My Sister is Extremely Negative
I want to start out by saying I love my sister with all my heart, and I'm not perfect either, but dealing with her sometimes really stresses and wears me out. She's very supportive of me, but not in a good way if that makes sense. She's almost never hopeful and says extremely mean things but then says " I'm just thinking realistically, the world doesn't work like that." She is constantly pissed off at me and goes off on me over the littlest of things sometimes to the point I get so frustrated back at her that I want to scream or cry (I mostly just end up going on a walk and crying) I try to explain to her how I feel when she does that and I try to have a normal conversation about the misunderstanding or why shes mad at me and she just brushes it off by saying I don't know how anything works or that I'm just an idiot and there's no point in explaining it to me. When we go out together she only wants to do what she wants to do despite if I like it too or not, but, when I try to do something I like and she doesn't she gets pissed off and complains the entire time and aggressively talks to me. I used to be ok doing the things she likes and I didn't, but now I find myself doing the same thing she does to me when we do something she likes and I don't. However the difference is she tries really hard to make me feel guilty about everything. I've tried doing the same things she does to me back to her but, it doesn't phase her at all, I just want her to understand how it feels and how much she hurts me emotional when she does stuff like that. I really love her so much and I'm so mad at myself that I use such tactics to make her understand, I just don't know what else to do, I just want her to care about things as much as I do, but, I know that's not how people work. I also know shes also super unhappy with her life. Shes in a relationship she doesn't want to be in, but stays because her boyfriend takes care of her and actually loves her even though she fell out of love. She's in school for something she doesn't even want to be, but is doing it anyways because the pay is good. Our parents act like literal children to the point she has to be the adult in most situations. She takes care of me for the most part but, I have a feeling she really hates it, despite how much she says she doesn't know what she would do if I wasn't there to deal with her crap. She is constantly worrying about dying in her sleeps due to sleep apnea. We all live in a small apartment thats cramped and that stresses her out and we don't really sleep in real beds. I know all these things add up to her negativity, but, I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm already a diagnosed depressed and shes aware of that. She's also aware of my suicidal tendency's and she takes these things seriously for the most part, but her attitude towards things fuels it sometimes and when I try to tell her that, then and only then does she tell me to try and get over it. I would really like some advice to help with my situation, all advice is good advice.