Finding love while not looking

by Anonymous Submission

I keep hearing that you only find love when you are truly not looking for it.

I can see some of the reasons why this is said, such as you need to be happy within yourself and rather than expect someone else to provide that.

However if your location and or lifestyle is one in which you simply do not meet new people, how on earth can you find love?

There is usually a suggestion of going out and joining some club or do a course in something you are interested in, but if you really would prefer not to do those things you end up doing that just in the hope of meeting someone, and it becomes circular because then you are looking again.

Comments for Finding love while not looking

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Jun 29, 2009
It's more of a mindset
by: Catherine,


I understand what you're saying and you're right in that you do hear it a lot that love happens when you're not looking for it.

I think you still need to have the intention for wanting to have someone in your life and also have a pretty clear idea of what qualities that person must have. Like kindness, sense of humor, etc. You need to be open to having that experience and not thinking, "I'm completely through with dating" for example.

Part of the mindset that I think that saying is trying to get you to avoid is to be "hunting" for someone. I'm sure you've had the situation yourself when you meet someone and you can tell they're desperately looking for "the one" and they're sizing you up and considering whether you're it. It creeps you out. So, if you're open to having a relationship but not thinking "must have relationship", it's very different and your body language will be different.

The other thing with the "hunters" is that they tend to ignore the red flags they see along the way. If you're open to a relationship but not willing to give it up for just anyone, you'll notice those signs and not get involved with the people that aren't worth your time. This is where it also helps if you know what qualities you want in a person. (not physical things like blonde hair but more the inner qualities)

There's also the fact that when you're happy with yourself and your life, it's very attractive to others. There's just something about someone who's totally content in their own skin and likes their life. When you meet that type of person, you know they're interested in you as a person and not for what you can provide or whether you're good marriage material. Very attractive

Love does tend to happen though if you're focused on exploring your own interests in that you meet people with similar qualities as you. Or the people you meet, have a good friend who's available. So, you may want to get involved in activities that interest you, not with the specific purpose of finding someone, but for learning more or simply enjoying that activity as you never know what type of opportunities that will open up for you.

I don't think there's anything wrong with "looking" either though. You just want to avoid that whole "hunting" mindset. Know that you're completely whole without someone else. You're happy on your own. If someone else comes along to "add" to your life, fantastic. But, you're not looking for someone to make you happy or whole. You do that all on your own.

Not sure if I've helped or not. I don't think you can think, "If I don't look for love then I 'should' find someone" though. That's like bargaining with the universe and I think you'll just end up disappointed by doing that. Have your intention to find someone, be clear about what that person would be like, and be open to new experiences and opportunities. I'm sure the perfect person for you will appear.

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