My mother told me when I was 22 years old and expecting my first child that my father was not my biological father. It was a blow to my heart and the beginning of a major identity crisis. To make things worse she divorced my daddy and married my biological father about one year later. I have never accepted my biological father as anything more than just my mother's current husband. Now at age 30 and 2 children later, I find myself thriving for answers and falling into a deep depression. My mother will not discuss the situation and feels she is the victim in this whole situation because she forced herself to hide this for so many years. As she explains it "it was to protect me. It was the best thing to do at the time." So basically her need to relieve this life of lies and stress has now caused an open wound in me that I feel will never heal. What do I do? Where do I begin? I am so angry at my mother, dad, and biological father.

Comments for WHO AM I?

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Feb 10, 2013
You are still you
by: Anonymous

Firstly, feeling angry, hurt and betrayed in this situation is quite acceptable.

Secondly YOU are still the same. the circumstances of your birth and schildhood are still the same... you just have more of the information now.

Thirdly, forgive your mother for what she did. It migh have been selfish but maybe her reasons might have been valid to her at the time.

You refer to your Dad (not the biological one) in an affectionate manner, "my daddy", so it is obvious you love him and feel hurt for him now that she has left him for another man. Having children doesn't make you a parent. The man who raised you and loved you from the start IS YOUR father. It's gonna take time to get used to your mom's new relationship but try to maintain the relationship with your father and work on forgiving your mother. And be the best mother you can be to your lil angels.

Sep 18, 2012
by: Anonymous

Dear WHO AM I,

You have the right to be angry. Acknowledge each of your feelings and give yourself space to feel. This is of extreamelly importance. Nevertheless, after a while you will need to work on forgiveness for your own sake so that you will be able to free yourself and go on with your life in a way that feels right and comfortable for you.

Know that your mother have made her choices. We all are responsible for the choices we make, there is no one to blame for the consequences we have to face. Your mother is not a victim even though the beleives she is. She will have to deal with the feelings of being a victim.

I beleive you will find yourself out of this situation much stronger and you will get to know who you really are. You will find the preciousness of your being. Inside of you are the answers for all your questions. Do not underestimate the power of your inner wisdom and know that life is wise. it gives us in each moment what we need to experience in order to grow. See this situation as a catalyst for things which you need to work on. It may indeed bring great blessings to your life and your personal and spiritual growth. Have faith that there is divine order operating behind the scenes. Take care of your self with great love. Best wishes / Andrea

Sep 17, 2012
unconditional love
by: Anonymous

Its good that you are in better than before.. You realized what is causing you worse. You know very well angry/hate will not give solution it simply spoils your health. Your love is always true, dont try to analyse what/why they did to you.

Come out of this boundary and be as you are. It mean you have a unique qualities and capabilities. You are lovable person and you are not like this. Try to be same as before. Show unconditional love, dont analyse. Think this is not a big issue to make you down. You can come out of this easily.

Make sure you and your health is first.

Sep 14, 2012
by: Anonymous

Your identity is who you are today, not who your parents are. Sometimes people do things for selfish reason and that is what all three of them did. I personally would concentrate on my new family. If they want to be part of your life and your childrens then I would consider it ONLY if there will be a positive outcome. Sometimes the best view is the one you get when looking in the rear view mirror and seeing the things you leave behind. Only put yourself in positive situtaions, and stay away from anything negative. You and your children will be fine even if you decide to exclude those three from your life. It's not blood that makes a family, it's love. So surround yourself and your children with those who truly love you, looking for nothing in return.

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