Molestation, Shame, Acceptance, Comfort, Life
(Seattle, WA US)
I was molested by cousins in my childhood. I have always experienced extreme shame when dealing with my immediate family and relatives. Some family members knew and some didn't. My brother knew but would threaten to tell other family members and my friends if I didn't do what he asked (not sexual, mostly menial tasts, brotherly things). I have a hard time being myself around family. I have always been the strange one, the off-one that does her own thing, the wanderer. I hide everything from them, even basic information I tend to tweak. I don't want them to know me. The shame follows me, I am twenty-six now! It's so heavy, does anyone feel this way around their families? Especially around their relatives, events, reunions, birthdays, holidays? It is more intense during these gatherings than anywhere else.