How to overcome emotional block?

by Jeyagowri
(United Kingdom)

I am looking for solution and guidance to overcome my emotional block. I got to see my fear and guilt makes me weak and blocking myself in to it. I am not finding driving force to push myself.

My childhood was not so great to say, I was seeking love and affection from my father, but he had been stated as selfish, irresponsible person to lead a family life. I couldn’t see him that way, though he didn’t show love and affection to me but I couldn’t hate him as others did.

I moved on..I was very keen to build my knowledge at that age, so came out of emotional block (love, affection, fear) quickly and start focusing on my goals.I got good friends and I decided to fulfil my mother’s dream. I achieved my goal as planned, I was wondering how? But, it happened like magic to me.

After 10 years, when I came to know my father is ill and not in a sense to know who I am. I pushed myself in to guilt state and couldn’t come out of it. My dad hurt me a lot but I never hate him, I was thinking and expecting that one day he will realise and come to us. I was positive and still positive even after I know it is not going to happen.

If I go and help my dad I will hurt my Mom for sure and if I don’t I feel more guilty and it kills me a lot. I can’t change my past but now I am trying to change present to overcome my guilt. If I do that there are chance to lose my loved ones. I lost my interest, job and now I am at home and all time thinking about my past.

Sometimes my inner heart says it is not a big stuff to worry but most of the time I cry if I talk to anyone about my father. I myself take this as a big subject and talking to all my friends. Sometimes, I feel this is wrong and stop talking to everyone. My late night dreams and inner fear drive me crazy; most of the time my negative dream comes true. I caught up with too much fear now.

Sometimes, I feel I’m alright sometimes not. If I think about the word dad/father/parents I start getting tears in my eyes. Any cinema with tragedy climax/tragedy story from real life hurts me a lot and start comparing my past. I use to convince and console everyone but now I am in the mist looking for direction to move on.

I was looking for self driving course to divert my concentration I got to see life-with-confidence site. I found myself as " I fear to face the world/challenges, feeling guilty and no strength to face the consequences".

I try to focus on other subject and try to set new goals. All my effort is of no interest and it is not staying more than a day. I try to set new goal but full of smoke no clear way around.

I could see I am going weak. Tell me how to overcome this emotional block?

Note: I born and brought up in India. I moved to UK for my job but not seeking job these days.

Regards
Jeya