i need advice on having a DNA test

by Khadijah

Hi all,

I have never done one of these things before so you will have to excuse me if I ramble. The reason I am reaching out for help on here is because my mother doesn't seem to want to help me prove who my father is and I feel like nobody understands the pain I go through everyday (as dramatic as that sounds, its how I truly feel).

Okay so, for 18 years of my life (I m now 20) I have only ever known one guy to be my dad. He is my dad and will forever remain my dad even if I found out he wasn't. Anyways, me and my mum went out for a few drinks one night (we are quite close, like best friends) everything was going good until I saw my mums face go white. I asked her what was wrong and she said "nothing, but we need to leave" not thinking too much of it we left.

So, I went out of the next pub we went into for a cigarette and left my mum inside. My mum was sat near a window which I could see her from outside. A man approached her and as they were speaking my mum looked terrified. I immediately went in to see who this guy was. I approached them and they went quiet. I asked my mum if she was okay and the guy introduced himself. My mum told me of a guy she used to date who she used to be in a physically violent relationship with. He said his name but gave a different last name (the man is Indian, how many Indian guys can have an English name and their family name in such a small town??) anyways, I grew more suspicious as he wouldn't leave. He started asking me weird questions like could he attend my wedding ect and at first I thought he was trying to sweeten my mum up to get back with him. Anyways as the night progressed I was with my friends in the same pub as my mum and that guy and I could see them arguing and my mum started crying. I immediately went over and demanded what was going on. I told him I knew who he was and why did he have to lie. So my mum told me to sit down (bare in mind this was whilst we was in a busy pub and I was half cut) she started sobbing and told me that I would hate her and never speak to her again. I honestly thought it was something to do with those two, never would I have imagined what came next!! The guy was sat in front of me and my mum was on my left hand side (I was in a corner) she said to me "dads name" isn't your dad, he is (on about the guy). I automatically slapped the guy and shoved my mum out the way and ran off (in tears and drunk, who tells someone stuff like that in that sort of atmosphere with drinking involved)!!!!.

Anyways you kind of know the story. 2 years on I've met some of my potential family and I have never felt so complete ever. As a child I would always say to my mum and siblings (1 brother 1 sister) I feel different..... its strange because she kept it from me for 18 years!!

My dad (who brought me up) still to this day doesn't know and it kills me. I cant tell him either (he's 69 and I'm afraid it would do something to him) plus I see him as my dad. But its like I lead two lives, this guys family have always known about me and I have a brother that knew about me but could never meet me because my mum had an affair with this guy whilst with my dad. I just don't know what to do, I feel like every day I am living a lie and I cant be who I should be. I've never felt so complete after meeting my potential family but I feel so shit that I'm doing this behind my dads back all to protect him and my mum.

I really don't know what to do - part of me wants to finally find out who is my dad! The guy and my mum assure me I'm his. But that isn't enough! I need closure. Help???

Thank you for reading I know I rambled but that isn't even half of the story haha!

Main Discussion Page - Who is my biological father?

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Mar 19, 2014
by: Khadijah

Thank you for your response, I get what your saying and I would never tell my dad its just something I think I need to do. God life is hard haha!

Mar 01, 2014
Please don't do it.....

Your father may or may not be your biological father but he is still the father who loved you and raised you in love and affection. If you go through with the tests that you want you will destroy the only family that you have. It will not solve anything and it could also destroy yourself. Life is to short and to beautiful to do this to yourself and to those who love you..

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