by Judi

I am a 54 year old Author with a great husband, children etc.
My mom and I have always been super close.
I decided to have my DNA done, to be afforded the opportunity to pass on correct information...And then the bomb struck.
I received word that my closest relative (Sister? / 1st Cousin?) was a woman I had never heard of.
I assumed my father had produced this child in one of his many affairs and it really did not bother me...He was only around til I was 10 and he was viscous to say the least.
After speaking with the other woman and forcing my mother's hand, I find my father was someone else entirely.
My mother had had a brief affair at a point when she was sick of being beaten, with a man who was also married to his 2nd wife at the time.
He had apparently begged my mother to flee to Canada with him (he was Army) but she was afraid to.
My blood father passed away in 1997 so I will never get a chance to meet him...Perhaps that is part of the problem?
I found his family and talked with his other children (2 marriages), who are horrible and seem to be blaming me.
The thing is..I feel completely lost...I have lost my identity.
Everything about the man is what I am...We held the same job in the same place, 30 yrs apart of course...He wrote poetry, I write novel's...He had throat problems, so do I...I look like him, my children and grandchildren look like him.
I have everything in common with a stranger.
I look into his picture and see my face!
I want to forgive my mother, who swears she did not know...I think she should have warned me this was possible...I could have met him!
I have always been an outsider with my siblings, both younger and older and (my not father) singled me out all the time for his hatred...I have spent years trying to figure out why...Perhaps he felt it?
I am just so angry and confused right now.
Thank you for allowing me a chance to vent.

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May 07, 2017
Read this page as well
by: Catherine

Hi Greg,

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Know that you're not alone in this. Did you have a chance to read all the comments on this page:
Who Am I? Finding out that my father in not my biological father

There have been some great suggestions on that page from others who are going through the same experience as you as to how they dealt with this sudden trauma. They're very supportive on that page and I think you might find it helpful reading through their thoughts as well.


May 07, 2017
I find that I'm in the same boat
by: Greg

I too have just recently found out that my legal father is not my biological father. This comes at the age of 59 and I am having a very difficult time coping with this news. It has turned my world upside down to say the least. I'm grateful to read that I am not alone but it gives me no comfort to know that others have suffered like I am now. Any encouragement or ideas of how to deal with this news would be so appreciated. I know I will come out on the other side of this darkness but it sure seems bleak right now.

Apr 25, 2017
by: Anonymous


I am moved by the potency of your story and it seems almost beyond bearing. It appears there is no place to stand, and yet, here you are. You mentioned a great husband and children, could they be the grace behind your despair and longing? If this is true, how precious have they become?

I cannot think of a way to ease what you have been given. Your situation is not unworkable and your life is still a gift. I wish you love.

Apr 24, 2017
Other people 's comments
by: Anonymous

How do I read my daughter's comments

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