Thank You

by Jai

I googled how to deal with a negative person and this was an article that came up. I'm 29 years old, my mother has abused me mentally and physically my whole life. I recently was blessed by God with a daughter of my own...crazy as it may seem I got pregnant 3 months after trying to kill myself completely overwhelmed and wanting to escape my nightmarish life. I promised myself I would NEVER let my mother be in my daughters life and hurt her the way she hurt me. Due to circumstances and situations I ended up having to eat my words and ask her to move in with her. Of course she let me and now I beg God everynight to please let one of the many jobs I've applied for call me so I can get my own place and have peace once again in my life. I've been playing the part to the tee...I don't try to defend myself, I try to block out her put downs of everyone who isn't in earshot...she talks bad about every single person in turn when they aren't there including me. She is never wrong. She cooks food and forces you to eat just because she is hungry. She takes my daughter out of my arms and claims she's just giving "mommy" a break even tho I didn't ask for one and then I'll catch her telling my daughter to call her "mommy", she'll sing the same songs to her that I do and it's all very sickening to deal with. My daughter is bi-racial and when her and my step dad argue she calls him the "N" word in front of her. I tell her to stop and then she acts like she's gonna hit me and turns the whole thing around and calls me every curse word and ugly name she can conjure up (in front of my daughter once again) It's hard for my inner voice not to tell me this woman is evil...I know that she has gone thru some abuse growing up and we've talked about it, I studied psychology in college so i could learn to help myself and her....she admits that the things she experienced were wrong, but she does those same things to me. She didn't care to raise me or my sister, but now she wants to take my daughter from me emotionally...why do I have to constantly pay? Reading your article I was crying because at least i know I'm not crazy and that there is other people out there going thru similiar experiences. But, the truth is I can't take anymore...I feel like an old woman, I am tired and drained, the only thing that makes me happy is spending time with my daughter and she tries to steal that away from me as well. I keep telling myself that this too shall pass and that God will get me out of the situation's just hard to keep up the facade that I am forced to just to keep things from exploding with violence. She knows this too and tries to push me. I do wish that God will punish her for all the ugliness she constantly projects and emits. I am deeply Spiritual, I know that this type of thought is not Christlike...but I often wonder because when the second coming happens and the ultimate judgement it is promised that those who committed just such acts will be punished. I pray everyday for Jesus to come back...let it be tomorrow when I wake up...I swear my life is hell...and I have a little angel/princess/gift from heaven to keep me going. Thank you for at least giving me an understanding that I am not alone and that there is hope. God Bless. Any advice is welcome.

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Mar 27, 2013
Sail Away
by: Anonymous

"Mother" is the title she carries.When in fact she is the wolf and you are her chew toy.My mother emotionally abandoned me when i was very young. I was the last of six children and learned survival techniques, fast.I, of course, was unaware that i was living with such discourse.You make the dysfunction functional.Living with this personality is a literal emotional pecking to death.I'm reminded of a time i was looking after mother's finches. I went in to feed them and saw mother bird physically pecking one of her baby's to death.How could she be so cruel to hurt one of her baby's like that? Funny how god brings things back to your memory.To put the puzzle pieces back together making our lives "make" sense.Raging back just gives her fuel to tell the family how unstable and unreasonable you are.She will show words of concern about you that are only meant to incite contempt in other's towards you. I know your in a bad position but god can give you peace in the midst of your storm. Right where your at.He saved me from my mother,more than once.Believe what god's word say's about "You", not your mother. She gave birth to you but did not give you life.This is a sneaky abuse that seems to have come through the back door.Read about this personality disorder and know your not alone.Here is one description of my mother "Catching family in her web of lies. She covers her smile as she cries."Hold on to your tomorrow and let god deal with her. Best wishes to you and your girl.

Jun 03, 2012
by: Me

At the last person who said "the bible said 'God helps only those who help themselves,'" actually there's no such thing in the bible that says that, and you would know that if you knew anything about Christianity, God or the bible. Put down your remote, and stop listening to what the Christian-mocking media tells you about the bible.

To the OP who posted this. I hope things are going better for you, and may God help make a way for you. Pray for your mother, your child, and yourself.

Nov 25, 2011
Hope things have improved for you since Jai?
by: Petal UK

Hey there Jai. I don't know if you have been back to check this site since left your post- nevertheless, I will still leave a little something for you so that you don't feel so alone.
Firstly, I am sorry to read about the situation that you've fallen in and how sad it making you feel. You said that you fell pregnant 3 months after a suicide attempt. You stated that God had blessed you with child. You make many references to God and pin all your hope onto him saving you. My dear Jai, please do not let this unseen hope stop you from taking a realistic look at situation you in, finding out why you keep letting yourself continually suffer in an environment that obviously makes you sad.
Did you ever receive counselling for suicide attempt? Was it same situation as you are going through now that made you want end it? Was you involved with child's father before you tried take life and is he involved in his daughters life now- if not, why not, why isn't he supporting you? All this can make you feel useless that you have allowed your mother to treat you in a way that obviously oppresses you.
You need to stop looking at 'God' to set you free from life you found self in- besides Bible says God only helps those who help themselves and I feel you have allowed a lot of the problems to happen.
You got realise God will not help you. You got help you. You have your lovely daughter that no one can take from you. Please try for her. You do not want her grow up how you did- You are her mother she does not have to go through what you did, don't let history repeat itself and only you can stop that feeling of living in Hell as you say.
Is there no way live in a sheltered unit for single mums? You mentioned a sister, could you not stay with her? Or can't you try keep out of your mothers way, say stay in your room, try get yourself a telly in there? Where was you living before there? How did you get by before? There is so much I want to ask/find out, because certain stuff don't completely add up and I feel you can have life you want if you just stop focusing that this is how it meant be unless God helps you then not worth trying help yourself- you need get away from this type of unrealistic thinking 'cos at the mo it ain't no God putting food in your daughters belly but your mum- harsh but true. You can do this Jai. It gone midnight here, I'm heavily pregnant and very tired. Rest of my beautiful family are all asleep. I too was like you once, but now I am so happy that is why I know you can be too one day, but only you can fix it. I have rambled enough.
All my best to you. I don't know what parts you from, how law/ support is for mums in your position but please try find out get help. There must be organisations out there that can and will help.
All the best to you and your daughter my love.xx

Oct 09, 2011
by: bond

Do you know charles darwin? He had given a Law. It applied on all of us.It is something like " To survive in nature, You have to Fight". In your case you have to fight with your mom, & relatives, neighbours etc. if you want to survive. Good luck.

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