Jealousy - How To Deal With It
by Catherine Pratt
I had a good reminder of how quickly jealousy can rear it’s ugly head the other day when a friend called to tell me she’d gotten engaged. I could hear the happiness in her voice and I was thrilled for her. She’d been waiting for this for a long time. I knew it was a good match for her and it would bring great joy to her.
So, what does this have to do with jealousy? Well, I asked her two questions, “did you get a nice ring?” and “was it a romantic proposal?” The second I asked them I knew I was only hurting myself but her response made me just want to lash out at her. What was her answer? A very simple, “Of course”.
So, now you’re completely confused. How could that possibly set off an episode of jealousy in anyone? Well, jealousy is all about a deep internal hurt within the person feeling that emotion. And for me, the hurt has to do with the fact that I always wanted a romantic proposal and an engagement ring but I never got them when I got engaged. It just didn’t work out that way. So, now whenever someone talks about this subject, I sometimes get very jealous.
I'm very glad that I didn't lash out at my friend for if I had I would have ruined a very special time in her life as well as quite possibly a good friendship. And for what? Just because I was hurting? Definitely no need to hurt someone else because something wonderful has happened for them. And, I truly was happy for my friend. It just almost didn't come out that way initially. That is why jealousy is such a monster. Your own pain overwhelms you so much that you'll hurt even a good friend.
A far better solution than simply allowing the emotion to overtake you is to realize:
It’s All About You
You Need to Heal Yourself
It’s a very draining emotion and it’s also a tough one to let go once the anger has been stirred up. It's far better to face it head on and just deal with it. You'll be so glad you did.
The Other Person Doesn't Know
In my situation, it all comes down to the reason why I wanted the proposal so much which my friend had absolutely no way of knowing. I spent a huge chunk of my childhood dreaming about the day that the handsome prince was going to arrive on my doorstep, take my hands, look deep into my eyes and tell me how special I was and that he loved me truly, madly, deeply. Then he'd rescue me from all my current problems and we'd ride off into a gorgeous sunset to live happily ever after. Of course such a fairytale could never come true but I still wanted the romantic proposal when I got engaged. I would sometimes imagine what it would be like, how amazing it would be. To me, the proposal would symbolize that someone telling me how special I was. So, after all that dreaming, I was disappointed and frustrated that I didn't get one when my turn finally did come. It's just something that I need to accept and then move on. Along with accepting this fact I need to truly believe that I am special with or without that romantic proposal. The original hurt needs to be dealt with which I think it now has been.
By being aware of where your feelings are coming from will go a long way towards healing past events.
Use Jealousy To Your Advantage
If what you're jealous over isn't something you really want then you know that you're dealing with more internal emotions like not feeling you're good enough or having limiting beliefs like nothing good ever happens to you. You can heal that aspect of yourself and become a much stronger and centered person for it.
Either way, you can use jealousy to your advantage.
It Just Is
The important thing to remember is to use jealousy as a sign to heal yourself or as a sign that you need to start working towards a certain goal. Don't allow yourself to hurt other people simply because you have a wound that needs your attention and care. If you're still feeling jealous then you know you're focusing on the wrong thing. You just need to turn it around and start focusing on what you do want. Jealousy truly can be a valuable emotion if you let it.
To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is, a dissatisfaction with self
You'll find my ebook, "3 Questions That Will Change Your Life" really helpful in being able to turn your focus around to what you do want.