Problems with SiL
(Bangalore, KA, India)
I have a brother who is married for almost 6 years now and he has 2 daughters. We are in the same city currently.
4 years ago, i moved into this city and lived with him, by which time they had already rented out a flat and settled in. When i moved in, throughout the week i would be at work and would rarely see them as we have different timings. At weekends, i would sleep in late till midday, but the household work would have been done by then, cleaning washing cooking. I would wake, have lunch and leave to meet my friends. This apparently caused issues with my sister in law since she said i never helped out and i was like a princess at home! This again, i found out only last month !! I never argued with my sister in law, and always kept a minimal discussion as we never really hit it off well, what with the respect and a stranger to me then. There have been times when she had sided me, which now i think was all a fake, because behind my back she probably was complaining to my brother about it, which also piled up over the years.
They moved out of the country 3 years ago because my brother got transferred. During this time, they had their first born. She grew up there for 2 years and then they moved back. While they were away, we spoke happily on the phone, chat and had no issues. Before they left, my mum bought a flat, in which i was staying with my friend.
After they returned, they stayed at a hotel for a month where i went to visit them couple of times a week. Even after having a flat here, they chose to stay in the hotel. One fine day, i brought them home and my sister in law started ramping on..complaints after complaints like i was a maid of the house who didn't take care of her palace! But she had no intention of staying, which according to her was a pig sty! She ordered me around, while my brother just stayed silent in the background. My brother had always been a quiet sort of guy, but a very smart and intelluctual one. The following day, i went over to their hotel, and this time my brother spoke first. He started listing the things i had to get done before they move in, which would happen in less than 2 weeks. And i better get it done within 2 days! I didn't like the way i was talked to that evening, and i departed. But before leaving, my sister in law also put in her two cents and my brother asked if i felt bad. That was hitting you across the face and then saying sorry! Nevertheless i went home crying and cleared all the junk from the store room that night. It was well past 1am by the time i was done.
I messaged and told him all was done. 2 weeks later i was told my sister in law will be going with their daughter back to her house, which was again out of the country-my brother came to live with me. It was a peaceful one year i had with him, not many issues, i hope from his side. She was carrying the second time and would stay there a year. All that time she hadn't spoken to me. First few months i figured she was busy, but then it dawned on me that there was something wrong. I questioned my brother a few times, but he always denied it. Months went by, and i toldm mother about it, she didn't believe me though. But then the truth fell on her lap as she saw it too. She told me to pester my brother about it. I did, and one weekend my brother revealed it to me. He said there is some conflict between us, some tension. He said it had been building over the years but they never told me. By this time, 4 years had gone by. He said "they" started having problems while i was living with them. I didn't help around, i was arrogant, didn't spend time with them. But all these were petty issues. I have grown since then, especially when i was living on my own, did all the house work, took care of myself. Never had financial issues for which i didn't borrow from them. Infact i always paid for my share of the rent, took care of the bills when he was living with me. I asked him if he said all this to her, said i changed and i'm not that arrogant brat, maybe i was. But still things didn't change. The year was up, and my brother rented out another flat a good distance from me as his wife returned to the city with the two girls. I don't even know the address. My parents keep yelling at me like it is all my fault and i could not tell them what the problem was since my brother asked me not to. 3 weekends went by, i haven't seen them since they have been here, same city, same country. Now my brother says he WILL get me there (some day), my sister in law will be normal (some day), there are still some issues to be "ironed out"..