Narcissistic Sister

by Michelle
(Michigan)

I am in therapy to help me deal with anxiety/panic attacks and we are uncovering what a huge impact growing up with a narcisstic sister has had on my life.

I am trying to re-wire my brain so I can break free from the patterns that have been established between me and my sister since childhood. We are only 18 months apart and I am the older sister. We had to share a room through high school and I have been conditioned to respond in certain ways to protect myself. In other words, I was not given the opportunity at an early age to develop my own identity that was not chained the the "blamer." As an adult, I think that I may have assigned "the blamer" title unfairly to my husband and transfered my feelings toward my sister onto him. Wow -- I need to do alot of work!

This e-book is the most helpful piece of literature I have read that pertains to my situation. I am in the process of creating distance between us so I can work on rebuilding the way I look at myself in the world, separate from this ill person. It won't be easy as she is the master manipulator but I am continuing therapy and surrounding myself with positive, supportive people. Thank you so much.

Comments for
Narcissistic Sister

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Apr 07, 2011
 same situation
by: Anonymous

I am the younger sister of 18 months apart. My sister has stolden my identity all my life. I am forty now and finally realized it. It is awful.
Apr 22, 2012
 Adding to the many
by: Anonymous

My sister has huge issues, and has driven me away so much that it never will be fixed. Not only is she a complete narcissist, but is religious as well. And over the top religious at that. When we little (I am 7 years older), she would tell my mother lies about me, so I would get disciplined, this helped keep my mother and my relationship full of tension and suspicion. When my daughter was born, I stressed heavily to her that she was not to ear bash my child about religion, I wanted that to be a personal decision..of course she would take her into a room telling her that she must be religious etc. I am still cranky about that and my daughter is nearly 20. (she thinks her aunty is a space cadet, so shes pushed her away too). She has alienated almost every member of her immediate family and extended family too. Aggressive and knows everything, never wrong, and as I stay away, I answered the phone at my parents place the other night and never recognised her voice. I avoid almost every social family gathering, as she may be there. Even thought my mother knows, she still makes excuses for her, but my dad knows, which is great. But it is still my fault, and everybody elses fault, never hers
Apr 24, 2012
 same situation
by: DD

I am 16 months older than my narcissist sister. I too believe that my sister has stolen my identity all my life. It has taken me five decades to realize what was going on. I always thought that somehow I was responsible for how awful she treated me. Took me a lifetime to uncover the truth. So hurt.
Jun 17, 2012
 nacissistic older sister
by: Anonymous

I never really got to know my eldest sister of 10 years until I joined the same religion as her (20 years ago). She preached to me and I believed it to be the truth and still do. At the time, she was going through a divorce and because changing my religion was controversial in my parents' house, I moved out and moved in w/her. That's when my nightmare began. It was her way or the highway all the time and I felt so trapped because if I left, I had no where to go. I was 20 & inexperienced (which she knew). She was demeaning all the time and threw me under the bus constantly to our friends. She became someone who a lot of people truly admired (and still do) but if you know her like I know her, she is highly abusive and aggressive to me. She can be nice, don't get me wrong, but it lasts for a short period of time. Ultimately, if I don't do things her way when she wants something of me, she will always get back at me and if I don't see it coming, it will eventually. We had a major blowout (over my parents' finances) few years ago and she wants control and to know every thing that happens. I told her to talk to them (as they're competent and still in control of their finances) but she blew up at me and has been angry at me ever since (that was 7 years ago). She even went so far as to slander me to our very close friends to get me uninvited to a gathering and it worked. She succeeded and turned some friends against me. Since then, we don't speak much unless necessary. I don't go out of my way unless she's visiting (she since has married and lives across the country). I feel better about myself, but the aura of her still lingers in me because I know it's never really over. I feel paranoid thinking something from her is coming down the pipeline. It sucks because she's supposed to be a Christian but acts like a bully in the schoolyard behind closed doors. I guess my father was that way too so I see where she gets it from but she's been through therapy and preaches the good news to others and still behaves like a bully to me. :(
Mar 20, 2013
 thief
by: Anonymous

I am in the process of exposing my n sister for stealing my inheritance from my father. It took me 20 years to figure out she did this.All the while bad mouthing me to anyone who came within ear shot of her.A preemptive strike so that if i ever did expose her dirty secret it would look like i was just "jealous" of her. If she could convince everyone i was unstable, who would believe me anyways? It's devastating to discover your own family seeks to destroy you. It hurts and that's normal. You can not reason with the unreasonable.She is a parasite that feeds off the misery she inflicts on others.Two years ago i severed my relationship with her and have pulled my children out of her path of destruction.You can believe they were next on her list of people to lie to about me. Education is my best protection from her. "Living" my life is my ultimate revenge.Despite her best efforts, it looks like little "never" sailed.
Apr 17, 2013
 Oxygen :)
by: Anonymous

I'm noticing here and in the comments on other sites, how common it seems to be that victims of narcissists often suffer in utter hell for years...often decades...before they finally get a handle on what's really going on. The same is true for me, having spent my entire adult life searching for clues, examining our family dynamic, retreating whenever possible in an attempt to stay sane,constantly being torn between the feeling that I can't give up on my family and yet I knew also that it was toxic, which resulted in an insatiable need "figure it out" in order to stay sane without completely abandoning my family. I have to wonder why it is that it took me (and apparently many others) so many years to identify the NPD. I have not spent a lot of time in therapy in my adult life....I did spend some time in therapy during my adolescence during which my sister's NPDwas not identified (maybe NPD wasn't well known in the 70's?) I was drowning in a narcissistic hell and was the one visibly "acting out". I knew nothing about NPD at the time, only that I needed someone to see the bigger picture and my sister was a "very effective" narcissist and had everyone under her control. I did spend a few visits in therapy in my 30's during which I described my sister's behavior, both past and then-present to this therapist...still knowing nothing of an actual disorder called NPD, and this therapist didn't mention NPD. It wasn't until years later when I was reading an article that I just happened upon ..about dealing with the narcissist in your life".. It was as if someone had turned on the oxygen after my having spent decades trying to breath through a small straw. I know this may sound strange to someone who hasn't been affected by a narcissist, but maybe quite clear to those who have. The description in that article...example by example...was exactly what I had described to my Therapist 10+ years previous...many of the exact same words I used...and the description of the affects...same thing....almost word for word. I don't know what kind of training therapists get, or if they should all even be "expected" to recognize the signs of NPD or if they're trained not to speak of their "supsicions" when they haven't had any one-on-one contact with the suspected narcissist....or what. All I know is that he could have saved me many years of scrambling to keep my sanity had he been able to suggest the possibility. Even if she can't be changed, at least I would have been able to move straight to the appropriate help for myself. However, I now feel very lucky that this information on NPD did eventually drop into my lap. I have now been able to work through so much and have gained untold amounts of stress relief as a result of understanding this disorder better and finding stategies on dealing with narcissists.

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