Narcissistic Sister

by Michelle

I am in therapy to help me deal with anxiety/panic attacks and we are uncovering what a huge impact growing up with a narcisstic sister has had on my life.

I am trying to re-wire my brain so I can break free from the patterns that have been established between me and my sister since childhood. We are only 18 months apart and I am the older sister. We had to share a room through high school and I have been conditioned to respond in certain ways to protect myself. In other words, I was not given the opportunity at an early age to develop my own identity that was not chained the the "blamer." As an adult, I think that I may have assigned "the blamer" title unfairly to my husband and transfered my feelings toward my sister onto him. Wow -- I need to do alot of work!

This e-book is the most helpful piece of literature I have read that pertains to my situation. I am in the process of creating distance between us so I can work on rebuilding the way I look at myself in the world, separate from this ill person. It won't be easy as she is the master manipulator but I am continuing therapy and surrounding myself with positive, supportive people. Thank you so much.

Comments for Narcissistic Sister

Click here to add your own comments

Apr 07, 2011
same situation
by: Anonymous

I am the younger sister of 18 months apart. My sister has stolden my identity all my life. I am forty now and finally realized it. It is awful.

Apr 22, 2012
Adding to the many
by: Anonymous

My sister has huge issues, and has driven me away so much that it never will be fixed. Not only is she a complete narcissist, but is religious as well. And over the top religious at that. When we little (I am 7 years older), she would tell my mother lies about me, so I would get disciplined, this helped keep my mother and my relationship full of tension and suspicion. When my daughter was born, I stressed heavily to her that she was not to ear bash my child about religion, I wanted that to be a personal decision..of course she would take her into a room telling her that she must be religious etc. I am still cranky about that and my daughter is nearly 20. (she thinks her aunty is a space cadet, so shes pushed her away too). She has alienated almost every member of her immediate family and extended family too. Aggressive and knows everything, never wrong, and as I stay away, I answered the phone at my parents place the other night and never recognised her voice. I avoid almost every social family gathering, as she may be there. Even thought my mother knows, she still makes excuses for her, but my dad knows, which is great. But it is still my fault, and everybody elses fault, never hers

Apr 24, 2012
same situation
by: DD

I am 16 months older than my narcissist sister. I too believe that my sister has stolen my identity all my life. It has taken me five decades to realize what was going on. I always thought that somehow I was responsible for how awful she treated me. Took me a lifetime to uncover the truth. So hurt.

Jun 17, 2012
nacissistic older sister
by: Anonymous

I never really got to know my eldest sister of 10 years until I joined the same religion as her (20 years ago). She preached to me and I believed it to be the truth and still do. At the time, she was going through a divorce and because changing my religion was controversial in my parents' house, I moved out and moved in w/her. That's when my nightmare began. It was her way or the highway all the time and I felt so trapped because if I left, I had no where to go. I was 20 & inexperienced (which she knew). She was demeaning all the time and threw me under the bus constantly to our friends. She became someone who a lot of people truly admired (and still do) but if you know her like I know her, she is highly abusive and aggressive to me. She can be nice, don't get me wrong, but it lasts for a short period of time. Ultimately, if I don't do things her way when she wants something of me, she will always get back at me and if I don't see it coming, it will eventually. We had a major blowout (over my parents' finances) few years ago and she wants control and to know every thing that happens. I told her to talk to them (as they're competent and still in control of their finances) but she blew up at me and has been angry at me ever since (that was 7 years ago). She even went so far as to slander me to our very close friends to get me uninvited to a gathering and it worked. She succeeded and turned some friends against me. Since then, we don't speak much unless necessary. I don't go out of my way unless she's visiting (she since has married and lives across the country). I feel better about myself, but the aura of her still lingers in me because I know it's never really over. I feel paranoid thinking something from her is coming down the pipeline. It sucks because she's supposed to be a Christian but acts like a bully in the schoolyard behind closed doors. I guess my father was that way too so I see where she gets it from but she's been through therapy and preaches the good news to others and still behaves like a bully to me. :(

Mar 20, 2013
by: Anonymous

I am in the process of exposing my n sister for stealing my inheritance from my father. It took me 20 years to figure out she did this.All the while bad mouthing me to anyone who came within ear shot of her.A preemptive strike so that if i ever did expose her dirty secret it would look like i was just "jealous" of her. If she could convince everyone i was unstable, who would believe me anyways? It's devastating to discover your own family seeks to destroy you. It hurts and that's normal. You can not reason with the unreasonable.She is a parasite that feeds off the misery she inflicts on others.Two years ago i severed my relationship with her and have pulled my children out of her path of destruction.You can believe they were next on her list of people to lie to about me. Education is my best protection from her. "Living" my life is my ultimate revenge.Despite her best efforts, it looks like little "never" sailed.

Apr 17, 2013
Oxygen :)
by: Anonymous

I'm noticing here and in the comments on other sites, how common it seems to be that victims of narcissists often suffer in utter hell for years...often decades...before they finally get a handle on what's really going on. The same is true for me, having spent my entire adult life searching for clues, examining our family dynamic, retreating whenever possible in an attempt to stay sane,constantly being torn between the feeling that I can't give up on my family and yet I knew also that it was toxic, which resulted in an insatiable need "figure it out" in order to stay sane without completely abandoning my family. I have to wonder why it is that it took me (and apparently many others) so many years to identify the NPD. I have not spent a lot of time in therapy in my adult life....I did spend some time in therapy during my adolescence during which my sister's NPDwas not identified (maybe NPD wasn't well known in the 70's?) I was drowning in a narcissistic hell and was the one visibly "acting out". I knew nothing about NPD at the time, only that I needed someone to see the bigger picture and my sister was a "very effective" narcissist and had everyone under her control. I did spend a few visits in therapy in my 30's during which I described my sister's behavior, both past and then-present to this therapist...still knowing nothing of an actual disorder called NPD, and this therapist didn't mention NPD. It wasn't until years later when I was reading an article that I just happened upon ..about dealing with the narcissist in your life".. It was as if someone had turned on the oxygen after my having spent decades trying to breath through a small straw. I know this may sound strange to someone who hasn't been affected by a narcissist, but maybe quite clear to those who have. The description in that article...example by example...was exactly what I had described to my Therapist 10+ years previous...many of the exact same words I used...and the description of the affects...same thing....almost word for word. I don't know what kind of training therapists get, or if they should all even be "expected" to recognize the signs of NPD or if they're trained not to speak of their "supsicions" when they haven't had any one-on-one contact with the suspected narcissist....or what. All I know is that he could have saved me many years of scrambling to keep my sanity had he been able to suggest the possibility. Even if she can't be changed, at least I would have been able to move straight to the appropriate help for myself. However, I now feel very lucky that this information on NPD did eventually drop into my lap. I have now been able to work through so much and have gained untold amounts of stress relief as a result of understanding this disorder better and finding stategies on dealing with narcissists.

May 18, 2013
My sick O sister
by: Anonymous

Oh wow! I have a sick o Narcissistic sister, Cant stand the bitch.

May 27, 2013
by: Anonymous

I wish I could comment but I am worried in case she sees it.

May 29, 2013
Response to "Anxious"
by: Anonymous

C'mon Anxious! Dish! It'll do ya good! ...and besides, if you don't give any names and you keep your annonymous identity, there shouldn't be anything to worry about. Also, you might try therapy for ideas on coping with the situation.

Jun 02, 2013
A long road
by: Anonymous

I have been having problems with both my mum and sister for decades. I believe now they are both inflicted with npd. My husband has identified their manipulations insecurities and emotional hold on me from the beginning . I just felt like something was wrong as I was flung around in a roll a coaster of emotions. They are Christian and family but why do I feel so torn. I leave their company feeling so down with an inferior husband, like somehow my life , my job, my family is insignificant. As I stepped back ( I would never step out of their lives altogether) there was the most vile outcry. I had abandoned my sister and her children apparently and it is still unforgiven. They take delight in things that go wrong for me do not reach out to me and accuse me of jealousy. It hurts as I have tried to please them for decades with kindness support gifts and service. For so long I have been so confused with our relationship , but the further away I get the more I see how trapped I was and look forward to a life of freedom although the guilt emotions and wondering what they think of me still haunts me. It's a long road but I am looking forward to finding myself and feeling truly free of their expectations and judgements. I thank God for my husband who has stood by and watched me drown in these relationships always lovingly warning me and rarely saying I told you so.

Sep 27, 2013
N brother
by: Christy

My younger brother is a blamer and an N. When he does vindictive things to me other people don't believe it because they don't understand why anyone would do that. He lies about me and they don't understand that he is lying because he seems so sincere. If they would look a little closer at his life they would see the cracks, but many people are just content to enjoy the charming facade.

He has tried to turn everyone against me and had no qualms about trying this with my husband even and my children. They are disgusted with him, but he turned a whole church against me and his young wife won't talk to us, especially me. I now realize how jealous and empty he is and recognize he was controlling my parents against me even when he was a boy! Get this, when my brother and I had our huge falling out over his bad behavior to me, my Dad kept blaming me and insisting that I 'fix' the relationship. I stood back and realized 'wow' why should my 30-something brother not be responsible for relationships? Yet I am responsible for his happiness? I said to hell with it and he never calls or responds while still blaming me for his problems. I'm sure he's making his wife's life hell, but it's not my problem and she thinks I hate her because he told her so.

We live in a small town and sometimes things happen that are unavoidable. My daughter lost a recent competition and we found out he was one of the judges. Nobody could understand at the time because it was so obvious that she should have won. Even the winner was confused. Stupid stuff like that. Punishing my daughter to get any dig at me. It's just one example of 100 things that happen when he has an opportunity to hurt me!

Sep 27, 2013
Unbelievably AMAZING site on Covert Abuse...
by: Anonymous

For all posters and/or victims of NPD...especially the "covert" type of NPD....The following site has been a God-send for me and I highly recommend checking it out. A good place to start would be any of the links under "Recent Posts" Here is the web address: Blessings!

Jan 24, 2014
I cut them all loose
by: Anonymous

Since I was a small child, my eldest sister has manipulated me and our other sister. Without going into detail, all. I can say is that after finding this site and reading it, I now know why I feel so at peace because I ended my relationships with both of them. They have done a number on me and I still worry it's my fault. But the funny thing is, I have wonderful relationships with my friends, my husband, my children and my husbands family as well as my co-workers. This has been going on for over 60 years.

Mar 18, 2014
Agree with Oxegen :)
by: Anonymous

I can relate to the comment below from "Oxegen :)". I agree that many therapists I went to knew nothing about NPD. I stumbled upon it myself at the library and it helped me tremendously to understand NPD. I now have empathy for my sister instead of feeling hate. Thank you for your comments. I am not alone.

Mar 31, 2014
Horrible sister
by: Anonymous

Wow reading these posts makes me realize what I grew up with - a monster that destroyed our family . So good to read these posts as its helps with the healing and its time for us all to move on and enjoy our lives which at the end of the day is the best revenge !

Apr 04, 2014
by: Anonymous

My experience was more mind-twisting than anything I could possibly describe to anyone who hasn't been there....But at the same time I have a problem with labeling my sister a "monster". Even though the result of her behavior has been beyond monstrous, I tend to believe that she did/doesn't have control over it and I'm still feeling that a little empathy is appropriate...from a safe distance of course...After all, once we understand how we've been duped and manipulated we can make different choices in our own responses, strengthen our boundaries, etc. in order to protect ourselves. I realize that there are probably some situations and/or families where this might not be possible, but I've found that the more I learn about the condition, the less hate and more empathy I feel...which ultimately is more healing for me than thoughts of revenge.

Apr 06, 2014
And the fog has cleared
by: Anonymous

Hi everyone.

I suffer from PTSD because of living with a N sister for slightly over a year. I could never understand how she could have done all that she did to me and my family. I have been trying to make excuses to lessen the pain, but that hasn't worked. She has manipulated my parents and has them wrapped around her little finger from the time we were children. They are always bailing her out of one situation after another because she's the Golden Child. However, that has only served to enable her Narcissistic personality even more. I have not had any contact with her since 2010, but I always feel paranoid that she's going to do something else but I don't know what. I also live with a great sense of shame because I feel as though I should have seen through it. Consciously I know that it's not my fault, but I can't help feeling the way I do. Just typing out this post is setting off my anxiety. I am really grateful to know that it really wasn't my problem but hers (and my N mum too).

Jun 26, 2014
You All Sound Like Beautiful People!
by: Anonymous

I always wondered why I wasn't filled with hatred for my Narcissistic mother and older sister. But just like you all here, we came out on top, we were better off than our narcissistic family members. Because we didn't get any of that narcissistic power! So we developed empathy and love for them, we wanted them to love us so much! When they didn't, and when they continued abusing us instead, we developed a lot of problems like fear, anxiety, self-blame, feelings of guilt, longing for a normal, loving family and never getting it. Those are all very normal feelings to have under all that stress and abuse that we suffered. So we are normal, they are not. We came off the winners after all. Yet, it still leaves us with the hole in our heart/soul that always wishes that it could be different. That will never go away completely. So we hope, against all odds that it will ever come about. I wish I could sit down with all of us together and just get to know one another, but of course it can't be. But I see my life in every single story here. That in itself is so comforting, to not be alone like I was for decades! I am 75 years old and have given up on my
narcissistic sister who is 11 months older than me . She stopped all association with me after our mother died 6 yrs ago. It hurt, but I am better for it. I now have peace and know that I tried very hard all of my life to get along with her, and she ruined it over and over again. So now, I just find myself hoping she will stay away. Every sibling has left her now, moved far away except me, and she can't allow herself to be associated with me because I won't let her manipulate me anymore, and that's inexcusable in her eyes, so she is done with me. Now she only manipulates her own children. I care about her, but my love has gone to a place where it can do the most good, toward my own husband, kids, gr. kids, and great gr. kids and my loyal, loving friends who all know about my life as the Family Scapegoat. They know that when my sister completely cut off ties with me, I never looked back, never responded to the silence, never missed the sick relationship. I can have empathy for her, but from a distance, not speaking and seeing her. I need my peace more than I need to try to have a normal relationship with a person who never appreciated me, and found fault with me instead of accepting my loving efforts toward her and all of our siblings. Our mother created this situation, and I leave it to my Creator, my Loving Heavenly Father to work it out in the future. I'm ok, you are all ok, we are survivors.

Jul 06, 2014
by: Relieved

I don't feel crazy anymore. I almost destroyed myself. Came real close by drinking a lot. Nothing will make me go back to a life around a N, and I don't care who it is anymore. 50 years of this abuse and an entire family (sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews etc)all under the N's spell. Well, I might be lonely....but I'm never alone...right?

Jul 14, 2014
Narcissists destroy trust in the entire Family
by: Anonymous

No, you are not alone, my n. sister and mother also over time turned the entire family of aunts and uncles, cousins, etc, away from me. But I never had a close relationship with them anyway, because of the neg. work that was always being done behind my back by them. Sadly, N.'s think it's necessary to be #1 in everyone's eyes. The only way they can do that is to undermine, criticize, slander anyone who they feel is a threat to their ''popularity.'' So they go after the very one they feel threatened the most over, the scapegoat. Why we were chosen as the scapegoat is because we were not bad people, we were easy to put blame on, we were the more quiet ones, the ones who had love for everyone in the family, the helpers. We wouldn't start fights, cause trouble. Because we knew early on that we would not be defended by anyone. But we were blamed anyway. I'm not saying we didn't fight, my sister and I fought all the time because of her hatefulness toward me, but our mother sided with her 100 % of the time. The scapegoaters don't like it that someone is acting better than them. I have read that they are jealous over our tendency to have good qualities. Because being beaten down does cause a humbling of the spirit, the mistreatment does cause us to develop empathy for others who suffer. Even after years pass, many of us develop empathy for the abusers, which they know they don't have for us! We come to see how they turn out, how they are locked in a no emotional growth life. We can see that after decades passing, they never change their cruel ways. It's not that we were/are perfect, but ever single imperfection that we have is magnified 1000 x's bigger than it really is. And their imperfections are minimized 1000 x's smaller than they are.
Every single sibling I have (5) has come to me alone and told me they saw it all and that it affected how they feel about the abusers. They finally moved far away from the N.
Drinking doesn't work, don't beat your own self up by thinking it will help for a while, it never does. I tried that too. LOL. I came to see that in certain ways, eating too much chocolate for instance, and alcohol, I was abusing my own self, doing their dirty work for them!! I was taught self-hate. I had to let those thoughts go, learn to love myself, and develop healthy ways to treat my body. I hope that you do the best for yourself that you can do, be close to the few that you can trust, (yes, we have trust issues - for good reason!) and have the best life that you can possibly have, and keep in close contact with and trust that our Father in heaven sees and is helping us every single day! He saw it all, and he cares about us. May He bless you!

Jul 17, 2014
by: Relieved

Well Anon, reading your last was like reviewing the last 49 years of my life, right down the relationship you have with the rest of your family. Hmmm. Almost makes me worry that I "blacked out" and wrote it, save one detail. It's my father and sister. If the rest see it, they don't speak of it. Doesn't stop them from coming out of the woodwork to tell me about everything she's said. My father too. Some of it's shocking. I know I made an unwise conscious choice somewhere down along the line and said, "well if I'm going to blamed for it, I might as well...."
I still feel a bit surreal about it. I can't imagine being that focused on debasing another human being. Like a "nobody is that terrible" thought. It's got me worried about my sanity a little. Let's face it, the only ones that agree are the ones that don't like the N. I feel better though. Now that I know why, I can address other issues with some logic reasoning, change the way I see things and my responses without loading up on excuses. Bad things happen to good people all the time. How we deal with it determines our success.... Think I'm going to put that on my mirror today.

Jul 19, 2014
UPDATE - Unbelievably AMAZING site on Covert Abuse
by: Anonymous

Updated web address for:
Unbelievably AMAZING site on Covert Abuse (posted above on Sep 27, 2013)
The web address posted above (in Sept) has now changed. Still highly recommended. This link will bring you to the “smokescreens” page, which I just felt would be a good place to start (for it’s validating effect)….but there is more! Check it ALL out!

Here' the new link:

Jul 19, 2014
Siblings who do not defend
by: Anonymous

My siblings only came to me one at a time over the years once or twice to tell me that they saw the abuse and were affected adversely because of having witnessed it. Not often at all. They all stayed with the n. sister. Then one by one, they moved to other States in the USA. I one in a while hear from one and nothing from the others and I count that as a blessing now. And like you, they used to tell me all the ''dirt'' about our n. sister every chance they got. But it was so unhealthy, because they only do that if they are mad at her at the time. When they aren't, I do not hear a thing from them or about the n. sister. Now, I go on with my life and do my healing one day at a time w/o them. Because this is not what I or anyone would call a 'family'. it's a circus, and I am always part of the ''freak show''. haha I find it hilarious now, I truly do!!!!! Because it should be called "The Only One Who Calls It Like It Truly Is, a Sick Family" show.
I did the same thing as you, I also did wrong things when I was younger. Don't fault yourself, it's a normal reaction to abuse. They used to call me crazy all the time so I would find myself acting crazy when they would attack me. Also other things that I did wrong in my own private life, and had to recover from and change my ways. Baggage always comes from those kinds of things that we do, thinking it's getting back at them when really, it's hurting only ourselves and they're rejoicing over our pain. When I found out years ago that they were not going to be there for me even if i was in such dire straits that I could die, I began to change, to care more about how I treat myself, since I could plainly see that not even my dying would melt their cold, cold hearts. I had to get well on my own, and then stop all the foolishness of abusing myself by making bad choices. And I have done that. I am now healthier physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I thank my Creator for all the help that He has given me and is giving me each day. Do not beat yourself up over past mistakes. Do good toDAY. God Bless you.

Jul 20, 2014
worrying about our sanity
by: Anonymous

I clearly see how much it affects us, by the way, to be treated like we don't matter. It causes us to doubt ourselves so much that we begin to believe as young children that ''they must know what they're talking about, they both (or all) say I am weird, stupid, trouble maker, not co-operating, lazy, selfish, crazy, etc, etc, etc. So maybe I am."
No, we have been duped. And it takes time to see it clearly. Everyone is dumb sometimes, lazy sometimes, weird or stupid sometimes. But we were told we were those things all the time, no matter what we were doing, right or wrong. We really were brainwashed into believing the lies. We were bullied.
You sound like you want to take responsibility for your own choices. That's healthy. But while you're doing that, don't buy into all the negative talk of the bullies. See your good, and change what needs to be changed. And give yourself credit for seeing both the good and the bad about yourself. Because narcissists don't do that. They can't. They have too much to lose. We don't have anything to lose, we already lost everything. Now we just need to lose the neg. feelings about ourselves that we've been told we should believe. It's hard at first, but it gets easier over time. After decades, it became so obvious to me that a loving family would never treat one of their own like this. That was what helped me the most to see that nothing I did caused it and so nothing I would ever do would heal my family. So I chose to heal the only person I could, myself. That's when I really began to grow into a healthier person and let go of my fears that maybe I was as bad as they say. I know better now. I still love them and still wish I had a normal family. But wishing won't get it. So I am happy with whatever good and whatever peace I find in my life and it's enough.

Aug 30, 2014
Thanks for all your Comments
by: Englishwoman

I stumbled upon this website in desperation - trying to find out why my sister who is older than me by 10 years has always been so awful towards me. I knew - for some time that she was a narcissistic personality - as was my mother although she died when I was 16. I always thought - like the other comments - how wonderful it would have been to have been part of a normal, loving family - but it was not to be. I can see now that my sister took over from my mother when she died and over the years, convinced my father that I was no good. My father had actually been my only "friend" within my cold family. I felt - as a child - that I was an "outsider" in my family - not a member of this exclusive "Club". My sister had been the "only child" for 10 years - and who knows - it might have been different had I been born a boy? My aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbours all thought my sister was a caring, sensitive, artistic soul and I was just ignored. I was labelled "the plain one" - whereas my sister was the "beautiful one". However, I was the clever one at school. This still was wrong though when my mother told me that because I passed my exam to go to Grammar School that I would become a snob. All the other parents were performing cartwheels of joy. Over the years, my sister has done such harm to me, destroying my first marriage, alienating my father from me and telling lies to relatives and friends. She has actually tried to cause me and my son physical harm. I have severed all ties with her after 63 years (she's 73) and hope to recover after all these years, although I feel so sad at the moment. Its so reassuring to know that I am not the only victim out there.

Aug 31, 2014
Narcisstic Sister
by: Cheril

I googled narcissist sister and I cannot believe how all the stories very closely sound just like my sister and family.

My sister is 6 years younger than me, and she learned to be a narcissist because my mother was one. She was the one with narcissist rage (mother) and I always wondered why my sister hated me. I was always nice to her and she would point out something stupid like I hid behind a door once and said boo...(my brothers and I used to always play this game). My sister would go crying and screaming to my mother who would come out after us with the wooden spoon. Mother never bathed me, or washed our hair, she was only into my sister and trying to make her life happy. My one brother does not talk to my sister or see my mother anymore and hasnt in many years. He decided to have self preservation decades ago and kept to himself.

My sister is the owner of my mothers house, executor of the Will and lives near our mother and never helps her out. Not even push a vacuum or food shop. I live 5 hours away and come in by bus to help out with cleaning, etc. I did it for a while now am stopping and leaving the mother situation 100 percent to my sister who ignores every good and proper suggestion for caring for our elderly mother. Doing this has caused my mother a few trips to the hospital because my sister couldnt bother checking up on her leaving her to my cousin to go there and do all the work.

My mother and sister have destroyed our family-me my other brother and father were shut out from any conversations and being part of the family. When my father died 20 years ago, my sister ignored him completely and all his needs. I took care of him to the moment he died. My mother would not even get him water and he was dying of cancer. I told my sister he would die any day and please come to the house..she was 30 mins. away but she said she could not as it was her turn for her vacation home that weekend and would stop by on Sunday. I said he will be dead by Sunday. He died Saturday.

After my mom passes I do not imagine I will have any contact with my sister--and I dont expect to get any money as she is the owner of the house and controls everything. Im not mentioned in theWill so I will get nothing. My sister will do whatever she wants with the money when I was the one doing all the cleaning, laundry for a household growing up and taking care of both parents.

I feel very damaged by my mother and sister who shut me out of their lives and treated me like trash. Once when I went to a counselor to seek help, the counselor came to the house to see what was going on. It was my counselor and I paid for it, not my mothers. My mother, behind my back, went to the counselor and said I have to tell you about my daughter and how bad she is.. She then told the counselor that I had been married once before and divorced and just trashed me all over the place. The counselor told me what she said and did becasuse it was not a "paid session" and my mother was not his patient. He told me how abusive she was and she would also abuse my children, which she was already doing. And she would abuse me in front of them.

So Im leaving all the care to my sister for my mother. She can keep the money and gloat in her glory. I believe in God and an aferlife and believe we will all be judged according to what we did and how we made others suffer. I hold no hate towards them, its that I just dont care anymore. Im 58 and Im tired. I want peace in my life and will pursue that.

Sep 03, 2014
Oh my goodness, Cheril
by: Anonymous

Your life has been so much like my own, it's the same for so many of us here. You have a beautiful spirit. They can't take the good feelings out of us that come from us knowing the good that we did and tried to do. They would never allow us to feel good about any of our accomplishments, or the love that we showed them, so let's just keep it where you said, that our Creator knows the truth, and He will set all matters straight in His own time.
And just like you, my father was the one who saw what was going on and he would speak up sometimes in my behalf. I loved him so very much, he had the only truly loving heart between my N. mother and N. sister. My mother and sister controlled the entire family, and when my mother died, everything went to my sister, and she shared it all with everyone after taking the lions share for herself. I got nothing, but I didn't WANT anything, and believe me, I am being 100% truthful. Why have things that would remind me of my mother, and the abuse she dealt out to me all my life?
My sister hung up on me when I called her after my mother died, I was calling her asking how much my share was for the cost of the cremation. She couldn't even be cordial at the time when families should be able to come together and bury their dead. She has chosen to not have any contact with me for these 6 years since our mothers death. She thinks that's hurting me, but I am so thankful that she has taken that stand, I am at PEACE at long last. I never have to worry about how to react when she is around, because she ISNT around any more. If she knew that she was giving me such peace by staying out of my life, she would probably try to enter my life again to cause me emotional pain again, so I hope she never figures it out.
What happened to us was we were born into families where one or more members who had all the power were sick, my mother was the one in my family who was emotionally troubled because of things that happened in her family while she grew up. She brought those problems to her own children, and made my sister the favored one so my mother would have a best friend to dump all her troubles on. My sister felt the favoritism and basked in it, and used it against the rest of us, and became narcissistic also just like our mother was. I truly feel sorry for her. Because if I had been chosen to be the favorite child, I may have become just like her.
No, my dear, you are far from being alone. I am older than you and am grateful to have learned this year that there are others who are walking in my shoes and surviving.. We have become stronger because of knowing that others are out there just like us. God bless.

Sep 05, 2014
Narcissistic Sister
by: Anonymous

I am numb, in shock, sad, and experiencing an onslot of my PTSD symptoms after dealing with a 3 week episode of blame, and scApegoating from my narcissistic sister, her daughter who is following in her shoes, and also the ways my sister has influenced both my father and my other sister. This has been going on all my life, and I have just in the past week identified it all as falling under the umbrella of malignant narcism. Of course, I always was awAre of the lake of love, hate and blame that I was affected by. I have been abused, lied to and about, slandered, stolen from, set up etc. I just wanted to be loved and accepted. I thought things had gotten better, and was duped again! I feel stupid, and hurt all over by the mean cruelty. Like others, I have been to counseling off and on for this and other painful family issues, including an emotional abusive father and sexual abuse. No counselor has ever identified this group of behaviors that have effected me through my sister and in some degree from my dad as an actual mental health condition or ever offered me tools, or insight that the likelihood that their behavior will not improve or that I would be better off to distance myself. My counselors have talked about boundaries, forgiveness and helped me reAlize that their behaviors against me are about them, not me, but never really identified it as it really is. I would right out my "story" but I am just too drained, and also a bit afraid of the retaliation that comes when you call these dysfunctional people on their stuff. At this point, I'll just say I appreciate the comments I have read, my heart goes out to all of you, and it does help some to know that I am not the only one that has been victimized by this apparently somewhat common family dynamic. I would also like to know which "e-book" the first writer was referring to when she commented on the e-book helping her so much. Can the writer let me know the title? Thank you.

Sep 14, 2014
sister tried to manipulate me for 40 years
by: Anonymous

I join everyone here. My sister is 4 years older than me and bullied and intimidated me when I was young. She had this scheme to get my assets and inheritance. She manipulated it so that no girl would look at me to marry. She controlled everyone in our social circle to see me as weak and mild.
My only option was to break away from everyone.
Every time I brought a girl home, she manipulated my family to hate her and to break us up. I finally decided to not bring anyone home. I met a girl who was 4 years older than me. She also had brown skin. She tried every stunt she could, manipulating my parents to try everything to break us up. We eloped. For 2 years they refused to acknowledge her existence. Finally I was invited to a family friends wedding. They had no choice but to acknowledge her. They all came over to our house with a small wedding cake and pretended like we were just married. Getting married older, we tried to have children, but we can't. 2 years ago, I stated to the family that since I don't have children, that I would divest myself of my assets when I retired in order for us to live well in our old age. The look on my sisters face was incredible. She actually went aside and mumbled to herself,"what was I doing all those years."she then actually went and lied to my father that I would retire when he died and sell the assets. My father, by now dubious yet still under her thumb, asked me if that was true. I stated that when I retire in 20 years that I would divest. I never denied it. My father had a look of shame, because we both knew who lied. This past summer, I took my parents to London to see the flat we bought there. My father and mother were in awe of the standards my wife and I have. It is a small flat, but very nice in a good area of central London. I finally got my mother to acknowledge the bullying that she ignored and tried to cover up for my father and sisters actions. I've moved on, and I wanted to tell of my suffering and its actually a relief to see that I'm not alone.

Sep 16, 2014
No, you are not alone
by: Anonymous

Sounds so familiar, you have the same issues as the rest of us here. Just different circumstances. It always hurts.
Thanks for sharing your feelings with us here.

Sep 25, 2014
I had no idea
by: Anonymous

My sister caused me great hurt last week in an email where she accused me of manipulation, playing mind games, and threatening me that If i want to have a relationship with her I have to stop manipulation antics.
Not until I came to this website did I realize what was wrong with my sister. I have suffered all my life because of her and I am 64. Nothing I ever did was never good enough, I was never smart enough. She had all the knowledge about everything, she was the favorite, yet I was the one who took care of my elderly parents until the end.
Here I am wrestling with forgiveness and trying to figure out how to maintain a relationship, where I can’t think, speak, or have an opinion.
I feel stupid, my boss was narcissistic and I worked for that man for 22 years, how could I not see the same symptoms in my sister. The only way that I am going to have peace is to distant myself from her.

Sep 26, 2014
by: Anonymous

Yes my friend. Distance works. Also, getting involved with something that doesn't remind you of the pain. I found this website some months ago and it changed my life. There's comfort in knowing you aren't alone. I became a sponge and soaked up everything I could find to read about narcissism. It gets better. The pain and hurt eases over time once you get free of ongoing injustices. It's your future. Take control of it, no matter your age. It's never too late.
One day you will wake up and be shocked that your first thought in the morning isn't of anger at how you've been treated. It's not magic and it doesn't happen overnight. Be patient. When it feels overwhelming, push it aside and do something else. Just like AA. It works if you work it. Please try. We need more people like all of you who have lived through it and learned something from it to change it. All my best. Sincerely.

Sep 27, 2014
Same Story
by: Anonymous

I'm 48 years old and my n sister is 4 years older than me. It has only been a couple of years that I realized she was narcissistic. I have tried to be her friend twice in my life and know that we will never be friends. She isn't capable. Each time I have tried, I've regretted it. There has been many instances over the years that have left me hurt and confused. She has blamed me for stuff that has happened in her life. She has talked bad about me behind my back and in front of me. Right before I had distanced myself, she told me she cannot say she's sorry to no one. She'll even argue over something even if she knows she's wrong. She calls her two daughters and me sensitive, which one daughter cut off all ties with her completely. I have distanced myself this past year. She has been a soap opera all her life and plays the victim well. However, she can be charming and very talkative. What is bad, is that we know a lot of the same people. What do i say to the people when they want to know why we don't see each other or get along? What makes it sad, is that we are the only siblings in the area. I am thankful for my supportive husband, kids and husbands family, which I have a great relationship with. I am also thankful for sites like this were I know I'm not alone.

Sep 28, 2014
Horrible Sisiter
by: Anonymous

My sister has turned her children & now that I'm reading other posts. Probably my children also. Against me. My children & I are doing better. But I'm starting to open up & tell them about the things that she has done. When I tried in the past. They wouldn't hear of it. I've felt for years hat I was living on an island. We lost our little brother in a accident whe he was 5 we were 7-me 9-sister we were with him when it happened. I feel like we lost our Mom at that same time. She had another boy 4 years later. He was her world. I was the plain, shy unpopular child. She was the blond burst of sunshine. But she never had a good personality. I was troubled when I was a young adult & had no clue how to be a parent. We both got pregnant before we were married. She got married two weeks before the baby was born. I was left before the wedding. I'm the bad one now. So therefore any troubles between myself and my oldest daughter are due to my past. We MUST blame me for my past. But that's because I know all of the secrets of her past. That would probably get her divorced still today. But I'm not like that. I'll never tell. No need to. I know who I am. 5 years ago my Mom built an apartment onto my sisters house. And all she does is put down on my Mom. (Because you can't have two Moms in a narcissus house). Every penny my Mom spent of her own money. Turned into Mom was spending her inhertance. I asked her one day why she asked her to move In with her if she drove her that crazy. She told me that she didn't expect my Mom to live as long as she has. Yep!! That's what she said. If you confront her her child army of 4 daughters go into attack mode. They know how she is but I'm expected to overlook this. I have always taken my Mom to the Dr's & stayed with her In the hospital. She has never done this. My Mom told me she was going to give one of us her wedding ring after my Dad died. I told her to give it to my sister. I knew in my heart it wasn't worth the retribution. So now she has an addition on her house & a $10,000 diamond on her hand from a woman she never has a kind word to say about. Until now. My brother in laws mom & dad moved into our town. My bro in law works shift work. He's not in good health. She doesn't work (if you only knew how much $$ he makes. You'd know why I don't have to work. But that's his problem). Yep! Another quote. When he is not working he has to bring his parents where they need to go. Even though my sister is sitting on her good for nothing butt all day long. Well someone in the family metioned to her that she was selfish. She says that she can't help him because she is taking care of her mother. Who takes care of herself unless she's sick then I take care of her. So now she's all over my Mom. Trying to convince everyone that my Mom is ill and she is too scatterbrained to know it. She's got a nurse on it now. She told me that if she is out of town & my Mom gets sick to call her because she will tell me what needs to be done. Yeah! I'll call her. My Mom asked me to take her to eat out. She asked my Mom why would you ask her and not me. She is crazy crazy crazy. She literally makes up life as she goes along and expects everyone to bend to how she wants it. Her family does this. But they expect me to do this also. If I don't I'm treated like garbage when I go to visit my Mom. She has a shopping addiction & posts her weight on facebook when she gets below 130 lbs. She makes up lies to make herself look good & me look bad. And like everyone else it took me 50 years to find out what my problem was. They convince you that you are a bad person. When it's really them.

Oct 03, 2014
Awakened, finally!
by: Anonymous

I am forty years old in 5 days and have just recently awakened to the NPD in my life. My sister is three years older than me. Unconsciously, I have suffered a lifetime of anxiety due to my relationship with this poor pathetic soul. Up until recently, I always looked at my upbringing and experiences as 'my normal'. All of September, spirit has confirmed so much in my heart that my so-called normal was actually a living hell. Memories were being revealed to me little by little. For the last couple of years I have been on a deep healing journey which has helped me care and love myself so much more. I guess with all my healing work my eyes have been opened to how I had been treated all my life by this sister. Her behaviors were abusive, manipulative and controlling and the family lives in this toxicity. I had a pretty good relationship with my mom and dad until this past year, but now I realize that I have to protect myself and my family from all the toxicity and that means letting them go too. They never could identify the NPD behavior out of shear naïveté and brainwashing. They couldn't protect me. They just don't see it. She has them under her spell. I don't believe in this lifetime that this will be healed, so I must be responsible for my well being and become more educated about this behavior pattern so I am armed. I am worth it and so are my two boys and husband. All I can say is pray lots and surrender to your higher power. Your soul is rooting for you and always wants something bigger and better than your mind can imagine. Be free!

Oct 12, 2014
by: Anonymous

I'm having trouble this morning getting past the anger. The depths of this betrayal is hard to believe. I retired from the military after 25 plus years. The "n" sister has passed off lies about my career, making it sound as though I was forced to retire among the rest of my family and I'm now looked upon with shame.
I was never one for tooting my own horn, so I didn't plan on a huge ceremony. I just wanted someone to hold the door for me while I unpacked my office type thing, but my boss said that wasn't going to fly for someone with 25 years of service. As in all things military, you follow orders, but I agreed to nothing more than a lunch. I made the mistake of mentioning the lunch to my n sister. She knew it was just a lunch. No fan fare, bells or whistles. Just food and company. I welcomed her with an invite.
Well, that was another mistake. She took the lack of fan fare, and turn it into a shaming scenario. She packed the car with my parents and her children and filled their heads with it before and after the lunch. Not to mention making me late waiting for her to arrive from out of town with her entourage. I didn't find out until two years afterwards when speaking with my Stepmother. How cunning of her. Almost admirable, but deplorable, despicable and repulsive at the same time. Like watching a horror movie and I'm furious. If there was one thing I didn't want messed with aside from my children, it's my career. I'm proud of my career. There are no blemishes in 25 years. I have a chest full of medals and a pristine service record to prove it. How could anyone do such a thing? Much less a family member? Is it evil? That's pretty much what happened. Is it really as bad as I think?

Oct 13, 2014
in response to "anger"
by: Anonymous

Yes, "anger", it most likely really is as bad as you think. I've come to think of my sister as more of an "addict" than "evil"....Addicted to being on top...whatever she has to do to accomplish that, is just par for the course...It isn't motivated by hate or just wanting to do harm for harm's sake...It's motivated by desperation. It's true that the outcome couldn't be any worse if it WAS pure evil, but somehow after coming to see it this way, it really helps me in some strange way....And the biggest help of all is now knowing that there are others who know exactly what my situation has been. As I was reading your post, I was sounds exactly like the kind of thing my sister would (and DOES) do. I'll bet this guy has lived a life of hell. If no one else can see it in your own sphere, just know that I (and WE HERE)can understand it perfectly and wish you all the best.

Oct 14, 2014
Probably so....
by: Anonymous

It's hard to believe but yes it usually is that bad. And the person that they are most jealous of is usually the one that they target. Probably because of your career. I am seriously just starting to see things for what they are. I almost want to move away because now that I see this behavior I realize if I try to mention it to anyone I am shut down. Which tells me that this has been going on for a loooooong time. my sister told my mom awhile back that she now realizes that she will never be me. My therapist said that is not good. I really am probably her target. My own children even shut me down she managed to take over both of their weddings and showers and cut me out. Her children also do this. I have to stay smart enough to know its not me or I would prolbably lose my mind. But this is the only thing that she hasn't taken from me so I have to keep it. I would like to move and start fresh. All new people that she hasn't brainwashed, all new job etc. she is a horrible, evil, manipulative piece of work. All that these people do is plan out their next "me" project. And how they can best you. Well, she has finally won. I'm getting old & tired She has everyone including my mother who I have taken care of and my own children confiding in her. If I try to talk to them about her they get very quiet. The next thing that I know a put down comes next from them I was trying to help my mom get her car yesterday so she wouldn't have to walk so far. She got mad at me and said that wasn't necessary. The next thing that I know she said that my sisters daughter (my niece) got it for her. And she didn't even have to ask. She just knew to get it for her. I have taken care of her when she was sick out of nothing but love. And my sister needs to do this now so I need to get out of the way. So I will believe me. The ugliness from them isn't worth it. My Mom has never treated me the way that she has been lately. So therefore I know my sister is behind it. The funny thing is before this. My Mom used to cry to me about my sister all of the time. But now. She walks on water. That's how they are. Even the ones who you thought that you could trust. If you challenge them. Look out. The world will be out to get you. They are very sit people. It's not you.

Oct 15, 2014
I feel so bad and sad for all of you.
by: Anonymous

Your stories are my stories too, I feel such compassion for you all. These sick parents and siblings could never destroy our humanity. We only wanted to belong to and be loved, accepted by our own. But we were not and are not going to be. So continue finding your own place, peace and joy without them, as I am doing. It helps to see them as sick, desperate for the prize of "Top Dog". And remembering that they will stoop as low as they deem necessary to hold on to that prize keeps me at a safe distance from them. Funny, but when I was associating with them, I was always depressed, lonely, desperate for peace. Now, I have no contact except with 2 relatives very occasionally, and I am at peace and actually found a happy, joyful life with my husband, children and a few close friends.
I'm old now. We are at the end of our lives. She still won't stop the lifelong blame/ shame tactics. So I let everyone think what they want and go on with my life, forgiving her and all who back her cruel ways. She is and always has been the powerful one. The beautiful one. And people just can't seem to resist her and her propaganda. I can't fight that. So I chose a good, honest life and am finally in an emotional peaceful place that she can't enter.
I wish you all peace.

Oct 16, 2014
Re Anger..Thanks
by: Anonymous

Yes, It's been hell. I feel crazy, like it's a bad dream I can't wake up from. I had a hard enough time in the service and thought retirement would be a breeze. Boy, was I ever wrong. What really gets me is I'm 100% disabled. Lung issues, but that's not what was spread around about me. Apparently I'm a sexually promiscuous alcoholic who was drummed out of the military because of it. Somehow I think it feels worse than if I were a man. I'm sure there are more stories about it stemming from her mouth, but I've ceased contact. The more I hear, the angrier I get. I'd rather feel sad than angry. That's a hellish choice. My children also get quiet when I speak to them about it. I've warned them of what was said. I think they have a hard time understanding it, because all family functions have been pleasant. I can't really blame them....I do too. Thankfully, they have not been party to the "behind the scenes" action, but it's coming. My days are probably limited, and I know the "n" is waiting for my death to really get going on them. She actually said "well, most retirees from the military only live another 10 years". My response was "Well, only 9 years to go then" and walked away. It pains me greatly I didn't see this sooner and I may leave my children unprepared for the full impact of her abuse. And my Grandchildren.....OMG...What will they hear about their Grandmother? I shudder to think. I can't accept there's nothing I can do about that. It's a rock I can't swallow. There's got to be something.... Well, I don't want to get morose. Too early for it. It'll ruin the day. Just wanted to say thanks for the responses. It helps.

Oct 16, 2014
Tell your own story
by: Anonymous

Why dont u write ur own autobiography? Write down your life in a book. Get copies made and when u die each grandkid gets a copy. Then when ur sister blabs lies bout you, they can read ur side of the story too. Dont be mean about ur sister in ur book That would make them not believe u as much and would just make ur story ugly. Jst tell strait facts. Bet ur life in military would be interesting for ur grandkids to read.

Oct 18, 2014
by: Anonymous

You should write letters to your future Grandchildren. And letters to your children. The problem is that if it took us this long to see it. They don't see it yet either. I find if u show anger. It makes them doubt. If I tell my children also ethi g happens. They sometimes see it a little bit. But they aren't the ones attacked. Only the scapegoat. My sister is up to no good right now. Not really sure what's up. But I'm sure it won't be long before I find out. She to,d me yesterday that I purposly leave her out of her having relationships with other people by them liking me better than her. Yeah. Okayyyyyy!! They are crazy.

Oct 30, 2014
Stolen Identity
by: Anonymous

Several posters have commented on an older sister robbing them of their identity. Could someone please explain what this means. I have an older sibling (19 months older) who has always copied my life. Whatever I have it seems she wants it. Not to share in the thing or experience but to better me. I guess it's a competitive thing but very painful. It happens all of the time. I'm not sure how to handle it but find myself withdrawing from her and my entire family. I feel like I'm redundant. She's aggressive so once it's hers, it can no longer be mine.

Oct 31, 2014
Wise and peaceful ways
by: Kate

I can relate to a lot of what you have said. I have also decided to distance myself from my sister completely - for my own peace and well being. There are too many lovely people out there in the world to have to associate with people who actively try to harm you. My brother cut off contact from her years ago, I thought this cruel at the time but realise now that it was the wise way to go.

Nov 04, 2014
Get help
by: Anonymous

I think all of you must have met my sister. I don't have to talk about the hell we've all been through. What I want to tell you is to please get professional counseling. At the doctor for an unrelated issue, I was identified as someone who might benefit from talking to someone. It was the smartest thing I ever did. I needed to talk to someone who could be objective, not connected to anything that was happening. I am going to be okay now, I know I am. She helped me prepare for my mother's imminent death (the original NPD) and supported me in my decision to go No Contact. It's not over yet, feelings are still there that have to be dealt with. But it's a start in the right direction. Take that first step, you deserve to have peace in your life. We are already lucky not to have gone down that dark road, keep going. Don't give up.

Nov 06, 2014
Getting Your Identity Back
by: Anonymous

I've been reading all the posts on here and it's just crazy how much i can relate! Thank you all for sharing. It's comforting to know there are people out there that know exactly what you're going through and it's been encouraging to read your thoughts. I'm 33 and my sister is about to turn 38. All my life I've felt like I've lived in her shadow. When we were younger she was jealous of our other sister, who is 15months older than me, so when i came along she decided I would belong to her and we would pick on our other sister. We even had a joke about me living in her pocket. I now take it more seriously as it's only lately I feel I've began to think for myself and started realising what's really going on. It's like she has a split personality. It's funny, I was just telling my friend about all of the times she's started doing things I'm interested in and how people have been getting us muddled up since she dyed her hair the same colour as mine, and how I felt i didn't know who I was anymore, then I found this site with people saying a lot of the same type of thing! I'm trying to distance myself from her but it's obvious she's aware of it and as there's photo's of her in the pub with my old friends (that don't speak to me anymore because I became a christian). She's a very controlling and manipulative person and I was often on edge when I was around her. She knows she's controlling and she said she likes just being able to click her finger and get all the guys to do what she wants. The thing is she has said that all her ex's are narcissists and it's through her saying her latest one is that I realised that she is the one who is the narcissist. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and also have ADHD and fibro myalgia and I do blame her and my mother for causing these because I've never been good enough or allowed to have my own opinion, and everything was always my fault. My mother's treated me like I'm not worth listening to or having a conversation with and my father had a temper when I was growing up. He's changed a lot though, for the better and I love my dad. My mother changed for the worse but she's never been a good mother to me. Anything good she's ever done for me has been for her benefit because she needs to be needed so she tries to control my life even when I tell her not to. I'm on the waiting list to see a psychologist and I'm doing a CBT course. I'm so hoping this will me establish my voice and clear and healthy boundaries. It's a long road ahead and despite me hitting the bars a lot lately n avoiding God/church the past few months I'm sure He will get me through this and I'm grateful for this site and all your posts. Any help or suggestions welcome..

Nov 17, 2014
Be Good to Yourselves!
by: Anonymous

I am new to this site, and can relate to all that has happened and still happening in your lives. It is horrible what these people do to our souls. These comments have really helped me. Please keep reading, going to therapy, and being kind to yourselves. Many, many hugs to you all!!

Nov 20, 2014
What next?
by: Confused

My mother and younger sister are pretty much the same person. Beautiful, sensitive, empathetic.....until you get stung. It's confusing and I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster.

You never quite know when it's going to happen. I am the ignored child and the oldest sibling is the scapegoat. The youngest, who is a carbon copy of my mother, is the golden child. GC sends the most awful texts. They are bad and my stomach churns when she sends them.

My mother, of course is aware that I am holding my ground with her, although hasn't asked me how I am, or if I want to talk about it. This has been going on for a year and a half now. I have decided, after reading about narcissism, to go NC wtih GC. Even though she has been sending dreadful texts telling me I need therapy and I'm crazy like our dad (deceased)she still thinks it's absolutely fine to call and text my husband and my daughter. They are ignoring her calls. My son's birthday is coming up and she wants to buy him a present. I feel very uncomfortable with this. She is abusive to me and has said she no longer wants a relationship with me, but wants to buy my children presents.

If I block the presents and contact, does that make me manipulative? I'm confused. All I need is boundaries for her. In the past I have tried to explain I need her to apologise for the dreadful texts but that just fuels a new frightening rage. I've been in therapy for three years, which helps. Before therapy, I would have just accepted the abuse, this seems so difficult. I really hope this gets easier. The guilt and pity I feel is taking up all my energy. Does it get better?

Nov 21, 2014
YOU CARRY THE CURE in YOUR OWN HEART by Andrew Vachss as printed in PARADE MAGAZINE AUG. 1994
by: Anonymous B

I feel for you, and have walked your path all of my life. My sister would do the same things, give lavish gifts to my children, do great and''loving'' things for my husband, praise him, while finding fault with and ignoring me and my attempts to receive her ''love''. They all, in time, saw through her. Her hatefulness would come out just enough for them to see it. I finally put my first name 'letter B' to a post. I don't need to worry that my sister will see this, she would never go to a n. place online because she would never think that she is a n. The rest of my family? I don't care, they already know all of this and they know my feelings.

I feel for you. You are young, I believe. I went to therapy years ago when in my 20's and 30's and 40's. Got some help, but not much since I still at those ages didn't get it that I was dealing with two n's. I didn't even know what a narcissist was yet. My mother and oldest sister both were/are n's. I was the 2nd child, and the scapegoat/ignored one. It nearly destroyed my hope in ever feeling good about myself. But in my 50's, and beyond, I got wiser because I did get good help, I read a ton of books, self-help ones on family dynamics. And that is where my huge help came from. Family Dynamics is what causes these kinds of problems. The N.'s are really wounded souls. That sounds so forgiving of me to see them that way, but no, I still have problems with forgiving them. I am working on it because I now know that not forgiving them keeps me just as sick as they are, and keeps them in control of me. Although our mother is gone for years, the n. sister shows her sick attitude toward me 10 times stronger than when our mother was here. But now I know why she does it, she does it because to treat me good would make her feel unfaithful to our mother. I was my mother's scapegoat, her ''helper'' when she needed anything done, and I got no appreciation for it, only criticism. My mother taught my sister to treat me as if I was unworthy of their love, concern, decent treatment. I had to read outside self help books to understand it. How could a mother reject her own child and teach others in the family to do the same, and get away with it?
I have read many items that have helped me greatly.
But none was a powerful or helpful as an article printed from a Parade Magazine back on August 28, 1994. The title: "You Carry the Cure In Your Own Heart"by Andrew Vachss. You can find it online if you type that title into your browser.
It has told my story, along with most here on this site. And explains why we had all those same symptoms that it describes - why we feel the way we do. Why we have the emotional problems that we have worked so hard to overcome. With no help from our families, the very ones who were suppose to care about us, embrace us and help us to grow up with a feeling of belonging. Because of these helps that these books and articles have given us, I feel very close to being whole and lovable and normal at last. And finally, I actually reach out to people and have succeeded in making a few lasting, true friends, and am a better wife and mother and grandmother because of this kind of help. We DO carry the cure within our own heart, because it has to be a belief within OUR heart that we never deserved the abuse, the n eglect, the hatred, we deserved love, acceptance, self-respect, self-esteem, and we can give it to our SELVES. :) Our Creator wants us to do that. Keep searching for your answers, you will find them. Read, read, read. And let the lessons we learn make us all better, more loving people because of learning that we can take responsibility for our own happiness without anyone else's approval. :))

Nov 21, 2014
Another good site to go to is:
by: Anonymous B

I also want to add a site which I think is helpful to all who have been bullied by family members:

Thru The Looking Glass An Anti=Bullying Blog

This is good for all types of bullying. But for me, the only bullying I ever experienced was my family.

You must put the entire title in, as the site also deals with other types of things, unrelated to the bullying many here have been living with.

It's comforting to know that we can do many positive things in our own hearts/minds to protect ourselves from bullying, abuse, even from our own injured selves, since some of us harm ourselves greatly when in pain, and live with hope and peace of mind.

Nov 21, 2014
You Carry The Cure In Your Own Heart
by: Catherine

I found the article referenced in the previous comment. It is an excellent article. Definitely worth a read:

Thanks so much for mentioning it.

Also, here's the link to Thru The Looking Glass - An Anti Bullying Blog

Very wise words Anonymous B. Thank you for sharing. Your words mean so much and I think will help heal someone else from the same pain they've endured growing up.

Nov 21, 2014
by: Anonymous B

Thank you for your validation. I hope the info will help others. We here want to heal, but we want to help others to heal too.

Nov 23, 2014
by: Anonymous

narcisstic sister hates to see me happy. her current campaign is her scheming as she wants to live in my home. she involves her partner etc in her hate campaign. prior to this it was my ex gf who took the brunt of her venom. then it was the people I hung out with. enough said. don't even want to understand why she's like this, no contact / minimal contact is the only way for me. guess others on her understand

Nov 26, 2014
finally woke up
by: Anonymous

Thank you for this website! Finally I am able to see what the problem is. I have no contact with anyone in my beyond broken family. Thanks again!

Nov 28, 2014
You're welcome
by: Anonymous B

If that info helps just one person, it's worth it. It was the lights going on for me.

Dec 05, 2014
Finally understand my sister is NPD
by: timetoletgo

I relate to many of these comments. I have too many stories to tell of my sister who is 10 years older has hated me, envied me and put me down most of my life. It started to show when I was in high school. She has openly admitted to her inability to be happy for me and believes that she is entitled to those feelings. She didn't attend my wedding and most recently told me that she couldn't be happy with me following the adoption of my first child. This was after knowing that I could never conceive and had lost a couple children. Still, she felt her life was so miserable and so I shouldn't be happy, too.
I am constantly accused of being selfish. She claims that she is the only one who cares about the family and that no one appreciates her. She cries abuse at every turn and complains that her siblings give her the worst treatment. It is an ongoing narrative of being the victim and it so exhausting. I do not want a relationship with her anymore. I'm trying not to respond to her text unless absolutely necessary. She lives with my parent who are elderly and need help with picking up meds and meals. I have tried to help financially and physically when able. I have listened to countless hours of complaints without ever being asked about myself. Dare I express a need or want and it's like I've committed a major crime. I've help her and her daughters through the years with extracurricular expenses, gifts, etc. Yet, I am told that I don't care and I don't appreciate her. I only care about other people outside of my family according to her. She badmouths me to anyone who will listens and blames myself and the other siblings for her being stuck with my parents although she could have moved out in her 20's but too afraid. She feels the world owes her something. To this day, she blames my parents for the way her life turned out and is often bent on putting everyone in their place and doesn't rest until she does. Yet, she can never get enough of setting everyone straight. It's a continual process. I'm sick and tired of it all. I want to move on but I'm struggling because she is pretty much my direct line of communication to my parents. They don't drive or answer their phone and I live across the country so if I stop talking to her then it's likely I won't be talking to them. She has been so toxic especially lately that I need to have a safe distance for my sanity and so that I can be present for my family. Her behavior has been such a distraction and cause of anxiety that I have been having trouble focusing on caring for my family. I just keep praying to God to help me to do the right thing and that my parents will know that I love them but that I have to stay away. I'm very sad that it's come to this but I have given it my all and I have no more to give to this situation. I believe my sister is at her sickest right now and having any contact with her is detrimental to my health and well-being.

Jan 09, 2015
N Sister is relentless
by: Anonymous

I had to vent here because no one else but all of you will understand. My husband thinks I should "patch things up". You can't do that with a n sister, it's opening the door to torture. I went NC with my mother And sister in April, she died in September. True to form, my sibling sent her flying monkies to try to get to see her on her deathbed and go to her funeral. I didn't go to either and I blocked all phone numbers and emails from my sister and her minions. Later, she sent a certified letter, I refused delivery. Today, she mailed two boxes of God know what, again I refused delivery. I waited my whole life to be rid of my mother and sister. Society's guilt trip about mothers kept me tangled up with her for too long. Now I can be at peace and I want no reminders of my horrible past. My mother was ignoring, my sister is engulfing. This is killing her, I know it is. There are no boundaries with her and I wonder what she'll try next. Any normal person would have gotten the message by now, but a narcissist never does. Thank you, just had to get this off my chest. I am so glad you all are here!

Jan 11, 2015
Sister still relentless
by: Anonymous

Today is the day my sister should have received the boxes I refused delivery on. Around noon, I received a blocked phone call. I have blocked all my sister's phone numbers and emails because her MO is to inundate me with harassing, judgemental and accusatory messages. I believe the phone call was from her. Since I went. NC with her, I've gotten a number of blocked calls, probably from her. I used to worry she'd get so desperate that she would just show up at my door. Now, I'm not worried. I know that if that should ever happen, I'd just shut the door in her face. I spent my life being afraid and intimidated by this screaming, egotistical, self-centered, hateful person that my mother created who made my life a living hell. I just turned 50 not long ago and I'm taking my life back! Many of you are worried about offending the n in your life and what others will think if you. Stop worrying! What is best for you? Did they ever once consider your welfare before theirs? Did they ever try to see your point of view? Did they ever accept you for the wonderful person you are? For the first time in your life, put your happiness first, you will not believe how it will set you free!

Jan 14, 2015
by: JJ

I am convinced that my younger sister has NPD, or some form of this disease. For the past 3 years, we've only spoken a handful of times. This stems from my calling out her bad behavior and telling her she needed to apologize to our parents for that bad behavior. I'm 33, she's 32. She is still "in my life" through my wife. They "do lunch" frequently and she "buys my daughter's love". I am against all of this and have advised my wife of her condition but she still continues to see my sister. My sister always finds a way to turn the conversation back to her. It's always about her new car, her new purse, her new job, etc. She lashes out irrationally if you point out her mistakes and will use personal secrets against you just to make sure she hurt you. I wasn't mean, I didn't use foul language...I just let her know she was out of line and needed to apologize for her behavior. You'd think I started WW3. She's asked a few times if we can start talking again, I just require an apology. She'll never apologize, by her own admission, so it's a moot point. This has been the norm since we were kids. She'd make me believe a girl liked me or that I was the most popular guy at our school, but when I asked that girl out she was the first one to laugh when I got rejected. I remember being punished as a child for something my sister had done. "Because I should have known better to not let my younger sister do that..." This may have been the cause of her NPD. She will never seek treatment because that's admitting she is fallible. And the Almighty One is never wrong. I'm just stuck, not talking to my sister and wishing my wife didn't feed her NPD.

Jan 21, 2015
Re: venting
by: Anonymous

Your wife will never see the side of your sister that you know as long as she remains in your sister's good graces and gives her all the attention. My husband has known my sister for over 30 years and still tries to get me to resume a relationship with her. If your wife has a healthy relationship with her family, she will never be able to fathom how horrible it can be. Your sister is too smart to show her true colors. You need to get her away from your family as soon as possible. Sit your wife down and be as blunt as needed. Do it for her and your daughter. You can't let this continue to the next generation.

Jan 26, 2015
The Road to Recovery
by: Waking Up

I came across this site today after making the decision, once and for all, to break away from the two narcissist's in my life - my mother and my sister. The effects of them both on my life have been terrible and over the past few years I have become addicted to painkillers in order to blot out the hurt. I decided to make an appointment at the doctors today because I had seriously begun to believe that I had mental health issues. Then I stopped and looked at myself long and hard. It's all come to the fore recently because, because of low self esteem, I have realised that a friend is showing these narcissistic traits to. That's when I realised it's me who must change. In the past when I have limited contact with these people I have achieved so much but as soon as I am made to feel guilty or obliged to make contact again it all goes downhill. I've lost good friends because I become neurotic and untrusting and it has caused countless problems in my marriage, to the point where I've almost lost everything. There is not enough space here to describe the things that I've experienced. I just wanted to thank you all for sharing your experience, it helps so much to know I'm not the only one and that I'm not going crazy. Love and best wishes to you all and here's hoping that 2015 is the start of a lifetime of emotional freedom and peace for us all xx

Jan 27, 2015
Response to "Waking Up"
by: Anonymous

Congratulations!!!!! :) I just love to witness that "waking up" moment in others as I know just how awesome and pivotal it is! Although you weren't able to tell the whole story here (no-one's indescribable), it sounds like you've identified the most important "proof"....namely the RESULT of being with those "certain people". Now that you know it isn't you, the healing can begin. Take care of yourself!

Jan 31, 2015
Finally confronted my situation
by: Anonymous

My sister if 15 years older than me and is narcistic. Self absorbed, demanding, manipulative and yes at times overtly cruel. She has told me that my mother did not bond with me but that she was the special one who saved our fathers life after the war. She gave him a reason to live. She has a strong sense of entitlement and if you don't respond to that she gets really aggressive.

So what does she do that affects me
Well she steals my stories and identity. She will get information off me then use it as if that thing happened to her. I and my hushand have seen her do it. She will dismiss or talk over me if I shine. So maybe someone is talking to me and things are going well she will interrupt or she will change the subject to make out someone someone is already doing whatever better than me. OR she will say she is doing what I am talking about even though she isn't. She bad mouths me to others. One of her lifelong friends came up to me at a party and said very coldly and without invitation that I was a depressive , not a good thing for a doctor. I was mortified mainly because I am not a depressive although I have experienced an episode of depression but also because it was clear that my sister had been discussing me and presenting me in a negative light.

So the problem came to a head when I was 55. I had had a new worktop put in my kitchen. She came and started to chop on it and put hot pans on it. She was told repeatedly by my husband to stop and by myself. She showed no respect. This is one of many instances where she has tried to damage my stuff. Crashed one of our cars, broken my sewing machine, broken my food processor. I began to believe that she has subconscious aggression towards me and that was why she was breaking things.

I survived all this because she lives abroad. It would have been terrible if she lived near me. However, I had always felt we should separate emotionally for my sake and hers. However, she keeps ringing me. The niceness is always followed by a flip or a nasty remark.

When my mum died, She asked me to hang fire with arrangements which I did thinking that she wanted to share the arrangments with me. No she came took over again. So I kept my dignity and let her. However, I then raised the issue of our relationship issues and tried to discuss a number of her actions but she just denied what I knew she had actually done or said. I then realised we can never fix this without honesty.

Since she has now started on my husband, talking over him and changing the subject whenever his career comes up, my husband has drawn a line.

I have now decided emotional distance is my best option. I have made the break.

Mar 21, 2015
Manipulation, I think....
by: Trying to deal

I need some advice from my peers here. After almost a year of limited contact, the push is really on to draw me back in. It so just so happens to be graduation time, and a pending wedding of my niece and nephew (N's children). Ironic, eh? Yet this past Christmas, there was no contact....from anyone, not even a card. From ANYONE else in the family, nor anything for my children. This includes my father, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces..... Nada, zip, zilch...
I recently saw my youngest sister. It was a "duty dinner". Nothing personal was really shared. She cut me off about 6 - 9 months ago. Seems the only time we get along is when she's mad at the "N" sister. It's so bad, I don't even know where my father lives. Over christmas I found out he changed his number. I was not informed.
I have not been a "perfect angel" through all this. Self destruction is the term I'd use. Hiding, I suppose. Tired of beating my head up against a brick wall....I drank. No hiding it. It was a problem. It affected my health. I retired from a successful career (which the N has bashed) raised two wonderful children(whom she bashes, sometimes to my face), and have lived a good life, despite my drinking. I own property and care for it(which she is constantly puts down in anyway shape or form) Honestly for all my self destruction, I have everything I need. The things my N sister has said about me, I would expect she's talking about a person who spent a lifetime in and out of rehab or jail, but certainly not me. I've confronted her with what I know, and she denies and sometimes claims it actually happened. It's beyond comprehension....really. My heart starts pounding when I think about it. My God, what do these people she speaks to think?
I can't help but feel I'm being held over a barrel. I'm not allowed access to my family because I'm not getting along with the "N" sister. I've made it more than clear to the "N" if she'd just admit it to me, that she has in fact said all these horrible things it would go a long way to easing the tension. She refuses and it becomes a further rant of how it actually happened, or how I deserved it. I need to hear her say it, or I won't join in.
Has anyone else seen/felt this? Does it seem like classic manipulation? Many Thanks...

Mar 27, 2015
by: Anonymous

Ive just come across this post,cannot believe that I'm reading my story in your lives.ive never understood how or why this has happened.I loved these people but they never loved me at all.Until both my parents had died I had know idea what had happened.Both my Mother and sister seem to have had this disorder.It has all but ruined my every waking moment.Not one relative or past friend (40 yrs ago) has ever spoken to me,because of the slander spoken to them by them.I have always wondered what I did so wrong but no-one has ever said anything.Im still so confused by what it actually was.Ive moved away with my husband and children ,and take one day at a time.Trust issues are still with me,they will never go away.Ive tried to console myself with what I call Game Playing.I have learnt that there is an Heavenly Father and that he knows all that is going on and if this is the way it's meant to be then so be it.You have comforted me in so many ways Xx

Mar 28, 2015
by: Anonymous

Well, just like the rest of the posters have mentioned, your stories echho my own. My N sister is 4 years older. Her rage is focused on me. after over 30 years of her abuses, i said enough is enough and cut her out of my life compleltely. I was wondering what everyone does for holidays or other family gatherings? My parents and brother know my sister is crazy but they constantly walk on egg shells around her and desperatley try to just keep the peace. No one sticks up for me and they have actually asked me not to defend myself so we can all pretend like we have a normal family. I've come to hate Christmas time and seriously want to skip this year but I dont want to hurt my other family members feelings. But I also don't feel like they consider my feelings on this matter. Another wrinkle is that when I'm not around, my sister focuses her rage on my mother, who is less emotionally capabale of takinf her rage. So how do you all handle the holidays?

Mar 29, 2015
by: Anonymous

My sister is also 4 years old than I...I figured out that Narcissism was what the problem is with her at least a couple of years ago, but have not chosen to mention the term to my parents or other siblings (I suspect that the parents may be responsible for creating that monster in the first place)I was so relieved to have the answer I'd been searching for my whole life, and really didn't want to open a whole new can of worms in family...I'm 51...My parents are 80 and 83...and may have known more than they let on for many years, but just didn't know what to do about it, which could be behind their refusal to try and "deal with it head-on". They knew I suffered greatly, but were probably in denial about how much of that suffering was caused by this dysfunction...probably thought I could just "handle it" and probably have NO idea, nor WANT to have any idea of the profound damage that was caused. This way of "dealing" is not something that I believe could or would change at this point....and really, what would be the point now anyway...I'm not only fully grown, but my parents are declining...I think it would be foolish to expect any kind of true understanding or apology at this point. I do believe they probably did the best they were able...which just happened to be quite far from "enough". I usually find a way to avoid being with the family over the Holidays...Most of them live in another state...I didn't attend my Mothers 80th birthday and actually explained to her (without using the "N" word) that being around my sister was just too difficult and to have to spend a good chunk of money to fly to CA just to be subjected to that was something I was no longer willing to do (I used to be more "dutiful" when I was younger) My mother actually told me she understood and didn't try to make me feel guilty (however my N sister was a different story!) I always feel a little weird when friends ask me what I'm doing for Christmas and I tell them it will be just me and my son, because that "sounds" so "un-Christmas-like". The truth is I thoroughly enjoy this newfound freedom to enjoy peace during the holidays...After never having that before, it truly is heavenly.

Apr 10, 2015
Can I breathe yet?
by: Monica

I am two years younger than my older and only sibling. The abuse started the day I was born. There are no happy pictures of her loving her new baby sister. My parents are oblivious, or maybe just can't look at her as damaged. Everything emcompassing what these people do, she has done. I have always been known as the "sensitive" one. She was never looked at as insensitive. I have been Gaslighted, physically abused and stolen from. Everytime a boundary was crossed I had no recourse because of course, I am the crzy one. I am writing this now, at age 52, because the final blow has been delivered and I must go to NO CONTACT. I am so sad that it has to include my parents who never protected me from her abuse and are setting me up for the motherload of all times. She is in control of their will. They have told me repeatedly to "trust her" she would never abuse that power. Just last week while she was at my parent's house she got into my Barbie collection which I was going to go through in three weeks. She then posted my stuff on Facebook and paraded them as hers patting herself on the back for her keen fashion sense. Mind you I played with them years after she grew out of them so anything they were wearing was of my design. To make it worse my mother knew immediatly that that would harm me, per her phone call while it was going on yet did nothing. Can't upset princess when she is getting what she wants. I can't even have my things, why on earth do they think she would be fair to me executing a will. I cracked up and wrote a scathing e-mail. My PTSD makes that happen, and I apologized for the nastiness of my words, but not the message, I want my belongings back. So I get the crazy label again and she lives happily with my dolls. AAARRRGGGH! I truly want to crawl out of my skin.

Apr 11, 2015
Monica...Yes...Breath...Do if for yourself
by: Anonymous


I completely understand as my sister is exactly the same (I'm 51 now and my sister is 55) I found a great deal of peace and healing by distancing accepting that it is a "sickness" caused by deep pain of her own (although it's buried so deeply that it manifests in ways that don't at all look like pain, and are dangerous to others!) forgiving myself for my own reactions when all I knew was that my soul was being mangled by this dysfunction...and by accepting that I'm never going to get back what was taken from me. On the brighter side, I'm now able to protect myself from further abuse by allowing myself strong boundaries, guilt free. I suspect that the real issue with the Barbies is not actually the Barbies themselves, but just what they represent, which is just another opportunity for your sister to rip away yet another piece of what's meaningful to you. I always have what I call an "allergic reaction" the second I detect that my sister is about to pull one of these stunts. I just try to remember to ...b r e a t h e....and to stay as clear as possible about what is actually going on so that I can choose a more effective that she is not expecting is usually best, because she's probably actually FEEDING on your "usual response". If you don't reward her with that but rather find a more clever way of pointing out the facts and/or straightening out the b.s. it "might" (no guarantees with an N!) throw her completely off balance and force her to see something about herself.

In the mean time, take care of yourself, and forgive yourself for not knowing how else to handle the past situations. Our lives are more than half over, and I don't know about you but I've had enough and insist on enjoying as much of the time I have left as possible. I deserve it, and so do you!

Apr 12, 2015
Thank you anonymous!
by: Monica

I want to thank the person who responded to my story. One of the most resonating comments was that they forgave themselves for their reactions to this abuse. A lightbulb went off. The very thought kept me up all night, distraught yet free. I have much to do in this area and appreciate the guidance.

Apr 25, 2015
Monica - So glad to hear that...
by: Anonymous


So glad to hear that my comments have helped in the way they were intended...namely to help free you of what is an unfair burden.

I want to make it clear here to anyone else who may be at this point of understanding and forgiving themselves, that I don't mean it as a carte blanche to continue reacting in ways that may be harmful to yourself or others, because you now have, through your better understanding of the whole dynamic, some tools to deal with this type of abuse in a more effective way. You now have the validation (even if only online!)of those who've been in your now know that reacting in a certain ways just feeds the narcissists game and digs you deeper into their trap...and you know that you must create strong and healthy boundaries (this can be very difficult, but get's easier with practice)or just go no-contact if that's what's necessary.

Best of luck to you Monica, and everyone else in their healing and growth.

May 06, 2015
Twisted sister
by: Sally

Thank you for writing your article. It is amazing to see how many of us have suffered in confusion.
My sister is 3 years older than me and for as long as I can remember has made my life extremely miserable. I have been pre occupied for the most of my life, trying to make sense of her behaviour toward me. I see myself as a caring person and am a trained nurse by occupation.
The worst thing she has done is to manipulate my family into disliking me through no fault of my own. My dear father died in 2010 and he never fell for her lies. But now he is gone, she runs the show. She often organises family meals for my mum and brother and his daughters but would never invite me or my family ever, just enjoy telling me about it and how she always pays for their meals.
My son was born very prematurely but this was barely acknowledged and she HATED it when family actually were considerate to me. My daughter is very successful and achieving well at grammar school yet her outstanding grades are never ever mentioned.
I struggle to work out how it has all gone so wrong or am I now seeing it as I am questioning life as I get older.
I hate how she can make me the villain when I' know I am not. It's so frustrating but I gave learnt now to distance myself. I don't answer the phone if I see her number and one thing I would advise is never confide in a narcissist , even though you can forget temporarily as they are family.
Try to keep them at arms length and although they will never be completely gone, being busy really helps. I try to ensure I see as little of her as I can.
I wish everyone all the best as I know how awful it is

May 09, 2015
I hear you!
by: Anonymous

My sister is a narcissist and also has other mental deficit behaviors also. Without rehashing our entire lives, a quick history will lay it out. Whole family is alcoholics, every single aunt uncle or cousin. I am the sole sober one and probably only because I am allergic to alcohol (puke after 2 drinks).

I am the older sister and pretty much raised my little sister, we are only 3 yrs apart. Mom had to work full time and was drunk all night. I did the best I could, but a 4 yr old should not be raising a baby.

All my sister's life she has been "off". Started threatening suicide by 8 yrs old and has attempted suicide at least 15 times through out our lives. She maintains some control by remaining weak and unstable.

Her narcissistic behavior is not classical, she is more of a covert sneaky one. Always shy, never speaks of herself, sneaky and self loathing. Was diagnosed as bi polar and put on medication. This was not the right diagnosis. She is NEVER happy or feel joy. She knows when to SAY she feels happy but you never see it genuinely.

I have definite codependacy issues, as many of us do here. A good heart and empathize with those struggling. We are not bad people, we just always put ourselves lower on the list.

7 yrs ago - my sister was addicted to pain pills. We lived apart, thank god, but I was to drive 2 hrs to her home to hang out. I had my 2 yr old daughter with me. We arrive there and my sister is seriously running through the woods naked. My first reaction was to make her stop and I was so embarrassed for her! I grabbed her, threw her on the ground and held her there. She calmed down and told me she wanted to go get dressed. As I let her up, she took off toward my car with my SLEEPING daughter in it. I caught her and beat the shit out of her. Who knows what she planned on doing.

She entered rehab. And that is when she sucked me into her narcissistic cycle. I supported her, went to family days etc. Convinced myself that it was her addiction causing all this.

1 yr later

She convinces my husband and I that she is sober, doing out patient therapy and we *did* see a big difference. She wanted money to open an espresso cart. We felt proud of her and we had the money. We went in partners 50/50.

1 yr later

We have an event to do. She shows up at our house at 9am - SO drunk. Beyond drunk. Drove to our house. Her words were, "Who is the idiot? I have never been sober. Who is the idiot? Hahaha"

So after that happened, I was stuck. We had invested thousands of dollars. We remained in the business until currently. Yes. I should have ran.

Narcissists always go thru a cycle. Admiration,devaluation,discard

My sister is was so lonely. She lives with our father, has never paid rent, she is 35.

We convinced her after one of her major rage attacks that she needed a boyfriend. She hopped online and found one.

That is when my devaluation began. I soon began to be called an "user" or that I was taking advantage of her in our business. I was targetted as one who was stealing money.

Her last rage episode, i responded in a different way. I chose to not reply, not to engage. This resulted in a major meltdown where she threatened calling child protection services, threatened to come to my husbands job, threatened to harm me.

Once she went that far, there was no going back. It has been 4 months and she still hasnt stopped. Constantly coming up with more reasons why I am at fault.


I now see that I have always been her "stand in victim" I have gone through at least 3 narcissistic cycles in 38 yrs. I am so glad I am strong enough to come out of it.

Reading and learning about WHY we let ourselves become their victims is very helpful. We have a tendacy to be codependant. Get help for that and MOVE ON.

I have times where I miss her horribly. I raised her. She, at times, was a precious friend and sister. Now I know it is all fake. She has never loved me or my family. So I grieve.

Thanks for listening! It does help to write it down.

May 23, 2015
Narc Father and Siblings
by: Anonymous

My father was an alcoholic, but I always felt there was something else wrong with him. Thank to this and other sites I feel sane for the first time. I am the scapegoat in the family, when I'm not ignored completely.
My oldest sister has know filled his shoes. She is very convincing and uses innuendo very effectively. It amazes me how convincing she is. Social workers, police and priests have fell under her malignant charm. Sometimes she isn't able to control her rage and every once in a while, someone see's her for what she is.
I find it very interesting that a lot of people who are posting here are in their 50's. Anyone have comments or theories why? I'm in that age group also.
I am counting the days until I don't have to deal with her and the other narc brother and enabling others. I am ready have peace in my life!

Jun 10, 2015
age range
by: Anonymous

I am right there with you all. Out of 5 siblings only my closest in age sister and I are talking. Our father was a alcoholic N-which meant that there was no telling which direction his viciousness would take. Mostly he aimed it at my sister, but if he could turn us against each other he took the opportunity to do it. My oldest sister took up his calling early on and has convinced the other two siblings to follow her, no one wants to be on her bad side and she is very good at turning people through innuendo and suggestion against each other. She has managed to convince the others to disown our mother while she was in the hospital, that takes talent. I hope to never have to see these horrible people again, and my sister and I will hopefully live our lives out with no contact. Unfortunately we are both waiting for the other shoe to drop-there is always another shoe! Back to age, we are both in our 50's and it has taken this long to figure out the family dynamics, is this normal?

Jun 14, 2015
The Separation Begins
by: Anonymous Too

I've suspected my sister is a narcissist for some time and am lucky that I have family who also sees her illness. Sadly, she's infiltrated my life to the extent that I can't completely eliminate her from the social part of it (as opposed to the familial) and am currently going through the frustration of keeping my mouth shut during a terrible ordeal between us to keep other people from thinking I'm nuts - they're good at that, aren't they? Again, I'm lucky that I have a contract regarding the matter and am at least protected legally - and have it in writing as proof to others when the legal part is over - although I think not caring about that would be a true indication that I'm on the right path. I see so many valuable comments here and am grateful that you're all sharing - I've decided to enter therapy from it. I'm in my late 40s (I notice it takes us decades) and she's in her late 50s. My beautiful (and when I say beautiful, I mean that strangers approach her and tell her that, even at this age), charming older sister - she tells stories about her life that are actually mine, she insists she was present in my life situations where she wasn't, she started me on drugs when I was 11, left me so high with a child molester boyfriend of hers when I was 12 I couldn't escape him, she successfully hit on my boyfriends, tells people lies about me at the onset of my relationships with them to establish dominance, and becomes vicious when confronted. I see that some of you have been isolated and I highly recommend therapy and immediately severing the ties where they can be - without explanation to anyone. Have faith in yourself that you know the truth and do what you can to find happiness in this short life. Plus, the one thing that drives a narcissist crazier is by not telling them a thing. Take back your power!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Add Your Comments. Protection Status