Can't communicate with my Grandma

I'm female, 27. My mom passed away and she was always a buffer between me and my Grandma. We don't get along barely at all. And I live with her and I feel trapped.
I'm the only family member closest to her and not really her care taker because she doesn't need anything besides constant company and she doesn't drive.

I just can't talk to her without getting upset. Every time she cries and says she wishes she was dead. Then I feel like the bad guy and I can't open up to her.
But now I'm getting worse as in more easily angered or upset. She wants me to put the past away, but she has said a number of things that are unforgiveable. That I am selfish. That I didn't spend that much time with my mom. Things like this she says when she's upset, but i NEVER lose my cool enough to say hurtful things like she took over my mom's life and she's trying to take over mine.

Our typical conversations consist of a back and forth that goes no where:

"You're very negative"

"You're being negative"

"You don't listen to me"

"Well, you don't listen to me"

She asked me to not say anything negative towards her, but she constantly says negative things to me (or I percieve what she says to be negative).

Maybe I am also a difficult person?

Comments for Can't communicate with my Grandma

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Feb 16, 2017
It can be ok 😊
by: Andianne

Dear " I can't communicate with my grandma"

I recently am going through a situation with my oldest daughter. She has several things she is dealing with and has chosen not to speak to me until "I" become a better person. Well...I have been doing some personal/spiritual growth and since have discovered that I react to people in selfish ways. Not in a materialistic way but in an "I need your attention" way. Because all of my life Inonone wanted me. Although now I have a loving caring husband. And now I can see issues others are dealing with also. It sounds like to me your granny is feeling regret along with the mourning her daughter's death. It just so happens you're the one there for her to vent to and on. Regret can be many things...Not saying I love you enough; spanking her out of anger; not choosing her over someone else....only she knows what the regret is and out of shame and embarrassment cannot voice that to you but instead comes out in the way you have described. And it sounds like you have no one to listen to you and understand where you're coming from. My suggestion is to pray and ask God to help y'all be able to communicate. Then a lot of times it's good to write down on a piece of paper one thing at a time to discuss. That allows y'all's brains to SLOW DOWN for actual communication instead of LISTENING TO DEFEND YOURSELF. Which is what every person does. Everyone. You're not alone in this babe. People all over the world suffer this also. Get some good personal growth books to read and on "how to communicate with others". One thing for sure. You're granny doesn't really want to die. She just wants a release from this pain. You can help her while you help you get through this. Just hug her and tell her you love and appreciate her for starters..even if there's no affirmation (her returning your affections) in return. It's a difficult and lengthy process but my family is doing it right now so I know it can be done. My prayers and thoughts are with you babe. Don't give up. Y'all are going to get through this. ❤️😊

Mar 27, 2017
by: Anonymous

Thank you for the advice. Every day is a struggle! I don't like these difficult conversations. She doesn't know what to do with herself because her whole life she lived for others. I just want to be free. She honestly is so twisted in her thinking. She said the only way to be happy is do things for other people. Like I should be content to do her bidding every day. But she is so unhappy the way she does things for others and then complains about it! The reality of the situation is sad. I do care for her but She is so draining on me. And she was to my mom. Should I suffer thru? Give up my 30s. I'm not an established person. I see no solution.

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