Always finding fault in me

I have been friends with someone who I care about very much. At first the friendship was real good and now I rarely hear from them. It's obvious that they call me when they need something or to tell me about a desire they have that I can help them with. I am at fault for giving in so many times before. I helped them get a car that they wanted after they called me to let me know that the car they wanted was for sale and asked if I would go take a look at it. I have put up so much to help with this car even putting myself in a financial strain to do this. After everything they wanted was put in the car (paid by me), I've noticed a change in this friend as they hardly ever call me to talk or spend time together like we used to do daily and so obvious that it's only when they want something else from me. I try to spend a little time with them besides from not wanting to bother them while they are doing whatever they do when not around me. It is also obvious they tell me that I can't talk to other people who are acquaintances of us both by telling me that so and so is my friend and not yours and you don't need to be talking to them. Recently I was with a friend of a another friend and they got angry and told me that the person I was with was not my friend and was a friend of the other friend and I don't need to be doing things with them. I took this from them as so many other times that they did this and also told me just because I talk to somebody don't mean that you should be talking to them. They are finding fault in me all the time now for petty stuff and all I do is try to help them and to raise them up. I am confused and have contemplated moving on and have told them this in a nice way. They reply that this can't happen. Can someone help me because I do know that they do have a heart because I have seen it before. Could it be that there is other influence making them do what they do. I am not around them enough to know what they do and do not interfere into their affairs or business.

Visitor's Comments
Date: June 18, 2008
Posted by: Catherine,


This does not sound like a healthy relationship at all. It sounds like it's very one way in that they take and you give. They also sound very controlling.

Your comment that they won't let you move on if you want to is a little concerning too. What do you think they would do if you started to say No when they wanted things from you?

You sound like a really sweet and caring person. And, you don't deserve to be just taken advantage of.

Absolutely, there could be other influences going on. They could be taking drugs or drinking too much or be on prescription medication that is changing their behaviour as just a few examples. But, that doesn't matter. You can't make excuses and say it's okay that they treat you badly because of something else happening in their life. They're not treating you very well and they're not being a friend to you. Friendship is for both people not just one.

Be careful. I worry about you from your comments about them. Take care of yourself and make sure that you're safe.

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