Shaking hands

by Mana

I am 22 years old girl, low confident, but trying to gain confidence. But my lack of confidence comes out when somebody watches my shaking hands and i feel so embarrassed. If anybody told me to pick up the thing or just write in front of somebody my hand shakes. I know my low confidence since i was childhood is the root cause of this, but don't know how to make it right.

Comments for Shaking hands

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Nov 07, 2008
Shaking hands
by: Catherine,

Hi Mana,

There's a few ways you could approach this.

First, when you start to shake, ask yourself what are you thinking about? Most likely you're thinking something like, "I don't want to shake in front of my friend" or "I don't want to make a mistake". Then, you know you're focusing on what you don't want. Bring your thoughts back to what you do want. You may want to explain something. Focus on what you're trying to say. Or you could even focus on how you're going to explain your thoughts to the other person in the best way. How can you make them see your point the best way? Consider how the other person likes their information. Do they like a lot of facts, do they like just the main details? Think about the other person. Think about what you're trying to accomplish. This way your brain starts to focus on the actions it can take. You're not stuck thinking, "I don't want to shake". When you get stuck thinking "I don't want to shake" that's what your brain is focused on and that's what you'll do.

Also, what's the main fear thought that's happening in your mind? What are you most afraid of? Are you afraid they're going to make fun of you? Are you afraid they're going to put you down? Are you afraid they're going to think you're not very smart? What are you really afraid of?

Once you can put words to that fear and think about why it's there, often you'll find it loses its power over you. For example, you might suddenly realize that your family isn't going to reject you just because you don't say this one thing perfectly. That they want to hear what you have to say. It was just your fear thought that they were going to reject that was getting in the way.

Or, once you figure out what the real fear is, you may realize it all comes from one incident in your past where someone said something that made you feel self conscious. If you're aware that your feelings are coming from the one incident, then the next time it happens, you can tell yourself something like, "It's okay. It's just my reaction to that time when my sister said something mean. That was a long time ago and this is different now." And, you'll be able to move forwards.

Also, lots of times, we are so self conscious of things that others don't even notice. You might think that you're shaking like a leaf but if you asked anyone, they'd say they hadn't even noticed. You notice because it's happening to you but often others are focused on themselves so don't even notice what you're doing. So, be gentle with yourself.

(To be continued in next posting)

Nov 07, 2008
Shaking hands
by: Catherine,

(continued from previous comment)

The more you focus on not shaking, the more tense you'll get which will cause the shaking even more. If you can tell yourself, "it's okay", breathe and just let it happen, it won't be as bad. It's when you try to force it to stop that it becomes worse. Just let it happen. It's okay. You'll find very quickly that if you accept it and let it happen, it will start to happen less often. It's the resistance to it that causes it to become worse. You probably worry about it happening even before it happens which also makes your body tense and that's all you can think about. Let it be okay. People are not going to think less of you because you're shaking. So you shake a little, people like you for you, not whether you shake or not. Have the thought that it's okay if you shake. You're still the same good person whether you shake or not. It doesn't change who you are. Accept it and you'll find it doesn't happen as often. You'll also find that when it does happen, it doesn't happen for as long of a time. It'll go away quickly as you bring your thoughts back to what you're trying to say or do. And, soon, it won't be a problem at all for you.

Starts with awareness though. What are you thinking about? And, where does the thought come from? And, then be gentle with yourself. Accept yourself the way you are. Let the fear thoughts go. You have a beautiful inner spirit. Let that shine through.


Dec 17, 2008
Faking Confidence
by: Love2Help

Being aware of your setbacks is important to improve on it. You are doing good so far. But making it an all-encompassing thought in your mind is not the way to approach it. We are all normal people with our own fallacies, strengths and weaknesses. But we live in a competitive world which expects people to be super-human and super-smart. So, I would suggest you to start acting confident. Focus on people and things other than yourself & this will help you to forget about your shaking hands. Every small improvement you see will dramatically increase your confidence. This in not an inside-out approach. But give it a try.

Oct 07, 2016
low confidance
by: prashant

I have problem of low confidance. when I try to writ before anybody my hands shakes and I feel very bad. But I am trying to continue it. I have no confidance. what to please tell me solution

Oct 09, 2019
i have same problem and i read the solution and lot of impressed
by: Anonymous

i have same problem and i read the solution and lot of impressed

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