What You Need To Do BEFORE You Can Develop Self Confidence

by Catherine Pratt

To develop self confidence, there is something you absolutely need to be willing to do.

It’s something that sounds simple but may not be as easy as you’d like. You need to be willing to “let go”.

What I mean by this is that you need to open yourself up to new ideas and a new way of thinking about yourself and others. The easiest way to do this, is to let go of the old thoughts and beliefs you have that are keeping you trapped in your current situation.

Specifically, there are 6 main things you need to be able to let go of before you can truly develop self confidence:

1. Your Anger

This includes your anger at your family, your friends, your co-workers, and just basically the whole world. You have to be willing to let go of this anger. It’s a very draining emotion and it also prevents you from moving forwards in your life. You can’t see solutions if you’re focused on being angry at people. You’re also hurting yourself which you don’t need to do anymore.

2. Your Blame of Others

You may be pretty good at blaming others for where you are in life and for why you’re so unhappy. You may not even realize how much you blame everyone else for your situation. Or maybe you blame it on circumstances (my parents were too poor to send me to college, I had to take care of my younger brothers and sisters, the world economy is so bad there's no jobs, etc). It’s time to let go of the blame. It doesn’t serve you. Let it go. Instead focus on what you can do.

3. Your Story

Are you clinging to a story you tell yourself as to why you are the way you are? So many people cling to their stories (I was abused, I was sick) and make them part of their identity and refuse to move forwards from that. They just don't know who they would be without that story. So, start to notice whether you talk about your problems and your excuses to everyone who will listen. Are you willing to actually start doing something about your problems or do you just want to keep re-telling the experience? Are you willing to let go of that story and develop some new ones?

Keep the positive learnings from your past experiences but completely let go of the painful emotions. You can develop your self confidence this way by using your past experiences as stepping stones to new situations. Think of it as now having a better idea on how to deal with a situation or you've learned something incredibly valuable about yourself. Perhaps, how strong you are or even a new skill. You don't need to remember all the details of the experience, just the knowledge you gained from having gone through it.

4. Your Thoughts

You need to be willing to look at your thoughts and really pay attention to what they’re saying. You need to be willing to choose which thoughts you want to keep and which ones it’s time to let go of.

This also include old, out of date past core beliefs you may have. Beliefs like, "I'm unlovable", "I'm useless", "I'm worthless". The beliefs you have about yourself and about others will affect your entire life. Choose beliefs that help you not hinder you.

5. Your Belief That You're Right

Do you say things like, “I’ve tried everything and nothing ever works for me” or “I’ll never be able to do that” or how about “I’m too slow”, or “I’m too old” and “I’m not lucky” or "I'm cursed". These are beliefs you have about yourself and your brain will sabotage yourself to ensure that you’re right about your beliefs.

The other aspect of this is that you will only see those things that reinforce that you’re right. So, if something goes wrong, you’ll automatically see it as, “see I’m cursed” and give up. You need to take responsibility for your actions and realize you need to let go of being right. Being right all the time just isn’t worth it.

So, let yourself be open to trying out some new ideas even if they feel uncomfortable at first. Be open to seeing the world in a different light.

6. Your Fear of Making A Mistake

The one other thing to let go of is your fear of making mistakes. As long as you cling to this fear, you won’t try anything new. You’ll always be too scared that you might do something wrong. When you do try something, at the first sign of trouble, you abandon ship and claim, “see this stuff never works for me”. You have to be willing to try new things and if they don’t work exactly as you’d like, you just need to modify them slightly and keep moving forwards in the direction you want to go. Learn to love mistakes. It shows that you’re moving forwards and becoming a wiser, stronger person.


Until you’re willing to let go of these 6 things, the ability to develop self confidence will always be a struggle for you. It’s that simple. So, you need to consider how attached are you to your old way of thinking and how much do you really want to change?

Are you willing to let go so that you can become the true spirit you were destined to be?

Once you let go of these things, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you start to develop self confidence and your life will just instantly start to blossom.

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