Vicious circles and insecurity
I seem to be in a vicious circle of becoming close to people with big personalities, only to feel, after time, swamped by those personalities and inclined to lash out.
I am friendly and warm (for the most part) and get on with people easily. I have a couple of truly great friends who understand me and see things on the same level as I do. What concerns me, I guess, is not being able to make particularly good judgements about new friendships, or second guessing myself when I do! Sometimes I sense that I cause a problem, only to run to those who I know will give me the feedback I want and therefore justification for my consequent anger.
An example of this, to make things clearer, would be a friend that I became close to 5 months ago. She introduced me to a few new spiritual concepts that I had not previously heard of and our friendship blossomed from there.
She is quite a powerful person, some perceive her to be arrogant although I'd say there are certain insecurities which cause her to act the way that she does. However, over the past month or so, I've felt stifled by her attitude and inferior to her. I tried to ignore it or resolve it myself but felt it best to discuss it with her (she had already broached the subject in an e-mail a couple of weeks previously, to which I replied as considerately and carefully as I could).
I let it all out, tried to convey my feelings in as honest a way as possible and got a few things off my chest. Her response drove me mad! It was cool, calm and collected, assured me that she had felt jealousy from many other friends before and had calculated that to be the case with me too, offered none of the understanding I had hoped for and left me totally confused. She appears to feel that she is totally in the right and I am totally out of order....
I consulted a close friend and my Mum (totally unbiased, of course!) who revealed that they had both found her extremely difficult to get on with and an over-bearing presence on the occasions where they had met her. My Mum went so far as to say she'd felt like warning me to be careful of her.
So, my questions are: is it my insecurities that led me down this path or her superiority complex or a mixture of both? Is there a way of escaping this vicious circle or is it part and parcel of life that certain people make a huge impact on you but relationships with them can't be maintained for long? Is it right to consult those closest to me, with all of their OWN insecurities and complexes, or am I just looking for validation instead of seizing the opportunity to change my future actions? Does anyone have any advice?! I'm so interested in improving my life that I'm tying myself up in knots....