But how can I 'BE SURE' its really not me?

by Akelly
(Nevada)

My husband constantly tells me that i always make such a big deal out of him not telling me the WHOLE TRUTH. Past experiences with him and pretty much everyone my entire life have left me very untrusting and careful to listen to what is said. But he continuosly tells me that what i remember is wrong, blames me for his actions saying that he knew how i would react. That alone upsets me for him to predict my reaction. And being told only part of a situation or conversation with someone else for me to learn the entirety of it later, definitely has no aid in building trust. But sometimes he does make me think that that because ive NEVER BEEN ABLE to trust anyone that this is an issue which i need to deal with and that he's not lying. But he has lied to me or not told me the whole truth and even lied to other people concerning things or about things that well just blow my mind.So i think if he will lie to me over little things then im sure he would over something really series. So how do i know if its me or him?

Comments for But how can I 'BE SURE' its really not me?

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Feb 19, 2018
 OMW
by: Anonymous

Omw all these years ive been told i am the problem i am the one who treats him bad and who makes him say bad things to me. I am the one who needs to go see someone not him. He is even treating our kids this way its like he picks who hes targeting for the day and its mostly myself and my boys the girl sometimes gets targeted. The youngest child always suffers under his words and abuse. it is sad when you love someone and you always feel like you are the wrong one until today but now i still think what if im like him? What if i am the one with the problem? i never swear him or call him bad names when he picks a fight but them its my fault.....
Eye opener big time...... sad when you love someone like that is it worth all the pain?
Jun 19, 2015
 It hapens here in The UK, too
by: Anonymous

30 years with my husband lying and ceating, even over simple things. I finally looked up narcisism and there it all was. I caught him out in multiple affairs (another symptom) and he finally had some counselling. He swears he has learnt how cruel he was but I no longer trust him. I have had two lots of counselling and am on antidepressants and I now drink too much. This has provided him with the perfect excuse to blame me again. I'm not affectionate, he doesn't have enough freedom (as if he would have much after all of that), I'm an 'old drunk' - occasionally get drunk as does he but, if we row, its always my fault. Oh and apparently I'm abusive, too. He has done his damndest to get control over me. I'm not having it anymore. Its all very hard and I feel like hitting my head against a wall in frustration. So fed up with the lies and not having a 'grown up' relationship. Do I love Him? You betcha. Go figure.
Nov 04, 2014
 It hurts
by: Anonymous

My husband has a chronic illness, the reason was his bad diet since childhood. Now he is obese again, hereditary. Doctors have confirmed this. He dosent do anything to correct...no diet no exercise, no nothing. He has put all his savings on his dads name. saved nothing for the kids. Despite all this I love him, help him encourage him and drive him to doctor appointments..and you know what I get ?.." You are such a drama queen, because of your dramas, my health got deteriorated"...even after listening to doctors over and over again that the reason behind his bad health was either him or his hereditary. I still love him...

Can any one beat my comment(pity life)? I bet not!
Jul 05, 2014
 He's always right I m always wrong
by: Anonymous

27 years the first 15 to 20 I was insecure, was unsure kind of on the fence about myself if I was always wrong and how could I be correct when my husband is so highly intelligent, while I only finished high school. And he ALWAYS let me as well as others known he was always right and we were always wrong. And he did not have an attitude problem he even got T-shirts that said I love my attitude problem as well as one that said I'm right you're wrong deal with it Of course he often would let me know that he did not go to school all those yrs and get a masters degree to get his hands dirty. What is really killing me is that the past few yrs I will tell him I blame him while I really don't believe it it's just a verbal yelling because I'm so frustrated. Worst of it all is I don't even like myself anymore and I don't see people and I'm trapped. And how can you love someone so much and hate them at the same time. My life is hell.
Sep 03, 2013
 20 years of this
by: Anonymous

I haVe gotten to the point that I want to run away. He blames me for his bad luck, loss of a job, his mom, my mom, he calls me an isolationist???? That I have cut everyone out but I haven't. He reminds me how my siblings treat me which is normal sibling behavior. He tells my oldest son that some day he will see how I really am and then thank him for trying to help him when I didn't know what I was doing. It's time for me to leave finally!
Mar 14, 2013
 Emotional wreck
by: Anonymous

Oh my I am just gob smacked. So many years why did I not pick up on it sooner, I too am questioning my self with IS IT me. I have just made app with GP for a referral. I am in desperate need of someone to talk too and for some reassurance. Feeling absolutely awful.
Oct 24, 2012
 It's Him!!!!
by: LeeM

I've been through years of this. It's him, not you. It's taken me years to figure out I'm just not that stupid. He's a master-manipulator. Mine swears he didn't say things and if there are witnesses to it, swears they misunderstood and he didn't mean what we thought he meant. He says ugly things and then tells people I said it, not him. I could go on and on.

Believe me, its him.

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