Negative spouse

by Me

I have never told anyone these things before and I have tried to talk to my husband, but he just doesn't want to hear them. So, I have been married to my husband for 7 years almost 8.

I don't understand why he is so negative and angry all the time about everything and I do mean everything. It takes alot for me to get angry or stressed or whatever. I just think that we are blessed with too many things to be so angry like that all the time. I just wish that he would calm down and enjoy life.

The smallest things set him off. I try to ask him what is bothering him and he tells me to leave him alone.
We don't have much to say to each other anymore meaning normal conversation. Sometimes I feel so alone even though he is there.

He lashes out at me all the time. He starts hollaring and swearing at me, might call me a few names. Most of
the time it is because I don't have the same opinion as him or because I don't get mad at the things that he gets mad at. He always tells me it is because he is tired and he don't want to talk about it.

I tell him when he hurts my feelings and he gets even more mad. Which that I don't understand. Anyways when I tell him that he has hurt my feeling he tells me "Well I'm sorry that you got your feelings hurt, but I didn't do anything." Then he says "You know what just leave me alone and you won't have to worry about you getting your feelings hurt." I mean seriously how can you be so cruel and not care.

I try to understand where all the anger is coming from, but I honestly don't know. I just feel so tired of it. I do everything chores, bills, yard work, shopping he does not have to lift a finger. I am to the point where when we are together I just feel numb. I try to talk to to him and tell him how negative and mean he can be to me, but he tells me that I am pissing him off and he don't want to hear about it.

When I do try to talk to him I don't get loud and hollar or any of that other nonsense because I don't see the point in it. Don't get me wrong I love my husband to death, but enough is enough. The thing that upsets me the most is that when we are around other people like his family or his coworkers he is the best person to be around. He will help anyone who needs it. He does have a good heart and can be a really good person.

He does not treat his family or friends the way he acts with me. It is like I am seeing 2 different people. I have to constantly tell him the positive sides to everything. I am constantly trying not to let his negativity or lashing out bring me down, but sometimes I struggle with that. I am not able to talk to him about alot of things because I know his reaction will not be good so I just prefer not to tell him.

I hate that it has to be that way. I want to be able to go to him when I need someone to talk to, when I need a pick me up, when I need some encouragement, when I am feeling down and I need some comfort. I spend so much time trying to get everything done and trying to keep him out of a funk that it is just sucking the life out of me. At times I feel like it is too much.

If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them!!!

Comments for Negative spouse

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Sep 22, 2012
by: Joseph

Very challenging state to anyone who is in a such situation. However, whetever you pass thruogh is a lesson to you. You have to know the fomula in order to simplify the fraction. Before you try to do anything to make him happy, sit-down first study his life comparing to yours to see in which you can fit and in which you cannot, and work on those negetive. The massive changes take time, so be ready to pay the cost-pacience, determination and etc.

Jul 11, 2013
negative spouse
by: Anonymous

I am in a similar situation but mine is, his extended family poisoned his mind by putting negative thoughts in his mind about me(not that they know me or made the time to get to know me)
I have no contact with them but still are persuasive over his life. he is 52yrs. they are totally abusive and he does whatever they ask(money, visits and calls without me knowing)

Jun 13, 2015
negative spouse
by: Anonymous

I feel that there must be under lying issues with my son's father. I also feel, something happened after I miscarried twice. Both were non viable births. He just seemed to hate me after that and has every excuse in the world as to why things are.
I must move on, with all that has happened and our awesome three year old, I cannot kick him out. Yet, I am ready, I have been back on track for a while now. I miss having a team mate. We don't even speak or eat together. Unless it's for our son,our miracle.
I now seem to be the only one to handle any responsibility and came down with cancer this past year.
He is tired,so am I,yet I still want to live. He seems as if he doesn't, I refuse to take the blame because I know he doesn't mean it.

Oct 25, 2016
negative husband angry all the time
by: Anonymous

10 years of hell with this man, he hates everybody and wants me not to have friends or family around except his daughter. And even then he sometimes hates her too! I'm wanting to leave but am on disability and have very little money. Boy I need a break!

Apr 28, 2018
Try Jesus
by: Evana

I came here because my story is almost same. No one else is allowed to advice and can feel stored up bitterness surfacing and ruining every conversation..But to me, God is a great support. He leads me through his Holy Spirit. Even today, was sickened to leave every effort to save my family and wanting a normal life. My brain was not working well with full depressive thoughts, but when I read the word," But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more" psalm 71:14, my mood just lifted up and started rejoicing in God. Just like a very close friend who will stay by you no matter what Holy Spirit of can surround and comfort us. I am married for 20 years and have been much insulted, but holding my head up till date

May 27, 2018
Feeling your words!
by: Sherri

Your story is mine word for word I know exactly where you're coming from and one day I was doing some reading and Came Upon A covert narcissist it fits my husband to the T I don't know I believe he has deep-rooted issues of anger something that he has to come face-to-face with from a long time ago but I'm just saying you might want to look it up watch a couple of the videos from the therapist I hold you in my prayers and sending you a hug of love healing love

Jul 26, 2018
by: Anonymous

I'm going thru pretty much the same thing with my husband...starting to wonder if he's bipolar an am feeling really hurt inside from his comments towards me....anything I say or do or if his phone messes up or if stuff doesn't go his way ,it's all my fault.....some how I broke this or that ...couldnt even talk with him, he tells me I'm raising my voice n hollering at him. when I'm now just keeping stuff to myself...dont feel like arguing..he always turns it around...feelibg i can't do anything to the point now when he tells me he's sorry an i don't believe him when we're with my family he treats me good, but soon as they leave it's all about him and what he wants an needs...i just started working recently and my paycheck is used for food an other stuff an his for bills, but I'm broke before my next check an he isnt....but he tells me his money is our mo net but he doesn't offer me any or tell me how much he has...i never ask him....feeling tired...

Jan 07, 2019
Negative partner
by: Anonymous

I was searching for "negative husband" I guess just to see if I am alone in this journey. My husband is soooo negative. He complains about everything and blames me for being unhappy despite that we have a beautiful family. We have been together for 17 years, he is 9 years older than me, but he looks younger. He is such a great husband, attentive, provider, and he cares about our family. However, I feel he is driving me nuts with his negativity. For example, I asked him to help me buy a house back home (Costa Rica), his response was "no" because he doesn't think he will be able to live much longer, but he is only 47 years old. Than he complains about not being happy in North America because the state we are in is too cold. I told him to go back once and for all. Honestly he is driving me nuts and the worse case that and I am staring to be negative. So what you recommend ?

Jan 30, 2019
Living with constant negativity
by: Anonymous

Living with this very same thing. It hurts but it’s always my fault and I caused it. I do not believe a kind and loving relationship exists in real life. In addition there is ZERO intimacy!

Sep 09, 2019
Same here
by: Erica

I am in the same place as many of you. My husband is a bitter, angry, venomous person. He wasn’t always that way but has become so angry over time. It doesn’t take much to arouse his anger. This morning was great, I thought. We went to work and he asked me after someone else stood him up to have lunch. When he arrived at home office I was talking to a friend and he blew up over that sending me a nasty set of emails demanding a divorce which by the way has been. thrown around almost weekly for the entire summer. His mother is abusive and he allows for that except when he expects me to side with him during their disagreements. He and his younger sister have said nasty things about me behind my back but in public he’s a shining symbol of love and devotion. He exploded last month because the internet company had mistakenly overcharged us. He demanded that I accompany him to the company. When I told him that I had to go to the office first he exploded with anger. Swearing and blaming me for the whole thing. I also came to share my story and seek support.

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