Difficult relationship after sexual affair

by Melanie
(Jamaica)

I am married to my husband since 9 years. I was thinking that our marriage is great but I was very wrong. I couldn't conceive for a long time and this had also a negative impact in our relationship. I loved him since my first conversation and I thought that he would love me the same but I was wrong. Only after 7 years of marriage it happened to find an sms in his mobile from his girl that he was having an affair with.

I was shocked after understanding that this affair started few months ago and they were very close to each other. We had a very big fight and I wanted to break up and our families didn't agree with that saying that it was a mistake and also my husband was begging me to stay. He told me that he will never repeat this again but my heart was broken.

Because I felt sorry for both families I said let's give a try for some time maybe things get better. In this particular time I got my positive test I was pregnant. I have a beautiful and healthy daughter who is now 2 years old and again living with the same husband. He was trying his best since then and really showing that he felt very guilty of what he did but my heart is not cured yet and I don't have a single day since then not thinking of what he did to me. He bought a fantastic house for us, a luxury car and everything was on my choice. He doesn't even go for coffee without telling me first .. he is perfect husband now.

But how to forget the past I don't know. It is coming time to time and is killing me. Some of my friends just say to forget about it. It was just an affair and nothing else and at the end he chose to be with you and not with her. I don't know what do you think? Please comment on this.

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Sep 28, 2009
affairs
by: Catherine, www.Life-With-Confidence.com

Hi Melanie,

Sorry you went through that. Losing your trust in someone is always a very painful experience and it does take time to get past it.

Cherakee68 went through a similar experience as you did. Can't Get Over Past Some of the ideas I gave her, may also work for you.

But, also do you feel deep down that you don't deserve to have nice things happen to you? Or do you feel like nothing ever works out for you? Or possibly, do you feel guilty having all the nice things he's giving you and being a good husband to you? I'm just wondering if you have some beliefs like that getting in your way. I know that may sound like a strange question but sometimes we self sabotage ourselves because we do have these beliefs. One way to know is to pay attention to the first thought you have when something goes wrong. Is your first thought, "nothing ever works for me!" If it is, then you've identified a belief you need to work on letting go.

Anyway, I hope you manage to work on this and allow yourself to trust again because he really does sound like he's trying and that he truly loves you. You also have a beautiful daughter together.

Let me know if you want to go through this in more detail.


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