Unhealthy Friendships - always cancels
I have a friend that is always making plans with me, but then later cancels, doesn't call to tell me or just doesn't show up. We were close friends for years, and the saga has always been the same. I've always been the faithful one waiting on the wayside, until I realized, I am worth much more than that, and gave it up completely.
May 26, 2008Posted By:
I used to have a friend just like that. I know how very frustrating that is. I eventually realized that she had a problem with commitment and she was also afraid to say No to people. Sometimes when I asked her to do something, I'd add, "It's okay if you don't want to but I'd rather know now so that I can make alternate plans." Then, if she hesitated or hemmed and hawed, then I knew she didn't want to do it. I also told her a few times after she didn't show up, "Would you mind giving me a call if you can't make it? Then I'll know not to wait for you." She started getting better at calling but she wouldn't always. Or sometimes, I knew I was getting dumped because she got a better offer. Or maybe it was because she was more afraid of saying No to them than to me. Whatever the reason, I would always make sure I had back up plans if I had made plans with her and I wouldn't expect her to show up. That seemed to make it easier. I had no expectations about her and I knew it wasn't because there was something wrong with me. It was all about her.
It definitely says a lot about that person. You're still a good person and a good friend, they just have their own issues they haven't dealt with.
But, you're absolutely right. You deserve to be treated much better than that. That's why I think it's important to say things like, "Please let me know if you can't make it so I can find a ride with someone else." Then, you're telling them in a nice way that you don't appreciate it when they just fail to show up.
You're also right in that sometimes it's not worth the effort and the frustration. You can find much better friends who don't have those issues and who appreciate spending time with you.
Thanks for sharing.