Who am I? Finding out that my father is not my biological father.

by Shallyn
(Texas)

In 1992 after having my first child, my Mother decides to tell me that my Dad is not my biological father. I was 24 years old and completely devastated. My Mother told me this out of her own hurt and bitterness toward my Dad, hoping by telling me this it would hurt him instead. I felt myself falling into a depression shortly after but mentally blocked it from my mind knowing I had to take care of my daughter. A year later, I had a panic attack and found my "demons" coming to surface. I spent three years in counseling and had to remove myself from my mother at the time. I found she was poison and I had to regroup myself. My counselor stated that when I first came to see him, I looked like I was ran over by an 18 wheeler and left to die. After three years, I found myself able to talk about the "situation" without having a full blown anxiety attack and my spiritual journey began. When my mother told me this, my biological father had been dead for 2 years. I met him one time when I was 17, but I did not know who he was.
I am 42 years old now and for 18 years I still remain without complete peace and find that the "situation" comes up and haunts me now and then. I found myself in some type of identity crisis for years. After seeking answers from spiritual guides, church, praying, counseling, etc., I still do not know how to let this go completely. It remains a shadow. I have finally told myself not seek answers from anywhere else and just wait on God to come through and bring me a peace that only he can give. I wanted to share my story here in hopes that reaching out, I may stumble upon "the answer".

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Jun 08, 2010
The answer you look for is LOVE
by: Rafael

Hi Shallyn,

You are a very sweet being and have shown a great amount of courageness. Let me suggest you something that has changed my entire life and has given me the peace that I lacked due to a similar situation to yours.

Every thought, feeling and action has the fear or the love at its root. And the fear is just a request for love (for example, the anger is just a request for attention from other people because we feel hurt). In summary, EVERY behaviour is either an expression of love or a request for love. If we feel hurt in a situation is ONLY because we don´t see the love that is at its basis. Try to feel the love in your behaviour and in your parents´ behaviour. Don´t stop until the ONLY thing that you see in your actions is love, and the peace and the joy will return to your heart. Take care, sweet Shallyn.

Jul 09, 2010
who am I?
by: Catherine

Hi Shallyn,

If you take a step back from your hurt and anger, what do you think is the part that bothers you the most about the situation? For example, is it because you never got to know your dad, it is because your mother lied to you, is it the reason why your mom told you, etc.? What aspect bothers you the most? Figuring that out will give you a direction in which to heal.

It's the emotion behind the anger you want to figure out.

Once you do that, then you can start to move past this. But, start with figuring out this part first and then we can work through the rest as well.

Catherine

Feb 12, 2011
Wanting to find freedom from this issue...
by: Anonymous

I completely understand...

I was three when my new Dad came to me... He was wonderful, and he has loved me my whole life as if I were truly his biological child.


I was blessed later with the two most amazing brothers, who love me unconditionally, and I, the same.


My new, "real" Dad, although not"perfect, has been such a great Dad... Support of me thru lots of life's ups and dowms... A wonderful provider for me financially, and so many other ways. But, I still have that "thing" that I want know where I came from- even though, my Mom has been very honest with the history.

I absolutely love my family, and I don't want to disturb that- I don't know why I cannot move past this.

Aug 29, 2011
Are you sure you and I aren't the same person?
by: Anonymous

Wow, I thought I was going through this all alone. I want you to know that your story is almost exactly like mine. We are even almost the same age. It has been a hard road my friend. I try to keep my chin up but it is hard sometimes.

Sep 02, 2011
JUst found out!
by: KBB

I am glad to know,i am not crazy! I am 31 years old, i just found out my dad is not my biological father.He and my mom knew all along,but they wanted it that way, which is fine! Until his new wife found out! Now my world is so upside down and i try to hold things together so my 11 year old child,doesn't fine out til i fully understand everything. but i am so emotionly a mess. cry for no reason, can't sleep, nor eat. but today has been better,(this is day 4),no tears today.My friends are the best, my family is great, but My God is the biggest reason.You know what don"t kill ya will make you stronger and i belive that with all my heart. I am glad to know that other people are like me, because i felt all alone!

Mar 08, 2012
Me, too.
by: Anonymous

I found out while pregnant with my own child. My dad that raised me passed away several years ago. My biological father died a year after my son was born... while I tried to pretend it didn't matter- I knew who raised me, knew who I was, etc. I was told about "the secret" by a sibling who was angry with me. My dad that raised me never knew. My biological father did know and kept that secret, to the best of my knowledge. My mother isn't open about it therefore, I know very little. My biological father has other children. I'm struggling with whether to reach out... I don't know if they know about me. I don't want to tip their world upside down. I remember my bioligical dad... but I can't picture his face. How do you survive knowing you may never see a picture or have answers?

Aug 12, 2012
devasted years later
by: Anonymous

Hello everyone, i found out on my 26th birthday. My father confessed to me without consulting my mom. He said, "I am not your real father and if you want to find your real father I wont mind". At that moment I gave him a hug and said I am greatful I have you and I wouldnt be where I am at without him. I talk to my mother about it and she told me the truth on why she didnt want me to know. After what she said I wouldnt want to search for the biological father because if he didnt want to know about me then why now. A day later after that big news I had to leave town. So I felt I had to deal with this huge thing on my own. Which I did I went to a therapist she prescribed me medication and talked about it. I felt better for a few years. I am 30 and just graduated medical school and have to go back home for a few months. Going back home I feel like am an outsider like I dont belong there although my mom does everything to make me feel welcome. I take everyting personal after the truth. I am blown away because after so many years I am dealing with unresolved issues that have devastated and depressed me until now. I just want to know why he told me after so many years on my birthday without consulting my mom. Reading this forum has made me feel like I am not the only one that feels this way. So I have decided to write a letter to my dad who raised me expressing my feelings since he never really asked me how I felt about it. I believe expressing my feelings and getting closer to the Lord will heal me. I hope we all find peace in our souls.

Aug 18, 2012
Me, too!
by: Bonnie

From my birth, on August 03, 1951, until three days after his death, I knew only one man as Daddy. But, then, on March 14, 1965, my mother told me that he was not my real daddy, and had never been my real daddy. This was one day before his funeral. And even after she told me this, she made me go to the "showing" of his body, at the funeral home. Then, I had to go to the funeral, the very next day.
The only information that she would give me about my natural father was, "his first name was John; he was a black man; and he became a judge".
Since I was born and raised in Columbus, Ohio, I am still searching today, for my natural father.
He and I were never aloud to meet each other, but my mother did call him, on my 16th birthday
(August 03, 1967), to let him know his daughter was just fine, and that it was her 16th birthday.
Throughout all this time, I have wanted to find out about him, but I don't know his last name; and I am now living in North Dakota.
If anyone knows any information about this man -- who dated Bertha (Bright) Cunningham, from Columbus, Ohio -- between October 01, 1950 and January 01, 1951, please contact:
Bonnie
101 - 4th Ave. S.
Apt. G - 2
Grand Forks, ND 58201
Thank you to everyone, for all their time and interest.
Any and all information would be greatly appreciated!

Oct 12, 2012
My Life Was a Lie
by: K

All my life I had thought something just didn't add up. I would ask questions but everyone would tell me I was crazy. When I was 18 my mom told me something the day before Fathers Day that would change my life forever.She took me out to eat and told me over dinner because she knew I wouldn't make a scene. My Dad was not my biological father, he adopted me when I was three. The world around me came crashing down.At a time when my life should have been about going off to college and discovering who I was I became withdrawn, suicidal,and severely depressed. My entire life was based off of a lie. What still hurts me to the very core is that my sisters are only me 1/2 sisters and the grandparents who have loved me unconditionally from the first day they layed eyes on me are not even related. Im 30 years old now and I still can't get over this. It's hard, I can't say it ever gets easy because it hasn't for me. If I could go back in time I wish I had never been told. Sometimes the truth does not set you free. I met my real dad shortly after I was told but all that did was raise more questions. It was very depressing to see cousins and grandparents that would never be a part of my life. I stayed in touch with my real dad for a few months but then the phone calls became few and far between until one day we just stopped calling at all. I haven't talked to him in 11 years.
My dad that raised me has recently remarried and his new wife is always making comments that make me feel like I am less than my sisters. My dad doesn't catch on but I can read between the lines. It's nice to be able to come on here and vent because I know there are others out there like me. It's hard to talk to people around me because they just can't imagine the depths of the pain I feel.
To the original poster, I don't know the answer, I'm still searching.......

Oct 15, 2012
Who am I? Still not sure
by: Anonymous

Wow, I am sorry to say this but I am acutally comforted to know I am not the only one in this situation. I found out when I was 48 through a letter that surfaced after my Mom's death. Mom wrote a letter to her aunt saying how sad she was that her "lover" is leaving. I din't even know my Mom and Dad were separated before I was born. My two older sisters knew this but never thought it was a big deal. After reading this letter Dad and I did a DNA test and the results were bittersweet mainly because I had no idea but yet all my childhood feelings were finally validated. I don't know if I will ever find out who my bio-dad is but I feel so angry that I was denied the right to decide if I wanted to pursue a relationship with him.

Oct 18, 2012
31 finding out
by: Chann

My mom told me today tht my dad could not be my biological father. She had an affair with his brother and was trying to get pregnant with his brothr when I was conceived....I'm 31 and I'm wondering if I should even bother for a blood test. Kinda embarrassed to ask. What should I do?

Nov 19, 2012
The other side
by: Anonymous

Well here is a twist. I am the Grandmother of a 3 year old. My son has been in her life since birth but the legal father didn't find out until the child was about 8 months old. My son was 18 and "in love" with the Mom. The legal Father and Mom have since broke up and he has the older child and she has my Grandaughter.My son has been able to see her and she knows she has two Daddies. The legal Father pays Child Support and up until resently my son contributied for clothes diapers toys and money for Mom to do whatever. We love this child and she knows we are her Grandparents My son has had to beg and plead most of the time to see her. Other times Mom has called us and asked if we wanted to take her for weekend or even week long visits. My son has not been happy with the situation he wants to have some right to see her and not at Moms whim and he has asked for a DNA test from the beginning.Legal Fatherloves the child to and refuses to help because he is afraid of not being able to see the child and Mom has now decided that we should not see the child anymore because she doesn't want her to be confused. my son has not seen her in almost 4 months and it is killing him.He did nothing to cause her to keep the child away except quit giving her cash. He has offered to buy anything the child needs or wants. We don't know what to do.We are heart broken to know she lives right down the street and we can't go near her or we may never see her again.I am terrified about the emotional trama this baby is going to go through later in life.We have talked to an Attorney but the legal system is not on our side in this situation because Texas law only recognises the legal father.

Nov 28, 2012
Betrayed used Baby
by: deyarteBabied

The background: My ex-gf broke up with me several months ago, we havent had any contact since then. She didnt tell me she was pregnant then and I didnt know. Everything kinda happened so fast and the hurt and misery I felt then kinda distracted me and covered up this fact. A few weeks ago I found out she gave birth to a baby girl recently and it was mine. I am the biological father. To complicate things further for me, she also got married to someone else, hence, the hurt and misery and anger at getting dumped and betrayed I felt then came flooding back in so suddenly and severely. Only this time multiplied perhaps, at least, a thousand-fold. That's probably what Im gonna pay for in medical (paternity) and legal (custody) fees now. And there is really not much I can do in that department. The law is just simply with the "legal" parents. You know how it feels like to be fooled, betrayed twice over? To be robbed of your first-born? of your manhood? of fatherhood? I do. It feels like a sudden void takes over you and your soul (if one does have one) or something inside you was split into two. I dont know why my ex-gf did that to me (although I have a pretty good idea who put her up to it) She knew I would have done right by her. She knew what kind of person I was. If only she told me the truth. I could have accepted it but keeping it a secret from me? Did she think I was not going to find out eventually? That I would simply let her get away with it? I'm not rich, I'm a "nobody". I've got nothing to lose, and now, my "soul" is splintered. And I feel, I believe the only way for me to be somewhat whole again is to be with my daughter. I think my ex and I will soon find out what a father who has got nothing to lose is capable of doing.

Dec 04, 2012
..
by: Lis

Hi everybody.. I found out today that my biological father is dead... He passed away 2 years ago... I never knew him and i regret so bad that i waited so long .... But trust me my stepfather was the worst, he abused me but when a stranger tells you that your real father dies and that he was a terrible man ...??? Pfffff maybe its for the best i never knew him.

Dec 17, 2012
dont know what to do
by: Anonymous

Till today I don't know what to do. I'm 22 years old I'm married with 2 kids. My mom an daddy past away 15years ago. An left me and my 2 sisters an brother behind. Wen I was 18 years old my sister told me that she need to speak to me. We went to the room an there is wen she said. My father is not ur father. Our mother told me b4 she died. That he is not ur dad. I played it cool an said I knew it all along. An I acted my normal self.3days later I was at work an I just stared crying an screaming for no reason. The next day I went to the doctor to get me something to relax. I got home an I was just crying an I just could not stop. There is where I stared to see my dad mother an "father". I just could not take it. I tried to kill myself. Up till 2day I think about is an try to find my dad but the thing is I don't even know his name. I know nothing,I feel so like I don't belong. I tried to take my life 12 time. Would he do the same!!

Dec 22, 2012
Wow, I'm not alone.
by: Anonymous

My mother told who I thought was my father, 6 weeks before I got married. She wanted my bio, who I thought was just a family friend, to walk me down the asile. After findind out & him being so hurt for 26 years, he and his current wife blocked me from calling. I am now 40 & we have never spoken again. Whats worse is I had to learn from Facebooks posts that he has passed! I now hate my mother for this.

Dec 31, 2012
Same
by: Anonymous

Same here... except I was 9 when my mom tried to take revenge on my "dad" by telling he wasn't my biological dad.. No wonder I got so messed up and had to correct the person I was at 18.. I hated myself.. I hated them for what they made me turn out like. And it was on and off with them... Always moving to different towns !

Jan 04, 2013
lm totally lost!!
by: Anonymous

I got pregnant shortly after my 15th birthday with my first I thought he would be the one and only. When my daughter was 2 wks old he jumped state and left us all alone.. I was so confused young and didn't know where to turn, I met my husband when she was 3 months old shes now 9 yrs old and my husbands lil angel. Her bio never tried to b a part of her life & contacted me when she was 4 & my husband legally adopted her & the whole 9 yards. We know she deserves to know but also know he will reject her. Not knowing what to do, we are ready to tell her but really unsure if it will hurt then help. The only reason we want to yell her is so we can b honest with her & we know it will b her choice no matter what... But we are at a loss right now not sure what to do but know we need to do it before its "too late" plz if u have any advise it will b appreciated!! Ps her bio has his own family with his own "kids"..
:( :( ::(

Jan 06, 2013
I found out my dad isnt my REAL dad ??
by: Anonymous

I also found out that my dad is not my real dad. I feel like no body gets it. My situation is slighty different tho, My "dad" and mam split up when I was about 10 I think. At first my "dad" was okay but then when I got a bit old 13 or 14 he stopped seeing me as much. It was really upsetting for me. For years it went through phases of my "dad" ignoring me. I desperatly wanted him to spend more time with me. When I was 19 my mam figured that if she told me the truth about my real dad that it would make me feel better. She told me that this man who has always been nice to me all my life but who is married is actually my real father. This made things worse. I know about a year and a half now and my head is still whirling I can't seem to stop thinking. I am 21. I still see my "dad" when he feels like it. He will always be my "dad". But I would love to get to know my real father better, I mean I know him, he has always been there as mams friend who was always extra nice to me but I want to get to know him as my dad. Unfortunately I can not tell anyone about this because to many people would get hurt. I also chicken out every time i want to talk to him and say "hey your my dad". I was kind of angry at him at the start but I realise its not his fault now as he only found out he was my father when I was 16. The most annoying thing about all this is that my mother will not talk about it anymore she just told me. I have been struggling with things like concentration and motivation recently and I think im going through a bit of a "fuck life" and mam has noticed and when she asked whats wrong, i told her my head is messed up a bit over the whole situation she told me to GET OVER IT. she said it out of anger and we were having a heated arguement but nothing has ever made me so angry. I felt like telling everybody about "mams dirty little secret" but I didnt because I know I would only regret it too much. I was feeling a bit stuck in life in general. I messed up last semester in college, and I don't even care. I feel like I wont be able to concentrate on college work untill I sort a plan of action to deal with this situation. I know what I want now and it is to try and create some better and less indirect relationship with my real father. I just need to contact him and make it happen. I feel like once I do that it will be a start to fixing things in life. I am hoping that it will help me get my focus back on college work as I love my course. wow I just had like the longest rant ever :) may not even post this ... it was nice to get it out tho.. to be honest i didnt even read the orginal post.. (i know, its a bit selfish isnt it? )I just wanted to post my storey somewhere make it feel like less of a big secret that I have to keep. I would love to tell the whole world who my father is because he is such a nice man who I have tonnnes of respect for. any way thanks for listening and anybody in the same situation feel free to leave me with some advice :)

Jan 10, 2013
I'm His Secret
by: Anonymous

Wow. I'm not alone. I'm 23 & just got told by my mom that my dad is not my dad recently. I don't understand. This is all too much. The man that I called dad my whole life just told me I'm dead to him now that I know who my real father is and he knew my whole life! I was his pawn. Now I am in a mess. The man that is my true dad is also my brothers dad... The really sad part is my brother passed away a few years so there is already a history between my mom n him. it just hurts bc my bro is not here to help me and I'm a constant walking reminder of him. my true dad accepted me right away even though he never knew until now as well. he is married w/ grown children & my problem is figuring out how to deal. Either be his secret on the side or he tells his wife he has a 2nd kid from same woman out of an affair and risk divorce. I'm already dead to the man I thought loved me. Don't want him losing fam either cuz he didn't know. it's just not fair. I feel like it's best I not be the cause of any more pain for others. I've lost my whole family and have been shunned already so maybe it's best I stay alone & let him go so he can keep going on and live a happy life with his family. I am so hurt, mad, lost, and every feeling at once. I just want to disappear for awhile. I'm the problem obviously

Jan 11, 2013
me to
by: Anonymous

I was 14 when my mother told me the man who raised me isn't my bio father it turned my world upside dawn. My mother took me to meet my real father and he wouldn't have anything to do with me he was married with a daughter I guess that was the reason so now I'm 42 and I looked him up to introduce my 19 yr old daughter to him and found out he died in 2011 .my dad that raised me and his family treat me awful. I don't know what my real dad likes and dislikes are I still have an identity crisis I still don't know who I am it really sux. I don't know if I should contact my half sister or not I feel I will ruine his memory for her and she will be straight up hurt and never accept me now my mom's dead and my real father no family members at all talk about being totally alone.

Feb 08, 2013
wow
by: confussed

Recently I started questioning whether my dad was my biological dad.. So I asked my mom, and I was told yes that there was a very good possibility that he wasn't. My world as I knew it would never bee the same.. I am 42 years old and I'm definitely having an identity crisis. I Have figured out who the other person is and he too feels that I am his.. However The secrets in my family are horrible.. I believe that most of my elders have always known but no one is talking at all.. I have not told anyone that I have pieced it together except for myself and the my real dad.. We are having a DNA test done next week. At that point if the results are positive then I plan on confronting my mom since she claims she doesn't remember who he is.. Yeah right, LIAR!!! I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you are able to find some inner peace soon.. God wiling.. For me I need to know 100% not knowing is awful.. But I do know I look like him and not the man I was told was my dad as a child. I AM SO UPSET!!! I feel deceived and lied to and like I don't belong.. I am glad that I am building a relationship with the man I believe to be my real dad. =^..^=

Feb 18, 2013
My mom is in denial
by: Awakenow

Hi everyone, I am the youngest of 3 children by 5 years and never felt like I fully belonged in y family. I was teased and left out of many family things and I always felt nothing I did for my mother was good enough no matter how hard I tried. My mother emotionally abused me and is only loving towards me in public.

Anyway last year aged 50 Ifound out the man who I thought was my dad wasn't my bio father. Even with DNA proof my mother won't accept it. Both my siblings and mother just avoid the subject and act like I've made it all up. I haven't I have the proof.

I want to move back to the country of my birth next year, where my mums siblings and family still live. They all know mum and I have never been close, but I want to tell them that I don't speak to her now and why, maybe by telling them they may know something, but then again they may believe her and I may loose the rest of my family,

Anyone been in the same situation and if so what did/would you do? I feel so lost at the moment


Feb 21, 2013
Revelation _ Daddy was a famous person
by: Anonymous

I am 66 years old and just got the shock of my life, All my life I knew I was not the child of my mother's husband. She told me so many lies. When I was five, I asked her why Daddy was so mean to me. She told me that he was not my real father. When I asked who he was she gave me a name, the name of her first husband. She told me he was dead, killed in the war. For years I worshiped his memory, actually praying to him in Heaven, my childish attempt to communicate with the loving father I would never know. When I was fifteen, Mother told me that my father was still alive. I had been seeking a scholarship available to the children of deceased WWII veterans. Since he was not deceased I could not get the scholarship. I demanded more information but she said she had lost touch and had no idea where he was. I moved to Europe and wwhen I came back I was 30 years old. I was determined to find my real father. Mother dropped another bombshell. Her first husband, who was not dead, was not my real father either. I demanded more information. She told me his real name, that he was the best looking man she had ever met and was totally irresistible. They had had a brief affair while her first husband was overseas. She would only give me his first name.
Mother passed away recently and had a death bed confession. She finally named my real father who was a very well known person while he was alive. Whats more, his legitimate children are world famous and I bear a striking resemblance to them. People have remarked about this resemblance for my whole life. In fact I even did some look-alike work imitating my half sister. Now I am so embarrassed, because I never would have done that if I had know she was my half sister. She is dead too.
I am confused and angry. If I had known who my relatives were, my life would have been very different. The social connections I would have had! And all the years I wasted loving the memory of a man who was not even my real father.

I am totally shaken up, even at this late age. I came here to understand the identity crisis and it has helped. I am writing a book about it. Thanks for reading this.

Mar 02, 2013
I don't know what to think...
by: Sheila

I was told a couple of weeks before my grandmother died that my sorry so-called father was not my father. Apparently, my aunt disclosed this information to my sister and asked her to keep it a secret from me. You know how sisters are...they can't keep secrets from each other for very long, especially concerning family issues like that. After my grandmother passed away, my aunt pretty much disowned me. See, my father molested me, physically abused me, and abused my mom; however, he NEVER laid a hand on my sister, which leads me to believe that what my aunt said is true. I have lost all sense of who I really am, and all the medical history I have given to my doctors is completely questionable too. My mother passed away in 2008, and she never disclosed this pertinent information to my either. I don't know the name of my biological father, only that he was some salt miner in the Ellsworth/Kanopolis area in Kansas. I am totally okay with my father not being the father, but I am totally hurt that my mom didn't tell me and that my aunt wants nothing to do with me since the death of my grandmother; my grandmother loved me unconditionally though.

Mar 07, 2013
Find out on my own
by: Jeremy Fischer

My name is Jeremy, I am now 18. I found out that I was lied to at the age of 16. My mother thought she could keep a secret like this hidden from me in a small town of 888. I kind of had a feeling and somewhat knew but never really thought about it. I finally said something when I was 16. I hated her for it and my adoptive father too! They both lied to me and I felt alone. I became depressed and started to cut myself. My mother hates my biological father and would not let me have any contact with him. I finally did at the age of 17 but it wasn't what I thought it would be. He was nice at first but then turned into a complete douche bag! Now I'm left alone. I haven't lived with my parents for 4 years and now live with a friend but recently found out I'm getting kicked out for not smoking weed with him. Pretty stupid if you ask me. Some things can always be worse but then again some things can always be better. Being lied to has its ups and downs; for example it leaves me to not have trust in anyone but yet now I see my mom was only trying to protect me. It still was wrong to lie though. I hope you or anyone else who has this issue just stays strong! It can be very hard but time will pass and you will learn to just except it.

Apr 01, 2013
You are not alone.
by: Terri

I have felt worthless for years. My aunt told me at the age of 10, my dad was not my biological father. Instead my mother was young and slept with a lot of people and she has no idea who your father is. My mother then gave me a a name, who I research to no avail, then she gave me another name, again no avail and after two further names I realised my mum was getting off on the drama! When I was 30 my sister thought she had found her father. My mother phoned me to say his brother was my dad. I agreed to meet on the condition of a DNA test. Test came through negative:( now 40, I have married my childhood sweetheart, have a child and starting my masters in sept 13. I have come to terms that I will never know, and that is the people who were and are there for you that matters. Also, I am defined by every action I have done and will take in my life not a sperm or a person. One is to learn by others and my own mistakes to my family a fighting chance. You can't change the past but you can today and for the future. And you can start to believe in yourself.

Apr 09, 2013
I found out my dad isnt my dad
by: Anonymous

On July 19th 2012 a few days before my 23rd birthday I found out my Father wasn't my biological father. I found out from a friend of my sisters who didn't even realize what she was saying would affect me. Katie asked me if it was me or my sister that was at a party one night and (mine and my sisters) Aunt was there and she was drunk saying something about Jeff not being my actual father another guys was.. I told Katie It was not me at the party that night it was my sister. But immediately my heart dropped to my feet. I made a excuse on my I had to leave my sisters friends house because I didn't want her to think what she had said bothered me. I texted my sister as soon as I left and wrote "IS OUR DAD REALLY MY DAD" She acted like she didnt know what I was talking about and started calling my phone Several times. I wanted answers so I called my mom. (My mom is not the same mom that I grew up to know she became alcoholic no job and really a useless person) When I called I said "MOM is DAD REALLY MY DAD" she said of course he is what are you talking about. I had told her that someone but I wasn't going to say who it was told me that he wasn't. And when I said that to my mom she said Fine he is not your dad and I was hysterical I said "Who is my F**King Dad mom who is he. She said she wasn't going to tell me and hung up on me and till this day she will not tell me anything about him. I was so upset when I got home all I could do is cry I couldn't believe it. IT didn't seem real. My dad and I have always been really close my mom and my dad havent been together since I was 2 and my sister was 1 but. My sister and I have always been real close to him. It took me a few days and I confronted my dad about it he didnt know my biological fathers name or anything but he did say there was a possiblelity I could still be his.. Over the few days between me finding out and confronting my dad on the phone I decided that since my parents never sat me down in person and told me to my face I was going to tell my self that none of it was real and I never wanted anyone to speak of it again. And my parents agreed that they would never speak of it. It still bothered me alot So I went to see my Grandma and mom's mom. I was crying and very upset but she was able to answer allot of the questions I had about my biological father she saved a picture of him so she could one day give it to me She told me his name and where he lived. HE LIVES 4 BLOCKS AWAY FROM ME. I told my self I would never want to meet him because if he wanted to be in my life he would have been the town isn't that big its not like he couldn't find me..

Apr 29, 2013
'INVISIBLE BIO-DAD'
by: Anonymous

Hi...My name is Laura,I am a 56 yr old woman, and my mom told me 3 1/2 yrs ago that the dad who raised my 2 sisters and i is not MY father. We were raised(?) in abject neglect & abuse...my step-dad (i thought he was MY dad too) tried to have me offed a couple of times.....this could go on and on, so, more directly to the point....my bio-dad never showed any interest or he would have contacted me at some point.....my consolation...God in heaven is my father....I have no other......I know I need to be happy with that knowledge...I am only human, tho, after all.....how we find our own peace, i guess, is up to us as individuals...there is no one in my life who i can talk to about this. This is such a personal issue that no one else can really GET IT. My mom is in a chronic care facility now, she hasn't been able to speak since very shortly after she told me this, ...and she has been trying to tell me something so desperately....and, she can't. She just looks at me with tears in her eyes.(I am the only one who cared for her when she got sick, the other 2 blew the coop). I very simply will never know the truth....and I just HAVE to learn to live with it and still find as much joy in life as i can....so will u....i am still angry at times (that's why i sought out this place today) but i know anger won't help. God is my father...God is my father.....

May 05, 2013
Confused
by: Anonymous

I am the youngest of 3 by 6 years, and I have always felt the odd one out in my family. My 'dad' and his bio kids are really close and do everything together. I identify with alot of what others have written it is a pain like no other. Not only knowing you have been lied to your whole life but also having an a 'identity' crisis.

I too found out by another family relative and I know it's true it's like the missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle of your life. Now but remember that God is the ultimate father of us all.

May 12, 2013
Should I confront the man I believe to be my biological father
by: Anonymous

I was 44 years old when I found out my dad wasn't my biological father, he was living with me & my late husband suffering from dementia & we were up late talking when he let it slip, he thought he was talking to my sister, he was so upset when he realized that i promised him I would never mention it again, I'm sure I saw the man I now believe to be my biological father at dads funeral but only connected him after the fact, I am still in doubt whether to seek him out & would appreciate any advice.

Jun 06, 2013
Get a grip
by: Anonymous

Last lady seems in sound mind and sensible, however I have doubts regarding the person who wrote the original post. This is and never will be an uncommon occurrence, get real and be glad that your mother went through with the pregnancy - your bitterness and resentment are unhealthy and seem way out of proportion.

Jun 07, 2013
Counselor said that??
by: Anonymous

Your comment that your counselor said the you "Looked like you had been run over by a truck and died" sent HUGE red flags about the counselors capabilities as a human, much less a counselor! Seek someone with some training...fast!

Jun 07, 2013
I can't ask him
by: Anonymous

I'm 50 years old. I have known since I was 8 or 9 that my Dad isn't my biological father. He's my dad. 25 years ago, when my biological father was alive, he contacted my older siblings many times to see how they were doing, wrote to them asking them how each other was, except me. Letters were written back and forth, but nothing about his youngest daughter.
I asked my mom about this over the years and was rebuffed numerous times. Finally I asked my mother again a month ago. She told me "He was not a good father. He said you are not his daughter! He didn't claim you."
I was stunned. I had been told since I found out my dad isn't my biological dad that this man was my father.
My Father, my real father is the one who raised me and taught me and loved me, and pushed me to do better. He's the one who will always have my undying love.
That said, I still....want to know from where I come.

Jun 08, 2013
Finding my Father
by: Anonymous

What ever happened is done I want to know the truth, do I really have a father, I do not know the last time I saw my mother she told me, he is not your real father! Why did she have to say this after 28 years, now I know why my father was soo cold to me he never said that he Loved me! I need to know the secret! I know he is out there I want to meet you, and be part of your life please end this nightmare. Everyone I know or meet tell me things I can not understand, about who I really am! I want this Game to end!

Aug 22, 2013
25 years later
by: Anonymous

Hi. I am on the other end of the scenario. I have been married for 25 years. We got married 31/12/1988 because my now wife, fell pregnant and I love her and it was the right thing to do.I now found out that my daughter is not my daughter, not that I will ever love her less. Any suggestions?

Sep 28, 2013
Found out son isn't his after 40 years
by: Anonymous

My husbands son told him a few years ago that his mother told him his dad wasn't his when he was a teenager. She showed him his picture and dog tags when he was 16 how is 41 now. They divorced for other reasons when he was 2, the thing is she named him after my husband and his middle name after the guy. My husband had a rough start but has been a great dad for decades. His mom is a hard core drug addict and Mr. this is your dad has never been in the picture. I am so mad that if she had anything we would sue her for fraud. His son is a manipulator, charmer and has never been good at relationships, he has a long term failed relationship and a divorce and 3 awesome boys. We recently moved our whole life to be closer to him, but once our cash ran out so did he. He has never given his dad a fathers day card and he named all of his sons middle name after the other guy the name he goes by. Disrespectful in my opinion, I am clear we can't have a relationship with him because he obviously was using us all these years to keep is lights on a his family fed. People lying ruin lives for generations. In my opinion this should be a criminal act. I am sorry these boys and dads go through this they are both victims.

Nov 13, 2013
Fatherless
by: Anonymous

I sympathize with so many of these stories I have read on this page today..I am 46 years old and know nothing about my biological father...until I was 14 I always thought my stepdad was my father..one day my olders sister told me that was not the case. When I asked my mother about this she told me she would never tell me anything about my father. She has been dead for over 20 years. We were born in Germany and my stepfather was in the military. We came to the states when I was 7...unfortunately my mother slept around. I have hurt and felt incomplete for the last 32 years and to this day still wish I knew who my father is. it's frustrating when you have nothing to go on. I don't have a relationship with my stepdad and no relationship with any of my family for that matter. I have always felt that something about who my real father was made my mother hate me and abuse me until I left home at 16. To keep information like this from a child is very damaging. Even if you think you are protecting them.

Dec 06, 2013
I need help....
by: Rob

It is good to know I am not the only to be going through this.

My mother and father divorced when I was 5. It was unusual that my mother signed her rights over to my father when they split. My father played Mr. Mom our entire lives. My mother was never really close. Just recently, I have discovered that my father is not my biological father. Oh my. I have been going through this roller coaster ride for only 10 months now and it has only just begun. I have a plan on how to proceed, but my emotions are getting the best of me. The people around me don't understand what I am going through. I think I need to find a counselor to help guide me to peace......:-(

Feb 09, 2014
I always thought I was adopted
by: meg

from earliest childhood memory I searched through boxes in the attic - wherever we lived - hoping to find my adoption papers that would be my "ticket out". I am the eldest child of a couple everyone believed to be insanely happy. I have 2 younger sisters. I always felt something was wrong with me. I suffered years of depression and overwhelming feelings of failure because I couldn't meet my father's unreasonably high expectations - I was the "smart one".

My father died 7 years ago. My mother died last April. In those 6 years I had more lovely, real times with my mother than I'd ever known. We were always distanced. She repeatedly said, "I didn't think you loved me". All displacement.

Her deathbed confession was that my father was not my father. She only told me in hopes of avoiding going to hell. Somehow, in the first few months of her marriage to the love of her life, she'd had an affair. DNA testing revealed my sisters are my half-sisters, my proud, loving, demonstrative grandparents and my "father" were duped. As were we all.

I am 66 years old, am happily married. I have a wonderful son and 3 beautiful grandchildren. I wish I could understand so many things. I know I am still the same person - and yet I'm not. I wish to reach a place of calm so that I can mourn my mother

Feb 23, 2014
My son is 17....and he doesn't know I am his biological father
by: George

I am 46 and I have a son who is 17.
My son does not know I am his biological father.
His mother and I were very good friends at one time. I truly loved her.
She was in a bad marriage in 1996. We crossed the line as friends and she became pregnant.
Only challenge was that she had 2 kids with her current husband and another with her boyfriend.....so, she had 3 kids at the time.
She (C) saw how I dropped everything when my high school sweetheart informed me she was pregnant....i left college after 2 yrs and took responsibility for what I thought was my baby.
Yet, sadly, the baby was not mine after 1 yr.
My dear friend, C, saw how I dropped all my dreams to marry her friend ( L).
Fast forward 8 yrs and C and I have an affair and she gets pregnant.
My first reaction is to assimilate the situation with that of my previous experience with C's friend, L.
No doubt C was pregnant with my baby, yet I had thought she may've gotten pregnant to have me pull her out of her bad marriage.
We both knew I did not wear protection so I wondered how we both were reckless.
Within the week after we were together, C broke off our affair.
I was hurt, yet knew it was the right thing to do.
Sadly, C saw an ex of mine departing my condo as she arrived. Thinking I had also slept with the ex, C stated that was her reason for breaking it off with me.
Yet, I had not slept with anyone in months except for my friend, C.About a month after C was pregnant, she called me to tell me she was "going to work on her marriage and raise the baby as their own." I was hurt.She stated she and her then husband were going to have me sign my rights away. I never agreed nor signed anything.
I went on with my life. She with hers.Our son was born in April 1997. C asked me if I wanted to see my son now that she was separated from her husband in October 1997.
My son was 5 months old at the time I first held him.
The exact same age of a child that was taken away from me when L left me. I didn't know how to react to the situation.
C was asking me to take her, my baby and her other kids yet she had recently discarded me and my feelings despite knowing the trauma I experienced withe her ex-friend, L.
In Sept 1997 I had started seeing a girl I was starting to fall in love with. One that would soon be my fiancé.
I wanted my son, yet could not get over how quickly C discarded me. C married her current husband of today in November 1999.
For the next 17 yrs she and I would stay in contact but I have never seen my son. The only father figure he knows is C's current husband. I WANT TO MEET MY SON!!
I WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH NT SON!!!
C has started a world wide organization that helps families in the US adopt kids from other countries with special needs; HIV, AIDS, DOWN's SYNDROME, etc....
I am happy she is helping so many, yet I am completely confused as to why she will not help foster a relationship with my son and I.

Feb 23, 2014
I am your father....
by: George

My heart breaks for each of you that you never knew your real father until later in life.
That is why I want to make my son whole.
As a cancer survivor I have learned that time is precious.
I am 46 and my son will be 17 soon.
I will understand he will be upset and that he may never want to meet me.
But I want him to know who is real father is.
His mother recently confessed that she had always loved me.
When I pulled back the reigns on our affection after we reunited to try and make things right, she changed her mind about an introduction to my son.
Do I reach out to him when is 18?
I do not want any legal issues that his mother could bring if I attempt to reach out to him now.
I just want him to know I am out there and open whenever he is ready...if he his ever ready.

Apr 16, 2014
father or not father
by: Anonymous

I have son 10 years old.im almost sure im not is real dad.it doesnt stop me to love him as my own .
Father or not father.if now you tell me my mom is not my real mom i will laugh. She takes care of me for me 59 years.why should be important were i got my eyes.important who gave me love and care e 've ery moment of my life.

So to all you sons i can understand.but it is no more then a sperm.

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