negativity from people regarding weight
by Jamie Lee
How do people deal with negative people who put others down regarding weight? The experience of say a female"friend" who unfairly puts you down or the man who completely unsolicited tells you that you are over weight. I am having issues with this as I am trying very hard to lose baby weight (to be honest weight before baby too) and have to deal with negative comments from people when I am really upset about it anyway. Any advice? One thing I have noticed is that it usually comes from people who are inadequate themselves in some way or another.
February 18, 2008Posted by:
Hi Jamie Lee,
This is a great question. I know the first reaction is to just smack them across the head and say, "What are you thinking? SERIOUSLY! What are you thinking saying that?" : - )
And, although that would temporarily make you feel better, there are better ways of handling the situation.
One of my favorites is to simply say, "Thank You for opinion." You say it just as a statement of fact. No emotion. So, you don't say it angrily for example. The great thing about doing this is that is basically ends the conversation. They have nothing else to say. They've already provided their opinion. You can now change the subject to something else.
I wrote an article on other things you can do to people who put you down. You can read it Here
. It might give you some other ideas as well.
You're absolutely right though that the comments will come from people who are hurt themselves and it's a way to make themselves feel better about themselves. A happy, confident person would not say something like this to someone else. They would be encouraging not discouraging.
Here's a good quote I saw today:
"The judgment of others does not change who I am. Quite the opposite is true. It reveals who they are." - Terry McPhearson
The one other thing to consider is that you need to pay attention to your reaction. Why does it bother you so much? What is it that the comments are making you feel? Do they make you feel like a failure or that you're not good enough? That's the most important thing to figure out. Once you know that, then you can heal that part of you.
Once you heal that part of you, then you'll notice when people make their nasty comments but you won't react. They won't be able to push your buttons anymore because you've dealt with that issue.
An interesting thing happens as well in that once you've dealt with it, you'll probably find people just don't make the comment anymore. It's like they can sense that it's not an issue for you anymore so they can't make themselves feel better by making those comments anymore.
But, I can tell you from personal experience that once you've dealt with it, it doesn't affect you anymore. Someone at Christmas time must have told me about a hundred times that they thought I should lose weight. A few years ago, I would have found this devastating. This time, I found it somewhat funny. I also knew where the comments were coming from. This person had recently lost a lot of weight and I think they were quite proud of it and wanted to share the knowledge with others. So, it's also important to remember that the comments tell you a lot about the other person.
But do pay attention to your reaction. That's an important clue for you.
And, good for you trying to lose the weight and to feel better about yourself. That's awesome! Congratulations on the new baby too!
These are the most important things to remember. Focus on your goal. Not the goofy people you come across. Keep focusing on what you really want and how you're going to achieve it. Then, soon you're actually going to have it. You can definitely do it!
Just let me know if I can help in any way.
February 20, 2008Posted by:
Thanks for that. It really is a different way of looking at it and it does reveal soo much about the other person. Even if I was slim I am sure there would be someone to put me down and say I wasn't slim enough. It is obviously a trigger for me for example if someone called me stupid(which people do from time to time in jest) I just laugh it off and it really is water off a ducks back as I don't think that I am stupid.
Obviously i need to do a bit of work and you are also right that there is something in me attracting that.
Lots of work to do but I really feel better. Thank you.