Who am I? Finding out that my father is not my biological father.

by Shallyn

In 1992 after having my first child, my Mother decides to tell me that my Dad is not my biological father. I was 24 years old and completely devastated. My Mother told me this out of her own hurt and bitterness toward my Dad, hoping by telling me this it would hurt him instead. I felt myself falling into a depression shortly after but mentally blocked it from my mind knowing I had to take care of my daughter. A year later, I had a panic attack and found my "demons" coming to surface. I spent three years in counseling and had to remove myself from my mother at the time. I found she was poison and I had to regroup myself. My counselor stated that when I first came to see him, I looked like I was ran over by an 18 wheeler and left to die. After three years, I found myself able to talk about the "situation" without having a full blown anxiety attack and my spiritual journey began. When my mother told me this, my biological father had been dead for 2 years. I met him one time when I was 17, but I did not know who he was.
I am 42 years old now and for 18 years I still remain without complete peace and find that the "situation" comes up and haunts me now and then. I found myself in some type of identity crisis for years. After seeking answers from spiritual guides, church, praying, counseling, etc., I still do not know how to let this go completely. It remains a shadow. I have finally told myself not seek answers from anywhere else and just wait on God to come through and bring me a peace that only he can give. I wanted to share my story here in hopes that reaching out, I may stumble upon "the answer".

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Jun 08, 2010
The answer you look for is LOVE
by: Rafael

Hi Shallyn,

You are a very sweet being and have shown a great amount of courageness. Let me suggest you something that has changed my entire life and has given me the peace that I lacked due to a similar situation to yours.

Every thought, feeling and action has the fear or the love at its root. And the fear is just a request for love (for example, the anger is just a request for attention from other people because we feel hurt). In summary, EVERY behaviour is either an expression of love or a request for love. If we feel hurt in a situation is ONLY because we don´t see the love that is at its basis. Try to feel the love in your behaviour and in your parents´ behaviour. Don´t stop until the ONLY thing that you see in your actions is love, and the peace and the joy will return to your heart. Take care, sweet Shallyn.

Jul 09, 2010
who am I?
by: Catherine

Hi Shallyn,

If you take a step back from your hurt and anger, what do you think is the part that bothers you the most about the situation? For example, is it because you never got to know your dad, it is because your mother lied to you, is it the reason why your mom told you, etc.? What aspect bothers you the most? Figuring that out will give you a direction in which to heal.

It's the emotion behind the anger you want to figure out.

Once you do that, then you can start to move past this. But, start with figuring out this part first and then we can work through the rest as well.


Feb 12, 2011
Wanting to find freedom from this issue...
by: Anonymous

I completely understand...

I was three when my new Dad came to me... He was wonderful, and he has loved me my whole life as if I were truly his biological child.

I was blessed later with the two most amazing brothers, who love me unconditionally, and I, the same.

My new, "real" Dad, although not"perfect, has been such a great Dad... Support of me thru lots of life's ups and dowms... A wonderful provider for me financially, and so many other ways. But, I still have that "thing" that I want know where I came from- even though, my Mom has been very honest with the history.

I absolutely love my family, and I don't want to disturb that- I don't know why I cannot move past this.

Aug 29, 2011
Are you sure you and I aren't the same person?
by: Anonymous

Wow, I thought I was going through this all alone. I want you to know that your story is almost exactly like mine. We are even almost the same age. It has been a hard road my friend. I try to keep my chin up but it is hard sometimes.

Sep 02, 2011
JUst found out!
by: KBB

I am glad to know,i am not crazy! I am 31 years old, i just found out my dad is not my biological father.He and my mom knew all along,but they wanted it that way, which is fine! Until his new wife found out! Now my world is so upside down and i try to hold things together so my 11 year old child,doesn't fine out til i fully understand everything. but i am so emotionly a mess. cry for no reason, can't sleep, nor eat. but today has been better,(this is day 4),no tears today.My friends are the best, my family is great, but My God is the biggest reason.You know what don"t kill ya will make you stronger and i belive that with all my heart. I am glad to know that other people are like me, because i felt all alone!

Mar 08, 2012
Me, too.
by: Anonymous

I found out while pregnant with my own child. My dad that raised me passed away several years ago. My biological father died a year after my son was born... while I tried to pretend it didn't matter- I knew who raised me, knew who I was, etc. I was told about "the secret" by a sibling who was angry with me. My dad that raised me never knew. My biological father did know and kept that secret, to the best of my knowledge. My mother isn't open about it therefore, I know very little. My biological father has other children. I'm struggling with whether to reach out... I don't know if they know about me. I don't want to tip their world upside down. I remember my bioligical dad... but I can't picture his face. How do you survive knowing you may never see a picture or have answers?

Aug 12, 2012
devasted years later
by: Anonymous

Hello everyone, i found out on my 26th birthday. My father confessed to me without consulting my mom. He said, "I am not your real father and if you want to find your real father I wont mind". At that moment I gave him a hug and said I am greatful I have you and I wouldnt be where I am at without him. I talk to my mother about it and she told me the truth on why she didnt want me to know. After what she said I wouldnt want to search for the biological father because if he didnt want to know about me then why now. A day later after that big news I had to leave town. So I felt I had to deal with this huge thing on my own. Which I did I went to a therapist she prescribed me medication and talked about it. I felt better for a few years. I am 30 and just graduated medical school and have to go back home for a few months. Going back home I feel like am an outsider like I dont belong there although my mom does everything to make me feel welcome. I take everyting personal after the truth. I am blown away because after so many years I am dealing with unresolved issues that have devastated and depressed me until now. I just want to know why he told me after so many years on my birthday without consulting my mom. Reading this forum has made me feel like I am not the only one that feels this way. So I have decided to write a letter to my dad who raised me expressing my feelings since he never really asked me how I felt about it. I believe expressing my feelings and getting closer to the Lord will heal me. I hope we all find peace in our souls.

Aug 18, 2012
Me, too!
by: Bonnie

From my birth, on August 03, 1951, until three days after his death, I knew only one man as Daddy. But, then, on March 14, 1965, my mother told me that he was not my real daddy, and had never been my real daddy. This was one day before his funeral. And even after she told me this, she made me go to the "showing" of his body, at the funeral home. Then, I had to go to the funeral, the very next day.
The only information that she would give me about my natural father was, "his first name was John; he was a black man; and he became a judge".
Since I was born and raised in Columbus, Ohio, I am still searching today, for my natural father.
He and I were never aloud to meet each other, but my mother did call him, on my 16th birthday
(August 03, 1967), to let him know his daughter was just fine, and that it was her 16th birthday.
Throughout all this time, I have wanted to find out about him, but I don't know his last name; and I am now living in North Dakota.
If anyone knows any information about this man -- who dated Bertha (Bright) Cunningham, from Columbus, Ohio -- between October 01, 1950 and January 01, 1951, please contact:
101 - 4th Ave. S.
Apt. G - 2
Grand Forks, ND 58201
Thank you to everyone, for all their time and interest.
Any and all information would be greatly appreciated!

Oct 12, 2012
My Life Was a Lie
by: K

All my life I had thought something just didn't add up. I would ask questions but everyone would tell me I was crazy. When I was 18 my mom told me something the day before Fathers Day that would change my life forever.She took me out to eat and told me over dinner because she knew I wouldn't make a scene. My Dad was not my biological father, he adopted me when I was three. The world around me came crashing down.At a time when my life should have been about going off to college and discovering who I was I became withdrawn, suicidal,and severely depressed. My entire life was based off of a lie. What still hurts me to the very core is that my sisters are only me 1/2 sisters and the grandparents who have loved me unconditionally from the first day they layed eyes on me are not even related. Im 30 years old now and I still can't get over this. It's hard, I can't say it ever gets easy because it hasn't for me. If I could go back in time I wish I had never been told. Sometimes the truth does not set you free. I met my real dad shortly after I was told but all that did was raise more questions. It was very depressing to see cousins and grandparents that would never be a part of my life. I stayed in touch with my real dad for a few months but then the phone calls became few and far between until one day we just stopped calling at all. I haven't talked to him in 11 years.
My dad that raised me has recently remarried and his new wife is always making comments that make me feel like I am less than my sisters. My dad doesn't catch on but I can read between the lines. It's nice to be able to come on here and vent because I know there are others out there like me. It's hard to talk to people around me because they just can't imagine the depths of the pain I feel.
To the original poster, I don't know the answer, I'm still searching.......

Oct 15, 2012
Who am I? Still not sure
by: Anonymous

Wow, I am sorry to say this but I am acutally comforted to know I am not the only one in this situation. I found out when I was 48 through a letter that surfaced after my Mom's death. Mom wrote a letter to her aunt saying how sad she was that her "lover" is leaving. I din't even know my Mom and Dad were separated before I was born. My two older sisters knew this but never thought it was a big deal. After reading this letter Dad and I did a DNA test and the results were bittersweet mainly because I had no idea but yet all my childhood feelings were finally validated. I don't know if I will ever find out who my bio-dad is but I feel so angry that I was denied the right to decide if I wanted to pursue a relationship with him.

Oct 18, 2012
31 finding out
by: Chann

My mom told me today tht my dad could not be my biological father. She had an affair with his brother and was trying to get pregnant with his brothr when I was conceived....I'm 31 and I'm wondering if I should even bother for a blood test. Kinda embarrassed to ask. What should I do?

Nov 19, 2012
The other side
by: Anonymous

Well here is a twist. I am the Grandmother of a 3 year old. My son has been in her life since birth but the legal father didn't find out until the child was about 8 months old. My son was 18 and "in love" with the Mom. The legal Father and Mom have since broke up and he has the older child and she has my Grandaughter.My son has been able to see her and she knows she has two Daddies. The legal Father pays Child Support and up until resently my son contributied for clothes diapers toys and money for Mom to do whatever. We love this child and she knows we are her Grandparents My son has had to beg and plead most of the time to see her. Other times Mom has called us and asked if we wanted to take her for weekend or even week long visits. My son has not been happy with the situation he wants to have some right to see her and not at Moms whim and he has asked for a DNA test from the beginning.Legal Fatherloves the child to and refuses to help because he is afraid of not being able to see the child and Mom has now decided that we should not see the child anymore because she doesn't want her to be confused. my son has not seen her in almost 4 months and it is killing him.He did nothing to cause her to keep the child away except quit giving her cash. He has offered to buy anything the child needs or wants. We don't know what to do.We are heart broken to know she lives right down the street and we can't go near her or we may never see her again.I am terrified about the emotional trama this baby is going to go through later in life.We have talked to an Attorney but the legal system is not on our side in this situation because Texas law only recognises the legal father.

Nov 28, 2012
Betrayed used Baby
by: deyarteBabied

The background: My ex-gf broke up with me several months ago, we havent had any contact since then. She didnt tell me she was pregnant then and I didnt know. Everything kinda happened so fast and the hurt and misery I felt then kinda distracted me and covered up this fact. A few weeks ago I found out she gave birth to a baby girl recently and it was mine. I am the biological father. To complicate things further for me, she also got married to someone else, hence, the hurt and misery and anger at getting dumped and betrayed I felt then came flooding back in so suddenly and severely. Only this time multiplied perhaps, at least, a thousand-fold. That's probably what Im gonna pay for in medical (paternity) and legal (custody) fees now. And there is really not much I can do in that department. The law is just simply with the "legal" parents. You know how it feels like to be fooled, betrayed twice over? To be robbed of your first-born? of your manhood? of fatherhood? I do. It feels like a sudden void takes over you and your soul (if one does have one) or something inside you was split into two. I dont know why my ex-gf did that to me (although I have a pretty good idea who put her up to it) She knew I would have done right by her. She knew what kind of person I was. If only she told me the truth. I could have accepted it but keeping it a secret from me? Did she think I was not going to find out eventually? That I would simply let her get away with it? I'm not rich, I'm a "nobody". I've got nothing to lose, and now, my "soul" is splintered. And I feel, I believe the only way for me to be somewhat whole again is to be with my daughter. I think my ex and I will soon find out what a father who has got nothing to lose is capable of doing.

Dec 04, 2012
by: Lis

Hi everybody.. I found out today that my biological father is dead... He passed away 2 years ago... I never knew him and i regret so bad that i waited so long .... But trust me my stepfather was the worst, he abused me but when a stranger tells you that your real father dies and that he was a terrible man ...??? Pfffff maybe its for the best i never knew him.

Dec 17, 2012
dont know what to do
by: Anonymous

Till today I don't know what to do. I'm 22 years old I'm married with 2 kids. My mom an daddy past away 15years ago. An left me and my 2 sisters an brother behind. Wen I was 18 years old my sister told me that she need to speak to me. We went to the room an there is wen she said. My father is not ur father. Our mother told me b4 she died. That he is not ur dad. I played it cool an said I knew it all along. An I acted my normal self.3days later I was at work an I just stared crying an screaming for no reason. The next day I went to the doctor to get me something to relax. I got home an I was just crying an I just could not stop. There is where I stared to see my dad mother an "father". I just could not take it. I tried to kill myself. Up till 2day I think about is an try to find my dad but the thing is I don't even know his name. I know nothing,I feel so like I don't belong. I tried to take my life 12 time. Would he do the same!!

Dec 22, 2012
Wow, I'm not alone.
by: Anonymous

My mother told who I thought was my father, 6 weeks before I got married. She wanted my bio, who I thought was just a family friend, to walk me down the asile. After findind out & him being so hurt for 26 years, he and his current wife blocked me from calling. I am now 40 & we have never spoken again. Whats worse is I had to learn from Facebooks posts that he has passed! I now hate my mother for this.

Dec 31, 2012
by: Anonymous

Same here... except I was 9 when my mom tried to take revenge on my "dad" by telling he wasn't my biological dad.. No wonder I got so messed up and had to correct the person I was at 18.. I hated myself.. I hated them for what they made me turn out like. And it was on and off with them... Always moving to different towns !

Jan 04, 2013
lm totally lost!!
by: Anonymous

I got pregnant shortly after my 15th birthday with my first I thought he would be the one and only. When my daughter was 2 wks old he jumped state and left us all alone.. I was so confused young and didn't know where to turn, I met my husband when she was 3 months old shes now 9 yrs old and my husbands lil angel. Her bio never tried to b a part of her life & contacted me when she was 4 & my husband legally adopted her & the whole 9 yards. We know she deserves to know but also know he will reject her. Not knowing what to do, we are ready to tell her but really unsure if it will hurt then help. The only reason we want to yell her is so we can b honest with her & we know it will b her choice no matter what... But we are at a loss right now not sure what to do but know we need to do it before its "too late" plz if u have any advise it will b appreciated!! Ps her bio has his own family with his own "kids"..
:( :( ::(

Jan 06, 2013
I found out my dad isnt my REAL dad ??
by: Anonymous

I also found out that my dad is not my real dad. I feel like no body gets it. My situation is slighty different tho, My "dad" and mam split up when I was about 10 I think. At first my "dad" was okay but then when I got a bit old 13 or 14 he stopped seeing me as much. It was really upsetting for me. For years it went through phases of my "dad" ignoring me. I desperatly wanted him to spend more time with me. When I was 19 my mam figured that if she told me the truth about my real dad that it would make me feel better. She told me that this man who has always been nice to me all my life but who is married is actually my real father. This made things worse. I know about a year and a half now and my head is still whirling I can't seem to stop thinking. I am 21. I still see my "dad" when he feels like it. He will always be my "dad". But I would love to get to know my real father better, I mean I know him, he has always been there as mams friend who was always extra nice to me but I want to get to know him as my dad. Unfortunately I can not tell anyone about this because to many people would get hurt. I also chicken out every time i want to talk to him and say "hey your my dad". I was kind of angry at him at the start but I realise its not his fault now as he only found out he was my father when I was 16. The most annoying thing about all this is that my mother will not talk about it anymore she just told me. I have been struggling with things like concentration and motivation recently and I think im going through a bit of a "fuck life" and mam has noticed and when she asked whats wrong, i told her my head is messed up a bit over the whole situation she told me to GET OVER IT. she said it out of anger and we were having a heated arguement but nothing has ever made me so angry. I felt like telling everybody about "mams dirty little secret" but I didnt because I know I would only regret it too much. I was feeling a bit stuck in life in general. I messed up last semester in college, and I don't even care. I feel like I wont be able to concentrate on college work untill I sort a plan of action to deal with this situation. I know what I want now and it is to try and create some better and less indirect relationship with my real father. I just need to contact him and make it happen. I feel like once I do that it will be a start to fixing things in life. I am hoping that it will help me get my focus back on college work as I love my course. wow I just had like the longest rant ever :) may not even post this ... it was nice to get it out tho.. to be honest i didnt even read the orginal post.. (i know, its a bit selfish isnt it? )I just wanted to post my storey somewhere make it feel like less of a big secret that I have to keep. I would love to tell the whole world who my father is because he is such a nice man who I have tonnnes of respect for. any way thanks for listening and anybody in the same situation feel free to leave me with some advice :)

Jan 10, 2013
I'm His Secret
by: Anonymous

Wow. I'm not alone. I'm 23 & just got told by my mom that my dad is not my dad recently. I don't understand. This is all too much. The man that I called dad my whole life just told me I'm dead to him now that I know who my real father is and he knew my whole life! I was his pawn. Now I am in a mess. The man that is my true dad is also my brothers dad... The really sad part is my brother passed away a few years so there is already a history between my mom n him. it just hurts bc my bro is not here to help me and I'm a constant walking reminder of him. my true dad accepted me right away even though he never knew until now as well. he is married w/ grown children & my problem is figuring out how to deal. Either be his secret on the side or he tells his wife he has a 2nd kid from same woman out of an affair and risk divorce. I'm already dead to the man I thought loved me. Don't want him losing fam either cuz he didn't know. it's just not fair. I feel like it's best I not be the cause of any more pain for others. I've lost my whole family and have been shunned already so maybe it's best I stay alone & let him go so he can keep going on and live a happy life with his family. I am so hurt, mad, lost, and every feeling at once. I just want to disappear for awhile. I'm the problem obviously

Jan 11, 2013
me to
by: Anonymous

I was 14 when my mother told me the man who raised me isn't my bio father it turned my world upside dawn. My mother took me to meet my real father and he wouldn't have anything to do with me he was married with a daughter I guess that was the reason so now I'm 42 and I looked him up to introduce my 19 yr old daughter to him and found out he died in 2011 .my dad that raised me and his family treat me awful. I don't know what my real dad likes and dislikes are I still have an identity crisis I still don't know who I am it really sux. I don't know if I should contact my half sister or not I feel I will ruine his memory for her and she will be straight up hurt and never accept me now my mom's dead and my real father no family members at all talk about being totally alone.

Feb 08, 2013
by: confussed

Recently I started questioning whether my dad was my biological dad.. So I asked my mom, and I was told yes that there was a very good possibility that he wasn't. My world as I knew it would never bee the same.. I am 42 years old and I'm definitely having an identity crisis. I Have figured out who the other person is and he too feels that I am his.. However The secrets in my family are horrible.. I believe that most of my elders have always known but no one is talking at all.. I have not told anyone that I have pieced it together except for myself and the my real dad.. We are having a DNA test done next week. At that point if the results are positive then I plan on confronting my mom since she claims she doesn't remember who he is.. Yeah right, LIAR!!! I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you are able to find some inner peace soon.. God wiling.. For me I need to know 100% not knowing is awful.. But I do know I look like him and not the man I was told was my dad as a child. I AM SO UPSET!!! I feel deceived and lied to and like I don't belong.. I am glad that I am building a relationship with the man I believe to be my real dad. =^..^=

Feb 18, 2013
My mom is in denial
by: Awakenow

Hi everyone, I am the youngest of 3 children by 5 years and never felt like I fully belonged in y family. I was teased and left out of many family things and I always felt nothing I did for my mother was good enough no matter how hard I tried. My mother emotionally abused me and is only loving towards me in public.

Anyway last year aged 50 Ifound out the man who I thought was my dad wasn't my bio father. Even with DNA proof my mother won't accept it. Both my siblings and mother just avoid the subject and act like I've made it all up. I haven't I have the proof.

I want to move back to the country of my birth next year, where my mums siblings and family still live. They all know mum and I have never been close, but I want to tell them that I don't speak to her now and why, maybe by telling them they may know something, but then again they may believe her and I may loose the rest of my family,

Anyone been in the same situation and if so what did/would you do? I feel so lost at the moment

Feb 21, 2013
Revelation _ Daddy was a famous person
by: Anonymous

I am 66 years old and just got the shock of my life, All my life I knew I was not the child of my mother's husband. She told me so many lies. When I was five, I asked her why Daddy was so mean to me. She told me that he was not my real father. When I asked who he was she gave me a name, the name of her first husband. She told me he was dead, killed in the war. For years I worshiped his memory, actually praying to him in Heaven, my childish attempt to communicate with the loving father I would never know. When I was fifteen, Mother told me that my father was still alive. I had been seeking a scholarship available to the children of deceased WWII veterans. Since he was not deceased I could not get the scholarship. I demanded more information but she said she had lost touch and had no idea where he was. I moved to Europe and wwhen I came back I was 30 years old. I was determined to find my real father. Mother dropped another bombshell. Her first husband, who was not dead, was not my real father either. I demanded more information. She told me his real name, that he was the best looking man she had ever met and was totally irresistible. They had had a brief affair while her first husband was overseas. She would only give me his first name.
Mother passed away recently and had a death bed confession. She finally named my real father who was a very well known person while he was alive. Whats more, his legitimate children are world famous and I bear a striking resemblance to them. People have remarked about this resemblance for my whole life. In fact I even did some look-alike work imitating my half sister. Now I am so embarrassed, because I never would have done that if I had know she was my half sister. She is dead too.
I am confused and angry. If I had known who my relatives were, my life would have been very different. The social connections I would have had! And all the years I wasted loving the memory of a man who was not even my real father.

I am totally shaken up, even at this late age. I came here to understand the identity crisis and it has helped. I am writing a book about it. Thanks for reading this.

Mar 02, 2013
I don't know what to think...
by: Sheila

I was told a couple of weeks before my grandmother died that my sorry so-called father was not my father. Apparently, my aunt disclosed this information to my sister and asked her to keep it a secret from me. You know how sisters are...they can't keep secrets from each other for very long, especially concerning family issues like that. After my grandmother passed away, my aunt pretty much disowned me. See, my father molested me, physically abused me, and abused my mom; however, he NEVER laid a hand on my sister, which leads me to believe that what my aunt said is true. I have lost all sense of who I really am, and all the medical history I have given to my doctors is completely questionable too. My mother passed away in 2008, and she never disclosed this pertinent information to my either. I don't know the name of my biological father, only that he was some salt miner in the Ellsworth/Kanopolis area in Kansas. I am totally okay with my father not being the father, but I am totally hurt that my mom didn't tell me and that my aunt wants nothing to do with me since the death of my grandmother; my grandmother loved me unconditionally though.

Mar 07, 2013
Find out on my own
by: Jeremy Fischer

My name is Jeremy, I am now 18. I found out that I was lied to at the age of 16. My mother thought she could keep a secret like this hidden from me in a small town of 888. I kind of had a feeling and somewhat knew but never really thought about it. I finally said something when I was 16. I hated her for it and my adoptive father too! They both lied to me and I felt alone. I became depressed and started to cut myself. My mother hates my biological father and would not let me have any contact with him. I finally did at the age of 17 but it wasn't what I thought it would be. He was nice at first but then turned into a complete douche bag! Now I'm left alone. I haven't lived with my parents for 4 years and now live with a friend but recently found out I'm getting kicked out for not smoking weed with him. Pretty stupid if you ask me. Some things can always be worse but then again some things can always be better. Being lied to has its ups and downs; for example it leaves me to not have trust in anyone but yet now I see my mom was only trying to protect me. It still was wrong to lie though. I hope you or anyone else who has this issue just stays strong! It can be very hard but time will pass and you will learn to just except it.

Apr 01, 2013
You are not alone.
by: Terri

I have felt worthless for years. My aunt told me at the age of 10, my dad was not my biological father. Instead my mother was young and slept with a lot of people and she has no idea who your father is. My mother then gave me a a name, who I research to no avail, then she gave me another name, again no avail and after two further names I realised my mum was getting off on the drama! When I was 30 my sister thought she had found her father. My mother phoned me to say his brother was my dad. I agreed to meet on the condition of a DNA test. Test came through negative:( now 40, I have married my childhood sweetheart, have a child and starting my masters in sept 13. I have come to terms that I will never know, and that is the people who were and are there for you that matters. Also, I am defined by every action I have done and will take in my life not a sperm or a person. One is to learn by others and my own mistakes to my family a fighting chance. You can't change the past but you can today and for the future. And you can start to believe in yourself.

Apr 09, 2013
I found out my dad isnt my dad
by: Anonymous

On July 19th 2012 a few days before my 23rd birthday I found out my Father wasn't my biological father. I found out from a friend of my sisters who didn't even realize what she was saying would affect me. Katie asked me if it was me or my sister that was at a party one night and (mine and my sisters) Aunt was there and she was drunk saying something about Jeff not being my actual father another guys was.. I told Katie It was not me at the party that night it was my sister. But immediately my heart dropped to my feet. I made a excuse on my I had to leave my sisters friends house because I didn't want her to think what she had said bothered me. I texted my sister as soon as I left and wrote "IS OUR DAD REALLY MY DAD" She acted like she didnt know what I was talking about and started calling my phone Several times. I wanted answers so I called my mom. (My mom is not the same mom that I grew up to know she became alcoholic no job and really a useless person) When I called I said "MOM is DAD REALLY MY DAD" she said of course he is what are you talking about. I had told her that someone but I wasn't going to say who it was told me that he wasn't. And when I said that to my mom she said Fine he is not your dad and I was hysterical I said "Who is my F**King Dad mom who is he. She said she wasn't going to tell me and hung up on me and till this day she will not tell me anything about him. I was so upset when I got home all I could do is cry I couldn't believe it. IT didn't seem real. My dad and I have always been really close my mom and my dad havent been together since I was 2 and my sister was 1 but. My sister and I have always been real close to him. It took me a few days and I confronted my dad about it he didnt know my biological fathers name or anything but he did say there was a possiblelity I could still be his.. Over the few days between me finding out and confronting my dad on the phone I decided that since my parents never sat me down in person and told me to my face I was going to tell my self that none of it was real and I never wanted anyone to speak of it again. And my parents agreed that they would never speak of it. It still bothered me alot So I went to see my Grandma and mom's mom. I was crying and very upset but she was able to answer allot of the questions I had about my biological father she saved a picture of him so she could one day give it to me She told me his name and where he lived. HE LIVES 4 BLOCKS AWAY FROM ME. I told my self I would never want to meet him because if he wanted to be in my life he would have been the town isn't that big its not like he couldn't find me..

Apr 29, 2013
by: Anonymous

Hi...My name is Laura,I am a 56 yr old woman, and my mom told me 3 1/2 yrs ago that the dad who raised my 2 sisters and i is not MY father. We were raised(?) in abject neglect & abuse...my step-dad (i thought he was MY dad too) tried to have me offed a couple of times.....this could go on and on, so, more directly to the point....my bio-dad never showed any interest or he would have contacted me at some point.....my consolation...God in heaven is my father....I have no other......I know I need to be happy with that knowledge...I am only human, tho, after all.....how we find our own peace, i guess, is up to us as individuals...there is no one in my life who i can talk to about this. This is such a personal issue that no one else can really GET IT. My mom is in a chronic care facility now, she hasn't been able to speak since very shortly after she told me this, ...and she has been trying to tell me something so desperately....and, she can't. She just looks at me with tears in her eyes.(I am the only one who cared for her when she got sick, the other 2 blew the coop). I very simply will never know the truth....and I just HAVE to learn to live with it and still find as much joy in life as i can....so will u....i am still angry at times (that's why i sought out this place today) but i know anger won't help. God is my father...God is my father.....

May 05, 2013
by: Anonymous

I am the youngest of 3 by 6 years, and I have always felt the odd one out in my family. My 'dad' and his bio kids are really close and do everything together. I identify with alot of what others have written it is a pain like no other. Not only knowing you have been lied to your whole life but also having an a 'identity' crisis.

I too found out by another family relative and I know it's true it's like the missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle of your life. Now but remember that God is the ultimate father of us all.

May 12, 2013
Should I confront the man I believe to be my biological father
by: Anonymous

I was 44 years old when I found out my dad wasn't my biological father, he was living with me & my late husband suffering from dementia & we were up late talking when he let it slip, he thought he was talking to my sister, he was so upset when he realized that i promised him I would never mention it again, I'm sure I saw the man I now believe to be my biological father at dads funeral but only connected him after the fact, I am still in doubt whether to seek him out & would appreciate any advice.

Jun 06, 2013
Get a grip
by: Anonymous

Last lady seems in sound mind and sensible, however I have doubts regarding the person who wrote the original post. This is and never will be an uncommon occurrence, get real and be glad that your mother went through with the pregnancy - your bitterness and resentment are unhealthy and seem way out of proportion.

Jun 07, 2013
Counselor said that??
by: Anonymous

Your comment that your counselor said the you "Looked like you had been run over by a truck and died" sent HUGE red flags about the counselors capabilities as a human, much less a counselor! Seek someone with some training...fast!

Jun 07, 2013
I can't ask him
by: Anonymous

I'm 50 years old. I have known since I was 8 or 9 that my Dad isn't my biological father. He's my dad. 25 years ago, when my biological father was alive, he contacted my older siblings many times to see how they were doing, wrote to them asking them how each other was, except me. Letters were written back and forth, but nothing about his youngest daughter.
I asked my mom about this over the years and was rebuffed numerous times. Finally I asked my mother again a month ago. She told me "He was not a good father. He said you are not his daughter! He didn't claim you."
I was stunned. I had been told since I found out my dad isn't my biological dad that this man was my father.
My Father, my real father is the one who raised me and taught me and loved me, and pushed me to do better. He's the one who will always have my undying love.
That said, I still....want to know from where I come.

Jun 08, 2013
Finding my Father
by: Anonymous

What ever happened is done I want to know the truth, do I really have a father, I do not know the last time I saw my mother she told me, he is not your real father! Why did she have to say this after 28 years, now I know why my father was soo cold to me he never said that he Loved me! I need to know the secret! I know he is out there I want to meet you, and be part of your life please end this nightmare. Everyone I know or meet tell me things I can not understand, about who I really am! I want this Game to end!

Aug 22, 2013
25 years later
by: Anonymous

Hi. I am on the other end of the scenario. I have been married for 25 years. We got married 31/12/1988 because my now wife, fell pregnant and I love her and it was the right thing to do.I now found out that my daughter is not my daughter, not that I will ever love her less. Any suggestions?

Sep 28, 2013
Found out son isn't his after 40 years
by: Anonymous

My husbands son told him a few years ago that his mother told him his dad wasn't his when he was a teenager. She showed him his picture and dog tags when he was 16 how is 41 now. They divorced for other reasons when he was 2, the thing is she named him after my husband and his middle name after the guy. My husband had a rough start but has been a great dad for decades. His mom is a hard core drug addict and Mr. this is your dad has never been in the picture. I am so mad that if she had anything we would sue her for fraud. His son is a manipulator, charmer and has never been good at relationships, he has a long term failed relationship and a divorce and 3 awesome boys. We recently moved our whole life to be closer to him, but once our cash ran out so did he. He has never given his dad a fathers day card and he named all of his sons middle name after the other guy the name he goes by. Disrespectful in my opinion, I am clear we can't have a relationship with him because he obviously was using us all these years to keep is lights on a his family fed. People lying ruin lives for generations. In my opinion this should be a criminal act. I am sorry these boys and dads go through this they are both victims.

Nov 13, 2013
by: Anonymous

I sympathize with so many of these stories I have read on this page today..I am 46 years old and know nothing about my biological father...until I was 14 I always thought my stepdad was my father..one day my olders sister told me that was not the case. When I asked my mother about this she told me she would never tell me anything about my father. She has been dead for over 20 years. We were born in Germany and my stepfather was in the military. We came to the states when I was 7...unfortunately my mother slept around. I have hurt and felt incomplete for the last 32 years and to this day still wish I knew who my father is. it's frustrating when you have nothing to go on. I don't have a relationship with my stepdad and no relationship with any of my family for that matter. I have always felt that something about who my real father was made my mother hate me and abuse me until I left home at 16. To keep information like this from a child is very damaging. Even if you think you are protecting them.

Dec 06, 2013
I need help....
by: Rob

It is good to know I am not the only to be going through this.

My mother and father divorced when I was 5. It was unusual that my mother signed her rights over to my father when they split. My father played Mr. Mom our entire lives. My mother was never really close. Just recently, I have discovered that my father is not my biological father. Oh my. I have been going through this roller coaster ride for only 10 months now and it has only just begun. I have a plan on how to proceed, but my emotions are getting the best of me. The people around me don't understand what I am going through. I think I need to find a counselor to help guide me to peace......:-(

Feb 09, 2014
I always thought I was adopted
by: meg

from earliest childhood memory I searched through boxes in the attic - wherever we lived - hoping to find my adoption papers that would be my "ticket out". I am the eldest child of a couple everyone believed to be insanely happy. I have 2 younger sisters. I always felt something was wrong with me. I suffered years of depression and overwhelming feelings of failure because I couldn't meet my father's unreasonably high expectations - I was the "smart one".

My father died 7 years ago. My mother died last April. In those 6 years I had more lovely, real times with my mother than I'd ever known. We were always distanced. She repeatedly said, "I didn't think you loved me". All displacement.

Her deathbed confession was that my father was not my father. She only told me in hopes of avoiding going to hell. Somehow, in the first few months of her marriage to the love of her life, she'd had an affair. DNA testing revealed my sisters are my half-sisters, my proud, loving, demonstrative grandparents and my "father" were duped. As were we all.

I am 66 years old, am happily married. I have a wonderful son and 3 beautiful grandchildren. I wish I could understand so many things. I know I am still the same person - and yet I'm not. I wish to reach a place of calm so that I can mourn my mother

Feb 23, 2014
My son is 17....and he doesn't know I am his biological father
by: George

I am 46 and I have a son who is 17.
My son does not know I am his biological father.
His mother and I were very good friends at one time. I truly loved her.
She was in a bad marriage in 1996. We crossed the line as friends and she became pregnant.
Only challenge was that she had 2 kids with her current husband and another with her boyfriend.....so, she had 3 kids at the time.
She (C) saw how I dropped everything when my high school sweetheart informed me she was pregnant....i left college after 2 yrs and took responsibility for what I thought was my baby.
Yet, sadly, the baby was not mine after 1 yr.
My dear friend, C, saw how I dropped all my dreams to marry her friend ( L).
Fast forward 8 yrs and C and I have an affair and she gets pregnant.
My first reaction is to assimilate the situation with that of my previous experience with C's friend, L.
No doubt C was pregnant with my baby, yet I had thought she may've gotten pregnant to have me pull her out of her bad marriage.
We both knew I did not wear protection so I wondered how we both were reckless.
Within the week after we were together, C broke off our affair.
I was hurt, yet knew it was the right thing to do.
Sadly, C saw an ex of mine departing my condo as she arrived. Thinking I had also slept with the ex, C stated that was her reason for breaking it off with me.
Yet, I had not slept with anyone in months except for my friend, C.About a month after C was pregnant, she called me to tell me she was "going to work on her marriage and raise the baby as their own." I was hurt.She stated she and her then husband were going to have me sign my rights away. I never agreed nor signed anything.
I went on with my life. She with hers.Our son was born in April 1997. C asked me if I wanted to see my son now that she was separated from her husband in October 1997.
My son was 5 months old at the time I first held him.
The exact same age of a child that was taken away from me when L left me. I didn't know how to react to the situation.
C was asking me to take her, my baby and her other kids yet she had recently discarded me and my feelings despite knowing the trauma I experienced withe her ex-friend, L.
In Sept 1997 I had started seeing a girl I was starting to fall in love with. One that would soon be my fiancé.
I wanted my son, yet could not get over how quickly C discarded me. C married her current husband of today in November 1999.
For the next 17 yrs she and I would stay in contact but I have never seen my son. The only father figure he knows is C's current husband. I WANT TO MEET MY SON!!
C has started a world wide organization that helps families in the US adopt kids from other countries with special needs; HIV, AIDS, DOWN's SYNDROME, etc....
I am happy she is helping so many, yet I am completely confused as to why she will not help foster a relationship with my son and I.

Feb 23, 2014
I am your father....
by: George

My heart breaks for each of you that you never knew your real father until later in life.
That is why I want to make my son whole.
As a cancer survivor I have learned that time is precious.
I am 46 and my son will be 17 soon.
I will understand he will be upset and that he may never want to meet me.
But I want him to know who is real father is.
His mother recently confessed that she had always loved me.
When I pulled back the reigns on our affection after we reunited to try and make things right, she changed her mind about an introduction to my son.
Do I reach out to him when is 18?
I do not want any legal issues that his mother could bring if I attempt to reach out to him now.
I just want him to know I am out there and open whenever he is ready...if he his ever ready.

Apr 16, 2014
father or not father
by: Anonymous

I have son 10 years old.im almost sure im not is real dad.it doesnt stop me to love him as my own .
Father or not father.if now you tell me my mom is not my real mom i will laugh. She takes care of me for me 59 years.why should be important were i got my eyes.important who gave me love and care e 've ery moment of my life.

So to all you sons i can understand.but it is no more then a sperm.

Apr 25, 2014
Wound that never heals
by: Anonymous

I understand. I was 12 years old when I found out my stepfather was not my biological father. My mother never wanted him to see my brother and me. I finally was able to contact a cousin and went to her house and she gave me pictures so I finally found out what he looked like, and he looked a lot like me.

Although he had died when I contacted my cousin and I would have loved to have met him, I had some consolation that he wanted to see us but my mother kept him from it. I think he loved us as my cousin said it tore him up that he couldn't see us. He had remarried and they had no children. His second wife was against him seeing us also. My brother was three when my parents divorced. They divorced when I was born so I never knew him.

Apr 25, 2014
i wish i didn't know
by: Anonymous

i found out about my biodad one week ago. i still don't know if i even want to get to know him. He walked away once, he'll walk away again.
I DO know that the family I have known is my family, regardless of blood ties. They have chosen over and over to have a relationship with me. Every time they call or invite me to see them is an affirmation of our bond. That's what matters.

May 22, 2014
Shocked & Betrayed
by: Anonymous

After 33 years I just found out that the man that raised me is not my biological father. My dad is honestly like my mom and dad to me. My mother and I have always unconditionally loved each other, but she has been emotionally abusive and not very supportive. When I found out I recently had a surgery where I asked if they would tell me my blood type and that's when I found out I was an A+ and I've always known dad was an O and mom was an B and I know those do not make an A....she has always planted the seed in my my mind and that is truly why I asked....I confronted my mom about it and a few weeks later she confirmed who my bio was..since I was born, I have known my bio mom, sisters, niece....his niece and I have been close for all these years, he has,been at a few funerals...I don't know if he knows? I don't want to hurt my relationship with my dad, but I feel resentful towards my mom for lying to me and dad for 33 years! She just expects me to brush it under the rug and all she cares about is her feelings....she is a manipulator and tries to make everything about her....how and when do I talk to my bio dad? I also have 2 half bros out here....my bro and did I grew up with do not know...I don't know if I should even tell them...it will probably just cause more family drama....I always thought I was different from my bro and did my whole,life and now it all makes sense....please help with any advise

May 23, 2014
Product of an affair.
by: Anonymous

I found out my father wasn't my father by having a DNA test done and realizing that he couldn't be based on the results of the test. I have always looked very different from the other members of my family and my mother simply explained it away by saying that I looked like some of her relatives on her side that I had never met and were dead. This was convenient since no one could ever prove to the contrary. As I got older I began to realize that her story did not quite add up. I am now 54 years old and she just passed away. After she died I had a DNA test done and was stunned to realize that I was right and that all of the unanswered questions in my life now made sense. I do remember my older sister telling me that she was having an affair when I was very small. She also gave me a name. However, no one seemed to think that he might be my father, even though the time period that he was in her life was right and his physical appearance was much more reasonably like mine than my father's was.
When I told my sister about my test results she said that she was not surprised and that she had always knew, but never questioned my mother or said anything to me about it. I was absolutely livid that this secret had been kept from me so long and that it was actually thought that a lie was better than telling me the truth. My life is half over and I never even knew who my real father was or even my ethnicity for that matter. I do have a name however, but I have no idea how to find him or even where to start looking. If some one has an idea. I would be very grateful.

May 25, 2014
Identity Theft
by: NotSureAnymore

Late last year my life was turned upside down. A good night’s sleep, a head and neck free of pain, calmness and serenity are now things of the past. Someone reached out to inform me that my real father had died without ever getting to really know me. He and my mother had an affair which resulted in my existence. Mom got back with her husband who then raised me as his own. He never let me feel unwanted or outcast. He was a wonderful father, and still is today. I was angered to hear this lie. That he was not my real father was an outrage. I spoke with mother, but her responses were not the reassuring ones I expected.
That I needed.
She only gave me more questions, but she refuses to speak on the matter.
As if it is hers to refuse.
She has made this out to be some search to humiliate and disgrace her name. Her name?...What about my name? I no longer have a name! I have dedicated my life to being my father’s son. I have traveled to his homeland, seen the country of his ancestors, and dined at their tables. But it turns out I did this as a tourist. I did not belong there. I have lost my identity, and the one who can help me, and should, will not. She acts as though I should forget this ridiculousness and just go on as if nothing has happened. And maybe I could if the DNA test I took with my sister came back showing that it was indeed a lie, but it did not. My sister and I are only half siblings! My world is spinning, and I am losing control. I feel like I am about to have a full scale breakdown any minute, but I do not have the luxury of freaking out. I am a father myself. I am a husband. I need to be strong, and provide a living for my family. I have no friends who I can share this with. I cannot speak with my parents. Mom won’t discuss it, and I don’t know how to approach Dad. Does he know?
I am at a loss.
My sister does not want me to create drama or fight between my parents, and neither do I. But I would like some answers. She and my wife, and hundreds of opinions on the web say that I am still the same person. My Dad is still my Dad. Yes Dad is Dad, and I love him even more since he was such a great father to a boy that was not his own. But all that doesn’t really matter. How can anyone tell me what to feel, or how to get over it? Did it happen to you? Can you really understand what I am feeling? And even if you have been through this scenario it was unique to you as it is to me. Those of us in this bastard fraternity all have something in common, but that same commonality is as equally different and unique. None of our experiences are the same. Then how are we to cope?
How do we heal?
Who am I?...really?
I am a man with one name. An alter ego without a secret personality.
My biodad is dead. I will never know him, and he was adopted, so I will never know my true history. He had no other children and because he was adopted I have no other family. I gain nothing, and I have lost so much.
Why has this happened?

Jun 10, 2014
Glad to know
by: Anonymous

As I sat and read each of these I feel less that I am alone in this world and more that I am apart of a lost crew.

I am 42 years old. I was born with white blonde hair and pale skin. The parents who raised me had darker skin and brown and black hair. My four siblings well they look like mom and dad and the youngest before me is 14 years older. I was to say the least treated like Cinderella. The abuse was verbal and mental. From an extended relative it got physical when I was 7. My dad was able to step in and keep the act from going further but nothing happened to that family member as far as criminal. It was then that I knew not only do I look different but his actions showed I am different.

At age 10 a neighbor confessed to me that my mom had gotten drunk and confessed to her mom I was adopted. That explains why I was treated so bad.

Long story short the story I got was I am the product of an affair. At 17 I sought out my father. (dna says he is not)

My mother confessed to my daughter about two weeks ago she is not my mother.

At one point when I was young I was hurt. I became numb after so many years.

The problem is my 3 children want to know who they are and where they come from and I can only provide them information on my husband.

What is even worse on Easter I was asked to talk about my child hood. My kids want to know why I don't speak of When I was a kid like most parents.

I wanted to say well guys not only am I a nobody but I'm not worth the truth.

I have obtained a plain journal to start writing what I can remember from my childhood for my son. (I dare not use my tablet I do not want anyone else to read what I need to write) I won't write much good but in the end I will give thanks to those who raised me and their horrible offspring for making me the person I am today.

I was never drug addicted or sought out things to hurt me. I sought out education, love and spirituality. I have that education and a successful career. I have an amazing husband that never lets me forget I'm loved. Three wonderful children that make me proud daily and an amazing God who sees me thru each day.

As for my parents well I just started that journey a few days ago and I hope I'm not to late in finding them (If I do).

The truth does set you free as long as you use it in the right way.

Jun 19, 2014
i am happy.comfused and shock
by: Anonymous

i am women age 29 i found out about my biological father 2days back.am still in shock but in other hand i thanks god that i know the truth before his or my mom death.

Jun 21, 2014
53 years of deception? Is this possible?
by: Anonymous

I was elementary age when my father died. 6 months to a year later a man came into our lives and we were to call him uncle out of respect my mother said. She is dating him. A few years after that while snooping as kids do, we found dated evidence of the two having been having a sexual affair before we were even born. He was still married we also found out. I Always wondered if one of us or some of us were his child. But as kids grow we simply forgot the fact and started our own life as teenagers school dances, boyfriends, jobs, marriage and our own children, while they still saw each other. One day, while she was waiting for his call after he vacationed with his family, and didn't get one, She found out thru the paper that he had died. She always called him her companion while they were dating and him being married, I guess, we just never butted into their business. However, this has effected my life tremendously with trust in my own marriage deep inside me which I have never shared. Needless to say, she summoned one of her children to go up the the funeral home to obtain a burial card. Years later, While I was going thru old pictures, I see him on my birthday, a camping trip, My first car, graduation and even my wedding. Question stream through my mind of the past wondering if he could have been my biological father. I even remember her asking me if I wanted him to walk me down the isle since I had not a father. I also can remember at times that I felt I was being compared/questioned/commented on as a child, my writing,my eyes etc. So at my old age of 53 now, When I asked my mother what his last name was,because I was going thru pictures, She snapped at me telling me it was none of my business and it didn't concern me,he is dead and gone and He was her companion. I was confused at the way she was hiding his last name because I knew about the affair, and about him being married, It had been years since his death, and I was wondering what the big deal was. Then it hit me, I found myself curious again as I was as a young child. I search my states death certificates by his first name, and the year of his death. I found him. I found out his children's name's. I was floored when I saw a picture of one of them. The resemblance was crazy,at a glance, I thought it was me, or is it in my mind. I haven't told her what I have seen. but one day, I asked her nicely the big question. She became upset and told me it was like I stuck a knife in her heart for asking. At first she said Yes madly, or smartly then immediately had to go. Then days later, she told me she wanted to set me straight and that there was no way he could have fathered me because he had a vasectomy, and she also added his past medical history to that, which I thought was strange because I hadn't asked it as of yet. I asked her why she told me Yes the other day, she told me she was joking. WOW, what a joke folks huh? I don't think she knows that I know he has a child that is younger then me. He remained married till he died, his wife has also died, He has 4 children which I was able to look up on internet sites. I was floored when I saw their pictures. I have resemblance with each one of them at different times of my life, and/or I question myself if the resemblances is just in my mind. I am so upset that my life is not worth the truth. I have Cancer, and other medical problems, I worry about my children and grandchildren with medical history. My grandchild may have a heart condition and the doctor had asked if any family member child had heart problems or defect. Does breast cancer or other cancers run in his children's life?. I do not want to humiliate my mother in any means to her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. I don't want to expose his children to the pain I had and defame the father they may have looked up to, if they did. I don't' know how his life was with his family. I'm sure there had to be something going on with an affair that lasted over 50 years with my mother. I am not asking for details, intimate events, of the relationship or about any other members of my family. I am simply asking my mother about MY LIFE, where did my genes and cells that effect my being and health originate from, what nationality origin did I come from. Information as to am I French, German, Can I tell my children they are part polish or whatever. I would just tell them your grandfather was blank.....They don't need to know about her deceptive life. What information do I give my doctors regarding family medical information? Then same for my children. I love my mother, but I find I can no longer talk to her and answer her questions about how my life is going, How my children are etc. Its so sad. We simply just do not call one another. I have love for my mother, but I feel My mother is a selfish woman, She is hiding my family history on me and its mine. WHO I CAME FROM. She is stealing my right to know and my identity away from me. possibly because of her embarrassment? How do I trust a yes/ no answer with a possible lie? Which on is true? How do I find out the answer? Question, if she can't tell me, how will she tell God on her judgment day? p.s. I have considered reaching out to his children, but I do not wish to disrupt their lives with a shock of their fathers infidelity. My only hope is that my mother will come forward soon, or possibly I will ask my older sibling to take a DNA test with me to see if we are half or whole and I will go from there. Good Luck to all of you going thru similar problems. I will pray for all of us.

Jul 14, 2014
~~~~Mommy Dearest~~~~
by: Anonymous

Well, I can not believe there are so many people out here in the same situation like me....It comfort me to read the entries....
My childhood was not the best...basically I was treated as a second class citizen in the home....nothing I did was right ...
She( my Mother) would always favor my youngest Brother and would try to belittle me in behind my back to my brothers...
My mother was the great manipulator and even tho she did not have a high school education, she knew how to manipulate people.

Everybody was better than me according to her..and the way my father treated me...
I'm 55 now and She has pass..When she was grave ill she wanted to be bother with me...she wanted me to move in to take care of her etc... before that she did not want me around..
To make a long story short...I believe she went to hell..because as she lay sock...she was screaming "Please Forgive me" Let me Die!

I just found out that my father is not my father. My oldest brother just pass and it could be possible that we all have different fathers...

That would explain the meanness that was brought upon me, a innocent child...
I can say with all the nastiness, I am proud that they kept the family together and was able to buy a house and provide for all of us...

I was good average child and I love my parents, but I don't think they love me....I did my best for them when them, even when they were sick and I have no guilt...I did my best!

I now understand WHY my Dad was angry and drank....he was providing for kids that was not his and possible his BEST friend and his brother....
How can a woman do this and be married!
Oh did I mention, she was church going ?

Jul 14, 2014
Mixed feelings
by: Anonymous

Hello Everyone,

I feel somewhat comforted knowing that I am not the only one experiencing this sort of thing.

I am 58 years old, and early last week I discovered that my father was apparently not my biological father.

My sister and I took a Family Tree DNA test, in part because I am interested in genealogy, but also, we always had a little shred of doubt. My sister, who is more than a decade older than me, told me that my parents were legally separated for a while, then got back together, and soon after it was clear that my mother was pregnant with me. During their separation my sister remembers a man that my mother was seeing. She even remembered his name.

Anyway, the DNA results indicated that my sister and and I are half-siblings.

Although nothing has changed in my heart...my family is still my family, my late father is still my father...I feel a sense of something, not quite sure how to describe it. Maybe it is a sort of feeling of loss and grief. My sister is experiencing this as well.

Years ago, a few years before my mother passed away, I straight out asked her if my father was my father, and she laughed, and called out to my father, saying, "Do you hear what she is saying?" And she said of course he is your father.

The family matches that came up on the DNA site, show that I have at least two fairly close cousins who are researching the last name of the man that might be my biological father. Doing a few searches online, and on Ancestry trees, I was able to determine that he died in 2000, and has at least one living son (who lives in the next county).

Part of me wants to contact him, but I have no idea what to say, or even if it is the right thing to do. First, because I do not know for certain it is the right biological father I have been researching, and second, because I don't want to hurt anyone, nor do I want to be rejected.

Finally, it was strange on the many cousin DNA matches that my sister, now my half-sister, and I had at least two of the same matches where the person's family trees included people from my father's side of the family. This made me wonder if, perhaps, the DNA test was in error.

We match 1750 centimorgans, which is a measure of matching on all the chromosomes. Full sisters would match 1900-2500 centimorgans. They would also have a complete match on the X chromosome, which is passed from the father. My sister and I do not match fully on the X chromosome. At least according to this particular test.

So a lot of questions, a lot of emotions, a lot of mixed feelings.

I am not sure why my mother didn't tell me. Maybe she wasn't sure, and after I was born she looked at me and thought I was my father's child, not the other fellow's child. Who knows.

Thank you so much for listening. I am really not sure where to go from here.

Jul 21, 2014
Finally confirmed
by: Anonymous

Much like all of you I am well into adulthood @ 37 with 4 beautiful children in search of who I am. I read through every post as i feel like know one around me understands or even really cares about the intense roller coasters of emotion and confusion I'm going through. My mom has always been farely open about my father situation. Around the age of 12, I began to question about my bio father. My mom kept it short sweet with a picture and a name. Pre-internet era that was enough to pacify my curiosity for several decades. Needless to say mom did an amazing job making me feel completely loved and complete. Although the image is burned in my brain, I lost the only picture shortly after turning 18 and moving out of moms house. Fast forward to 2009 with the emergence of Facebook and POW!! who shows up on my Facebook "people you might know"? The name my mom gave me about 20 yrs earlier. I had never looked up, googled or really ever made any attempt to find this man, but his page with pictures and info was right there. First I had to know who we knew in coincidence and of course did I look like him? OMG he is my husbands cousins uncle by marriage. I had attended family bar b ques with his step children never even knowing. There is a picture that I showed my grandma because I thought I look like him and she agreed. When I showed my mom his page she acted a little strange, but who could blame her it was out of the blue. When I asked her if this man was my dad she said she couldn't tell from pictures, it's been do long, she never said yes or no. So I thought about it from time to time, but know one wanted to talk about it, not even with the surreal coincidence of fate? It went away once again, until a couple of days ago when me, my mom, and stepdad were volunteering for my sons HS band at a concert when the band performing on a side stage in VIP just so happened to be a Band my Bio dad is in. I stopped dead in my tracks and told my mom, "that is my dad, right there next to the bar that is the man you said you couldn't tell from a picture. I am asking you right now is that my dad?" Her mouth dropped and she told me, "yes, that's him and you look just like him." All my life I grew up with everyone telling me I look just like my mom and there she was telling me I look just like a man I had never met. I ran. I didn't know what to say or do, the moment my subconscious has dreamed of and I ran. Now I don't know what to do. I must tell this man who doesnt even know I exist that I have reason to believe he's my bio father. I don't know what to say and the fact that he is married into my husbands family only complicates things more. Please anyone what do I do?

Aug 20, 2014
A Miracle happened to me
by: Anon

I have been reading some of your posts and I would like to tell you my story. My mum told me the same story when I was 17. Your dad is not your dad, your birth father was a not a nice bloke. They had been married but that he had disappeared. I was told to never mention this to anyone just in case my step father felt rejected. I di as I was told, as I was scared of my step father and also my mum. I am 51 now and this has 'secret holding' still continues. My step father is older and unwell but I am still scared of him and am often confused as to how I feel towards him. His behaviour towards me was in the main abusive emotionally and sometimes physically, although this was also the same for his 3 children that he had with my mum. I have a big heart and I hold no bitterness towards him now but the childish emotional blackmail behaviour continues to be part of his way of being.

I have felt that I never fitted in with this family and I felt this before I was told. It is hard to cope when only part of who you are is there and there is a black void or space in the other part of you. Knowing who I really am has been a challenge, but I have managed to cope by working with families and children as one thing I have is a strong empathy to how this feels for a child, young or old.

More recently I have been working with mediation and the law of attraction... look it up as it is amazing. have changed the way I think and feel. work with angels now and have asked them to help me to find some kind of closure with this, and this is what happened to me.

In July 2014, I was doing some internet research and decided to put my biological dads name into the computer with a few key words that related to him. I have done this before. On this day, I came across something that resonated with me, I do not know why. I read the information and found a phone number.. my biological dad is a musician so I was able to find traces in the net, which were not there in the past. To cut a long story short, I made the call. I do not remember him as I was a baby, but he would have known me. I made the call and it was him. I could not believe it. The phone call was positive, although he was shocked. I have recently met him, our meeting was pure magic and I feel so so lucky to have been able to meet him. Yes, he was not that well behaved when he was younger, but for me that is not important as I only live in the here and now. Our coming together was nothing but a miracle and the outcome has been life changing for us both, For me, as I have laid much of my issues to rest and for him a man of 77 can also do the same. I have not lived my life thinking about this with any venom, just confusion sometimes as to who I am. I would have carried on my life, I was not miserable, and always did my best to help others, over myself most of the time. What I want to say, is live for today, the past is the past and the future is just that. Don't carry this burden with you for the rest of your life, change the thoughts to positive ones and go and research the law of attraction. My biological father was also working with this in his life, so we were both thinking the same.... and the rest is history. Love and light x

Aug 23, 2014
by: Anonymous

Yah neh everyone had the same situation. My mom don't wanna tel me the truth who is my dad but family r insulting me n they told me am not one of them n the man who raised me is not my dad n the man that they say his my bio father we look alike too much n he also told me his my dad...but the thing is his wife dont want me..n my mom dont want me to know him. The father o raise me doesn't know about this..am stress an am crying everyday to get peace in my life.. n I wanna know who am I

Aug 27, 2014
a mothers question
by: Anonymous

Should I tell my daughter her father may not be her father. Shes 24 married with a child of her own. My ex husbands threatens t to tell her everytime we argue. I want to tell her but afraid of ruining her life like everyone in this blog. He is only 45 and lives local. I want to tell her just in case he is so she can meet him. My ex refuses to have a dna test because he treats her like his own. What if her possible father refuses to see her OR take a paternity test. Don't know what to do. He has two daughters with his wife. Advise? Tell her or not. Possible she is my exs but she looks like the other. Help

Aug 29, 2014
To a mothers question.
by: Anonymous

TELL HER.....be real...don't stay hidden like my mother still chooses to do. Please read my story 53 years of deception. I only wish my mother would tell me...I am pretty sure her lover is my bio father. I look a lot like his children, even my children look like my half siblings children. Yet my mother remains with her mouth tied and refuses to discuss what she calls a nightmare yet to me... Its My reality. I don't think I would have been as angry and hurt as I am now. because now...there are lost chances to talk to him. I would have excepted it, and at least not been living a lie. I would have had an opportunity to talk to him, Mind you he was there. My mother had an affair with him for over 60 years till he died, and he remained married. Tell her! for if she finds out herself or from someone else, it could ruin your relationship with her because you have purposely deceived her and continue it.. You know, I am sure you are embarrassed, and upset with yourself that it took so long, otherwise you wouldn't be on here asking if you should. Really though, what IS OR WAS a good time to tell her...I think she is at the perfect age to understand everyone makes mistakes that we are not proud of and especially confessing them. But don't you think she deserves to know her real family history, her medical history, that she is possibly German rather then french. I can't even bare to pick up the phone to call my mother because I am so hurt that she continues to sweep it under the carpet and leave a question mark in my head. I am SIMPLY not worth the truth to her is what I feel. It hurts me badly, I broke out into tears just the other day, It haunts me in my sleep with wonder. However,I forgive her so I can be happy with me...but, I don't have to share my life with her anymore because my life is not worth the truth to her because she still hides it.
Please she may have questions. and only you can answer her...please be honest..Don't lie like my mother keeps doing to cover up herself. She keeps having to cover up more lies that she is making up to me...So be very honest no matter how much it hurts you...Let her see your hurt...let her see your mistake...she will probably love and respect you more for telling rather then for continuing to lie and cover it up. my mother told me she refuses to talk about it. Its non of my business, that my father is my father...that still doesn't answer me as to which father is my father So I just don't talk to her. If she calls, I will answer, but, rest assured, I will not share anymore with her about my life because, she wont tell me my birth right. Just so you know, my sister who lives and cares for my mother also has a daughter that she is hiding this info from her also. She has a different father from an affair she had, Yet she put her husband now ex husbands name on the birth certificate. Everyone deserves the truth about who they are...what is thee family history. GOOD LUCK

Sep 03, 2014
mam and dad
by: Anonymous

I am 60 yrs of age, i found out 2 yrs ago that my father was not my bio father , i always felt different i had my suspicians for many years , i finally plucked up the courage to ask my mam, she kept denying the truth. until she finally told me . the first thing i asked what was his name she l ied for 2 yrs gave me a false name , now she tells me his true name, harrold yancy he was statioed nr aldershot in the 50s the man who brought me up was not a family man or a lover of children , he often verbally abused my mother , he had an affair whith another women i was 15 yrs old at the time, in short he was not a family man , he died 14 yrs ago.he had ill health from being 50 yrs old and it was hard , in and out of hospital the day before he passed we went to see him and he wanted us to leave, i could not have done more if he was my bio dad i always supported mam. but she always took his side, on almost everthing ,even now i feel gutted

Sep 08, 2014
I regret telling my so the truth
by: Anonymous

I recently told my son that the man who raised him is not his bio father and now I think I may have caused my son more harm than good. At first he said he was not upset, but I think he was in shock and did not know how to feel. I have not spoken to him in weeks and we live so far apart. I can only pray that God gives him peace and resolve. I pray that my intent to be honest was not a big mistake. I just wanted him to know the truth before I died just in case he may need to ask me questions and express his emotions to me.

Sep 09, 2014
by: Vicki

I just told my daughter the other day that her father was not her real father. She has never known the man that I told her was her father. I knew she had the right to know. I really wanted Steve to be her father. He was the love of my life. I know you are thinking why did I end up pregnant with another man. Well, Steve paid Doug to have sex with me. I struggled and tried to fight Doug off. I am so heartbroken and I know my daughter is even more heartbroken. She will not even speak to me now. I am afraid I am going to lose her and my granddaughters. I am finding a little peace in praying to GOD and trying my best to leave all of this in God's hands. Any advice is welcome.

Sep 10, 2014
finding out e
by: Nicola

I'm 30 and just recently been told my dad is not my biological dad, 6 weeks before my wedding.
Cannot describe how heartbroken I am, I feel devastated, more so that because dad isn't on my birth certificate so that means the person who I've never heard of before has to be.
I feel so alone but reading this thread has definitely comforted me.
What hurts more is most people new but me.
Some days I feel angry at mum but some days I feel she did what she thought was best at the time.
I have a 2 year old son and I look at him and think my biological father hasn't seen me since I was that age, how can my mum take that away from their child??
I have a diary that my biological father wrote in every single day in 1983, he was st the birth they were very much together and to read his feelings that he wrote about me really does upset me, it's like reading a story book.
Part of me wants to find this person but part of me feels I should leave the past in the past and not drag up old feelings. I'm struggling with my identity at the moment, crying when putting my makeup ona d wondering where I've come from. I just wish I was told from a young age as I wouldn't be thinking or worrying the things I'm doing now.
I don't know how to go forward....

Sep 14, 2014
this sound like my own story
by: Anonymous

This has happin to me its eating away at me who the fuck am I

Sep 15, 2014
It will get better
by: Anonymous

Hi all,
I found out 6 years ago that my father was not my biological father. The man that raised me was distant and often emotionally cruel. He and my mother divorced when I was a child. It was a horrible divorce. My bros & I saw him every other weekend. When I was little, he manipulated me into thinking my mother was a horrible person. That was the basis of our time together. As I grew older, the remarks got more cutting. As a teenager, he decided to stop visiting me as frequently because it was "hard on him." In college, he scapegoated me, visited me once, and comments like calling me "selfish" were normal. My mother and her boyfriend moved out if state. My mother was also emotionally distant growing up, due to stress, being a single mom, & raising 4 kids. She also had a new boyfriend, who she was completely absorbed in. After college (and a series of abusive relationships... Hmmm wonder why? Pattern?) Things with my father got worse. He blew up at me and didn't want to have anything to do with me. I was so traumatized & devastated and begged my mother "Why does he hate me so much?" She would only answer, "I don't know." I moved to a big city on my own. Worked 3 jobs to survive and finally started carving out a career & some stability for myself. When I went home for my cousin's wedding, my mother received a letter from my father. Driving home late at night, she lit a cigarette, (I was driving) and she was visibly upset. I asked her what was wrong & she said "Your father is not your father. It's another man." The letter was a threat "You tell her or I will." The next day she told me my real father had died just months earlier. An hour later I was on a plane. I went back to work. I was completely shocked. I came home home from work, crouched on the floor, & cried until my stomach hurt. I called the man I believed was my father my whole life- he was ecstatic. He was going to celebrate bc his burden had been lifted. Now I could "finally see" all he had been put through. He was all about himself. Both of my parents were. A few months later, I started therapy. The pain was just too much. OMG! Thank God for therapy!!!! Please, if you are going through this, and your parents cannot see the pain & devastation their immaturity & lack of empathy cause, you NEED someone on your side! The therapist helped me eradicate my abusive "father" from my life, helped me grieve, set boundaries, and supported my search for information in my real father. Knowing your real father is imperative. By not having a relationship with him- even one with his memory, we will always be missing a part of ourselves. I reached out to his widow on Facebook. (The therapist helped me there too, in case if rejection.) I was able to visit her, see pictures, hear stories. Yes, it was incredibly painful bc he was a wonderful man, and I missed out. But taking that pain back to therapy helped me realize the GOOD similarities we had. I started a scrapbook with the first page being my REAL family tree, I put in pictures of him, articles, my own thoughts and notes. It was such a helpful tool that made my life more real. There is a definite Identity Crisis that occurs when this happens and nobody here is crazy, it is a HUGE mental Injury, but does not mean you are mentally ill. The depression, anxiety, panic, and anger are normal responses to trauma. This is a trauma. I was suffering from PTSD. It is such a life shock. In order to move from that shock and pain & process your feelings, you need support. Just like a huge heart or head injury (or trauma) requires a doctor, & physical therapy. Your heart & head are forever changed & you need a specialist to help you out the pieces together again. Nobody can do it for you. The parents & family members cannot and will not- they do not have the skills. We are not doctors. But by reaching out, we can get the help to find the love we crave and need to move forward. I have since met my real father's daughter. She is wonderful. We are friends in Facebook. However that closeness and family that I crave... It isn't appropriate with my bio father's family. They are their own family. This was painful for me as well. But again, through setting goals with the therapist, I am able to create love in my life, build my self esteem, and go after what I truly want. I am now happily married. My life was a crisis/mess and I know it still would be if I had tried to deal with it all on my own. Everyone on here is worthwhile, loveable, and deserves healing. It took me 3 years of CBT therapy, and I joined a women's group (found through the therapist) where there were others like me. The relief of knowing I'm not alone! That's the worst anyway, feeling like a family outcast, feeling so alone. You are not alone! My life isn't perfect, but it's ok. It's happy. I am a survivor. We are all victims if these cruel lies from the people we were supposed to love & trust & who were supposed to protect and guide us. We were all emotionally abused (Lying is emotional abuse!) and then we were dumped with the truth. So unfair. We are all victims of the cruelest form of deception- denial of our own identities. But only we can decided to remain victims or become survivors. Getting help is the only way. Looking at psychology.com you can find a therapist in your area that deals with trauma, PTSD, or family conflict. I am only sharing it bc that's what I used. I had to use a sliding scale fee bc it was not covered in my insurance. I had to call several therapists before finding one that would work with me & the amount I could pay. But I didn't give up. It was the best money I ever spent. It helped me put my identity back together. It helped me know who I am, and that I have worth. I just want to hug everyone in here because I know how you feel. I am sending love and prayers to you all. We all got the truth, whether we wanted it or not... Now we have to make it right with our own lives. And we are stronger than we know. Xo

Sep 18, 2014
I understand your pain
by: Wendy

I found out at the age of 12 that my father was not my birth-father. Today I am 51 years old and for the last 20 years I have questioned my mother about my birth-father and she has refused to give me any information about him other than his name and where she met him. She always claimed "she doesnt remember". Over a two-year search with the help of a friend, I was able to find him, I thought. But, when I presented my mother with his obituary notice, she denied it was him. I could not believe that she could not remember more information about him or to help me find him, and it got to the point where she told me to find a lawyer to help me. She even stopped talking to me for 6months because she felt I was a bad daughter for not believing her. Now at the age of 51, I know that the man in the Obituary was in-fact my birth-father. I have met my siblings, and his daughter told me that he told her about me. I am not speaking to my mother because she has lied to me for so long and has deliberately prevented me from ever knowing my father. Nobody has that right.

Sep 22, 2014
To Wendy, Thanks for understanding the pain
by: Anonymous

Sounds like we have something in common, I have a question for you, How did you go about meeting your half siblings? I am considering this but I do not want to cause them the pain, and deceit, I am feeling right now from the lies and evil doings of my mother and their/my bio father. I don't want to upset the may be happy care free lives. However,I would love to meet them so badly.
Family and roots have always been so very important to me. My mother has again took away more of my family by her sob story of look what I have done to her bit, another part of her history of manipulation, lies, games and trickery. The funny thing is, is that I asked her a question only between her and I, as to not humiliate her to the others. She again did her dirty work and spread it rapidly to the others. I am left with no family now. Does anyone have any suggestions? Right now, for the time being, I have decided to let God take over on this one. I can't handle the pain of it. I do not want to be selfish and hurt the other family emotionally, something mother dearest continues to do to me. Someone I have spoke to said to me, Why would you want someone else to feel like me right now. I agree this is true. I would not wish this pain on an innocent person with childhood memories that may be sacred to them of their parents. At least I have found out and now parts of my life makes sense to me as to why I grew up feeling this way. As for my mother, I can't talk idol conversation with her, She continues to lie, rub me the wrong way on purpose and put questions in my head and of course...... Me the bad one because I don't call her and I don't love her she says, when in reality, I am so depressed by this, and feel so tricked and deceived. I need to heal and find myself without the support of any of my family. I feel so alone. I do have "a" love for my mother but I can't talk to her for fear I may say things I may regret if one of us ever passes. Unfortunately our goodbyes were probably final. But at least I told her I loved her.

Sep 24, 2014
I never forgave myself
by: Anonymous

It was sometime between 1972-1974, I was a child on drugs drinking at a party, I was 12 to 14 yrs. old I kept strumming a chord on an electric guitar a pretty girl, intoxicated also, was seduced, I'm sure she was a virgin, if she wasn't my first she was my second. Sometime later, I don't know, it could have been a week a month more or less,my friends and I on drugs as usual were swimming at a quarry, it was night a car pulled up and there she sat, that beautiful girl with an older woman and she pointed to me. I knew exactly who she was. she was the girl I had sex with on the porch at the party. I don't even know her name or where she was from, just somewhere around central Pa. As I turned and walked away saying "I never saw you before in my life" even under the influence of a mixture of pot,LSD and alcohol, my heart melted,"it can't be," I thought "I'm just a kid,it was only once,impossible". "I was just playing." And worst of all I couldn't believe what just came out of my mouth,how I just lied and said I never saw her before. I can't even tell her I'm sorry because I don't know her name. And if she did have a child...did she give him or her up for adoption? Was the child a boy a girl twins? What about my drug abuse did it injure this new person? How did this happen to a12 to 14 yr.old boy? I'm 54 yrs. old, now. If it means anything I'm sorry for any and all the suffering that this may have caused to that innocent young girl especially if she had an abortion because of me. And if she gave birth I'm more than grief stricken for any pain that child/adult has been living with. I am tearfully sorry. I hope that God Himself will bless You and hold You in His arms forever. I will never forget or stop feeling sorry about the grief I have caused you.

Sep 24, 2014
by: Christina

ive read so many comments here that have made me very proud of how some people have handled there situations inspite of all the pain they have been through. My story is very long as it started in 1985, but ill make short for the readers. I just recently got to know that the man that somehow raised me, is not my biological father, well i was not too shocked as i grew up hearing so many roumurs about this situation...My oldest sister had once told her friend thinking that i wasn't listening to their conversation, but i didnt react in anyways after i heard, my mothers family had once discussed about it without my presence, but because one cousin am very close to was present, she came and told me after, wich i thank her so much for. Anyways many things above seem quite ok until i come to this part were i have to tell you about the relationship with the man who i grew up calling dad(not my biological father) This man had good sides, but i never forget how much he used to insult me, everytime he was drunk he used to scream at me saying i was not hes child:-( He used to beat me many times for doing nothing wrong, He sometimes even avoided to pay my school fees, wich has led me to having a very bad education in my life:-(( i grew up living in different homes just because there were times when he did not want to see my face or hear my voice, Sometimes i was told to be in a room alone because it was just my face he did not want to see:-( Ohh truly speaking its been a bit bad with this man... Am trying to move on and forget, but i have many questions that are not easy to stop asking....Questions like Daddy were is your love? Daddy were is my education? Daddy why did you not pick me up when i was told to leave the house in the middle of the night??:-( Daddy who am i? My story is very long, but i can't finish it here. All i have left to do, is to pray and seek for help. If anyone is willing to help me in anyways or have someone to talk to please feel free to email me at Petuniadanels27@gmail.com Love you all people, stay blessed and take care xx

Sep 29, 2014
understand your pain
by: Wendy

I spent 50 years of my life trying to understand my mother and trying to understand why she never ever gave me the infor I needed to find my birth father. I am now 51 years old. I wrote a letter to my mother explaining how her decisions have affected my life and my relationship with her. This was a 5 page very heartfelt letter from daughter to mother; and her response was 4 lines, basically telling me to enjoy my "new" life and that my "originally family" still loves me. The best thing that happened with this letter to her was that I was finally able to let go and find peace. I realized that she is poisen to me. She is toxic to the point that for 2 years I have lost hair. Literally, I have a form of alopecia from the anxiety that she has caused. Now that I have officially told her this: "I dont understand why you did what you did to me. I cant except what you did to me. So how can I have you in my life?" I have finally moved on. My direct family (husband and kids) are all that matter now that I know who my birth father is. As for meeting my siblings by him, it is not easy. I initally met two of them via facebook and they agreed to meet with me. I did not think about how they would feel knowing that they have another sister, basically because they are grown adults and this is about me. I have always put others first which was one reason why it took me 50 yrs to confront my mother and find my birth father. I have come across some blocks, after meeting with them they seemed very receptive to meeting again, but it has been 6 months and we have only emailed occasionally. I feel they need their space so I am giving it to them. I also contacted my fathers wife. She married him 10 years after my birth. Again, this is about me. I need to know more info, see pictures and learn about him to have closure and I am hoping she will be able to give this to me. The main thing I have finally learned is to put myself and my feelings first. This took me 50 years to come to terms with and I understand how hard it is.

Oct 11, 2014
by: Anonymous

My mum told me a few weeks ago about my dad not being my dad. I am 60 and I wish she had never told me she was being selfish and clearing her conscience.my father died two years ago and my half sister (she will always be my sister) died in 1977' I did trace my birth father but sadly he died 9 years ago. I went up to meet his widow who was a lovely lady and found I had alot in common with him.I feel so much better after the visit having pictures of him helps. Now I will look for my half sister. I am very angry with my mum not sure if I will ever forgive her. TO ALL IN THE SAME BOAT KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Oct 12, 2014
who am i where do i belong
by: Anonymous

57 and do not know my biological father my mom has treated me bad all of my life she says that my sibling father was no good. and that my father did not want me my mother and i have never got alone i have gotten beaten by her when i was just a child i remember as a child i step on a piece of wood of rusty nails and gotten a swollen foot an a very high temperture i lay on the bed helpless my mom did take me to the doctor if it was not for my grandmother and great granny i was had died.

Oct 15, 2014
Question as to why mom's?
by: Anonymous

I would like to hear from the mothers who have done this to their children. (Hid the bio father info on them for years) Can I ask why you decided to do this? has it bothered you that you lied to your child? What prompted you to decided to keep this from your child? and any other info you would like to add

Oct 15, 2014
Pilot TV Show
by: Lori

CASTING FOR NEW PILOT FOR MTV!! Do you or someone you know need to reveal the truth to someone in your family (ages 16-24 preferred)? Do you think your family has kept a secret from you and want to finally learn the truth??

If yes, email me for more details! lori@ thehousethatcastingbuilt. com. (remove spaces)



Oct 16, 2014
Found out I have a daughter
by: Anonymous

I have the reverse I just found out that I have a 24yo daughter. I was friends with the mother in high school and lost my virginity to her. A few months later she started hanging out with her ex-boyfriend and stopped hanging out with me. Around the same time my mom had a heart attack and nervous breakdown and abandoned me at 17 and I moved away to my dads. A year later a common friend told me the girl I slept with got married and had a kid. I saw her one time after that 2 years later she didn’t say anything about the child being mine. My life was in chaos at the time and I was oblivious to a lot of things. Over the years I have looked for her with no luck with the little information I had. I got married and had three children of my own. Last week searching online I found her and the daughter. I found out when she was born which would put the conception date exactly to the week we were together and the daughter looks like me not the father that raised her. My wife doesn’t know and I am afraid to tell her. I think she used me to trap her ex boy friend. I have not contacted my daughter or the mother I am scared losing sleep over it and cry every time I am in the car alone. The woman is on her second marriage and looks like she has started a new family in another state, the daughter lives in the county an hour drive from me.

Oct 19, 2014
My dad died and then my mom decided to tell me he wasn't my dad at 37
by: James

I thought I had this under control. It's been 3 years but the pain is still there.

My "dad" was an extremely kind man. He would do anything for his family.

My mom has a good heart but was very verbally and emotionally abusive to my father my whole life.

He came down with Parkinson's at the age of 64 and had withered away to 100 pounds (he was 6'2") and has severe dementia when he passed.

A few months later my mom decides to tell me that she was inseminated by a sperm donor. She claimed she didn't want me to worry about getting Parkinson's. I had never once told her I was concerned in the least bit I would get Parkinson's. I truly believe that she told me to feel better about herself and to kick him in the balls one last time. She felt it necessary to say the she was just glad that it was my dad that couldn't have a kid and not her.

She started dating a man a few months ago and it is causing me so much pain and I don't know why. I think he is obnoxious but he never really did anything to me but I have a hard time going to see her now. I want to kick the living shit out of him and all I can think about is how much she hurt me. I sometimes just want to move away and be done with her.

Oct 20, 2014
by: Nicola

Hi James my name is Nicola I wrote on here a few months ago, I found out about my father not being my biological dad 5/6months ago just weeks before my wedding, at the age of 30. I understand your frustration, my situation is a bit different to yours. My dad is a loving caring person and so so is my mum too, my mum is poorly and part of me wish she hadn't told me as I feel my dad is my father and that will never change. But because I got married early this year I have a different name on my birth certificate and I didn't know that here in the UK that your marriage certificate has to correspond with your birth certificate, I'm guessing that is the name everywhere. So for me even though my dad is my father and nothing will change that I do get really upset and wonder where I've come from, I feel sometimes I'm losing my identity.
and for you to say you want to mo e away from it....that is what I'm doing. Me my husband and son are immigrating to Australia next year, I can't wait to get away from it all. We had planned to do this before I found out but did put it on hold for a short while, do you have any other family you feel that you can talk to? Must be so hard too with your dad passed. I sometimes think I should find my biological father before we do go so I can close that chapter and move on from it but then I'm scared I'm going to open a can of worms.
I think until you experience these emotions like most of us on here have no one can ever understand your pain.
I hope you find peace and take care.

Oct 20, 2014
who is my biological
by: Anonymous

i do not no how to to look for him or if he's still alive i have no name i remember hearing my mention his last name Hudson to our neighbor over hear her talking to her. they were sharing their secrets . my mother told me that i have other half sibling .and that i have a sister 4 moths older than i am 4 months can you believe that. my mom can not stand me . and I feel the same way about her i know it's wrong but she hates me . she told me that your dad did not want you . she tried to abandon me once . she says i do not act like my other sisters and brother we have the same mom maybe my ways are like my sibling of my birth father. i wish she would let me know something . my mother went to Texas where we are from for a vacation and i was going to stay there she do not want to stay in the same state where i live that is how much she can not stand me . she can not stand the sight of me we live 100 mil from each other.

Oct 26, 2014
mam and dad
by: Anonymous

i am 60 yrs old and found out when my father was dying i did not belong him my bio dad never knew about mees

Oct 27, 2014
by: K Lane

I've read every post. I'd like to think I'm not a jerk bio father, but I did leave my daughter and her mother 32 years ago. I've never seen or talked to my daughter(J Lane). Looking back at that moment, it is now my deepest regret. It is my worst mistake (it is more than a mistake, but I don't have another word). If I could have a "make that decision again" opportunity, I would chose differently, in a heartbeat. Life has a way of putting things in the correct perspective. I searched for her and found her this month. Found some family photographs on the internet and was stopped dead in my tracks. The similarities are uncanny and the depth of that one moment, I will never forget. She has her own life and it looks like a good family around her. I'm on the outside and a stranger, but it's my own fault. I sent her a very short message on FB (I know, maybe a letter would have been better, but who gets her mail?). I told her she was "always welcome". We'll see what happens. It's gut wrenching, but I will wait for her. Any other ideas out there? I know I hurt her, but I wish her love and happiness. Sincerely, and I mean that completely, K Lane.

Oct 28, 2014
who am i
by: Anonymous

I do not have a clue on how to find my biological father .my mom want tell any names . except for his last name is suppose to be Hudson and that he is suppose to live in Texas . could some one tell me how to go by look for him, i just would like to know who father me and nothing else. i am 57 years old and never new who .

Oct 28, 2014
i found mine by....
by: Nicola

I found my biological father by his name and date of birth and place of birth. I found him on the electoral role here in the UK I wouldn't know how it would work over there? Will you mother give you anymore information? What about going to a solicitor or social services?

Oct 29, 2014
who do i belong tp
by: Anonymous

no she want give no more information. and i know one thing she tried to keep up with me want to know every where i move , who am i talking too . and she have even star telling people that am no good i am not even around her. i live hundred miles from her. you would not believe the lies she told about me i cant post it on here. when she met my children father she told him that i was no good. i could not believe this when he told me what she said, he did not believe her. i am really afraid of this woman because she is very hideous there is no telling want she will do next. she have call child service on me tried to get my children taking but could not you see the truth will set you FREE

Oct 29, 2014
to K Lane
by: Anonymous

You may not be able to change the past, but you do have the future. Reaching out to your daughter was the best thing you could have ever done for her. Being in her shoes, I missed so much not knowing my birth father. It wasnt until I was 48yrs old that I finally got the courage to find him and he passed away 1 yr prior. Because you were not in her life you don't know what her mother told her about you or what obstacles she is going through to know anything about you. Please dont give up, she needs to know you to know herself. God Bless

Oct 29, 2014
To: Anonymous
by: K Lane

Thank you so much for your perspective, it means a lot to me. Two items motivated me to try and contact her. First, the voices in this forum that wanted to meet their birth parents and found out they had already passed on, and second, seeing her photography (might be her profession or wonderful talent) that displayed a lot of solo, or solitary types of central images. In my opinion, captured hauntingly well. I wondered if that is a message? Does she feel alone among her family? It really caused a deep sorrow inside and was the ultimate catalyst to gently reach out to her. I am 56 and I find myself in an unusual situation, with no life experience to reflect upon. Maybe this a good thing, because it forces me to act from the heart. Another thought, I saw a quote recently saying, "That which you are seeking, is causing you to seek". I'd like to believe there's more than a coincidence here. I've only seen a picture of her for the first time, this month, and I feel like I've missed an eternity. For those of you reading this, so far no response, but I will try again in a month. Should I meet her, I will share the moment.

Nov 07, 2014
To Anonymous
by: K Lane


I sent her a letter and I'm sure it was "right out of the blue" from her perspective. It seems she's circling the wagons a little, or a lot. I was very careful with that letter and it took me three days to compose it. It was respectful to her, her mother, grandmother, and husband. I thought is was sensitive and compassionate and not over the top. I neatly hand wrote it on very good paper(never done that for anyone), it was concise. You may have been correct, I'm not sure what her mother may have told her over the years. Unfortunate, but my fault. My gut is telling me there might be a wall being formed. Is it just time to wait it out? Wish you would write. Thanks for your advice.

Nov 07, 2014
Fatherless 10/22/94 - 10/30/14
by: Kristi

I read the posts here and feel strangely comforted as I sort out what it means to find out my Dad was not the donor of my 44+ years of life on earth. As of 10/22/14 the Father who raised me has been buried 20 years and prior to 10/30/14 nothing about my life will change... including who I call 'my Dad'.

On 10/30/14 my Mom broke the news 'in my best interest' due to some ongoing health issues I've been struggling with. I've made contact with my biological father, and he has replied. Honestly I think we will have a good relationship, but that will come with time and not my biggest concern. My issues are with my Mom (which I'll address when I'm ready) and more importantly my Dad, who is deceased and I can no longer talk to (I speak to him spiritually all the time).

Anyway... Although the circumstances that brought us together here may be confusing or less than ideal, I'm grateful to have found you. It's amazing how powerful it is to know you're not alone.

Nov 08, 2014
Making contact with a possible half-sibling
by: Anonymous

Hello, back in July I wrote a message here. I am 58 years old and only discovered this past summer (in July) that my father, the man who raised me, was not my biological father. Both of my parents are deceased.

Shortly after I wrote the message, I determined the likely identity of my biological father, and found out he was still living. For several weeks I agonized over whether to try and contact him. Finally, I decided I would write a letter, but before I could do that, I found out that he had passed away (in mid-August). I was stunned, sad, and partly angry with myself for not contacting him. However, he was in his 80s, and I found out that he had been very ill for a long time. I came to believe that, even if I had written, he probably wouldn’t have gotten the letter, or been able to even read the letter.

Now, I am stuck wondering. How will I ever know for sure? From his obituary I saw that he has four living sons. Last week, more than 2 months after his death, I decided to send a letter to one of his sons.

In the letter I was very respectful, and told the story as concisely as possible. I made a point of giving my month and year of birth, so the son would know that I was born before his parents were married. Also, I emphasized that I didn’t want anything from him or his family, other than to try and find out the truth about whom my biological father was.

It has been a week ago today since I mailed the letter. So far I have not received a response.

I want to emphasize that I am fairly certain that this man described here was my biological father. According to my half-sister (13 years older than me) and my mother’s first cousin, who is in her late 70s, my mother and this man had a very close relationship before I was born. Additionally, my DNA test showed that part of my ethnicity is the same as this man’s.

Nov 09, 2014
by: Anonymous

I grew up with no memories before the age of 4-5. I remember living with my mom and some random boyfriend but after that her and I moved to another town with my "dad". It was my mom, "dad" and myself and i remember where we lived but have not one memory of our time there.... We left that home and moved into the house that i consider my childhood home... I was 5 and my mOm was about to have my brother..Now from that point on we were a full family especially after my brother was born.
I had always felt "different" and though my "dad" and I had a really strong bond I realized growing up that other fathers have that weak spot in their heart fortheir daughter and I disnt see that with him. At 16 I was driving with my aunt (mothers sister) and venting about an argument with my "dad"--- she gave me a look and said "Well, you KNOW he isnt your real dad right". BAM. I wasnt too shocked and ahe sisnt say anything more.
I asked my "parents" straight forward and the reaction I got was my mom breaking down, they went into their room and I heard them talking a bit but they came out after leaving me standing there and replied "what do YOU think". UM? I was 16 and had them atanding in front of me and it left me speechless. All i could say was I guess so?
--add years of dysfuntion and a home where you walked on eggshells for it was beyond strict.... No lbut" when told something bc that was backtalk and yeah I saw abuse towards my mom but I was never physically abused--- i lived in fear and ran away teice and attempted suicide twice--- the last suicide attempt almost killed me bc I ate an entire bottle of my grandmothers prescription pills... Dot know what they were either. My vision went and I had to hold onto the walls just to walk into my moms room telling her i disnt feel good. My heart felt like it was going to explode--- she said it was probably indegestion and never even got up from her chair. I self induced vomiting and went to bed.
Fast forward to age 27 ... Married and 7 mths pregnant getting a call @ 6 am from my mom yelling that she caught my dad with the neighbor. The meighbor being my moms friend from NY that moved into that house (my dad owned a business and had redone that house to rent out)... I drove over to find my brother on the hood of my dafs teuck with a basrball bat. He still lived at home and was my dads right hand man with the business...
TONS of commotion. During all this, i was in the living room of my childhood home and my "dad" was on the couch . He broke down and admitted he was in love with "Jane" -- wr had a bond where we got eavh other and could really talk to each other about deep stuff so him saying all of this made mw feel foe him bc my mom had just gotten out of control selfish during those years--- so whatever.
But he looke at me and said "you know what I want to say" and i DID but needed to hear it from him.
"Im not your real dal". BAM again. At 27 it didnt matter. HE chose to raise me and he was my dad period.

But noone will answer anything I ask. Ive met my bio dad and he is a severe alcoholic that never had any other kids. We tried to have a relationship but it kust didnt work ouy.

Now at 35 my "dad" is living in our childhood home and my brother lives there also. He doesnt call ir come around--- he says all the lovey damily crap but actions soeak louder than words to me.

They dont get what they did to me. I was born to a 16 yr old girl where there was poverty to the point that I was told I slept in a dresser drawer. If i question amything them they kist change the subject or cut off communication. Nand my mom plays the victim.

Nov 09, 2014
a father is not a dad.
by: Anonymous

For almost 32 years I have been holding inside of me, the fact that one of my daughters may not be mine, you see, many years ago during the time of her conception, my wife took a trip alone. Nine months and a week later she gave birth to "our" third child. At the beginning I did not notice anything different with the child, but, as time went by, she started to look different than her other siblings (3), her stature, the color of her skin, her facial features. She was the only one that needed braces for her teeth. I have questioned my wife about this and her response is to go into a rage. I have not decided if I should have her tested (DNA), because I don't want to hurt her, she is very lovely, is a teacher and still lives at home, she loves me and I adore her, but, I don't know if I should carry on with this farce perpetrated by her mother. Should a child know the truth about her conception? Will she in a way resent me? The way I see it, in this forum all the attention is giving to the perpetrator of the farce and the child victim, but nothing is said about the DAD, the one that spent time, love and resources to raise the child of one the mother's lovers, without his knowledge! Why didn't you leave? you may ask, you see, to me it was more important to stay with my children, protect them and raise them. Well, they are all grown up now. Is it time to unmask the truth? Do I take it to my grave? Is it fair for my daughter not to know the truth? Don't know what to do. Please help...

Nov 11, 2014
To: a father is not a dad.
by: Anonymous

I would tell her if it is bothering you so much. Her love for you will not change. The truth shall set you free.

I am on the flip side and just found out I have a daughter that nobody told me about and the man that raised her that is her dad doesn't even know (as far as I can tell). I got screwed out of raising a child that should have been mine. I look at my three kids that are all little and it breaks my heart that there is a 24yo woman out there that looks like me and doesn't have a clue. I wrote to her and am waiting for response.

Nov 11, 2014
Making contact with a possible half-sibling
by: Anonymous

You did the right thing. Your letter may rock his world, but gradually he should come around. Your emotions are going to be on a roller coaster, so be aware of this. Mine were on a 6 hour cycle. Keep your thinking positive and calm, hard to do, things should work out.

Nov 11, 2014
a father is not a dad.
by: Anonymous

Yes, you absolutely owe it to her. Going through a similar situation and that is the conclusion I came to. Just your wording shows you'll proceed in a respectful, sensitive manor. There's going to be a ton of tears, but they're cleansing.

Nov 11, 2014
Broken-Heartin Chicago
by: Anonymous

The mother of my son was married to a bad guy when she became pregnant during our brief affair. AShe and I were friends for about 11 yrs and knew each other's difficult past. She broke off whatever we had going on the week we stepped over the line. She told me she was going to stay with her husband and work on her marriage. Although hurt, I stepped aside.
1 month later, she was pregnant. Since her husband had a vasectomy 1 yr prior, tere was no doubt the baby was mine - ours. Yet, she continued to inform me that she and her then-husband(who was a bad guy) were going to "raise the baby as their own," and have me "sign my rights away."
"Talk to my lawyer," was my response.
Illinois State Law states that a baby born to a married woman the parental rights automatically go to the husband NOT the biological father!!!
I figured I had done enough damage so I waited for her to reach out to me.m
I never heard from her during her pregnancy....she called me 3 days after he was born.
1 yr after she had told me, "Good-Bye," she asked if I wanted to see my son when he was 5 mos old.
She informed me that she was separated and NOW wanted me back in her life, not only with my son, but she had 2 kids with the man she just separated from and 1 child from her high school boyfriend. Yes, 4 kids, 3 different biological fathers.
I never judged her. Yet,today she has built a huge persona of saving kids in orphanages around the world that are left to die from HIV/AIDS.
She feels that I was on,y for aborting him since I met her and her girlfriend at the clinic, thinking she had no other choice since she was married. I told her I would support whatever decision she made. Yet, she has convinced herself that I was only for aborting him.
It is important to know that at 21 I quit school and got married to my high school sweetheart only to find out the baby was not mine 1 yr later. My ex and her were friends. I felt she got pregnant on purpose thinking I would pull her out of her bad marriage since she saw the sacrifices I made to my ex.
Since she came to me 1 yr later after breaking my heart, my gut was sending up red flags.
I didn't want her, but I wanted my son...or to be in his life.
She was hurt and decided she never wanted to see me again.
A year later she remarried to the only father my son has ever known. This past December 2013, she and met 4-5 times to discuss how to incorporate me into our sons life with the support of her now husband.
Yet, her intentions and continuously wanting to kiss and caress me was the main thing on her mind. I told her I didn't want to hurt her husband, I wanted to hug him....and my son.
One Friday she could not get ahold of me since I was watching a movie with a female friend whom she knew about.
Her texts messages of, "I hope it was worth it," Yell (x) to have your baby," we're shocking!
She pulled any reunion with her support off the table.
A recent email informed me that my son"Thanked her for not aborting him," was fglad that (K) was his father," and "wants NOTHING to do with me."
I WANT to know my son! I LOVE him! I've ALWAYS LOVED him. I figured we would find a way sooner. I had to battle CANCER and she had asked me to "keep quiet" due to the HUGE persona she had become.
I don't want to hurt her mission or her project. But I am floored at how HYPOCRITICAL she is about REDEMPTION.
I know my son does not the TRUTH, nor does she want me to expose her...which I wouldn't since it would hurt my son and my chances to know him.
Is there any hope that he may really want to know me?
Despite the terrible picture his mother has, most likely, painted ? I'd like to hear from those who had grown up with a good father figure yet know he's not your biological father. Would you still want to know about men like me who are hurt?

Nov 12, 2014
Same story slightly different
by: Anonymous

When I was 30 years old I was told by my mother that the man I had grown up with and believed/told was my step father was in fact my biological father. My mother- Joan was married to Tim and had four boys with him. Joan met and started having an affair with Harry, who was married with four children of his own. My mother became pregnant with me during the affair with Harry. They decided to keep it a secret and she went on to lead Tim into believing I was his daughter. When I was five years old, Tim passed away from a brain tumor. Shortly after, Joan reunited with Harry and eventually married. I lived with my mother and Harry- step father. We had a typical stepfather/daughter relationship. He was also an alcoholic and emotionally abusive. I hated him and longed for my father on a daily basis. What I didn't know was that he was right in front of me the entire time. I was devastated beyond words and it took me a good ten years to come to terms with it. I eventually forgave them and accepted Harry as my father. Happily ever after? Not so fast. As I write this, my mother is suffering from dementia and my father has all but disowned me over family inheritances that should have been left to me but he wants it to go to the youngest son. He has actually given him everything and will not let me speak with my mother. I've come full circle. Seems he never wanted me to begin with and has no regrets in letting me know this. I hate him again.

Nov 12, 2014
Same Story, Slightly Different
by: Broken Heart in Chicago

I am so story, you have had a bad experience with your biological father. Especially after your mother and him had reunited.
I should clarify that I have no extenuating circumstances that would cause me to ruin my relationship with my son if given the chance.
I Love my son. I've ALWAYS Loved him.
His mother and I still cared for each other. After all these years.
I feel that she was upset with me for not acting on her advances and wanting to focus on my son.
I told her, "This reunion is NOT about 'us,' it's about our son....to make him whole."
To be a part of his life in conjunction with the only father he had known.
Since, I thought, we were all good people, we would be able to work this out....for our son.
It's obvious the mother, now, needs to hide her advances towards me after 17 yrs, AND after being viewed as this loyal wife, loving mother, public persons that helps orphans...or my presence now threatens to show she is a charlatan.
I only want a chance to know my son.
If I could talk with the father he has only known, I'm definite his eyes would be opened and, perhaps his heart.
His mother has hurt me deeply by putting a reunion on the table then taking it off after she realized after all these years, she had not changed her evil ways.

Nov 15, 2014
by: Anonymous

I took some advice from a woman on this site and contacted my daughter I had left at birth a few decades ago. This woman said to "do it, it will be the best thing you can do for her. Don't give up." So I did. Turns out she knew when she was 10 that her Dad wasn't the father. She told me it took her many years to make some sense out of that information. Here I am 20 years later writing her a letter and challenging her personal foundation. It was a good letter, respectful, sensitive, apologetic, and personal. She said it wasn't until the middle of the letter that she realized something was happening, changing in that instant.

I can't write the rest it's to emotional.

She finished letting me know we are staying in touch and said the following; "I cannot tell you what your letter has done for me. I don't know how to express it. But I know a burden has been lifted, that I rarely thought affected me. You and I no longer have to wonder and there is no burden to bear in our hearts."


Nov 16, 2014
by: yasmon

Sorry. For what u had to endure.@ such a late time in your life...lean on god he will give u strength to go on! It's so hard to trust ppl afta u go through things like this...stay strong u & ur lil one..keep ur head up..be blessed!

Nov 20, 2014
still confused
by: beee

i just viewed this page to get comfort.on the new year's eve of welcoming 2011 my fatther ( legal father) told me that my step mum claims to people that i am not his child. it took me by suprise and i kind of asked my self as per why should she say that, it haunted me for years on and off. i have also found out that i do not resemble in any way my father nor his side of the family. it hurts me and worries me. i wish to take paternity test but every person thinks i should let things remain the way they are. i soooo love my current father but i cant stop thinking what if i have another dad, who is able to fill my blanks as far as resemblance and character is concerned.i wish to belong. what should i do?.

Nov 20, 2014
by: Anonymous

DO IT ! Get the Paternity test. I can not stress enough that you need to think "THIS IS ABOUT ME". Don't worry about hurting anyone, you need to do this for yourself to feel hole. You will live a lifetime of regret if you don't find out who you really are and who your father is.
Please do this for yourself.

Nov 21, 2014
To bee
by: Anonymous

That last persons advice to BEEE is correct. BEEE For once think about you, phooey on everyone else, this is your life that you have to live in your skin and mind for the rest of YOUR life. Don't---- not do this because of others etc, or you will be wondering for the rest of your life, and one day you may not be able to get the test because one may not be present on this earth to give it anymore,
You don't want to ever say I wish I did, or said. that is something everyone always feels in their lifetime at one point or another. If the resources are there and they are willing DO IT. If for anything informational purposes and peace of mind.

Nov 21, 2014
who is my biological father i do not want know
by: Patricia

I was born in Dallas Texas on July 7 1957 at Parkland Memorial hospital. in west Dallas where i attend school. CF Carr was my elementary school. i am 57 years old and do not know my mother want tell me . she did say i have a half sister that is 4 months older than i am. that is all i know whoever is my father she must hate him cause i am paying for it. my mother hates me she treats so bad lies on me tell every man i come in contact with that i am no good had child service call on me in the pass she even told my oldest that i am no good, i sure like to find this man .

Nov 21, 2014
by: Anonymous

Your post really meant a lot to me. You have a chance to eliminate a potentially huge regret. Get the test !! This will ruffle some feathers, but "do it." I recently reunited with my daughter and she said she had some of the same thoughts you're having right now. I used to think how it's odd that one person you've never met can carry such an important role. I now think completely differently. It is critical to try your very best to "solve" this problem. There is a HUGE weight that you are bearing, right now. Muster up and get it done. Sometime you've just got to get out there on your own and that is when life begins. From what I've read, you've got a lot of support in this forum. Re-read the posts and take care of your business. OK? Tears are cleansing.

Nov 21, 2014
Found out I might have a daughter
by: Anonymous

I first wrote on here 10-16-14. I contacted the girl I think is my daughter a few weeks ago, the parents blew up at me, mom told me never to contact anyone in her family again, the dad reached out to me and was actually understanding after communicating with me and seeing through his ex-wife’s BS. He told me his daughter is just not psychologically ready to deal with this and is very upset. Maybe someday she will reach out and contact me. I know I never raised her but something just went off inside of me I had to try, I feel good that it is all out in the open and I am not carrying it inside anymore. I hope at some point she does a paternity test, maybe she would at least sit down and talk with me. I was never given the chance to be her dad maybe I could be her friend at some point.

Nov 24, 2014
Found out I might have a daughter
by: Anonymous

You've got a tough situation. Know this: Your next step will determine your future with her. Also, the quality of your consciousness during that next step will have a direct influence in your future with her. Take a big breath, cry yourself out in you car (I've been right there with you and cried myself out too), and re-think your approach.

You said you look alike? That may be all it will take. If you force your will, you will force her away. Don't force!! That, my friend, is difficult not to do.

Be a passive presence. Get on Facebook (not to troll her page) but to post photos of your life and your family. Use the best pictures and make sure you are in there. Get a Flickr page and post there. Make your pictures available on Fluidr. Use your name, so if a search is done, she can see your life easily. You want to be seen. You've got to get "public" for a while, so she can find you. She will look.

You have to be extra-ordinary. Don't be anyone you're not. Compassion and unconditional love has to be your blood. Everyone has those qualities buried deep inside. It will shine through. If you don't give that out, how do you expect to get it back? Truly, you get what you give. It took me 56 hard years to learn that basic lesson.

You do not know the obstacles she faces, or has overcome, think about that for a long while. A lady on this site told me that and it was soooo true.

The quality of your next step determines your future with her. Do you think you are separate? Think again. Life is magnetic, always has been, and your paths will cross once more. Be patient and be ready for that moment.

When you get the chance to talk to her the quality of your message, the sincerity, the compassion, the honesty, and the courage to lay it out there is what counts. You cannot determine how she will take your message. The only sure thing is what is present inside it. Read the first sentence again.

Sometimes life gives a you a long drawn out experience, so you actually learn the lesson. What's your lesson?

This response may not mean anything to you right now. Please read it a month from now.

Sincerely, ----

Dec 05, 2014
My sister may not be my blood
by: Anonymous

i had just found out that my sister may not be my blood. i had learned from her and a roommate of yours that they look just like each other. the roommate pulled out a picture of his grandma at a young age. the lady looked identical to my sister. i had later learned the my mother had cheated on my father before i was born. and she and the man may had had a baby(my sister) together. my mother let my dad believe that my sister was his.
but has she got older she began to look less like my father. but my father denied that she wasn't his. and my mother told him or us kids.

Dec 05, 2014
To All those who didn't know...
by: Hoping to Reunite in Chicago

My heart breaks for all those who grew up not knowing the Truth.
You can read my story under "Broken Hearted in Chicago."
As a Bio-Dad, I WANT my 17 yr old son to know I LOVE HIM!
He grew up with a man that was /is good to him.
I am very grateful for the man that raised him.
His mother was my friend. I protected her her honor, yet now she sees me as a HUGE threat due to the persona she has made for herself.
I posted a note to my son stating that I had always loved him and hope to have a relationship with him one day.
There are Bio - Dads out there that Love those they have never met.
I hope many are well received as I hope to hug my son one day.

Dec 07, 2014
Damaged from the lies
by: Anonymous

I found out the man I thought was my dad wasn't when I was 19. I am now 43 and it still hurts me to the core. I wasn't told by a parent like most of the stories on here. When I was 19 the man who raised me kicked me out of the house and I had nowhere to go. I Contacted a girl I had dated briefly in high school and told her my situation. She told me I could come live with her and her family. I Was hesitant about this because I didn't feel comfortable staying with people I didn't know that well, but I ended up moving in with them because I had nowhere else to go.
3 days later her sisters husband tells me something that turned my world upside down. The girl that I had dated and her 2 sisters are my half sisters and there dad is my biological father.thank god we didn't have sex. When I confronted my mom she at first denied it but then came clean. I Lived with my birth father for about a year but decided to cut them out of my life because of the guilt I had towards the man who raised me and because of the shame I felt.
A few years ago I got back in touch with my dad and sisters. I only talk to my real dad a few times a year, maybe it's because of the guilt trip my mom lays on me for having anything to do with him. The man that raised knew the truth the whole time and I am grateful for him raising me as his own, even though he was extremely hard on me growing up.
I have low self esteem,depression,anxiety, and it has greatly affected my relationships with women. Maybe one day I'll figure out who I am. I feel like the lies have destroyed me.

Dec 07, 2014
who am i . who do i belong to. where do i fit in.
by: Anonymous

Does any one out know( me) Patricia the one from Dallas. the one that is hated by her mother , i really need to find this man i need some closer . my mother want tell me anything we don't even speak. please if anyone out there think they might know me . I live in Lake Elsinore CA . 57 years old born on July 7 1957. that is all i got to say .

Dec 08, 2014
A mom with a secret
by: Anonymous

Hi all, I have read all of your stories and they tear my heart out.
I am on the other side of the fence. At 17, i ended up pregnant. I had 1 boyfriend but I had an experience at a party where I got way too drunk and things were done that can't be un-done. I knew the guy but he was the older, married, brother of a friend so I ran away to another state to live with my other parent and to have my baby.
18 months later the high school boyfriend and I got back together and he decided to put his name on my son's birth certificate knowing there was a chance he was not the father.
We had another child, a girl, then we divorced. For years he was not a father to either child then all of a sudden one year he wanted to be part of their lives but never treated the son the same as the daughter. Finally, a few years ago, he told my son he was probably not his father and they had the blood tests done this year to prove it.
I have had to re-live what happened to me and tell my son the truth.
My question is, he currently only knows he was the child of a "date rape" type situation but not who the guy was. I have found this person and wondered from all you who understand.
Do I tell him? Do I give him this information or do I wait for him to ask for it?

Dec 09, 2014
by: Wendy

You had better come clean with your son and tell him who his birth father is. If any of the stories above have meant anything to you, than you would realize we need to know who our parents are. No matter how painful your experience was with your son's father; it is your son's "right" to know who he is so please don't withhold it from him. He will find out one day because the truth always surfaces, and your relationship may be sacrificed with your son for withholding that info from him. Please be honest with your son and bring peace to his heart before hardens against you...I know this from experience. I am 51 years old, didn't know my birth father; but was told by my mother he was in my life for a little while. She later remarried, the man who raised me with her I was told adopted me. Fast forward 36 years or so and I find out that he never adopted me, my mother withheld info so that I could find my father (even though I ask every decade for info). She always said she doesn't remember anything but his name and where they worked. At the age of 50, I finally find him because of his obituary, and find out that at the age 8 months, I disappeared from his life and he never saw me after that. He died without know me, or me knowing him, and he told his family that he was a failure as a father. From pics they sent me, I am his twin and my son is his twin. It amazes me how much genetics come into play. To this day my mother denies all of her lies, and we don't speak to one another - which I am 100 % fine with - so please don't send email's about forgiveness peeps....All I am telling you Ms. Secret is this wont remain secret forever; do the right thing by your son and tell him !

Dec 09, 2014
IDENTITY THEFT - Notsureanymore
by: Wendy

I am so sorry after reading your post for how you feel. I do understand somewhat. My mother lied to me my entire life about who my birth father was. Until finally at the age of 50, I found him and only bec I found his obituary and confirmed he was my father, after I contacted my 1/2 siblings by this man - bec my mother still denied it was him. I never knew him bec of my mother and for that she needs to come clean with. He never knew his grandchildren, nor they him and my son is his twin. I am also his twin, there is no denying I was his child. It has taken me another year, and writing all of my feelings out in a ltr to my mother. I did not let up either, I wrote everything I felt she did to me and how I felt it affected me. Because of the choices "she" made in my life, I never had the choice to meet my father and that was her fault, it was not her "Choice" to make for me. The letr I wrote to my mother and many prayers have helped me heal. I can finally state that I feel a calm presence, which I have needed and I know its bec I let go of the evil in my life - my mother. Please try to analyze your life, and figure out if there is anything there that is giving you bad karma, if so, you need to get rid of it even if it's your family. You owe it to yourself, nobody else has cared to help you at your lowest point have they? Its time to begin the healing and it starts with you. God bless and search for the inner peace you need.

Dec 15, 2014
TO WENDY or anyone else's views
by: Anonymous

Wendy or anyone else who has contacted their adult 1/2 siblings. Please share with me how you went about contacting your 1/2 siblings, I want to, but I am so afraid too. I don't know them, I guess what fears me the most is that they may have anger towards me, or that I may upset their lives or they may deny and not acknowledge the fact that I may in fact be their 1/2 sibling. Or that they may contact my very elderly mother and harass her with questions, although I no longer associate with my mother for her 50 years of lies, I still would not want to have her upsetted by them. I was diagnosed with cancer, and I would like to share and have shared with me, medical background, family history etc. For me, my children, and my grandchildren...... If a relationship happens or not. that would be fine too. I just don't want anger and hurt to come out of this.

Dec 15, 2014
contacting 1/2 sibling
by: Wendy

You really need to prepare yourself for rejection. Your 1/2 siblings may want nothing to do with, and that is their choice. For myself, I contacted them through facebook, later email and we agreed to meet. They were able to answer all of my questions at that time about my birth father and give me pictures. They were very friendly and open about their life with him. But that is as far as we've come. They do not feel comfortable meeting with me again, which I do not understand; but am respecting their need for space and privacy. I knew my entire life that I had a father out there, they did not. So, as painful as it is, I need to respect their privacy. Go forward with trying to meet with them, you need and deserve answers, remember, not knowing your birth parent was not "your" choice. Now that you have the opportunity to find out about him, you should. Good Luck.

Dec 15, 2014
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much for your response, I just wouldn't know what to write to them on face book. and I am not completely sure I am there 1/2 siblings because mom wont tell me nothing.(so wicked and selfish of her) So even thought I think I see resemblance, have pictures and video's of mom and their dad together for years...I can't be sure when I tell them I am their 1/2 sibling. Do you have any suggestions on what to say to them and how to private message them on face book or other form?
THanks so much you've been a help to me

Dec 16, 2014
finding 1/2 siblings
by: Wendy

I don't know your story, but you should be sure they are your siblings prior to contacting them. You should prob reach out to your birth-father first or anyone who knew him if he has passed. Once you have confirmation of who is your birth father, go from there and contact his children. Search the internet for where they may live and who they are. if you know someone with facebook, ask them to send a message the they may have a sister from their father and she would like to meet them. It is very hard to do this because people are not accepting an don't want their lives to change. Your mother, like mine; will take all the info they have about this to their graves and shame on the. One day they will meet their maker and have to own up to how they ruined their relationship's with their daughters. I wish you all the best.

Dec 17, 2014
Biological Dad
by: Anonymous

Did you find out who your biological dad is? Have you been able to establish a relationship with him?
My situation is that i grew up in a very abusive home. I remember my mother taking me to see a man (not my dad/her husband) and telling him I was his child. The man replied that she had lied about being married and having 3 other children and he did not believe her.
I was 37 when my "dad" consented to DNA. Not only is he not my father but he is also not the father of my younger sister. To make matters worse - my sister and I have different fathers. I completely fell apart. My mother refuses to accept the test results and calls me a "liar".
I am a gulf war veteran. I am very sick and the VA cannot determine if I am suffering from a hereditary illness since my history is unknown or if this is directly related to gulf war illness.
My mother refuses to tell me though she makes comments about me having his eyes and my sons looking like him.
I want to get a lawyer to force her to tell me but I cannot find any examples of this on the internet.
I sincerely appreciate any guidance anyone can share. My email is fromhere_2eternity@yahoo.com.
Thank you,

Dec 21, 2014
WENDY? contacting 1/2 siblings
by: Anonymous

Wendy, thank you for your response, There is no way I can be 100% sure they are my half siblings... perspective Bio father has past, also his wife has, the father that raised me has past. My mother making up lies, which, has lead me to believe he was my bio dad. Because, Why would she lie still, I have known about the affair since I was 10, and I have.... like I said.... evidence of them being friends before I was born. And have known of their affair since I was 10 that the affair occurred slightly after my birth. Have evidence from found items in my memories of a 60 year relationship of my mother and possible bio father. So unless someone gives me a dna, there is no way I will ever no for sure. What do you think on this?

Jan 09, 2015
my mom's horrific announcement!
by: Anonymous

when I was 7 I asked my mom who this man in the photo was and she said "it's your father!" I said "No that's not MY dad!" Then she proceeded to say "your dad isn't your biological dad, the man in the photo is" I am 60 years old and am still devastated by this. I have a 36 yr old son & 38 yr old daughter and I never told them about my dad, and now my parents are pressuring me to tell my kids about the secret. I'm very torn about it, because my kids are very close to my "dad" and I know it would hurt them to find out this secret. I never planned to tell them, because of the way it effected me and didn't think it was necessary, my husband does NOT want us to tell them, because it could cause a lot of emotional distress. I don't like secrets or lies, but with my parent's pressuring me, I'm feeling like I should tell my kids, but it's going to be so hard for them, I'm sick about it! WHAT SHOULD I DO??

Jan 11, 2015
by: Anonymous

I know it bothered you, It bothers me what my mom wont tell me, my roots. so I can share this with my children.
Its not your fault your mom did what she did. And your children will still love there grandfather that was there for them. I loved my grandfather that my grandma married...her second husband..the first died before I was born. However, on that side anyway, I know my true roots. Now for my fathers side, well that is still a secret for me to never no per my mom.

Remember, its not your fault what she did and kept from you, you have been protecting her virtue long enough from your children....However. It is your fault if you don't tell your children their true roots, something that may be important for them to want to know in the future..... and of course true medical history of your biological dad. Geeze doesn't anyone think of what if for some reason a child of a unknown bio dad, meets his other 1/2 siblings, dates, marries etc and never new about this...

Jan 19, 2015
me too. . .
by: Brent Jan 19 2015

Hi, wish I could help here but I face a similar situation. My mother passed away in 2001. After I went to visit my mom's side of the family, a relative let it out,'you know Paul ain't your daddy'.I was floored!!!! I was 25 and just out of the army and was on a great pace. My Dad, Paul, raised since I was around 1 or so, before I could remember. He's never once mentioned this and I have so much respect and love for the guy, it's unreal. But I'm still curious, naturally, about everything I don't know.

Jan 21, 2015
Happened to me too
by: Anonymous

This happened to me last 2 years ago but my mom never told me. My biological father told me through facebook. When I confronted her my mom told me she was hurt that I talked to him and saying I had no right to know before and she's upset that I found out. I just feel empty like my whole life was a lie.

Jan 23, 2015
by: Anonymous

I'm 45 and 3 years ago after my mom hadi heart attack I ask all my ants what they knew and some told me the man i knew as a father wasn t my father, the i asked my mom and finally she told me the truth I m still not over and i m doing therapy and prayng a lot but the hurt doesn t go way. I can't hold a job because off my anger.
But i still try every day every minute too be better, and not to go to the bottom.
I love my mom, i love myself and i just quiping to forguive but i know it will hurt my entire life and i just need to accept.
U are not alone in this world

Jan 26, 2015
Dishonesty, Selfishness
by: Anonymous

it is really hard when it was your dad that was the parent that was there for you for everything and the mother was never there - until it came time to fess up that there was yet one more extramarital affair to add to her list. I cant claim a mother that is so deceitful and dishonest to so many people. It is so selfish to put a one night stand above the anguish that it will cause so many people for so many years - but some women are so selfish - including my mother.

And I am crushed for the the horrible things my dad endured because of her. - the affairs and lies .... But I am greatful for his guidance. He is a saint.

I cant wait for the day to come when my first thought in the morning isnt - Who am I?

I hope she suffers double the torment that she has caused others. I am just sad the news wasnt that she was not my mother.

Feb 07, 2015
It's been a year for me
by: Anonymous

I'm in my 40's my 'Dad' died & my sister called to abuse me & dropped in that he was not my biological father - I was stunned but managed to request a dna test because my mother owed me (I had to say that for her to agree). We took nail clippings from the dead body of my Dad (who is on my birth certificate)... he's not my biological father were the results. My mother cannot tell me the truth, I have a name - not sure if it's actually a true name. I've also discovered so many more other lies & somehow my mother makes it all about her! She has bullied me into keeping it a secret even though she recently found out she had a half brother nobody knew about - she still billies me into telling no-one.
A year down the track & my mother has cancer, apparently re-doing chemo treatment almost immediately after the last lot - within weeks. I so know this is not how it works.
I have not been able to question her because each time I do she goes on & on about how the man who I thought was my father was abusive, he was just not how she's always told it.
I've cut myself off from my sister & my brother because I know I'll tell them & the consequences from my mother will be huge - major emotional abuse & guilt!
I have just decided to cut my mother out of my life - I can't really find my family because I am on the other side of the world - taken by my mother who returned to our country several years later - I feel that it's so her secret can be hidden & I can't get to the truth because her lies have estranged me from my family that I know I am related to.
A year down the track & I still struggle so much with it, have felt guilty for telling a single family member who is a distant cousin! It felt good to get it out to be honest.
I too struggle with who I am, my identity has been totally questioned.

Feb 10, 2015
I'm the new wife... It was extremely hard for me to see him hurt over a secret!!!
by: Anonymous

Maybe I was wrong for pushing it but my husband found out he wasn't the bio daddy 11 years ago... His life changed.. He gave up so much for her to be a great dad... Gave up a 4 year scholarship, his high school years he was 17 and got married she never worked... He graduated!!! Had his 2nd baby with her... He found out threw her best friend... He has been drinking heavy the last 11 years he has never been the same... She treats him like it was his fault... But to me he was always there paying child support you can see video after video of him always being there... Baby momma said if he would tell her he would never see her again she found out couple days before her 18bday my heart is crush cause I see the pain that she has cause both of them.. We don't know how she was told but she hates me for the truth coming out...I corner her mom in her eyes... Well she treated her dad that she knew for all this year like it was his fault for being an alcoholic, abusive, but he is not what her mom has told her... Out breaks my heart to the core to know that he has given so much to them and their mom has manipulated the situation... Then to come to find out the bio knew this whole time and now she 18 he never gave up his life for her... I just don't understand why she hates me... I'm sorry I could never let my kids disrespect their bio dad (he was a deadbeat)and I wished my kids dad would of done a 10th of what my husband does for his kids... I hate watching our family hurt but since the truth came out... He has really stop drinking and focus on becoming a better man... This painful secret was eating him up... He loves her as his own no matter what and still paying child support after she found out... I just wish I could do something to show his daughter that I have the BEST INTENTIONS FOR HIM AND HER!!! What can I do to make things better.... I have let go and let God do the rest!!!

Feb 19, 2015
found out dad is not my real dad
by: Debra

I'm debra, and i'm 55 years old and i just found out recently that my dad was not my biological father. I loved my dad that raised me, but he has passed on. I do know there is a possibility that my biological father has passed on to, however he still has family living. His wife and 2 daughters. Guess i shouldn't care now, but i do. Would like to know something about him if possible. Maybe get to know the family. I hope one day to find out something about him

Feb 19, 2015
Just found out and Simply not sure...
by: Anonymous

I, at the age of 49, have just had confirmed - my "dad" may not be my real dad.

My story goes like this...my mother and father were married in 1951 and had a son in 1955. He passed away in 2010. I was born in 1965. My mother and father were still married at the time of my birth but I have just been told that my mother slept around a lot while married. I had no idea - I did know that she was this way while I was young but thought she developed this after her divorce. Anyway - my mother has recently become in need of a nursing home and along with all the stress of dealing with this my Aunt, my mother's sister, decides to tell me that no-one really knows who my biological father is. There is a chance it could be the man who raised me but a strong change that he may not be. My dad remarried a nice woman with 3 children from a previous marriage and we lived a blended family life. My step-mother never said anything to make me feel that my dad may have a secret. I did not live with vindictive people in my home.

After the nursing home ordeal and my Aunt's confession - I called my step-mother to ask her what she knew and she also confirmed that my dad might not be my dad. She said she doesn't know for sure but there were rumors and told me that my mother had a very bad reputation while married to my dad. My step-mother and father never had any other children and my own brother and father have passed so there is no way for me to get the truth.

I am devastated and heartbroken. I was raised in a nice home with a nice family but may not have really belonged there at all and now feel terrible for every terrible teenage girl thing I did to cause that family grief. Even though my dad knew there was a chance that I might not be his he sought to gain custody of me in the 4th grade and raised me - which I thank God for. I was raised with his last name and will continue to think of him as my father. My step-mother confirmed to me that was the way he wanted it. The only thing I may not carry is his heritage. He and my step-mother gave me the values and morals by which I live today. Although my mother and I had a close relationship I find it impossible to see or speak to her right now. I guess I do suffer an identity crisis, too.

I have no desire to pursue anything with another family or to disrupt anyone else's life so I won't. I do, however, have 2 children , 20 and 17, and am not sure to how to handle it with them. I think I will seek out some counseling just for peace of mind.

Thanks to anyone who may read this and I wish peace to all the others whose stories I have read here.

Feb 25, 2015
im 40 i just found out the same he is still alive and never met
by: tony

tears and pain curious what to do

Feb 27, 2015
How do we move on?
by: Anonymous (ss)

Hi to all, we are almost all in the same boat.
I have known that my dad was not my dad since I was 9/10 years old after an argument with my brother, who at the time was 12 years old. I did'nt take it seriously although it was at the back of my mind until I was 14 and had just returned to the uk after spending a year abroad with the family (who weren't even mine) I was told by who I thought was my dad. He asked if my mother had told me. At that point I knew what my brother had to me in a rage was actually the truth. Unfortunate as I was, I had been sexually abused by the one who I called dad and believed everything he told me which since then I have hated my mother.
I have only met my mother 3 times in my life a total of 23 days. I am now 38. I have had numerous conversations over the phone and not had the courage to ask her the many questions I have buried deep inside me, the frustration, anger, hate disgust as to WHY? another part is waiting to hear from her the confession or the whole truth.
My so called dad passed away almost 5 years ago and my biological father passed away 15years ago.
I have met the biological father once when I was 13 (the year I was abroad) I knew he was the real one as my brother had told me his name.
These things go through my head every time I pick up the phone to call my mother. I can't fake it any more. She lives abroad and financial circumstances are withholding me from having a face to face conversation with her. I am also conscious of the fact what if she passes on before I find out the truth, or what if something happens to her when I ask her all my questions.
However on the other hand all these years whom I have considered my family I am unsure of how much do they know about me and feel I should apologise to them as I am no longer on talking terms with them., I know my biological father has children who are older than me-should I make contact with them?
I'm a complete mixed bag of thoughts and feelings.
But reading everyone's experiences on here has helped me to be brave and share my life story. So thanks to all of you and I hope you manage to sort and deal with your situations and find a way to move on, because I am at a point where I want to move on from all these years of misery.

Feb 28, 2015
by: Laurie

To How Do We Move On...I have had many of the same thoughts as you. Since my mother led a promiscuous lifestyle she is likely the ONLY one who knows the truth. The truth may even be that she doesn't know who my biological father is. She is 83 and I am also afraid to ask the questions that gnaw at me constantly. Even thought I have such resentment toward her I don't want to be the one who causes her any health problems if I should delve into this conversation with her. Although I strongly feel that she will pull an Alzheimer moment - which she does when she doesn't want to confront issues lately - and I still won't have any clear answer.

I also wonder how much and who in my family knew about me probably not being the biological daughter of the man I knew as Dad. On both sides of my family I wonder this. It's been over a week now and I still can't figure out what to do. I carry such a void inside me now that I can't sleep and I just want to hide in my house because I feel as though I have some sort of outward sign that everyone will be able to see. I am embarrassed at my mother's behavior, I am embarrassed that I don't know who my Dad is and also I'm hurting because I have no-one to talk to about my feelings. At least I found this site to vent myself on. As always - wishing everyone peace and serenity.

Mar 03, 2015
finding out
by: Anonymous

My mother told me when I was 21 that she had an affair with my dad's best friend. I grew up with him. And his children. No one would talk. So me and brother to be took a DNA test to find out to ease our mind's and last week it came back 99.95% that he was my biologal father he took it to his grave three weeks ago. The family is not strangers but the sad thing is my dad is gonna take it to his grave to. So now what to do my emotions are everywhere.

Mar 03, 2015
To "Finding Out"
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you and your situation. From what you said, you knew your bio father as a family friend when you grew up? At least you positively know (through the DNA test). Your emotions will take a lot of time to settle, no magic wand to help you. I do think it is a blessing that you did know him as you grew up. At least you have some memories. Many folks in this forum have nothing.

I've been in a similar situation bio father-daughter and lost many years. We get along very well, but the tears seem to be just below the surface. Look forward and remember to smile. At least you had something.

Mar 03, 2015
Thoughts by Laurie
by: Anonymous

After reading your story, I believe you must ask your mother. Absolutely. It may be a difficult conversation, but approach this calmly and know it may take a few conversations to get anything out of her. I use the "let it simmer" approach. No judging on your part. Ask her to write the name on a piece of paper, if she cannot speak it. Let your words work slowly. It will happen.

If you do get the name you're looking for, then what do you do? Prepare yourself in case he's passed on. I only say this because your mother is 83.

I would want to know. It would be a burning desire to find out. Good thoughts to you and your mom.

Mar 03, 2015
by: Anonymous

found out from mum today that I have a biological father. He abandoned us when mum was 5 months pregnant and dad took her immediately. I don't know what to think or do but it has to be in dad's best interests because he has been wonderful for me. he doesn't even know yet that I know and I don't think he wants me to know. I have seen a picture of the donor and I fukn look like him. am devastated.

Mar 04, 2015
Our father
by: Karon and Sharon

In 2006 I found out that my dad wasn't my real dad. My twin and I approached our Biologicial father. He was happy! Then his kids got involved and then he didn't want to talk to us. He just died. How do we prove that he is our father too?? I'm tried of being left out of everything.karon612worthington@ yahoo.com

Mar 05, 2015
by: Anonymous

First, thank you for sharing your story. Most importantly, you have a mum and a man that raised you as his own. That fact alone is wonderful. Read some of these stories in this forum, you have an advantage many can only wish for. You have a difficult situation, but not impossible. You said your mum told you about your bio father. Was this recently? Also, the man you call "Dad" stepped in when your mum was pregnant. If this is so, then he knows the situation and probably knows the questions about your bio father my come forward at some point. I understand this is a delicate balance. I believe a "heart to heart" conversation with your mum is needed. You've got to tell her what you're thinking and feeling. Let her know your personal situation (knowing your bio father) and how it affects your life on a much different level than anyone else. This is your history. Is this something you want to pursue? Is this the right time? Only you can answer those questions. I share a similar situation and wanted this person to have a chance to respond. At the minimum, just a chance to respond. For the protection of ALL hearts involved (the ones you know about and the ones you do not)be discreet. Everything you do will leave tracks on the heart, be careful and compassionate. Be open minded because your emotions are going to be way up and way down. They will cycle by the hour. One more thought, anticipate a positive outcome.

Mar 06, 2015
To Karon and Sharon
by: Anonymous

Your story is important. There are a lot of things you didn't include which makes it tricky to answer. However, you can do a Google search yourself on DNA testing without the biological father. It can be done, but the percentages go down slightly. You may have to get his children involved. This is the problem because you said the kids changed his reaction to you both.

I would have many questions for you. What does your mom and step father think of this? What is your relationship with them? Is there more to the story of your bio father? His children, did they react because it was a complete shock, or were they scared of losing his love and affection, or maybe money is involved? The questions go on and on. Not impossible, but I believe they must be considered.

I ask this next question to hear your answer. You mentioned your bio father has passed, why do you still feel like you're being left out?

Good thoughts to you both...

Mar 09, 2015
Left behind
by: Anonymous

I found out a little sooner that my dad wasn't my dad when he sent me a text saying "ask your mom about your real dad" because he got mad at me.. He did it to hurt my mom but instead hurt me and her. As a 13 year old it's hard having not 1 dad but 2 dads walk out on me... I feel hopless and guilty for no reason, I can't even sleep with out crying, and it's hard.
I've even tried to contact him after he told me he wasn't my father and he blew me 2 times.. It's been several months since he left but I miss him so much! I start counseling soon but besides that, I just wish people didn't have to go through this.. I thought I was a regular teenager with 2 biological parents and I was completely wrong😔

Mar 09, 2015
Left Behind
by: Anonymous

I send you good thoughts. I felt I needed to write something, so you knew you were not left alone. I can only say to let the tears flow to help sooth a wound that "time" my take years to heal. The counseling my be helpful, give it a good chance. It may not be a miracle, but may help you process what you are going through. Do not be ashamed that you are going to counseling. What anyone else thinks about that is their opinion. Your life experience is totally different from theirs. You do this for YOU, your future, and your personal strength. My only advice is this; after emotions settle a bit, find things that inspire you. Anything, the arts, reading, nature, photography, just about anything positive. Explore in that direction and find a new "freshness" to your life. Your current life experience will always be just below the surface and the tears close by, but you will find a more stable base to deal with your emotions. Your emotions are yours and they all are legitimate. One additional thought, I believe your bio father and/or you will look each other up in the future. It may be a decade or more, but I believe you will find each other. It took me three decades and one year. It has been life changing and positive. I wish this for you.

Mar 09, 2015
Left behind
by: Anonymous (ss)

To Left behind
Please don't feel so upset I can imagine what you must be going through as I was also 13 years old when I found out. It is difficult to cope with, be strong and show them that you can pull through this, and be successful in whatever it is you want to achieve. Speak to your mum and see if she can be supportive and talk about how you feel. Xx

To everyone who posts a comment on here together we can be stronger and cope with these feelings. I will be calling my mother this week to find out the truth as she hasn't bothered to tell me yet.

Mar 10, 2015
Godfather is my REAL DAD
by: Anonymous

I can't believe this has happened / is happening to so many people.

My GODFATHER may be my REAL DAD!!! Any advice please!!!
I'm 34. At a recent ceremony was the first time I've ever had photos taken of me and my godfather side by side apart from when I was a baby. (I haven't seen him for years)
I look just like him, exactly the same facial features, expressions physique, posture.
People who know him insisted I looked like him and his family which I dismissed until I saw the recent photos of me and him. The photos freaked me out, as well as my siblings and other family members. I mean seriously FREAKED US OUT!!! When I show friends the photos of the ceremony they always ask, "Is that your dad?" and look at me strangely when I say, "no he's my godfather". People say we are spitting image.
For YEARS mom has said, "there's something I have to tell you but will say when the time is right".
I don't look like any family members.

I called my godfather a month ago to ask if we could meet to talk as I had "questions about my life" and since then he's done radio silence. Normally we talk via phone on a weekly basis and he says things like, "you must understand, how much I love you from deep down in my heart". I bumped into him since and he looked like a frightened, frail rabbit.
Can't ask mum because she's developed mental health issues and I don't want to stress her even more.

Not sure what to do next if he keeps avoiding me. I don't want to ruin his career (he's a reverend) but I need him to be honest because I've trusted him, we have a great friendship. This is all so strange! Them not telling me the truth now I'm asking hurts and makes me feel that they are selfish wanting to burden me for the rest of my life with keeping there secret and living as a walking lie.
When people ask me why I'm upset, I've found myself lying to protect them, I don't want to be a liar. I wake up crying every morning now especially since instead of meeting me to talk like he said he would, my godfather sent me a video of a person talking about how "God is my Daddy". It felt like a knife pierced my heart. I feel so hurt. He was my friend. I don't know who to trust anymore.

Any advice please?

Mar 12, 2015
Please respond with your advice
by: Wondering

Well, after 55 years of wondering, I asked my mother and she was in utter dismay and the family separated and took sides.
With some supposed full siblings feeling my pain, DNA was hinted about by them and would solve the answer, so I asked them and they obliged.

DNA results...... I am not a full sibling. My lifetime of wonder, the hints, evidence etc. are validated. I am not crazy!
The deception was not that this occurred, There was never judgement passed upon the mother, It was that when the question was asked, it was continued with lies and the stability of my mental status was questioned that brought me to separation of family members mostly including my mother who,always new of the answer.
With all parents gone with the exception of one, the one that refused to answer my question, However, I was able to answer it on my own with the help of really caring people, and this helped them with questions they have wondered also.
I want to contact the other half siblings from my bio-fathers side. The reason.....My roots, My medical hereditary background that I can give to my children and grandchildren. something we all deserve and have a right to know.. I can not go to my mother...I would not believe a word she says after what I have been thru. Here is my question that I need your help with and please be honest. I have found these half siblings, I have so much fear in contacting them feeling it be selfish of me to disrupt their lives, and bring them to possible memories they have choose to put on the back burner. I have fear that the possible high standards on which they may see their parents will be crushed.I have fear that I will again be called crazy and rejected But, I want so bad to connect with them just once before I die,(I am fighting cancer) I want to give to my children the background...medical...ethnic. etc. that I came from. I want my existence to be known, to connect with them WITHOUT having to go thru the hurtful details OF the horrible fact that the two people, one of theirs and one of mine had this long affair and lived two separate lives deceiving many without knowledge and empathy for the spouses and children. The affair, or connection between the two lasted until one of them passed away.
How would any of you go about the contact....Social media, letter to the home...a phone call..or Don't contact them because its selfish. I don't want God to be mad at me for not having consideration. As I have re read this, I have noticed a lot of (I) that I have put in here...so you can see how I feel this is selfish. I don't know if they know of anything other then their parents have stuck thru a rocky marriage. till the end because of the love they had for each other. However, I do know that the affair was present as I grew up. my question...how do I contact them, What do I say at first notation..Or should I not contact them at all. I am only looking for what you would do or suggest. THe decision will be mine in the end.

Mar 12, 2015
God Father is my real Dad.
by: Anonymous

I've considered your post and here are my thoughts. Is the current situation-facade of him just being your God Father acceptable to you? (at least as far as everyone else knows) If you can live with that, then I believe you have to talk to your God Father. He said he loved you deep down in his heart. I do not think his love will change like a switch, if he is truly your bio father. He appears to be a place of fear or uncertainty. For him, when the facade of being a God Father crumbles (in his eyes) everything else becomes shaky. You need to reassure him to ease his heart(and ego). Tell him you want to know the truth (and what you suspect) and what your mom has said to you over the years. These have to be soft thoughts and soft words, to help him share what he knows. Think soft, he will come around. After that hurdle, what to do about the truth of your relationship and his occupation. There is a lot of energy burned out of fear. That, I'm afraid is up to the both of you. I'm not endorsing a shadow relationship, but one step at a time. You have the advantage of actually knowing this man through your life. I know what you're looking for, I know. Protect the hearts around you as best you can and be soft with your thoughts. I wish for you understanding and happiness.

Mar 12, 2015
RE: God Father is my real Dad.
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much for your reply.
You are spot on! (So spot on it's a little spooky -I thought does this person know me???)
That is exactly what I wanted to say to him initially, to reassure him that things would be ok between us and we could deal with other hurdles in time as and when we felt comfortable. I started to feel upset when he started to avoid my calls, messages etc then sending me that video. I just felt complete rejection which hurts.

I wouldn't want a shadow relationship forever, but for now I would plenty need time to get used to the realisation of having a different father, used to simple things like having someone in the world that I actually look like, knowing why I always felt different. He and my mum would need time to get to grips with the fact that I now know let alone anything else.

I just want him or my mum to tell me the truth now I'm asking as this makes it easier to accept over three decades of not knowing. I just want to talk, understand more about where I come from and know that I'm still loved. I miss having him as my friend who I can call when I need support/advice. He's a good person, I don't like to think of him being so stressed he's on the run from me. I also worry that the longer I don't speak with him for, the more distorted his thoughts may become.
I don't want to push him to talk because I think the more I make contact, the more stressed he's becoming. I've kept messages normal but I know he's freaking out.

Your reply has really brought clarity to me and reassured me, I really needed to read that. (I so wish you could talk with him). Thank you so very much for your time.

Best wishes in everything you do.

Mar 12, 2015
God Father is my real Dad
by: 2nd RE

My situation is similar. I believe you have to talk to him. He is your blood and you are his. It must come from you. Remember, soft thoughts heal, hard thoughts divide. This is for the protection of hearts. No dancing around the issues, but go softly into the middle. For you, love is on the table and maybe longing, but the people you need to talk to are human and vulnerable. That includes you. Be gentle and open. From my experience, I cannot see this happening quickly. However, with softness and loving intent, I see a positive movement forward at a gentle pace. It can be done. If all the egos involved can be relatively quiet, then the hearts can do wonders. Good thoughts to you...

Mar 13, 2015
by: Anonymous

I have read through your post many times. It is a very delicate situation, but not impossible. I understand the need for your medical history and some type of answer to your questions. The extent of knowledge of your half siblings is what troubles me. Also, the relationship of them to their father. You just don't know. I believe you have to make an attempt at contact, at least for you. Be discreet and gentle. Remember, every move you make will leave tracks on the heart (everyone's). Social media seems like you are "lurking" in the shadows. Write a letter. This will require your very best writing and the content is critical. Strive for honesty, compassion, and sincerity. You cannot know how the letter will be received. Just know you did your heartfelt best. Truly, good thoughts to you.

Mar 19, 2015
to tell or not
by: Anonymous

I was 18, came from a broken family. Started a relationship with an older man to escape abusive step father. Got involved with drugs with the guy and he terrorized me. I married out of fear. Met a guy closer to my age while my new husband of two years had left me and was in ny..miles away. I don't want him to ever come back and if he hadn't things would've been very different. But it happens that he did and the guy I had an affair with went into the navy. I found out I was pregnant and just knew if my abusive older husband found out, he'd probably kill me. I told him the baby was his. He and I eventually divorced when my son was 8 months old. The bio dad came home from the service and married, and had a daughter. He died in a freak accident when my son was 6. He knew he was my son's father but my abusive x never has been told. My son is 25 now. He is tormented by the person my ex is and is always scared he has bad genes because of the monster he thinks is his father. I considered telling him many many times but after reading this board am thinking it may be a mistake to add insult to injury. I would never ever want my son to hate me and the worst thing in this world would be to see my son suffer because I'm an idiot. Please share your thoughts. I'm so tormented but don't want to thrust my son into an identity crisis. What should I do?

Mar 20, 2015
To Tell or Not to Tell
by: Anonymous

This is just my opinion.

In considering your thoughts, I think you have made an assumption with your son's reaction to the information you may share with him. You said your son is scared, tormented, and thinks he has bad genes from your ex. Do not deny your son his new life, knowing he is not a part of this "bad man". Do not be afraid of expressing the truth as you know it. Would your "inaction" continue to be (in your eyes) beneficial to your son? Or you? As a mother, you have expressed love and concern for your son in your letter. I believe the next step as a mother, is action. Without action, there are no results, only ideas. Surrender and let go of the past. If you do not, you will always wish things to be different than they are. Don't judge yourself, feel guilty, or punish yourself if you are doing your very best. What you have written shows me that you do understand and the truth is a HUGE step from a mother to her son. I sincerely believe that the heart can make leaps beyond what the mind thinks is possible.

You said your son's biological father has passed. This might be a very difficult truth for your son. Maybe, just knowing there is a half sister out there might help. The half sister is another issue entirely. Focus.

Your awareness of the situation is the first step. Your action is the second step. It can heal and transform both of your lives. There is no reason to suffer and use all this life energy on hidden truth. Your first conversation may open a wound. Open wounds can be cleaned and healed with love. This will take some time. Do not let this fester below the surface.

You must have a positive impact. It is your duty the have a vision far more elegant than your hopes and desires. This vision can give you strength, energy, and bring honor and dignity to you and your son. "Meaning" is continuously being drained and washed out of peoples lives. Recognize this and do whatever is necessary to counteract it.

I encourage you, in the time you have left, to be the very best you can be.

Good thoughts to you...

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