: Anonymous

Finally, someone who understands. I read your post and can't believe how closely it resembles my life.

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