by C Pratt
Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right. - Henry Ford
Someone said to me the other day,
"All my boyfriends end up cheating on me. I can't have a good relationship. I just need to accept this and move on."
I was listening to a really good presentation by Bill Harris of Centrepointe Research yesterday which discussed this very situation.
As Bill Harris talks about in his presention, things happen to you because of your core beliefs. One of this person's core beliefs about life is, “I can’t have a good relationship and all my boyfriends cheat on me”. When you have such a strong belief, the brain will go to incredible lengths to make sure that you’re right. It doesn't matter whether it has to do with relationships, or whether you're always in debt or you find that people don't treat you with respect, whatever you have a strong belief about, you will create it in your life.
Your brain will ensure that you're right about what you believe in 3 different ways:
1. You will only be attracted to what you believe
If you believe you can't have a good relationship, the only people you will find attractive are those who will make your belief true. So, the only people you’ll be interested in are those who for whatever reason, are unable to have a healthy relationship right now. That’s the type of person who will also be attracted to you. It’s like a self fulfilling prophecy. That’s what you believe, so that’s who you attract. If you find that you're repeating a pattern over and over again, it's time to ask yourself what you truly believe.
2. You will be hyper sensitive to any signs or observations
You're going to be constantly on the lookout for any signs from the other person that they’re not in a healthy frame of mind or that they’re cheating on you. You’ll see exactly what you’re looking for whether it’s really there or not.
There's a quote that says, “what you see depends on what you’re looking for”. Your brain will see signs because that’s what it’s looking for. They could say something really simple like, “how are you feeling today?” and you’ll start to wonder, "What do they mean by that, is this a sign? Okay, it’s happening all over again. Why do these things happen to me?” That's a really simplistic example but you get what I mean. You're going to be overly sensitive to everything.
You will find exactly what you’re looking for so that your core belief can be validated once more.
3. You will unconsciously sabotage yourself
Your brain desparately wants to be able to say, “See, I’m right. I can’t have a good relationship and people cheat on me.” and will do whatever it takes to make that true. So, you will end up taking actions, whether you're consciously aware of it or not, that will push the other person away just so that your core belief always remains true.
If you ask yourself, “why do I have this belief?” The answer is to keep yourself safe. If you have this thought, then it protects you from being hurt and the pain from any more failed relationships. Your past experience has led you to believe this thought and it’s needed to keep you safe.
Forget about whether your belief is true or not and just ask yourself, “does this belief help me or hinder me to get what I want?” If you’re honest, you’re going to admit, it hinders you. Doesn’t matter if your core belief is true or not, this thought is getting in the way of you achieving what you truly desire.
If you read my article, "Mirroring - A Key To Understanding Yourself", you'll see that this is a perfect example of mirroring. All your relationships are mirroring exactly back to you your core belief, “I can’t have a good relationship and people cheat on me.” They're showing you what you believe about yourself and the world. Change your belief and they will mirror something completely different.
As long as you hold on to your belief, you’re going to experience the same situation over and over again.
Ask yourself, how important is it for you to be right.
All you have to do is change this belief you have and you’ll change your life. It may not be easy to think differently after all this time but awareness of what you’re doing to create the situation is the first step.
So, if you're still with me, next I'm going to talk about "Changing Core Beliefs". You can change those thought processes that just aren't working for you anymore.