living with a controlling paranoid negative person

by sue-ann
(trinidad W.I)

Hi my name is sue-ann i am 36 years old and divorced with 2 kids i am a qualified dispensing optician but not employed at the moment. I live with a 53 year old man mainly for financial reasons but he has all those qualities as described above and i cannot live with it anymore. I have no family and being with him i have no friends as he is also a very aggresive person and no one wants to be around me due to his nature. As i have no support with my kids i cannot get a full time job. I have tried affirmations, the bible, the secret but i just cant seem to get out of this rut. Help!

Comments for living with a controlling paranoid negative person

Click here to add your own comments

Oct 19, 2012
I understandc completely
by: LM

My husband is also older than me was fairly easygoing when we married but within a couple of years, he began to get irritable, wanted me to quit my job and be home ALL the time with him. He was like a clinging vine strangling me. He was rude to friends and family until nobody wanted us around and I couldn't get away from him without a fight to go anywhere by myself. I finally gave up and worked part time from home but even that wasn't enough. His temper got worse, his driving habits changed, he couldn't work his usual Sudoko and crossword puzzles and was angry all the time. I could do absolutely nothing right. He deteriorated further by denying he said things, telling people that I said the things he had said. Making me out to be a paranoid liar.

Finally he got to the stage of angry outbursts in public directed at others. That's when the small community I live in began believing me not him. When he threatened to blow my head off with a shotgun, I said nothing but began to sell off everything I could. I was lucky to find a small foreclosure house I got into with a Fannie Mae program with no money down. I laid low, took everything he dished out, until the day I moved.

It took a real threat for me to realize how sick he was but somehow afterthat, a way seemed to open up. I have 3 horses and they are still with him but so far, he's feeding them. When I have to get them, I'll have to find homes for them which will break my heart but it's better than staying there and ending up dead or completely emotionally defeated.

I'd have been lost without my church family. My own family never believed me, still don't and that is hard. Of course, his family just thought he was eccentric and I was a money grubbing b*&%^.

Keep the faith and something will turn up, maybe from somewhere you'd least expect it. A year ago, I had no hope. I would never have dreamed I'd get into a little house with my dog and that I at least don't have to go home to his verbal abuse. I talk to him and see him weekends but he knows he has to be on his best behavior to see me. I'm joining an Alzheimer's support group so find out what's next legally, financially and what his next physical symptoms will be like. I'll pray for you.

Nov 12, 2012
Its not easy
by: Denise

I understand what you are going through, I thought I had met the man of my dreams (soulmate) He turned out to be a sociopath. His outbursts became more and more frequent, also more intimidating.He slowly isolated and alienated me from all friends and family. He put me down for everything I did nothing was right. Ive always been a confident woman somehow he had me not even knowing what to say or do, I felt like a robot, very miserable.I had to get away before I did something bad to me or him. Its not easy especially if you have no support system, people who have never experienced something like that think you are crazy or making it up.(if I had not went through it I wouldnt believe it)but you have to get away for you and your children,my kids were grown but if they had been home Im sure it would have affected the way I mothered them,also children learn what they live. I left everything I had except my little dog.(he even kidnapped it to get me back ,I kidnapped it back)I was torn up about losing all my possesions but in the long run I still have my mind and freedom.Go to a shelter or a family member or friend if possible, dont be ashamed to tell the truth because he will lie on you make people think your crazy etc... the longer you can hold out the more his actions will prove your right.Take your kids and go ...Im still struggling to get on my feet a yr later but I dont want to die or commit murder anymore.There is alot of info online about how to leave and protect yourself at the same time. I didnt learn any of that till after I was gone. Do research plan your move carefully.Join support groups the women on them have alot of good advice for you.Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.Good luck to you ,I will be praying for you .

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Frequently Asked Questions .