Adult Friend Intentionally Not Inviting Me

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Adult Friend Intentionally Not Inviting Me

by JA
(CT)

Hi..I have a friend who intentionally does not invite me/my family out on weekends but always invites our other good friends. Should I confront or just leave alone?

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Adult Friend Intentionally Not Inviting Me

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Jun 21, 2008

It depends
by: Catherine, www.Life-With-Confidence.com

Hi JA,

I think it depends. There could be a lot of other things happening here. Maybe:
- they think that you don't like the activity that they do on the weekends
- they think you can't afford it
- they do other things during the week with you so they think that you want some time to just spend with your family
- or maybe they think you don't like the other friends that they like to do this activity with

There could be a lot of reasons as to why they don't invite you. They might just think you're not interested.

What would happen if you invited them to do something on the weekend? Do you do things with them during the week?

The other side of the coin to this issue is, "Why does it bother you so much that they don't invite you?" I know it can be hurtful when you feel like you're being left out. But, are there other issues deep down that this is triggering such a reaction in you? For example, maybe you got left out of things when you were a child and this brings up those feelings from the past. Or does it make you feel like you're not good enough to hang out with them on the weekend? These are all important emotions to work through. Once you know why it's bothering you so much then you might have a better idea of what's really happening in this situation. Also, once you know why it's really bothering you then you'll have a much better idea of how to react to this situation.

Anyway, maybe if you could provide a few more details then we could work through this a little more for you.

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Jun 21, 2008
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Submitted by: Catherine, www.Life-With-Confidence.com

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Hi JA, I think it depends. There could be a lot of other things happening here. Maybe: - they think that you don't like the activity that they do on the weekends - they think you can't afford it - they do other things during the week with you so they think that you want some time to just spend with your family - or maybe they think you don't like the other friends that they like to do this activity with There could be a lot of reasons as to why they don't invite you. They might just think you're not interested. What would happen if you invited them to do something on the weekend? Do you do things with them during the week? The other side of the coin to this issue is, "Why does it bother you so much that they don't invite you?" I know it can be hurtful when you feel like you're being left out. But, are there other issues deep down that this is triggering such a reaction in you? For example, maybe you got left out of things when you were a child and this brings up those feelings from the past. Or does it make you feel like you're not good enough to hang out with them on the weekend? These are all important emotions to work through. Once you know why it's bothering you so much then you might have a better idea of what's really happening in this situation. Also, once you know why it's really bothering you then you'll have a much better idea of how to react to this situation. Anyway, maybe if you could provide a few more details then we could work through this a little more for you.

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Jan 07, 2009

In the Same Boat
by: Anonymous

I think this happens to many people. I understand that it can be very hurtful. I have been in the same position very recently. My neighbor and I have been best friends for 8 years. We would do everything together. Our families would do things together. Another neighbor moved in a year ago and I invited this lady so we could get to know her. Well.....guess who doesn't get invited anymore. My best friend now does everything we used to do with the new neighbor. I confronted them both and told them that I am hurt that I am left out. The new neighbor said that she is sorry I felt that way and that was it. My best friend said, "Well, I can't help it if S.S. doesn't invite you." I have been working on my feelings for the last couple of months and have basically alienated myself from my best friend and neighbor and started to hang out with other people. It has been getting easier but the hurt is still there. Hang in there and hopefully, time will heal all.

Jan 07, 2009

yes, very hurtful
by: Catherine, www.Life-With-Confidence.com

Yes, I agree with you. It is very hurtful and unfortunately I think it does happen to a lot of people.

One thing to remember is that it tells you a lot about them. It says far more about them than you. It shows that they may be very insecure or have low self esteem. They may be wanting to be seen with the "in" people. Similar to the silly games people played in high school isn't it? Sad that they haven't grown beyond that.

They're also not really very good friends when you think about it. If they dropped you just because someone "better" came along, would they have been there for you when you really needed it?

I hope your new friends are more enjoyable for you to hang out with anyway. You deserve to have good friends in your life.

Sep 13, 2009

Moving on...
by: Anonymous

I think I have lost my only friend as well. I guess I am okay with it but it takes some getting use to because it is painful. I think the worst thing about is she knows how I am. She knows how this makes me feel not to mentioned we have talked about it on several occasions. We talked about what our lives would be like when we grow old, now I can't see that in our future. It could be that I am jealous. Thats fine I will except that but if she truly cared she would take the the time to help me get over my jealousy. Thats what friends do. It has been 3 months and we have spent maybe one weekend together because she is always with the other person. You would think that she would introduce the old friend and the new friend, that did not happen either. I am moving on. I have a lot to lose because she is truly a awesome person.

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Adult Friend Intentionally Not Inviting Me

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Adult Friend Intentionally Not Inviting Me