Forgiving myself for cheating

by Brian Ross
(Indiana)

I recently cheated on my on again off again girlfriend of 5 years. The last 6 months or more have been so emotionally charged. Very negative environment for the both of us. Its been littered with daily shouting matches arguments etc...often leading to her screaming, fine im breaking up with you; which for me is the one button that throws me back to being six years old and dealing with my parents divorce, fighting, and infidelity. I know i cant tell her what ive done as it would solve nothing, and only add to our problems, which are unbearable as it is, the one thing we both know is that we really truly love one antoher. And i am really great man and good person all around. Ive felt so emasculated over the years and the feeling of rejection from her numerous breakups at the drop of a hat, i guess i just wanted to feel wanted by a woman. The guilt of my actions has hit me and i would love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation. How do I go about forgiving my self and moving on. I whole heartedly realize the ignorance of my actions, but i cant help feeling like a bad person. How does a person forgive ones self? Is there light at the end of the tunnel?