negativity from people regarding weight

by Jamie Lee

How do people deal with negative people who put others down regarding weight? The experience of say a female"friend" who unfairly puts you down or the man who completely unsolicited tells you that you are over weight. I am having issues with this as I am trying very hard to lose baby weight (to be honest weight before baby too) and have to deal with negative comments from people when I am really upset about it anyway. Any advice? One thing I have noticed is that it usually comes from people who are inadequate themselves in some way or another.

Visitor's Comments
Date: February 18, 2008
Posted by: Catherine,

Hi Jamie Lee,

This is a great question. I know the first reaction is to just smack them across the head and say, "What are you thinking? SERIOUSLY! What are you thinking saying that?" : - )

And, although that would temporarily make you feel better, there are better ways of handling the situation.

One of my favorites is to simply say, "Thank You for opinion." You say it just as a statement of fact. No emotion. So, you don't say it angrily for example. The great thing about doing this is that is basically ends the conversation. They have nothing else to say. They've already provided their opinion. You can now change the subject to something else.

I wrote an article on other things you can do to people who put you down. You can read it Here. It might give you some other ideas as well.

You're absolutely right though that the comments will come from people who are hurt themselves and it's a way to make themselves feel better about themselves. A happy, confident person would not say something like this to someone else. They would be encouraging not discouraging.

Here's a good quote I saw today:
"The judgment of others does not change who I am. Quite the opposite is true. It reveals who they are." - Terry McPhearson

The one other thing to consider is that you need to pay attention to your reaction. Why does it bother you so much? What is it that the comments are making you feel? Do they make you feel like a failure or that you're not good enough? That's the most important thing to figure out. Once you know that, then you can heal that part of you.

Once you heal that part of you, then you'll notice when people make their nasty comments but you won't react. They won't be able to push your buttons anymore because you've dealt with that issue.

An interesting thing happens as well in that once you've dealt with it, you'll probably find people just don't make the comment anymore. It's like they can sense that it's not an issue for you anymore so they can't make themselves feel better by making those comments anymore.

But, I can tell you from personal experience that once you've dealt with it, it doesn't affect you anymore. Someone at Christmas time must have told me about a hundred times that they thought I should lose weight. A few years ago, I would have found this devastating. This time, I found it somewhat funny. I also knew where the comments were coming from. This person had recently lost a lot of weight and I think they were quite proud of it and wanted to share the knowledge with others. So, it's also important to remember that the comments tell you a lot about the other person.

But do pay attention to your reaction. That's an important clue for you.

And, good for you trying to lose the weight and to feel better about yourself. That's awesome! Congratulations on the new baby too!

These are the most important things to remember. Focus on your goal. Not the goofy people you come across. Keep focusing on what you really want and how you're going to achieve it. Then, soon you're actually going to have it. You can definitely do it!

Just let me know if I can help in any way.

Date: February 20, 2008
Posted by: Jamie Lee
Title: You're Right

Thanks for that. It really is a different way of looking at it and it does reveal soo much about the other person. Even if I was slim I am sure there would be someone to put me down and say I wasn't slim enough. It is obviously a trigger for me for example if someone called me stupid(which people do from time to time in jest) I just laugh it off and it really is water off a ducks back as I don't think that I am stupid.

Obviously i need to do a bit of work and you are also right that there is something in me attracting that.

Lots of work to do but I really feel better. Thank you.

Comments for negativity from people regarding weight

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Jul 16, 2013
Anti-psychotic medication induces weight gain
by: Larissa

Sometimes, I loathe the world of superficial people.

My life is in the pits. It is probably because during the last year I reduced by anti-psychotic medication which happens repeatedly during my life living with bi-polar affective disorder. And maybe during the last several months I would have considered resuming or increasing it sooner. In the last week, I am aware my life is 'nearly' unmanageable. My resistance to resume is simply because all the well meaning appearance-focused people in my beachside community haven't been able to resist letting me know how fantastic I look since having dropped 2 dress sizes.

Of course, they are not in my intimate circle of friends or they would clearly know that I have lost 5 jobs in a similar amount of months, that I have lost 2 dear friends completely because they gave up on me (of course, I don't consider them dear friends now, but I still experienced the grief) and now I have hit the wall or the floor by taking a position as a brothel manager, which despite people thinking it might be glam, it is actually soul destroying. So yes I might look good, but far out, is glam worth it.

Not very cheery slim person.

Dec 06, 2008
Too thin, then too fat
by: Anonymous

Right now I get negative comments from people because I've gained about 40 pounds quite quickly after battled a health issue for almost my entire life. The problem is it's weight I need to gain. My doctors are quite pleased with the weight gain, and I feel so much better physically and emotionally. What I find amusing is that up until a year ago, when I began gaining the weight, I got negative comments from many of the same people because I was too thin! I actually used to force myself to wait to use the restroom after I ate when I was with certain people because they were always concerned that I was in the bathroom making myself throw up! Now I have people asking me how I recovered from my eating disorder!
What I've learned through all this is - if I had been more concerned for my own health and happiness than what others thought of me, I probably would have had the confidence to work at figuring out the underlying health issues sooner. I find myself no longer caring what others think or say about my weight - it's about how my health affects my quality of life and not living up to someone else's ideas of what I should look like.

Oct 02, 2008
don't let them bother you
by: Rose

A long stare followed by complete silence usually makes them very embarassed. Then just turn and walk away. They'll usually apologize or, if they don't, who cares? Who'd want them for a friend anyway if they're that shallow. These people are usually bullies who never grew up and think it's their right to say whatever they want, whenever they want no matter who they hurt. These creeps usually self-destruct anyway so don't let them get to you. Be your usual beautiful self and move on. Or just ask them "and my weight concerns you...why???"
Have an awesome day.

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