by C Pratt
Emotions like feeling frustrated and even hate often come from feeling like you have no power or that you don't have control over certain areas of your life.
When you feel these emotions it could be a sign that you may be giving away your personal power without realizing it. By simply changing your perception of the situation, you can take back your personal power. Sometimes, this can be as easy as just making the decision to "choose" something instead of letting yourself feel like something is being done to you.
When Feeling Frustrated - Example 1
You've been assigned to work on an assignment with a partner but your partner is not helping at all. Your first reaction might be to get mad at the other person and to feel frustrated at suddenly being put in this situation. You might then start thinking about how you're now going to fail the assignment and it's not even your fault.
You can instantly change how you view this situation. Ask yourself, “Why am I doing this assignment in the first place?”
The answer will probably be because you want to pass your course or because you want to obtain a certain degree. So, now you can think of it as that you're choosing to do an excellent job on the assignment because that's what's going to help you achieve your final goal. It doesn’t matter if the other person helps or not now. This is something you want to do so you're going to do it no matter what.
You take back your power by identifying why you're doing the task and determining what your ultimate goal is by choosing it. If the other person doesn't want to help then that's his choice. Your choice is to do the best job you can do on the assignment and then you'll start thinking about how you can make your work even better. You no longer waste energy on being angry at something you can't do anything about. You also stop your imagination from wasting time and energy imagining all the terrible things that might happen if you don’t do the assignment (failing the course).
You now focus on the things you can do and you're back in control of your life. You can also make far more effective decisions based on what you need to do rather than blaming someone for why you can't do something.
The Mindset Change
Let's take a closer look at the mindset change that happens if you take the time to choose. If you talked to your partner before you had decided "I choose to get a good grade on this assignment", the conversation would be one of you expressing your anger, your frustration and blaming him for what you believe is now going to happen to you (fail the course). You would accuse him of ruining your life and all because he won't help. You've given him all the power in the situation. You're going to fail and there's nothing you can do about it because that's what the other person has decided. You can't move forwards because you're stuck thinking about how he "should" be helping you and he's not.
If you go talk to your partner after you've chosen to do a good job on the assignment, it will be from the mindset of "This is what I want to achieve and this is what I need to do to get that, are you going to help me?" If he says No then you know that this is not a resource you're going to be able to use to complete the assignment. You now might have to work much harder and find alternate resources but you're going to because you want to get a good grade on this assignment. You're completely in control of what happens to you.
It still may be frustrating that a resource (your partner) isn't going to help you but he doesn't control all the power. You do. You're not going to waste any more time worrying about that lack of a resource. It's no longer important because you'll simply find a different one. You're also focused on finding a solution to the problem rather than being stuck thinking, "he should help me".
When Feeling Frustrated - Example 2
Here’s another example, you’re outside doing yard work and you suddenly feel angry and frustrated that your mate isn’t out there helping you. Take a step back and think about the situation.
Ask yourself, “Why am I doing this yard work in the first place?”
Your answer might be something like, “because we have visitors coming over and I want the place to look nice” or “because I want to have the leaves raked up before the first snowfall.”
So, who wants the yard to look nice? You do. It’s your choice as to what you want the yard to look like or when the leaves should be raked. You're making that decision.
So, tell yourself, “I choose to have a nice looking yard.” It's amazing what a difference just making this statement will make to how you feel about the entire situation. Suddenly, you're back in control. You're not a victim of anyone or anything.
You'll also find that it doesn’t really matter anymore if your mate helps you or not. You choose to have a nice looking yard and that’s what’s important. Now, instead of focusing on feeling frustrated, you can now think about how you’re going to get what you want (a nice looking yard).
You might ask your mate to help you later or you might hire someone to help but whatever the decision is, it's your choice.
You might even realize from looking at the situation from this new perspective that you were caught up in doing things just because you felt you "should". Let the "should" thought go. Do you really want to do this or not? You get to decide. You may decide that it’s not as important as you first thought and you could leave it until your mate has the time to help you or not do it at all. Either way, you’re taking back your power. You’ve stopped feeling helpless and frustrated by being angry at your mate for not helping you.
The one other important aspect of choosing is that you've let go of the "should" thought (my mate should help me). Thinking that people or things "should" be a certain way only gives away your power. Choose what you want and take ownership of it. You want the nice yard. Your mate might not have that same belief and that's fine. You do and that's what you're going to work on.
Take your personal power back
When you’re feeling frustrated or insecure, your first instinct might be to try and control those around you or whatever situation you happen to be in. When, really, all you need to do is take your personal power back which you do by choosing what you want in your life. What is the end result that you want from doing this activity? Why are you doing it in the first place? How can you achieve what you want?
It's a very simple way to stop feeling frustrated and all you've done is choose to take your personal power back.
Don't let a difficult situation, problem or person cause you anxiety
Learning how to use frustrations to your advantage is just one way to master your thoughts.
With "3 Questions That Will Change Your Life"
you’ll discover quick yet dramatic changes you can make to your life
simply by choosing how you look at the events that occur in your life.
Quick, easy, simple, dramatic change. You'll wonder why no one ever told
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