Unhealthy Friendship?

by Debbie
(Cooperstown, NY USA)

I became friends with my boyfriend's distant cousin because she is dating a (sort of) friend of his. We became friends also because we had one thing in common and that is scrapbooking. Her and I got together about once or twice a week and hung out with our scrapbook stuff and shared a bunch of information. Most of the time over that 6-month period - she unloaded on me about what a piece of shit her boyfriend is, was, about all her mother and her issues. I was a good friend, listened for almost that whole time - only talking a bit about my own issues and problems. Then the day came where I voiced my opinion based on all that she told me, I heard and witnessed. It was via a text message. Then she got pissed - told me I was entitled to my opinion. I did not hear from her for a few days which was unusual because we talked, texted, or IM'd almost every day a lot. I sent her an email apologizing for what I said, not making excuses for what I said, but explained my reasons for what I said.

She responded and only took it negatively instead of a sincere apology. I responded back and apologized almost all the way through it again - she has not spoke to me since - it's been almost a month.

Yesterday I sent her some pictures via email of her child and her (an event we went to together as friends). She did not even respond with a thank you. Today I text her and asked her if she was STILL mad at me? :( and she never responded at all.

What can I do? I have apologized profusely over and over and over. She is holding a grudge and it's not like I killed anyone or harmed anyone in any way at all. I just stated my opinion on her situation.

She has stated her opinion to me about something before and I did not get offended, hold a grudge, get mad or anything.

HELP!!!! It is really bothering me that she is so upset and not talking to me for what seems like not that big of a deal.

Comments for Unhealthy Friendship?

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Aug 26, 2009
Been there, happened to me too.
by: Ann

Dear Debbie, don't let it get you down.My sister-in-law did the same exact thing. I knew her from the time I was 5 years old, we have not spoken in 3 years.She unloaded ALL her personal problems, right down to telling me what she did with the guy she cheated with, that was way more informaton than I wanted to hear. Well, one day, she started making sarcastic remarks to me, I always listened with a good ear and never hurt her feelings about it,and her remarks hurt me realy bad because I thought we were like sisters. I had this feeling to stop going around her as much, so she e-mailed me one day, and asked me what was wrong and that she DESERVED an answer. I told her I did not have to tell anyone anything, that was my choice, but I told her because she was my sister-in-law and that I loved her, i would tell her the truth. I told her she seemed angry at everyone, her mom her husband, and her renters. I told her,that, me and my husband would like to have time to ourselves. It was a very nice e-mail, she has not talked to me and I have not seen her in 3 years.It broke my heart at first because we were close. What I found out, is, she is a control freak. They want to tell other people stuff, but they are self centered and want all the attention for themselves. I say girl, you are lucky she left. Don't ever apologise for telling someone the truth. You have a right to be who you are. You seem like a very caring person, but don't let that persons type of personality try to control your emotions...that is what she wants. Find yourself a friend who likes to share what you do, stay away from friends who like to dump their problems on you, they have a tendency to try and control you....
The more a friend tells you about their life's problems, the more problems are gonna creep up on you.....
Good Luck and God Bless You!!!
:) :) :)

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