I found out my father isnt actually my father

I also found out that my dad is not my real dad. I feel like no body gets it. My situation is slightly different tho, My "dad" and mam split up when I was about 10 I think. At first my "dad" was okay but then when I got a bit old 13 or 14 he stopped seeing me as much. It was really upsetting for me. For years it went through phases of my "dad" ignoring me. I desperately wanted him to spend more time with me. When I was 19 my mam figured that if she told me the truth about my real dad that it would make me feel better. She told me that this man who has always been nice to me all my life but who is married is actually my real father. This made things worse. I know about a year and a half now and my head is still whirling I can't seem to stop thinking. I am nearly 21. I still see my "dad" when he feels like it. He will always be my "dad". But I would love to get to know my real father better, I mean I know him, he has always been there as mams friend who was always extra nice to me but I want to get to know him as my dad. Unfortunately I can not tell anyone about this because to many people would get hurt. I also chicken out every time i want to talk to him and say "hey your my dad". I was kind of angry at him at the start but I realise its not his fault now as he only found out he was my father when I was 16. The most annoying thing about all this is that my mother will not talk about it anymore she just told me. I have been struggling with things like concentration and motivation recently and I think im going through a bit of a "fuck life" and mam has noticed and when she asked whats wrong, i told her my head is messed up a bit over the whole situation she told me to GET OVER IT. she said it out of anger and we were having a heated argument but nothing has ever made me so angry. I felt like telling everybody about "mams dirty little secret" but I didnt because I know I would only regret it too much. I was feeling a bit stuck in life in general. I messed up last semester in college, and I don't even care. I feel like I wont be able to concentrate on college work until I sort a plan of action to deal with this situation. I know what I want now and it is to try and create some better and less indirect relationship with my real father. I just need to contact him and make it happen. I feel like once I do that it will be a start to fixing things in life. I am hoping that it will help me get my focus back on college work as I love my course. wow I just had like the longest rant ever :) may not even post this ... it was nice to get it out tho.. to be honest I just wanted to post my story somewhere make it feel like less of a big secret that I have to keep. I would love to tell the whole world who my father is because he is such a nice man who I have tonnnes of respect for. any way thanks for listening and anybody in the same situation feel free to leave me with some advice :)
I really appreciate you taking the time to read this.

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Sep 24, 2019
Not sure what to do
by: Dd

Hi there I’ve recently split up with my ex . We did a DNA test at Xmas to find out are heritage..hers came back 1st and instantly she was put on a family tree on net .a girl contacted her saying hi cousin.?? She was like we are not related .any way after this she asked her mum.at that point she broken down in tears and told her the person she thought was her dad is not .her dads is actually a very close family friend .her mum said nether guys no the truth .and she has to keep this dark secret hush or it willl break up the family ....she is very close to her family and has 4 sisters .im trying to work out what’ she’s going throw as I’ve been pushed away .we were very close .if I know this I might have a angle to help as I love her dearly ..after we broke up I started seeing my ex this didn’t help x please can someone help me with this x

Jan 02, 2018
Reach out
by: Ladybug

I just want to tell you I'm sorry for what you're going through. I don't think everyone understands how deeply this type of information can rock a person's life. It's not easy to process at all. I hope you've reached out to your bio-dad. Doing that really helped me feel more whole, although we don't really have a real relationship or anything nowadays as I had hoped for. That moment of meeting him and having his acknowledgment sure did help though. We met and ate a meal together, one of the best things I've ever done. You likely won't regret reaching out.

Oct 25, 2017
You will be ok
by: Anonymous

22 is pretty early to find this out. I just found out and I’m 50 and I still feel it. I think the truth is always better that’s my Pinyan and you will feel better when you stop making it a secret. You do need to know that your real father may not want that shared it doesn’t mean you don’t do it your mom and your real father should not expect you to hide it that is not for you to worry about. Follow your truth that is the only thing that will get you through this

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