self-esteem

by Amber
(Vancouver, Canada)

I moved out from home about 10 months ago to start college. Everything is going great.. my profs were awesome...my community leader were very welcoming and people at my dorm rooms were friendly. It all started off well, except on Fridays, usually everyone gets drunk and wasted. But I don't get wasted with them..(I drink occasionally). And time goes by, and the friends I made in my residence don't really talk to me. It's usually me approaching them. And when I bump into them before dinner, they say "where have you been? haven't seen you in ages"...Umm I live in the same building. Anyways they would ask to hang out with me but never make the effort of ASKING. It's not like I'm mean or unapproachable. I'm a very understanding person. I was thinking, maybe it's the fact that I don't "party" that often, which to them is boring? I feel that I don't have a lot of friends. I had friends before I moved. But they're all stuck in the same place. They do the same thing everyday and I just feel outgrown from the past and I want to move on with my life and not still be stuck in high school. And a few of them I thought were my best friends turns out to be betraying me. They would hang out with people who disrespected me and it's just hurtful. And this year I try to move on but the thing about not having a lot of friends just kind of puts me down. I guess I have a problem of letting go of the past. It so easy for me to say it, but actually doing it is so much more difficult.