what is it when friends put conditions on you to hang out

well I had a friend recently she and I are not speaking anymore because of misunderstanding there are issues that are not resolved so we are not speaking and plus she doesn't want to hang out
alone with me you see I'm bi, she is gay, we tried to be friends before but it turned to something different and heated she decided to go back to her girl and I suggested that we start over the right way and wipe the slate clean completely clean and start over lets us hang out I asked. She said she won't hang out with me alone but she could hang out with me and my husband or I hangout with her and her girl. I didn't accept that because it is not that serious just to do something with her as friend so the friendship is over. Should I have saved it or let it go?

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Aug 22, 2008
by: Catherine, www.Life-With-Confidence.com


It sounds like it bothers you that she won't hang out with you by yourself. A good question to ask yourself is why does it bother you so much? For example, does it make you feel like you're not trustworthy or that you're not good enough to be friends with one on one? It's your reaction to the situation that you need to figure out.

Her conditions may be because her partner doesn't feel secure in their relationship and feels anxious if you two are together alone. So, it may be out of respect for her partner or for fear of losing her partner. Or it could be that she doesn't trust herself with you. Her conditions are about how she's viewing the situation. It's not a reflection on you.

Whether you keep her as a friend or not really depends on how much she means to you and whether it's worth it to you or not to work through these issues. If she adds to your life then you'll probably find that it's worth it and you'll be willing to make everyone feel comfortable as you adjust to a new relationship. If you're doing it just because you think you "should" then it probably isn't a good reason to move forwards with it. It would be sad to lose a good friend though just because of some misunderstandings.

Dec 05, 2012
by: Anonymous

Wow..it would bother me that someone would not want to hangout with me one on one. Why shouldn't it? If they have their issues, they need to work them out. I'd still stick around, but I can't be friends with someone who has conditions. I think they need to work things out and it's their issue, clearly not mine.

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