Parents, society and to be precise most of them

by Myra

I've extremely low-self esteem. Parents blamed me, even they are wrong. They always think they were right. Dad's family are full family of blamers. I guess he inherits it---part of trait?.Mom's not helping at all. She gets sensitive and starts blaming me. I heard too many false accusations, stupid conclusions and many idiots giving solutions that never meant to solve. Sometimes something so simple, I was the only one to get blamed badly. Talk about justice, that rarely happens. I'm a growing adult, I've needs too. They always talk about problems, themselves and things so not important. I've things ruin thanks to their so-called lecturing (Never help cause they keep blaming its my fault plus many stupid facts of problems arises). My siblings have to mature before their age. My parents are far from responsible in forms of maturity (except mom). Since mom gets older, she lost reasons too.

Society is hectic. I did my job, but people claim they did most work. I hate defending myself. I have this stupid thing called 'over-empathy'. So frequent backstabbers did get the credit, leaving me feel guilty and shame. Funny, they make the campus society believing shit about me. It's true reading this helps, but how about to recover the conditions when they already damage big parts of your life?
I need help. It's true they are smart and have great personality, but they belittle far too much. I was dehumane public most of the time for their selfish act. I got exploded with anger many times because of them in public.And they still can act nothing wrong and damn innocent. I looked evil, disgust and wrong. I hate them.

Comments for Parents, society and to be precise most of them

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Nov 20, 2012
Raised by Blamers
by: Rachel J.

Myra, I understand. My parents were blamers too. Also my sister. Not only did they blame me, they also ceaselessly criticized me. It took me many years to realize they were not going to change or apologize or admit their behavior, and that the best thing to do was to end communication with them. Since ending communication with them I have become much happier.

Sometimes they behave nice, like sending me a birthday card. When they do this I don't even read the card because I have learned from experience that sometimes they write mean or dishonest things in the cards. It makes me feel happy and powerful to throw the card away without reading it! I don't get upset! I feel in charge!

Sometimes people who know me feel sorry for me for not having a family. I used to feel sorry for myself too for that reason. Now I feel glad. I no longer feel deprived of a family. I feel free from the prison of hate they tried to put me in.

I know that they still blame me and tell terrible lies about me. It used to make me miserable knowing that people who knew me as a child may believe these lies. It hurts terribly that that they probably think ill of me, may even hate me, because of the things they've been told. I still fantasize that these people will someday realize they were lied to. But I also realize that this might never happen - and I've learned that there are better things to care about. Like, how to be the best person I can be. How to be the best employee I can be. How to be the best friend I can be.

I hope, Maya, that you find a way to get free of your family too. It is a huge burden to be raised by blamers because society says one should "honor thy mother and thy father." But honoring blamers is self-destructive. Still, sometimes it's impossible to change those feelings. Sometimes the best we can do is to stop blaming ourselves.

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