Daughter blaming me for not doing enough for her

I can't afford to send my daughter to the college of her choice. My credit isn't good to sign for private loans and she hasn't shown me that she can be responsible to pay back the loans. She was finacially dismissed from one college because we couldn't secure the loans, tried to go to another college on a scholarship but something happened where the scholarship fell through and got fincially dismissed from that as well. My relationship with her became ugly and unbearable. She was defiant and horrible to be around. It got to the point where I couldn't deal with her at home and kicked her out. She wound up at a homeless shelter then at a housing unit with 4 other women. This housing unit was like a house that 4 or 5 women who were homeless shared. She went to a community college for one semester only to blow it by not following through on her classes because she was in an ugly relationship. She thus has moved back home and got a job. She left that job to work at another only to get fired from the job for being late, calling out and then looking at the wrong schedule and missing a day. I told her to fight the termination and get her job back but for whatever reason she refused to. I told her she had to go to college and I would pay for community college. She is just finishing her 1st semester when she really should be finishing her third. I use to do everything for my kids. I put myself in negative situations for them. My credit suffered because I stopped paying my bills to give my kids money, pay for this and pay for that. I owe the IRS over 30 thousand dollars because I stopped paying my federal taxes so I could do more for my kids. I stopped doing for my kids like I use to. I am a single mom, my kids father did/does nothing for them and scams the government by working off the books and barely paid child support. I am now currently married to a man who my kids think causes me not to do for them the way I use to. We split for a while but he stayed in touch with this particular daughter for a while. She even asked him to co sign for her but he didn't think it was wise to do so. We got back together (which she says was because he used her to get to me). We are married and all live in his house. I have pulled back quite a lot from doing for my kids, which they are not too happy about. They all blame me for something. This particular daughter blames me that she is so far behind in her schooling and says that everyone else(friends and cousins that are going to these away from home colleges and universities) is living her dream and not her. All she wants is to go to school. Well she is going to school, but she is going to school that i can afford. Not good enough for her. She makes me feel horrible and tells me I'm not the mom I use to be. That she don't like who I am anymore because I don't do for her and I crush her dreams. Today, it really got to me to the point where I can't even work. As I type this all I'm doing is crying at my desk and I need to work. I'm at a loss what to do. Well some time has passed since I first started typing this. Phone rang i had to answer it, other employees needed something, so the crying had to stop, but I still feel horrible. My daughter sent me multiple text last night after an argument and I didn't read them till today, guess that is what started how I feel situation and probably wasn't a good idea to read them. But I haven't spoken to my daughther and don't know what to do/say, if i should do/say anything. Like I said, I'm at a loss......Thanks for listening.

Comments for Daughter blaming me for not doing enough for her

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Jul 28, 2012
Your child was confuse
by: Anonymous

She's very confuse between dreams and reality. She blames you because she doesn't know what to do and what you're suffering. You can say she's spoilt, and I partially agree. Maybe she doesn't know how things get expensive these days. To get good things they need to earn it themselves. Why not teach her to pay the bills by her own. If she refuse, 'dare her'! Don't mock her, just say like this "can you prove me you can pay your own bills by the time I am gone?",
do not say any reward. Rewards spoil children. If they ask, then bother say, "Wanna bet?". Teach her responsibilities. Share your problems with her, you both are indeed lonely. I partially agree with you that she's spoilt, but it's not all her fault. She needs help. She wants people understand what she's enduring, why she's comparing her friends and society. Maybe the society said too many things that hurt your daughter too much. She suffered low self-esteem. She might not say it, but yes. She has low confidence to face the society. She's embarrass for what has happen to her. She hid many problems to herself, she explodes. She has difficulties of trusting people. Why not build her trust? I don't know how but I believe you've your own way. She's still mommy's girl. She still loves you even she's like that.

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