You may think you gather all the facts and then make your choice based on that information, but do you really?
When you’re working towards becoming a confident person who makes smart, decisive choices for yourself, it’s important to gain an understanding of what factors are influencing you the most.
The fear of what might happen if they don’t choose a particular option.
This might not seem like a big deal at first but if you make your decisions based on fear, most likely the results will be:
• You’ll continue to feel anxious afterwards
• You won’t be truly satisfied with the decision you made
• You’ll end up wondering, and agonizing, if it was the right decision or not
• You won’t be living the life you want. You’ll be living a life of avoidance or living the life someone else wants you to live.
All these things will slowly erode your self-confidence as well as leading you to feel empty inside.
So, what kind of fears could be behind your decisions?
Or another interesting one is that you might make decisions based on trying to make yourself feel safer somehow. If you suffer from low levels of confidence, you may be on a continuous quest to make yourself feel more secure or safe.
I'll give you a personal example. When I was in high school, my belief was that in order to get a good paying job I needed to have a university degree. It didn't really matter what the degree was, just that I had one. In order to get into a university, I needed good grades so I was constantly freaked out that my grades weren't good enough and then I wouldn't be able to go to university and if that happened then I would be doomed to living on the streets.
Yes, my imagination does like to go to extremes.
So, I didn't focus on what I wanted to do with my life. I was only focused on getting the degrees so I could get a job, any job. I also didn't consider any other options for myself because my fear was so strong that if i didn't have that piece of paper then I would be sentenced to a life of suffering.
My goal of getting a university degree was meant to make me feel
safer. My decision was based on fear though, the fear of not feeling
safe. And because I’d based all my decisions on fear it meant that when I
did end up getting that university degree, it didn’t solve my initial
fear, the one of feeling safe. I didn’t feel any safer having the
degree. I simply had new things to fear like getting a job, keeping the
job, and so on. I hadn’t dealt with the original fear so it didn’t
I did, I would continue feeling unsafe no matter what choice I made.
You’ll find this happens behind lots of decisions.
For example, you might:
Well, the first step is to pay attention to how much fear is a
factor in your decisions and then make the conscious decision that
you’re not going to be driven by fear. You also need to start listening
to your own intuition.
Basically, you need to make your decisions based on love and compassion
for yourself and what you want to accomplish in your life.
It’s a matter of learning to make decisions based on what’s best
for you. Acknowledging your fears is important too but you can’t let
them make the decisions for you.
You could also decide to replace “fear” with “hope”.
Anytime you notice you’re feeling fear, replace it with hope for
your future. Or focus on the life you’re trying to create rather than
focus on trying to avoid something (the fear).
A good quote to remember:
Do you find you’re constantly running into people who are critical of you?
If you are, you’ll find this article by Dr. Henry Cloud fascinating because he says you don’t need to deal with critical people and he tells you exactly what to do.
Now, for your confidence building homework, the next time you make a decision, pay attention to what factors you’re allowing to influence your choice. Are you letting fear drive your life? Instead of fear, focus on what would be best for you. See what a difference this makes to the choices you make as well as how you feel about your decisions afterwards. You may be surprised at how dramatically this will start to change things for you.
Is fear holding you back from living the life you truly want to live? Here's the solution for that.
Do you fear making life changes? Your personal safety guy could be the reason.