I believe in miracles...
My brother's DNA shows we're halves, a dirty secret kept for 67+ years! It was impossible, I felt like someone punched me. How could she? My mind reeled, why didn't bad things happen to one of her favorites? Why me? I looked at their photos, they resemble their dad. I look like my mother. I wrote to the DNA company and told them their findings were dead wrong. They responded as to why and how it's correct-I now believe them.
My now step-dad was much older, I can see now where she might be tempted to stray. He passed when I was 7 so I didn't really know him. Suddenly people I thought I was related to and loved were just really strangers with names and faces I recognize. I feel totally turned off, more than just numbed yet I'm very angry. My sibs say they still think of me as a full sibling, that's odd because no longer think of them that way. I do wonder if my step-dad knew or suspected who I really was or if mother cheated. I hope not.
It explains a lot about my childhood, why I was the only one of four that was abused. Why I never felt like I belonged & always peered through the dining room window while they enjoyed each other. This new knowledge has made me feel as if she reached out from her grave to strike me once more. This blow was the most intense of all, it has a never ending sting.
I'm trying to decide now if I should spread my truth or keep it hidden. I know I'm acting weird & I can't stop it, I'm angry and depressed-some wonder what's going on. My siblings say lie to protect her image. She's deceased, what about my image?
Where do I go at this age with unanswered questions?? No where but to my grave. It will take a literal miracle for me to find any paternal information before I expire. I do believe in miracles but I'm not so certain this one will happen.