Mothers of sons - tough boat to row

by Jane
(Massachusetts)

Hello,

I've read some posts here regarding Mothers of sons and having to let them go or be okay with being marginalized once they've grown & married. I was always extremely close with my son. He is my first born and the years raising him are truly some of the best years of my life. We stayed close through the years, really enjoying one another as not only mother and son but true friends. I felt extremely fortunate to have such a wonderful relationship with him. This all changed when he met the woman he eventually married. She became the center stage of his life and I was put to the side. They live with her parents which complicates the situation. He has found a new family. At first, this was so painful I almost couldn't bear it. His Dad passed away when he was 22 (he just turned 40 the other day)...my son and I went through so much together in the days of losing his Dad. I honestly cannot find the words to express how we pulled one another along in those days. I also have a daughter who is just about 5 years younger than my son. We protected her from a lot in those days.

Now it seems like all the days of raising him, enjoying his milestones, appreciating being in one another's lives is forgotten by him. I see him now and again (he only lives about 2 miles away) but it's not for very long, an hour here and there when I've asked him to come by. He's a good person and I know he is happy in his marriage. He is also happy with his living situation and thinks the world of her parents. It has taken me years to get to where I am now which is, cherishing all the experiences I had through the years with my son, doing my level best to not be hurt or feel less than by being marginalized, knowing I was and still am a very good mother. I'll never understand why my son is okay with how things played out. He has a 2 month old daughter now...I'm hoping I have the opportunity to have her know me.

I'm very grateful I also have a daughter who is married and has two daughters. We are very close and I see her often, less now with covid but we communicate all the time. What's that little saying?

"A son is a son until he's found a wife, a daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life"

Shouldn't be this way, but it is...