Who am I? Finding out that my father is not my biological father.
by Shallyn
(Texas)
In 1992 after having my first child, my Mother decides to tell me that my Dad is not my biological father. I was 24 years old and completely devastated. My Mother told me this out of her own hurt and bitterness toward my Dad, hoping by telling me this it would hurt him instead. I felt myself falling into a depression shortly after but mentally blocked it from my mind knowing I had to take care of my daughter. A year later, I had a panic attack and found my "demons" coming to surface. I spent three years in counseling and had to remove myself from my mother at the time. I found she was poison and I had to regroup myself. My counselor stated that when I first came to see him, I looked like I was ran over by an 18 wheeler and left to die. After three years, I found myself able to talk about the "situation" without having a full blown anxiety attack and my spiritual journey began. When my mother told me this, my biological father had been dead for 2 years. I met him one time when I was 17, but I did not know who he was.
I am 42 years old now and for 18 years I still remain without complete peace and find that the "situation" comes up and haunts me now and then. I found myself in some type of identity crisis for years. After seeking answers from spiritual guides, church, praying, counseling, etc., I still do not know how to let this go completely. It remains a shadow. I have finally told myself not seek answers from anywhere else and just wait on God to come through and bring me a peace that only he can give. I wanted to share my story here in hopes that reaching out, I may stumble upon "the answer".
