No Support From Spouse

I just started a new job and it consumes a lot of my time. I'm an independant contractor and it takes time to build a business.

I've been doing this for 2 weeks and everything that comes out of his mouth is something along the lines of putting me down. He basically says that it's a waste of my time and I'll never go anywhere with the business. Things like that.

He lost his job 3 months ago and can't find a job and he refuses jobs that have been offered to him because he doesn't want to do that paticular job.

Anyways, I had to get a job and I really enjoy it so how do I get him off my back? Got any advice on how to deal with this?

Comments for No Support From Spouse

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Jan 14, 2009
understand where comments are coming from
by: Catherine,


That's a tough position because you're all excited about your new career and he's not being supportive.

I think it will help though if you understand where his comments are coming from. It's not about you at all or whether he really believes in you or not. He's probably still feeling really hurt about being laid off. Also, possibly like he's a failure. And, now he can't even support you. You have to go create your own job. And, he's afraid to take another job in case they lay him off again. So, he's dealing with a lot of feelings of fear and self doubt. He's putting you down as a way to deal with those feelings.

Have you tried talking to him? Maybe the next time he says something negative, "I know you're still frustrated with not being able to find the perfect job, but I'd really love your support right now." See how he responds to something simple like that.

Sometimes, when a person gets so wrapped up in their fear and pain and hurt, they don't truly realize how they're taking those feelings out on their loved ones. Doesn't excuse his behavior but it will give you a new perspective on the situation.

Congratulations on your new job! That's great. Awesome that you're really liking it too. Believe in yourself. It sounds like your new career is going to go far.

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