Why bother?

by Laurie
(Florida)

I'm 61, marriage number 5 is disintegrating, just moved into the smallest place I've lived in since I was 21. I'm way too old to be in this position, 4 years from retirement, 2 months into a 30-year mortgage, no savings, no pension. I'm a reasonably intelligent, well-read person. How could I have been this stupid all these years? The obvious common denominator in marriage is ME. I've stuck with a job I don't particularly care about for 29 years because the money was good. But it has no benefits, no pension and I'm too old to get vested in a pension plan at a new company. I am numb, tired and discouraged.

I'm very worried because I seem to have flat-lined on my love for my animals. I have 3 horses, 7 pygmy goats and 3 dogs and just feel nothing where they were once my first priority. Everyone is being well taken care of but I have no pleasure in them. Is this a common reaction to a drastic life change?

Comments for Why bother?

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Aug 23, 2014
Get help
by: Anonymous

Sounds like major depression.

Dec 12, 2014
You Have Only Just Begun to Live
by: Anonymous

I hear you. I'm not far behind you. 56 years old, same job for almost 31 years. Having some health issues and really hoping to retire at age 62. We do not live forever girlfriend. I have had 5 failed marriages and one 5 year relationship that failed. He was the true love in my life sadly. My one daughter has given me a purpose to live through the heartaches. I am going to a counselor because I too fight depression which is what you are experiencing. I am learning to like myself, think about what it will take for me to be happy instead of beating myself up for the mistakes and failures. It is not too late for you to think positively and move on. Don't lose sight of what's in front of you because of what's behind you. My new motto. My counselor has tried to instill in me that rating my happiness doesn't need to include a partner. I can be happy in many other situations. Going shopping with my sister or a friend, or my daughter. Going to breakfast with my Mom and sister. Going to a nearby auction with a friend. Or just sitting at home crocheting some leg warmers. I too have downsized into a much smaller home. But I am adjusting and recovering from the last relationship which was the worst and abusive. But I am learning to toss out negative thoughts, trying to replace them with the things I have to be grateful for. I too am in the same situation as you. No pension or medical benefits from my employer but who says I have to have that to retire. I plan to work part-time when I retire. It is scary. But the clock is ticking and we are not going to go in reverse my dear. Good luck and I hope you keep me posted.

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