Narcissistic Sister

by Michelle

I am in therapy to help me deal with anxiety/panic attacks and we are uncovering what a huge impact growing up with a narcisstic sister has had on my life.

I am trying to re-wire my brain so I can break free from the patterns that have been established between me and my sister since childhood. We are only 18 months apart and I am the older sister. We had to share a room through high school and I have been conditioned to respond in certain ways to protect myself. In other words, I was not given the opportunity at an early age to develop my own identity that was not chained the the "blamer." As an adult, I think that I may have assigned "the blamer" title unfairly to my husband and transfered my feelings toward my sister onto him. Wow -- I need to do alot of work!

This e-book is the most helpful piece of literature I have read that pertains to my situation. I am in the process of creating distance between us so I can work on rebuilding the way I look at myself in the world, separate from this ill person. It won't be easy as she is the master manipulator but I am continuing therapy and surrounding myself with positive, supportive people. Thank you so much.

Comments for Narcissistic Sister

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Apr 07, 2011
same situation
by: Anonymous

I am the younger sister of 18 months apart. My sister has stolden my identity all my life. I am forty now and finally realized it. It is awful.

Apr 22, 2012
Adding to the many
by: Anonymous

My sister has huge issues, and has driven me away so much that it never will be fixed. Not only is she a complete narcissist, but is religious as well. And over the top religious at that. When we little (I am 7 years older), she would tell my mother lies about me, so I would get disciplined, this helped keep my mother and my relationship full of tension and suspicion. When my daughter was born, I stressed heavily to her that she was not to ear bash my child about religion, I wanted that to be a personal decision..of course she would take her into a room telling her that she must be religious etc. I am still cranky about that and my daughter is nearly 20. (she thinks her aunty is a space cadet, so shes pushed her away too). She has alienated almost every member of her immediate family and extended family too. Aggressive and knows everything, never wrong, and as I stay away, I answered the phone at my parents place the other night and never recognised her voice. I avoid almost every social family gathering, as she may be there. Even thought my mother knows, she still makes excuses for her, but my dad knows, which is great. But it is still my fault, and everybody elses fault, never hers

Apr 24, 2012
same situation
by: DD

I am 16 months older than my narcissist sister. I too believe that my sister has stolen my identity all my life. It has taken me five decades to realize what was going on. I always thought that somehow I was responsible for how awful she treated me. Took me a lifetime to uncover the truth. So hurt.

Jun 17, 2012
nacissistic older sister
by: Anonymous

I never really got to know my eldest sister of 10 years until I joined the same religion as her (20 years ago). She preached to me and I believed it to be the truth and still do. At the time, she was going through a divorce and because changing my religion was controversial in my parents' house, I moved out and moved in w/her. That's when my nightmare began. It was her way or the highway all the time and I felt so trapped because if I left, I had no where to go. I was 20 & inexperienced (which she knew). She was demeaning all the time and threw me under the bus constantly to our friends. She became someone who a lot of people truly admired (and still do) but if you know her like I know her, she is highly abusive and aggressive to me. She can be nice, don't get me wrong, but it lasts for a short period of time. Ultimately, if I don't do things her way when she wants something of me, she will always get back at me and if I don't see it coming, it will eventually. We had a major blowout (over my parents' finances) few years ago and she wants control and to know every thing that happens. I told her to talk to them (as they're competent and still in control of their finances) but she blew up at me and has been angry at me ever since (that was 7 years ago). She even went so far as to slander me to our very close friends to get me uninvited to a gathering and it worked. She succeeded and turned some friends against me. Since then, we don't speak much unless necessary. I don't go out of my way unless she's visiting (she since has married and lives across the country). I feel better about myself, but the aura of her still lingers in me because I know it's never really over. I feel paranoid thinking something from her is coming down the pipeline. It sucks because she's supposed to be a Christian but acts like a bully in the schoolyard behind closed doors. I guess my father was that way too so I see where she gets it from but she's been through therapy and preaches the good news to others and still behaves like a bully to me. :(

Mar 20, 2013
by: Anonymous

I am in the process of exposing my n sister for stealing my inheritance from my father. It took me 20 years to figure out she did this.All the while bad mouthing me to anyone who came within ear shot of her.A preemptive strike so that if i ever did expose her dirty secret it would look like i was just "jealous" of her. If she could convince everyone i was unstable, who would believe me anyways? It's devastating to discover your own family seeks to destroy you. It hurts and that's normal. You can not reason with the unreasonable.She is a parasite that feeds off the misery she inflicts on others.Two years ago i severed my relationship with her and have pulled my children out of her path of destruction.You can believe they were next on her list of people to lie to about me. Education is my best protection from her. "Living" my life is my ultimate revenge.Despite her best efforts, it looks like little "never" sailed.

Apr 17, 2013
Oxygen :)
by: Anonymous

I'm noticing here and in the comments on other sites, how common it seems to be that victims of narcissists often suffer in utter hell for years...often decades...before they finally get a handle on what's really going on. The same is true for me, having spent my entire adult life searching for clues, examining our family dynamic, retreating whenever possible in an attempt to stay sane,constantly being torn between the feeling that I can't give up on my family and yet I knew also that it was toxic, which resulted in an insatiable need "figure it out" in order to stay sane without completely abandoning my family. I have to wonder why it is that it took me (and apparently many others) so many years to identify the NPD. I have not spent a lot of time in therapy in my adult life....I did spend some time in therapy during my adolescence during which my sister's NPDwas not identified (maybe NPD wasn't well known in the 70's?) I was drowning in a narcissistic hell and was the one visibly "acting out". I knew nothing about NPD at the time, only that I needed someone to see the bigger picture and my sister was a "very effective" narcissist and had everyone under her control. I did spend a few visits in therapy in my 30's during which I described my sister's behavior, both past and then-present to this therapist...still knowing nothing of an actual disorder called NPD, and this therapist didn't mention NPD. It wasn't until years later when I was reading an article that I just happened upon ..about dealing with the narcissist in your life".. It was as if someone had turned on the oxygen after my having spent decades trying to breath through a small straw. I know this may sound strange to someone who hasn't been affected by a narcissist, but maybe quite clear to those who have. The description in that article...example by example...was exactly what I had described to my Therapist 10+ years previous...many of the exact same words I used...and the description of the affects...same thing....almost word for word. I don't know what kind of training therapists get, or if they should all even be "expected" to recognize the signs of NPD or if they're trained not to speak of their "supsicions" when they haven't had any one-on-one contact with the suspected narcissist....or what. All I know is that he could have saved me many years of scrambling to keep my sanity had he been able to suggest the possibility. Even if she can't be changed, at least I would have been able to move straight to the appropriate help for myself. However, I now feel very lucky that this information on NPD did eventually drop into my lap. I have now been able to work through so much and have gained untold amounts of stress relief as a result of understanding this disorder better and finding stategies on dealing with narcissists.

May 18, 2013
My sick O sister
by: Anonymous

Oh wow! I have a sick o Narcissistic sister, Cant stand the bitch.

May 27, 2013
by: Anonymous

I wish I could comment but I am worried in case she sees it.

May 29, 2013
Response to "Anxious"
by: Anonymous

C'mon Anxious! Dish! It'll do ya good! ...and besides, if you don't give any names and you keep your annonymous identity, there shouldn't be anything to worry about. Also, you might try therapy for ideas on coping with the situation.

Jun 02, 2013
A long road
by: Anonymous

I have been having problems with both my mum and sister for decades. I believe now they are both inflicted with npd. My husband has identified their manipulations insecurities and emotional hold on me from the beginning . I just felt like something was wrong as I was flung around in a roll a coaster of emotions. They are Christian and family but why do I feel so torn. I leave their company feeling so down with an inferior husband, like somehow my life , my job, my family is insignificant. As I stepped back ( I would never step out of their lives altogether) there was the most vile outcry. I had abandoned my sister and her children apparently and it is still unforgiven. They take delight in things that go wrong for me do not reach out to me and accuse me of jealousy. It hurts as I have tried to please them for decades with kindness support gifts and service. For so long I have been so confused with our relationship , but the further away I get the more I see how trapped I was and look forward to a life of freedom although the guilt emotions and wondering what they think of me still haunts me. It's a long road but I am looking forward to finding myself and feeling truly free of their expectations and judgements. I thank God for my husband who has stood by and watched me drown in these relationships always lovingly warning me and rarely saying I told you so.

Sep 27, 2013
N brother
by: Christy

My younger brother is a blamer and an N. When he does vindictive things to me other people don't believe it because they don't understand why anyone would do that. He lies about me and they don't understand that he is lying because he seems so sincere. If they would look a little closer at his life they would see the cracks, but many people are just content to enjoy the charming facade.

He has tried to turn everyone against me and had no qualms about trying this with my husband even and my children. They are disgusted with him, but he turned a whole church against me and his young wife won't talk to us, especially me. I now realize how jealous and empty he is and recognize he was controlling my parents against me even when he was a boy! Get this, when my brother and I had our huge falling out over his bad behavior to me, my Dad kept blaming me and insisting that I 'fix' the relationship. I stood back and realized 'wow' why should my 30-something brother not be responsible for relationships? Yet I am responsible for his happiness? I said to hell with it and he never calls or responds while still blaming me for his problems. I'm sure he's making his wife's life hell, but it's not my problem and she thinks I hate her because he told her so.

We live in a small town and sometimes things happen that are unavoidable. My daughter lost a recent competition and we found out he was one of the judges. Nobody could understand at the time because it was so obvious that she should have won. Even the winner was confused. Stupid stuff like that. Punishing my daughter to get any dig at me. It's just one example of 100 things that happen when he has an opportunity to hurt me!

Sep 27, 2013
Unbelievably AMAZING site on Covert Abuse...
by: Anonymous

For all posters and/or victims of NPD...especially the "covert" type of NPD....The following site has been a God-send for me and I highly recommend checking it out. A good place to start would be any of the links under "Recent Posts" Here is the web address: Blessings!

Jan 24, 2014
I cut them all loose
by: Anonymous

Since I was a small child, my eldest sister has manipulated me and our other sister. Without going into detail, all. I can say is that after finding this site and reading it, I now know why I feel so at peace because I ended my relationships with both of them. They have done a number on me and I still worry it's my fault. But the funny thing is, I have wonderful relationships with my friends, my husband, my children and my husbands family as well as my co-workers. This has been going on for over 60 years.

Mar 18, 2014
Agree with Oxegen :)
by: Anonymous

I can relate to the comment below from "Oxegen :)". I agree that many therapists I went to knew nothing about NPD. I stumbled upon it myself at the library and it helped me tremendously to understand NPD. I now have empathy for my sister instead of feeling hate. Thank you for your comments. I am not alone.

Mar 31, 2014
Horrible sister
by: Anonymous

Wow reading these posts makes me realize what I grew up with - a monster that destroyed our family . So good to read these posts as its helps with the healing and its time for us all to move on and enjoy our lives which at the end of the day is the best revenge !

Apr 04, 2014
by: Anonymous

My experience was more mind-twisting than anything I could possibly describe to anyone who hasn't been there....But at the same time I have a problem with labeling my sister a "monster". Even though the result of her behavior has been beyond monstrous, I tend to believe that she did/doesn't have control over it and I'm still feeling that a little empathy is appropriate...from a safe distance of course...After all, once we understand how we've been duped and manipulated we can make different choices in our own responses, strengthen our boundaries, etc. in order to protect ourselves. I realize that there are probably some situations and/or families where this might not be possible, but I've found that the more I learn about the condition, the less hate and more empathy I feel...which ultimately is more healing for me than thoughts of revenge.

Apr 06, 2014
And the fog has cleared
by: Anonymous

Hi everyone.

I suffer from PTSD because of living with a N sister for slightly over a year. I could never understand how she could have done all that she did to me and my family. I have been trying to make excuses to lessen the pain, but that hasn't worked. She has manipulated my parents and has them wrapped around her little finger from the time we were children. They are always bailing her out of one situation after another because she's the Golden Child. However, that has only served to enable her Narcissistic personality even more. I have not had any contact with her since 2010, but I always feel paranoid that she's going to do something else but I don't know what. I also live with a great sense of shame because I feel as though I should have seen through it. Consciously I know that it's not my fault, but I can't help feeling the way I do. Just typing out this post is setting off my anxiety. I am really grateful to know that it really wasn't my problem but hers (and my N mum too).

Jun 26, 2014
You All Sound Like Beautiful People!
by: Anonymous

I always wondered why I wasn't filled with hatred for my Narcissistic mother and older sister. But just like you all here, we came out on top, we were better off than our narcissistic family members. Because we didn't get any of that narcissistic power! So we developed empathy and love for them, we wanted them to love us so much! When they didn't, and when they continued abusing us instead, we developed a lot of problems like fear, anxiety, self-blame, feelings of guilt, longing for a normal, loving family and never getting it. Those are all very normal feelings to have under all that stress and abuse that we suffered. So we are normal, they are not. We came off the winners after all. Yet, it still leaves us with the hole in our heart/soul that always wishes that it could be different. That will never go away completely. So we hope, against all odds that it will ever come about. I wish I could sit down with all of us together and just get to know one another, but of course it can't be. But I see my life in every single story here. That in itself is so comforting, to not be alone like I was for decades! I am 75 years old and have given up on my
narcissistic sister who is 11 months older than me . She stopped all association with me after our mother died 6 yrs ago. It hurt, but I am better for it. I now have peace and know that I tried very hard all of my life to get along with her, and she ruined it over and over again. So now, I just find myself hoping she will stay away. Every sibling has left her now, moved far away except me, and she can't allow herself to be associated with me because I won't let her manipulate me anymore, and that's inexcusable in her eyes, so she is done with me. Now she only manipulates her own children. I care about her, but my love has gone to a place where it can do the most good, toward my own husband, kids, gr. kids, and great gr. kids and my loyal, loving friends who all know about my life as the Family Scapegoat. They know that when my sister completely cut off ties with me, I never looked back, never responded to the silence, never missed the sick relationship. I can have empathy for her, but from a distance, not speaking and seeing her. I need my peace more than I need to try to have a normal relationship with a person who never appreciated me, and found fault with me instead of accepting my loving efforts toward her and all of our siblings. Our mother created this situation, and I leave it to my Creator, my Loving Heavenly Father to work it out in the future. I'm ok, you are all ok, we are survivors.

Jul 06, 2014
by: Relieved

I don't feel crazy anymore. I almost destroyed myself. Came real close by drinking a lot. Nothing will make me go back to a life around a N, and I don't care who it is anymore. 50 years of this abuse and an entire family (sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews etc)all under the N's spell. Well, I might be lonely....but I'm never alone...right?

Jul 14, 2014
Narcissists destroy trust in the entire Family
by: Anonymous

No, you are not alone, my n. sister and mother also over time turned the entire family of aunts and uncles, cousins, etc, away from me. But I never had a close relationship with them anyway, because of the neg. work that was always being done behind my back by them. Sadly, N.'s think it's necessary to be #1 in everyone's eyes. The only way they can do that is to undermine, criticize, slander anyone who they feel is a threat to their ''popularity.'' So they go after the very one they feel threatened the most over, the scapegoat. Why we were chosen as the scapegoat is because we were not bad people, we were easy to put blame on, we were the more quiet ones, the ones who had love for everyone in the family, the helpers. We wouldn't start fights, cause trouble. Because we knew early on that we would not be defended by anyone. But we were blamed anyway. I'm not saying we didn't fight, my sister and I fought all the time because of her hatefulness toward me, but our mother sided with her 100 % of the time. The scapegoaters don't like it that someone is acting better than them. I have read that they are jealous over our tendency to have good qualities. Because being beaten down does cause a humbling of the spirit, the mistreatment does cause us to develop empathy for others who suffer. Even after years pass, many of us develop empathy for the abusers, which they know they don't have for us! We come to see how they turn out, how they are locked in a no emotional growth life. We can see that after decades passing, they never change their cruel ways. It's not that we were/are perfect, but ever single imperfection that we have is magnified 1000 x's bigger than it really is. And their imperfections are minimized 1000 x's smaller than they are.
Every single sibling I have (5) has come to me alone and told me they saw it all and that it affected how they feel about the abusers. They finally moved far away from the N.
Drinking doesn't work, don't beat your own self up by thinking it will help for a while, it never does. I tried that too. LOL. I came to see that in certain ways, eating too much chocolate for instance, and alcohol, I was abusing my own self, doing their dirty work for them!! I was taught self-hate. I had to let those thoughts go, learn to love myself, and develop healthy ways to treat my body. I hope that you do the best for yourself that you can do, be close to the few that you can trust, (yes, we have trust issues - for good reason!) and have the best life that you can possibly have, and keep in close contact with and trust that our Father in heaven sees and is helping us every single day! He saw it all, and he cares about us. May He bless you!

Jul 17, 2014
by: Relieved

Well Anon, reading your last was like reviewing the last 49 years of my life, right down the relationship you have with the rest of your family. Hmmm. Almost makes me worry that I "blacked out" and wrote it, save one detail. It's my father and sister. If the rest see it, they don't speak of it. Doesn't stop them from coming out of the woodwork to tell me about everything she's said. My father too. Some of it's shocking. I know I made an unwise conscious choice somewhere down along the line and said, "well if I'm going to blamed for it, I might as well...."
I still feel a bit surreal about it. I can't imagine being that focused on debasing another human being. Like a "nobody is that terrible" thought. It's got me worried about my sanity a little. Let's face it, the only ones that agree are the ones that don't like the N. I feel better though. Now that I know why, I can address other issues with some logic reasoning, change the way I see things and my responses without loading up on excuses. Bad things happen to good people all the time. How we deal with it determines our success.... Think I'm going to put that on my mirror today.

Jul 19, 2014
UPDATE - Unbelievably AMAZING site on Covert Abuse
by: Anonymous

Updated web address for:
Unbelievably AMAZING site on Covert Abuse (posted above on Sep 27, 2013)
The web address posted above (in Sept) has now changed. Still highly recommended. This link will bring you to the “smokescreens” page, which I just felt would be a good place to start (for it’s validating effect)….but there is more! Check it ALL out!

Here' the new link:

Jul 19, 2014
Siblings who do not defend
by: Anonymous

My siblings only came to me one at a time over the years once or twice to tell me that they saw the abuse and were affected adversely because of having witnessed it. Not often at all. They all stayed with the n. sister. Then one by one, they moved to other States in the USA. I one in a while hear from one and nothing from the others and I count that as a blessing now. And like you, they used to tell me all the ''dirt'' about our n. sister every chance they got. But it was so unhealthy, because they only do that if they are mad at her at the time. When they aren't, I do not hear a thing from them or about the n. sister. Now, I go on with my life and do my healing one day at a time w/o them. Because this is not what I or anyone would call a 'family'. it's a circus, and I am always part of the ''freak show''. haha I find it hilarious now, I truly do!!!!! Because it should be called "The Only One Who Calls It Like It Truly Is, a Sick Family" show.
I did the same thing as you, I also did wrong things when I was younger. Don't fault yourself, it's a normal reaction to abuse. They used to call me crazy all the time so I would find myself acting crazy when they would attack me. Also other things that I did wrong in my own private life, and had to recover from and change my ways. Baggage always comes from those kinds of things that we do, thinking it's getting back at them when really, it's hurting only ourselves and they're rejoicing over our pain. When I found out years ago that they were not going to be there for me even if i was in such dire straits that I could die, I began to change, to care more about how I treat myself, since I could plainly see that not even my dying would melt their cold, cold hearts. I had to get well on my own, and then stop all the foolishness of abusing myself by making bad choices. And I have done that. I am now healthier physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I thank my Creator for all the help that He has given me and is giving me each day. Do not beat yourself up over past mistakes. Do good toDAY. God Bless you.

Jul 20, 2014
worrying about our sanity
by: Anonymous

I clearly see how much it affects us, by the way, to be treated like we don't matter. It causes us to doubt ourselves so much that we begin to believe as young children that ''they must know what they're talking about, they both (or all) say I am weird, stupid, trouble maker, not co-operating, lazy, selfish, crazy, etc, etc, etc. So maybe I am."
No, we have been duped. And it takes time to see it clearly. Everyone is dumb sometimes, lazy sometimes, weird or stupid sometimes. But we were told we were those things all the time, no matter what we were doing, right or wrong. We really were brainwashed into believing the lies. We were bullied.
You sound like you want to take responsibility for your own choices. That's healthy. But while you're doing that, don't buy into all the negative talk of the bullies. See your good, and change what needs to be changed. And give yourself credit for seeing both the good and the bad about yourself. Because narcissists don't do that. They can't. They have too much to lose. We don't have anything to lose, we already lost everything. Now we just need to lose the neg. feelings about ourselves that we've been told we should believe. It's hard at first, but it gets easier over time. After decades, it became so obvious to me that a loving family would never treat one of their own like this. That was what helped me the most to see that nothing I did caused it and so nothing I would ever do would heal my family. So I chose to heal the only person I could, myself. That's when I really began to grow into a healthier person and let go of my fears that maybe I was as bad as they say. I know better now. I still love them and still wish I had a normal family. But wishing won't get it. So I am happy with whatever good and whatever peace I find in my life and it's enough.

Aug 30, 2014
Thanks for all your Comments
by: Englishwoman

I stumbled upon this website in desperation - trying to find out why my sister who is older than me by 10 years has always been so awful towards me. I knew - for some time that she was a narcissistic personality - as was my mother although she died when I was 16. I always thought - like the other comments - how wonderful it would have been to have been part of a normal, loving family - but it was not to be. I can see now that my sister took over from my mother when she died and over the years, convinced my father that I was no good. My father had actually been my only "friend" within my cold family. I felt - as a child - that I was an "outsider" in my family - not a member of this exclusive "Club". My sister had been the "only child" for 10 years - and who knows - it might have been different had I been born a boy? My aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbours all thought my sister was a caring, sensitive, artistic soul and I was just ignored. I was labelled "the plain one" - whereas my sister was the "beautiful one". However, I was the clever one at school. This still was wrong though when my mother told me that because I passed my exam to go to Grammar School that I would become a snob. All the other parents were performing cartwheels of joy. Over the years, my sister has done such harm to me, destroying my first marriage, alienating my father from me and telling lies to relatives and friends. She has actually tried to cause me and my son physical harm. I have severed all ties with her after 63 years (she's 73) and hope to recover after all these years, although I feel so sad at the moment. Its so reassuring to know that I am not the only victim out there.

Aug 31, 2014
Narcisstic Sister
by: Cheril

I googled narcissist sister and I cannot believe how all the stories very closely sound just like my sister and family.

My sister is 6 years younger than me, and she learned to be a narcissist because my mother was one. She was the one with narcissist rage (mother) and I always wondered why my sister hated me. I was always nice to her and she would point out something stupid like I hid behind a door once and said boo...(my brothers and I used to always play this game). My sister would go crying and screaming to my mother who would come out after us with the wooden spoon. Mother never bathed me, or washed our hair, she was only into my sister and trying to make her life happy. My one brother does not talk to my sister or see my mother anymore and hasnt in many years. He decided to have self preservation decades ago and kept to himself.

My sister is the owner of my mothers house, executor of the Will and lives near our mother and never helps her out. Not even push a vacuum or food shop. I live 5 hours away and come in by bus to help out with cleaning, etc. I did it for a while now am stopping and leaving the mother situation 100 percent to my sister who ignores every good and proper suggestion for caring for our elderly mother. Doing this has caused my mother a few trips to the hospital because my sister couldnt bother checking up on her leaving her to my cousin to go there and do all the work.

My mother and sister have destroyed our family-me my other brother and father were shut out from any conversations and being part of the family. When my father died 20 years ago, my sister ignored him completely and all his needs. I took care of him to the moment he died. My mother would not even get him water and he was dying of cancer. I told my sister he would die any day and please come to the house..she was 30 mins. away but she said she could not as it was her turn for her vacation home that weekend and would stop by on Sunday. I said he will be dead by Sunday. He died Saturday.

After my mom passes I do not imagine I will have any contact with my sister--and I dont expect to get any money as she is the owner of the house and controls everything. Im not mentioned in theWill so I will get nothing. My sister will do whatever she wants with the money when I was the one doing all the cleaning, laundry for a household growing up and taking care of both parents.

I feel very damaged by my mother and sister who shut me out of their lives and treated me like trash. Once when I went to a counselor to seek help, the counselor came to the house to see what was going on. It was my counselor and I paid for it, not my mothers. My mother, behind my back, went to the counselor and said I have to tell you about my daughter and how bad she is.. She then told the counselor that I had been married once before and divorced and just trashed me all over the place. The counselor told me what she said and did becasuse it was not a "paid session" and my mother was not his patient. He told me how abusive she was and she would also abuse my children, which she was already doing. And she would abuse me in front of them.

So Im leaving all the care to my sister for my mother. She can keep the money and gloat in her glory. I believe in God and an aferlife and believe we will all be judged according to what we did and how we made others suffer. I hold no hate towards them, its that I just dont care anymore. Im 58 and Im tired. I want peace in my life and will pursue that.

Sep 03, 2014
Oh my goodness, Cheril
by: Anonymous

Your life has been so much like my own, it's the same for so many of us here. You have a beautiful spirit. They can't take the good feelings out of us that come from us knowing the good that we did and tried to do. They would never allow us to feel good about any of our accomplishments, or the love that we showed them, so let's just keep it where you said, that our Creator knows the truth, and He will set all matters straight in His own time.
And just like you, my father was the one who saw what was going on and he would speak up sometimes in my behalf. I loved him so very much, he had the only truly loving heart between my N. mother and N. sister. My mother and sister controlled the entire family, and when my mother died, everything went to my sister, and she shared it all with everyone after taking the lions share for herself. I got nothing, but I didn't WANT anything, and believe me, I am being 100% truthful. Why have things that would remind me of my mother, and the abuse she dealt out to me all my life?
My sister hung up on me when I called her after my mother died, I was calling her asking how much my share was for the cost of the cremation. She couldn't even be cordial at the time when families should be able to come together and bury their dead. She has chosen to not have any contact with me for these 6 years since our mothers death. She thinks that's hurting me, but I am so thankful that she has taken that stand, I am at PEACE at long last. I never have to worry about how to react when she is around, because she ISNT around any more. If she knew that she was giving me such peace by staying out of my life, she would probably try to enter my life again to cause me emotional pain again, so I hope she never figures it out.
What happened to us was we were born into families where one or more members who had all the power were sick, my mother was the one in my family who was emotionally troubled because of things that happened in her family while she grew up. She brought those problems to her own children, and made my sister the favored one so my mother would have a best friend to dump all her troubles on. My sister felt the favoritism and basked in it, and used it against the rest of us, and became narcissistic also just like our mother was. I truly feel sorry for her. Because if I had been chosen to be the favorite child, I may have become just like her.
No, my dear, you are far from being alone. I am older than you and am grateful to have learned this year that there are others who are walking in my shoes and surviving.. We have become stronger because of knowing that others are out there just like us. God bless.

Sep 05, 2014
Narcissistic Sister
by: Anonymous

I am numb, in shock, sad, and experiencing an onslot of my PTSD symptoms after dealing with a 3 week episode of blame, and scApegoating from my narcissistic sister, her daughter who is following in her shoes, and also the ways my sister has influenced both my father and my other sister. This has been going on all my life, and I have just in the past week identified it all as falling under the umbrella of malignant narcism. Of course, I always was awAre of the lake of love, hate and blame that I was affected by. I have been abused, lied to and about, slandered, stolen from, set up etc. I just wanted to be loved and accepted. I thought things had gotten better, and was duped again! I feel stupid, and hurt all over by the mean cruelty. Like others, I have been to counseling off and on for this and other painful family issues, including an emotional abusive father and sexual abuse. No counselor has ever identified this group of behaviors that have effected me through my sister and in some degree from my dad as an actual mental health condition or ever offered me tools, or insight that the likelihood that their behavior will not improve or that I would be better off to distance myself. My counselors have talked about boundaries, forgiveness and helped me reAlize that their behaviors against me are about them, not me, but never really identified it as it really is. I would right out my "story" but I am just too drained, and also a bit afraid of the retaliation that comes when you call these dysfunctional people on their stuff. At this point, I'll just say I appreciate the comments I have read, my heart goes out to all of you, and it does help some to know that I am not the only one that has been victimized by this apparently somewhat common family dynamic. I would also like to know which "e-book" the first writer was referring to when she commented on the e-book helping her so much. Can the writer let me know the title? Thank you.

Sep 14, 2014
sister tried to manipulate me for 40 years
by: Anonymous

I join everyone here. My sister is 4 years older than me and bullied and intimidated me when I was young. She had this scheme to get my assets and inheritance. She manipulated it so that no girl would look at me to marry. She controlled everyone in our social circle to see me as weak and mild.
My only option was to break away from everyone.
Every time I brought a girl home, she manipulated my family to hate her and to break us up. I finally decided to not bring anyone home. I met a girl who was 4 years older than me. She also had brown skin. She tried every stunt she could, manipulating my parents to try everything to break us up. We eloped. For 2 years they refused to acknowledge her existence. Finally I was invited to a family friends wedding. They had no choice but to acknowledge her. They all came over to our house with a small wedding cake and pretended like we were just married. Getting married older, we tried to have children, but we can't. 2 years ago, I stated to the family that since I don't have children, that I would divest myself of my assets when I retired in order for us to live well in our old age. The look on my sisters face was incredible. She actually went aside and mumbled to herself,"what was I doing all those years."she then actually went and lied to my father that I would retire when he died and sell the assets. My father, by now dubious yet still under her thumb, asked me if that was true. I stated that when I retire in 20 years that I would divest. I never denied it. My father had a look of shame, because we both knew who lied. This past summer, I took my parents to London to see the flat we bought there. My father and mother were in awe of the standards my wife and I have. It is a small flat, but very nice in a good area of central London. I finally got my mother to acknowledge the bullying that she ignored and tried to cover up for my father and sisters actions. I've moved on, and I wanted to tell of my suffering and its actually a relief to see that I'm not alone.

Sep 16, 2014
No, you are not alone
by: Anonymous

Sounds so familiar, you have the same issues as the rest of us here. Just different circumstances. It always hurts.
Thanks for sharing your feelings with us here.

Sep 25, 2014
I had no idea
by: Anonymous

My sister caused me great hurt last week in an email where she accused me of manipulation, playing mind games, and threatening me that If i want to have a relationship with her I have to stop manipulation antics.
Not until I came to this website did I realize what was wrong with my sister. I have suffered all my life because of her and I am 64. Nothing I ever did was never good enough, I was never smart enough. She had all the knowledge about everything, she was the favorite, yet I was the one who took care of my elderly parents until the end.
Here I am wrestling with forgiveness and trying to figure out how to maintain a relationship, where I can’t think, speak, or have an opinion.
I feel stupid, my boss was narcissistic and I worked for that man for 22 years, how could I not see the same symptoms in my sister. The only way that I am going to have peace is to distant myself from her.

Sep 26, 2014
by: Anonymous

Yes my friend. Distance works. Also, getting involved with something that doesn't remind you of the pain. I found this website some months ago and it changed my life. There's comfort in knowing you aren't alone. I became a sponge and soaked up everything I could find to read about narcissism. It gets better. The pain and hurt eases over time once you get free of ongoing injustices. It's your future. Take control of it, no matter your age. It's never too late.
One day you will wake up and be shocked that your first thought in the morning isn't of anger at how you've been treated. It's not magic and it doesn't happen overnight. Be patient. When it feels overwhelming, push it aside and do something else. Just like AA. It works if you work it. Please try. We need more people like all of you who have lived through it and learned something from it to change it. All my best. Sincerely.

Sep 27, 2014
Same Story
by: Anonymous

I'm 48 years old and my n sister is 4 years older than me. It has only been a couple of years that I realized she was narcissistic. I have tried to be her friend twice in my life and know that we will never be friends. She isn't capable. Each time I have tried, I've regretted it. There has been many instances over the years that have left me hurt and confused. She has blamed me for stuff that has happened in her life. She has talked bad about me behind my back and in front of me. Right before I had distanced myself, she told me she cannot say she's sorry to no one. She'll even argue over something even if she knows she's wrong. She calls her two daughters and me sensitive, which one daughter cut off all ties with her completely. I have distanced myself this past year. She has been a soap opera all her life and plays the victim well. However, she can be charming and very talkative. What is bad, is that we know a lot of the same people. What do i say to the people when they want to know why we don't see each other or get along? What makes it sad, is that we are the only siblings in the area. I am thankful for my supportive husband, kids and husbands family, which I have a great relationship with. I am also thankful for sites like this were I know I'm not alone.

Sep 28, 2014
Horrible Sisiter
by: Anonymous

My sister has turned her children & now that I'm reading other posts. Probably my children also. Against me. My children & I are doing better. But I'm starting to open up & tell them about the things that she has done. When I tried in the past. They wouldn't hear of it. I've felt for years hat I was living on an island. We lost our little brother in a accident whe he was 5 we were 7-me 9-sister we were with him when it happened. I feel like we lost our Mom at that same time. She had another boy 4 years later. He was her world. I was the plain, shy unpopular child. She was the blond burst of sunshine. But she never had a good personality. I was troubled when I was a young adult & had no clue how to be a parent. We both got pregnant before we were married. She got married two weeks before the baby was born. I was left before the wedding. I'm the bad one now. So therefore any troubles between myself and my oldest daughter are due to my past. We MUST blame me for my past. But that's because I know all of the secrets of her past. That would probably get her divorced still today. But I'm not like that. I'll never tell. No need to. I know who I am. 5 years ago my Mom built an apartment onto my sisters house. And all she does is put down on my Mom. (Because you can't have two Moms in a narcissus house). Every penny my Mom spent of her own money. Turned into Mom was spending her inhertance. I asked her one day why she asked her to move In with her if she drove her that crazy. She told me that she didn't expect my Mom to live as long as she has. Yep!! That's what she said. If you confront her her child army of 4 daughters go into attack mode. They know how she is but I'm expected to overlook this. I have always taken my Mom to the Dr's & stayed with her In the hospital. She has never done this. My Mom told me she was going to give one of us her wedding ring after my Dad died. I told her to give it to my sister. I knew in my heart it wasn't worth the retribution. So now she has an addition on her house & a $10,000 diamond on her hand from a woman she never has a kind word to say about. Until now. My brother in laws mom & dad moved into our town. My bro in law works shift work. He's not in good health. She doesn't work (if you only knew how much $$ he makes. You'd know why I don't have to work. But that's his problem). Yep! Another quote. When he is not working he has to bring his parents where they need to go. Even though my sister is sitting on her good for nothing butt all day long. Well someone in the family metioned to her that she was selfish. She says that she can't help him because she is taking care of her mother. Who takes care of herself unless she's sick then I take care of her. So now she's all over my Mom. Trying to convince everyone that my Mom is ill and she is too scatterbrained to know it. She's got a nurse on it now. She told me that if she is out of town & my Mom gets sick to call her because she will tell me what needs to be done. Yeah! I'll call her. My Mom asked me to take her to eat out. She asked my Mom why would you ask her and not me. She is crazy crazy crazy. She literally makes up life as she goes along and expects everyone to bend to how she wants it. Her family does this. But they expect me to do this also. If I don't I'm treated like garbage when I go to visit my Mom. She has a shopping addiction & posts her weight on facebook when she gets below 130 lbs. She makes up lies to make herself look good & me look bad. And like everyone else it took me 50 years to find out what my problem was. They convince you that you are a bad person. When it's really them.

Oct 03, 2014
Awakened, finally!
by: Anonymous

I am forty years old in 5 days and have just recently awakened to the NPD in my life. My sister is three years older than me. Unconsciously, I have suffered a lifetime of anxiety due to my relationship with this poor pathetic soul. Up until recently, I always looked at my upbringing and experiences as 'my normal'. All of September, spirit has confirmed so much in my heart that my so-called normal was actually a living hell. Memories were being revealed to me little by little. For the last couple of years I have been on a deep healing journey which has helped me care and love myself so much more. I guess with all my healing work my eyes have been opened to how I had been treated all my life by this sister. Her behaviors were abusive, manipulative and controlling and the family lives in this toxicity. I had a pretty good relationship with my mom and dad until this past year, but now I realize that I have to protect myself and my family from all the toxicity and that means letting them go too. They never could identify the NPD behavior out of shear naïveté and brainwashing. They couldn't protect me. They just don't see it. She has them under her spell. I don't believe in this lifetime that this will be healed, so I must be responsible for my well being and become more educated about this behavior pattern so I am armed. I am worth it and so are my two boys and husband. All I can say is pray lots and surrender to your higher power. Your soul is rooting for you and always wants something bigger and better than your mind can imagine. Be free!

Oct 12, 2014
by: Anonymous

I'm having trouble this morning getting past the anger. The depths of this betrayal is hard to believe. I retired from the military after 25 plus years. The "n" sister has passed off lies about my career, making it sound as though I was forced to retire among the rest of my family and I'm now looked upon with shame.
I was never one for tooting my own horn, so I didn't plan on a huge ceremony. I just wanted someone to hold the door for me while I unpacked my office type thing, but my boss said that wasn't going to fly for someone with 25 years of service. As in all things military, you follow orders, but I agreed to nothing more than a lunch. I made the mistake of mentioning the lunch to my n sister. She knew it was just a lunch. No fan fare, bells or whistles. Just food and company. I welcomed her with an invite.
Well, that was another mistake. She took the lack of fan fare, and turn it into a shaming scenario. She packed the car with my parents and her children and filled their heads with it before and after the lunch. Not to mention making me late waiting for her to arrive from out of town with her entourage. I didn't find out until two years afterwards when speaking with my Stepmother. How cunning of her. Almost admirable, but deplorable, despicable and repulsive at the same time. Like watching a horror movie and I'm furious. If there was one thing I didn't want messed with aside from my children, it's my career. I'm proud of my career. There are no blemishes in 25 years. I have a chest full of medals and a pristine service record to prove it. How could anyone do such a thing? Much less a family member? Is it evil? That's pretty much what happened. Is it really as bad as I think?

Oct 13, 2014
in response to "anger"
by: Anonymous

Yes, "anger", it most likely really is as bad as you think. I've come to think of my sister as more of an "addict" than "evil"....Addicted to being on top...whatever she has to do to accomplish that, is just par for the course...It isn't motivated by hate or just wanting to do harm for harm's sake...It's motivated by desperation. It's true that the outcome couldn't be any worse if it WAS pure evil, but somehow after coming to see it this way, it really helps me in some strange way....And the biggest help of all is now knowing that there are others who know exactly what my situation has been. As I was reading your post, I was sounds exactly like the kind of thing my sister would (and DOES) do. I'll bet this guy has lived a life of hell. If no one else can see it in your own sphere, just know that I (and WE HERE)can understand it perfectly and wish you all the best.

Oct 14, 2014
Probably so....
by: Anonymous

It's hard to believe but yes it usually is that bad. And the person that they are most jealous of is usually the one that they target. Probably because of your career. I am seriously just starting to see things for what they are. I almost want to move away because now that I see this behavior I realize if I try to mention it to anyone I am shut down. Which tells me that this has been going on for a loooooong time. my sister told my mom awhile back that she now realizes that she will never be me. My therapist said that is not good. I really am probably her target. My own children even shut me down she managed to take over both of their weddings and showers and cut me out. Her children also do this. I have to stay smart enough to know its not me or I would prolbably lose my mind. But this is the only thing that she hasn't taken from me so I have to keep it. I would like to move and start fresh. All new people that she hasn't brainwashed, all new job etc. she is a horrible, evil, manipulative piece of work. All that these people do is plan out their next "me" project. And how they can best you. Well, she has finally won. I'm getting old & tired She has everyone including my mother who I have taken care of and my own children confiding in her. If I try to talk to them about her they get very quiet. The next thing that I know a put down comes next from them I was trying to help my mom get her car yesterday so she wouldn't have to walk so far. She got mad at me and said that wasn't necessary. The next thing that I know she said that my sisters daughter (my niece) got it for her. And she didn't even have to ask. She just knew to get it for her. I have taken care of her when she was sick out of nothing but love. And my sister needs to do this now so I need to get out of the way. So I will believe me. The ugliness from them isn't worth it. My Mom has never treated me the way that she has been lately. So therefore I know my sister is behind it. The funny thing is before this. My Mom used to cry to me about my sister all of the time. But now. She walks on water. That's how they are. Even the ones who you thought that you could trust. If you challenge them. Look out. The world will be out to get you. They are very sit people. It's not you.

Oct 15, 2014
I feel so bad and sad for all of you.
by: Anonymous

Your stories are my stories too, I feel such compassion for you all. These sick parents and siblings could never destroy our humanity. We only wanted to belong to and be loved, accepted by our own. But we were not and are not going to be. So continue finding your own place, peace and joy without them, as I am doing. It helps to see them as sick, desperate for the prize of "Top Dog". And remembering that they will stoop as low as they deem necessary to hold on to that prize keeps me at a safe distance from them. Funny, but when I was associating with them, I was always depressed, lonely, desperate for peace. Now, I have no contact except with 2 relatives very occasionally, and I am at peace and actually found a happy, joyful life with my husband, children and a few close friends.
I'm old now. We are at the end of our lives. She still won't stop the lifelong blame/ shame tactics. So I let everyone think what they want and go on with my life, forgiving her and all who back her cruel ways. She is and always has been the powerful one. The beautiful one. And people just can't seem to resist her and her propaganda. I can't fight that. So I chose a good, honest life and am finally in an emotional peaceful place that she can't enter.
I wish you all peace.

Oct 16, 2014
Re Anger..Thanks
by: Anonymous

Yes, It's been hell. I feel crazy, like it's a bad dream I can't wake up from. I had a hard enough time in the service and thought retirement would be a breeze. Boy, was I ever wrong. What really gets me is I'm 100% disabled. Lung issues, but that's not what was spread around about me. Apparently I'm a sexually promiscuous alcoholic who was drummed out of the military because of it. Somehow I think it feels worse than if I were a man. I'm sure there are more stories about it stemming from her mouth, but I've ceased contact. The more I hear, the angrier I get. I'd rather feel sad than angry. That's a hellish choice. My children also get quiet when I speak to them about it. I've warned them of what was said. I think they have a hard time understanding it, because all family functions have been pleasant. I can't really blame them....I do too. Thankfully, they have not been party to the "behind the scenes" action, but it's coming. My days are probably limited, and I know the "n" is waiting for my death to really get going on them. She actually said "well, most retirees from the military only live another 10 years". My response was "Well, only 9 years to go then" and walked away. It pains me greatly I didn't see this sooner and I may leave my children unprepared for the full impact of her abuse. And my Grandchildren.....OMG...What will they hear about their Grandmother? I shudder to think. I can't accept there's nothing I can do about that. It's a rock I can't swallow. There's got to be something.... Well, I don't want to get morose. Too early for it. It'll ruin the day. Just wanted to say thanks for the responses. It helps.

Oct 16, 2014
Tell your own story
by: Anonymous

Why dont u write ur own autobiography? Write down your life in a book. Get copies made and when u die each grandkid gets a copy. Then when ur sister blabs lies bout you, they can read ur side of the story too. Dont be mean about ur sister in ur book That would make them not believe u as much and would just make ur story ugly. Jst tell strait facts. Bet ur life in military would be interesting for ur grandkids to read.

Oct 18, 2014
by: Anonymous

You should write letters to your future Grandchildren. And letters to your children. The problem is that if it took us this long to see it. They don't see it yet either. I find if u show anger. It makes them doubt. If I tell my children also ethi g happens. They sometimes see it a little bit. But they aren't the ones attacked. Only the scapegoat. My sister is up to no good right now. Not really sure what's up. But I'm sure it won't be long before I find out. She to,d me yesterday that I purposly leave her out of her having relationships with other people by them liking me better than her. Yeah. Okayyyyyy!! They are crazy.

Oct 30, 2014
Stolen Identity
by: Anonymous

Several posters have commented on an older sister robbing them of their identity. Could someone please explain what this means. I have an older sibling (19 months older) who has always copied my life. Whatever I have it seems she wants it. Not to share in the thing or experience but to better me. I guess it's a competitive thing but very painful. It happens all of the time. I'm not sure how to handle it but find myself withdrawing from her and my entire family. I feel like I'm redundant. She's aggressive so once it's hers, it can no longer be mine.

Oct 31, 2014
Wise and peaceful ways
by: Kate

I can relate to a lot of what you have said. I have also decided to distance myself from my sister completely - for my own peace and well being. There are too many lovely people out there in the world to have to associate with people who actively try to harm you. My brother cut off contact from her years ago, I thought this cruel at the time but realise now that it was the wise way to go.

Nov 04, 2014
Get help
by: Anonymous

I think all of you must have met my sister. I don't have to talk about the hell we've all been through. What I want to tell you is to please get professional counseling. At the doctor for an unrelated issue, I was identified as someone who might benefit from talking to someone. It was the smartest thing I ever did. I needed to talk to someone who could be objective, not connected to anything that was happening. I am going to be okay now, I know I am. She helped me prepare for my mother's imminent death (the original NPD) and supported me in my decision to go No Contact. It's not over yet, feelings are still there that have to be dealt with. But it's a start in the right direction. Take that first step, you deserve to have peace in your life. We are already lucky not to have gone down that dark road, keep going. Don't give up.

Nov 06, 2014
Getting Your Identity Back
by: Anonymous

I've been reading all the posts on here and it's just crazy how much i can relate! Thank you all for sharing. It's comforting to know there are people out there that know exactly what you're going through and it's been encouraging to read your thoughts. I'm 33 and my sister is about to turn 38. All my life I've felt like I've lived in her shadow. When we were younger she was jealous of our other sister, who is 15months older than me, so when i came along she decided I would belong to her and we would pick on our other sister. We even had a joke about me living in her pocket. I now take it more seriously as it's only lately I feel I've began to think for myself and started realising what's really going on. It's like she has a split personality. It's funny, I was just telling my friend about all of the times she's started doing things I'm interested in and how people have been getting us muddled up since she dyed her hair the same colour as mine, and how I felt i didn't know who I was anymore, then I found this site with people saying a lot of the same type of thing! I'm trying to distance myself from her but it's obvious she's aware of it and as there's photo's of her in the pub with my old friends (that don't speak to me anymore because I became a christian). She's a very controlling and manipulative person and I was often on edge when I was around her. She knows she's controlling and she said she likes just being able to click her finger and get all the guys to do what she wants. The thing is she has said that all her ex's are narcissists and it's through her saying her latest one is that I realised that she is the one who is the narcissist. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and also have ADHD and fibro myalgia and I do blame her and my mother for causing these because I've never been good enough or allowed to have my own opinion, and everything was always my fault. My mother's treated me like I'm not worth listening to or having a conversation with and my father had a temper when I was growing up. He's changed a lot though, for the better and I love my dad. My mother changed for the worse but she's never been a good mother to me. Anything good she's ever done for me has been for her benefit because she needs to be needed so she tries to control my life even when I tell her not to. I'm on the waiting list to see a psychologist and I'm doing a CBT course. I'm so hoping this will me establish my voice and clear and healthy boundaries. It's a long road ahead and despite me hitting the bars a lot lately n avoiding God/church the past few months I'm sure He will get me through this and I'm grateful for this site and all your posts. Any help or suggestions welcome..

Nov 17, 2014
Be Good to Yourselves!
by: Anonymous

I am new to this site, and can relate to all that has happened and still happening in your lives. It is horrible what these people do to our souls. These comments have really helped me. Please keep reading, going to therapy, and being kind to yourselves. Many, many hugs to you all!!

Nov 20, 2014
What next?
by: Confused

My mother and younger sister are pretty much the same person. Beautiful, sensitive, empathetic.....until you get stung. It's confusing and I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster.

You never quite know when it's going to happen. I am the ignored child and the oldest sibling is the scapegoat. The youngest, who is a carbon copy of my mother, is the golden child. GC sends the most awful texts. They are bad and my stomach churns when she sends them.

My mother, of course is aware that I am holding my ground with her, although hasn't asked me how I am, or if I want to talk about it. This has been going on for a year and a half now. I have decided, after reading about narcissism, to go NC wtih GC. Even though she has been sending dreadful texts telling me I need therapy and I'm crazy like our dad (deceased)she still thinks it's absolutely fine to call and text my husband and my daughter. They are ignoring her calls. My son's birthday is coming up and she wants to buy him a present. I feel very uncomfortable with this. She is abusive to me and has said she no longer wants a relationship with me, but wants to buy my children presents.

If I block the presents and contact, does that make me manipulative? I'm confused. All I need is boundaries for her. In the past I have tried to explain I need her to apologise for the dreadful texts but that just fuels a new frightening rage. I've been in therapy for three years, which helps. Before therapy, I would have just accepted the abuse, this seems so difficult. I really hope this gets easier. The guilt and pity I feel is taking up all my energy. Does it get better?

Nov 21, 2014
YOU CARRY THE CURE in YOUR OWN HEART by Andrew Vachss as printed in PARADE MAGAZINE AUG. 1994
by: Anonymous B

I feel for you, and have walked your path all of my life. My sister would do the same things, give lavish gifts to my children, do great and''loving'' things for my husband, praise him, while finding fault with and ignoring me and my attempts to receive her ''love''. They all, in time, saw through her. Her hatefulness would come out just enough for them to see it. I finally put my first name 'letter B' to a post. I don't need to worry that my sister will see this, she would never go to a n. place online because she would never think that she is a n. The rest of my family? I don't care, they already know all of this and they know my feelings.

I feel for you. You are young, I believe. I went to therapy years ago when in my 20's and 30's and 40's. Got some help, but not much since I still at those ages didn't get it that I was dealing with two n's. I didn't even know what a narcissist was yet. My mother and oldest sister both were/are n's. I was the 2nd child, and the scapegoat/ignored one. It nearly destroyed my hope in ever feeling good about myself. But in my 50's, and beyond, I got wiser because I did get good help, I read a ton of books, self-help ones on family dynamics. And that is where my huge help came from. Family Dynamics is what causes these kinds of problems. The N.'s are really wounded souls. That sounds so forgiving of me to see them that way, but no, I still have problems with forgiving them. I am working on it because I now know that not forgiving them keeps me just as sick as they are, and keeps them in control of me. Although our mother is gone for years, the n. sister shows her sick attitude toward me 10 times stronger than when our mother was here. But now I know why she does it, she does it because to treat me good would make her feel unfaithful to our mother. I was my mother's scapegoat, her ''helper'' when she needed anything done, and I got no appreciation for it, only criticism. My mother taught my sister to treat me as if I was unworthy of their love, concern, decent treatment. I had to read outside self help books to understand it. How could a mother reject her own child and teach others in the family to do the same, and get away with it?
I have read many items that have helped me greatly.
But none was a powerful or helpful as an article printed from a Parade Magazine back on August 28, 1994. The title: "You Carry the Cure In Your Own Heart"by Andrew Vachss. You can find it online if you type that title into your browser.
It has told my story, along with most here on this site. And explains why we had all those same symptoms that it describes - why we feel the way we do. Why we have the emotional problems that we have worked so hard to overcome. With no help from our families, the very ones who were suppose to care about us, embrace us and help us to grow up with a feeling of belonging. Because of these helps that these books and articles have given us, I feel very close to being whole and lovable and normal at last. And finally, I actually reach out to people and have succeeded in making a few lasting, true friends, and am a better wife and mother and grandmother because of this kind of help. We DO carry the cure within our own heart, because it has to be a belief within OUR heart that we never deserved the abuse, the n eglect, the hatred, we deserved love, acceptance, self-respect, self-esteem, and we can give it to our SELVES. :) Our Creator wants us to do that. Keep searching for your answers, you will find them. Read, read, read. And let the lessons we learn make us all better, more loving people because of learning that we can take responsibility for our own happiness without anyone else's approval. :))

Nov 21, 2014
Another good site to go to is:
by: Anonymous B

I also want to add a site which I think is helpful to all who have been bullied by family members:

Thru The Looking Glass An Anti=Bullying Blog

This is good for all types of bullying. But for me, the only bullying I ever experienced was my family.

You must put the entire title in, as the site also deals with other types of things, unrelated to the bullying many here have been living with.

It's comforting to know that we can do many positive things in our own hearts/minds to protect ourselves from bullying, abuse, even from our own injured selves, since some of us harm ourselves greatly when in pain, and live with hope and peace of mind.

Nov 21, 2014
You Carry The Cure In Your Own Heart
by: Catherine

I found the article referenced in the previous comment. It is an excellent article. Definitely worth a read:

Thanks so much for mentioning it.

Also, here's the link to Thru The Looking Glass - An Anti Bullying Blog

Very wise words Anonymous B. Thank you for sharing. Your words mean so much and I think will help heal someone else from the same pain they've endured growing up.

Nov 21, 2014
by: Anonymous B

Thank you for your validation. I hope the info will help others. We here want to heal, but we want to help others to heal too.

Nov 23, 2014
by: Anonymous

narcisstic sister hates to see me happy. her current campaign is her scheming as she wants to live in my home. she involves her partner etc in her hate campaign. prior to this it was my ex gf who took the brunt of her venom. then it was the people I hung out with. enough said. don't even want to understand why she's like this, no contact / minimal contact is the only way for me. guess others on her understand

Nov 26, 2014
finally woke up
by: Anonymous

Thank you for this website! Finally I am able to see what the problem is. I have no contact with anyone in my beyond broken family. Thanks again!

Nov 28, 2014
You're welcome
by: Anonymous B

If that info helps just one person, it's worth it. It was the lights going on for me.

Dec 05, 2014
Finally understand my sister is NPD
by: timetoletgo

I relate to many of these comments. I have too many stories to tell of my sister who is 10 years older has hated me, envied me and put me down most of my life. It started to show when I was in high school. She has openly admitted to her inability to be happy for me and believes that she is entitled to those feelings. She didn't attend my wedding and most recently told me that she couldn't be happy with me following the adoption of my first child. This was after knowing that I could never conceive and had lost a couple children. Still, she felt her life was so miserable and so I shouldn't be happy, too.
I am constantly accused of being selfish. She claims that she is the only one who cares about the family and that no one appreciates her. She cries abuse at every turn and complains that her siblings give her the worst treatment. It is an ongoing narrative of being the victim and it so exhausting. I do not want a relationship with her anymore. I'm trying not to respond to her text unless absolutely necessary. She lives with my parent who are elderly and need help with picking up meds and meals. I have tried to help financially and physically when able. I have listened to countless hours of complaints without ever being asked about myself. Dare I express a need or want and it's like I've committed a major crime. I've help her and her daughters through the years with extracurricular expenses, gifts, etc. Yet, I am told that I don't care and I don't appreciate her. I only care about other people outside of my family according to her. She badmouths me to anyone who will listens and blames myself and the other siblings for her being stuck with my parents although she could have moved out in her 20's but too afraid. She feels the world owes her something. To this day, she blames my parents for the way her life turned out and is often bent on putting everyone in their place and doesn't rest until she does. Yet, she can never get enough of setting everyone straight. It's a continual process. I'm sick and tired of it all. I want to move on but I'm struggling because she is pretty much my direct line of communication to my parents. They don't drive or answer their phone and I live across the country so if I stop talking to her then it's likely I won't be talking to them. She has been so toxic especially lately that I need to have a safe distance for my sanity and so that I can be present for my family. Her behavior has been such a distraction and cause of anxiety that I have been having trouble focusing on caring for my family. I just keep praying to God to help me to do the right thing and that my parents will know that I love them but that I have to stay away. I'm very sad that it's come to this but I have given it my all and I have no more to give to this situation. I believe my sister is at her sickest right now and having any contact with her is detrimental to my health and well-being.

Jan 09, 2015
N Sister is relentless
by: Anonymous

I had to vent here because no one else but all of you will understand. My husband thinks I should "patch things up". You can't do that with a n sister, it's opening the door to torture. I went NC with my mother And sister in April, she died in September. True to form, my sibling sent her flying monkies to try to get to see her on her deathbed and go to her funeral. I didn't go to either and I blocked all phone numbers and emails from my sister and her minions. Later, she sent a certified letter, I refused delivery. Today, she mailed two boxes of God know what, again I refused delivery. I waited my whole life to be rid of my mother and sister. Society's guilt trip about mothers kept me tangled up with her for too long. Now I can be at peace and I want no reminders of my horrible past. My mother was ignoring, my sister is engulfing. This is killing her, I know it is. There are no boundaries with her and I wonder what she'll try next. Any normal person would have gotten the message by now, but a narcissist never does. Thank you, just had to get this off my chest. I am so glad you all are here!

Jan 11, 2015
Sister still relentless
by: Anonymous

Today is the day my sister should have received the boxes I refused delivery on. Around noon, I received a blocked phone call. I have blocked all my sister's phone numbers and emails because her MO is to inundate me with harassing, judgemental and accusatory messages. I believe the phone call was from her. Since I went. NC with her, I've gotten a number of blocked calls, probably from her. I used to worry she'd get so desperate that she would just show up at my door. Now, I'm not worried. I know that if that should ever happen, I'd just shut the door in her face. I spent my life being afraid and intimidated by this screaming, egotistical, self-centered, hateful person that my mother created who made my life a living hell. I just turned 50 not long ago and I'm taking my life back! Many of you are worried about offending the n in your life and what others will think if you. Stop worrying! What is best for you? Did they ever once consider your welfare before theirs? Did they ever try to see your point of view? Did they ever accept you for the wonderful person you are? For the first time in your life, put your happiness first, you will not believe how it will set you free!

Jan 14, 2015
by: JJ

I am convinced that my younger sister has NPD, or some form of this disease. For the past 3 years, we've only spoken a handful of times. This stems from my calling out her bad behavior and telling her she needed to apologize to our parents for that bad behavior. I'm 33, she's 32. She is still "in my life" through my wife. They "do lunch" frequently and she "buys my daughter's love". I am against all of this and have advised my wife of her condition but she still continues to see my sister. My sister always finds a way to turn the conversation back to her. It's always about her new car, her new purse, her new job, etc. She lashes out irrationally if you point out her mistakes and will use personal secrets against you just to make sure she hurt you. I wasn't mean, I didn't use foul language...I just let her know she was out of line and needed to apologize for her behavior. You'd think I started WW3. She's asked a few times if we can start talking again, I just require an apology. She'll never apologize, by her own admission, so it's a moot point. This has been the norm since we were kids. She'd make me believe a girl liked me or that I was the most popular guy at our school, but when I asked that girl out she was the first one to laugh when I got rejected. I remember being punished as a child for something my sister had done. "Because I should have known better to not let my younger sister do that..." This may have been the cause of her NPD. She will never seek treatment because that's admitting she is fallible. And the Almighty One is never wrong. I'm just stuck, not talking to my sister and wishing my wife didn't feed her NPD.

Jan 21, 2015
Re: venting
by: Anonymous

Your wife will never see the side of your sister that you know as long as she remains in your sister's good graces and gives her all the attention. My husband has known my sister for over 30 years and still tries to get me to resume a relationship with her. If your wife has a healthy relationship with her family, she will never be able to fathom how horrible it can be. Your sister is too smart to show her true colors. You need to get her away from your family as soon as possible. Sit your wife down and be as blunt as needed. Do it for her and your daughter. You can't let this continue to the next generation.

Jan 26, 2015
The Road to Recovery
by: Waking Up

I came across this site today after making the decision, once and for all, to break away from the two narcissist's in my life - my mother and my sister. The effects of them both on my life have been terrible and over the past few years I have become addicted to painkillers in order to blot out the hurt. I decided to make an appointment at the doctors today because I had seriously begun to believe that I had mental health issues. Then I stopped and looked at myself long and hard. It's all come to the fore recently because, because of low self esteem, I have realised that a friend is showing these narcissistic traits to. That's when I realised it's me who must change. In the past when I have limited contact with these people I have achieved so much but as soon as I am made to feel guilty or obliged to make contact again it all goes downhill. I've lost good friends because I become neurotic and untrusting and it has caused countless problems in my marriage, to the point where I've almost lost everything. There is not enough space here to describe the things that I've experienced. I just wanted to thank you all for sharing your experience, it helps so much to know I'm not the only one and that I'm not going crazy. Love and best wishes to you all and here's hoping that 2015 is the start of a lifetime of emotional freedom and peace for us all xx

Jan 27, 2015
Response to "Waking Up"
by: Anonymous

Congratulations!!!!! :) I just love to witness that "waking up" moment in others as I know just how awesome and pivotal it is! Although you weren't able to tell the whole story here (no-one's indescribable), it sounds like you've identified the most important "proof"....namely the RESULT of being with those "certain people". Now that you know it isn't you, the healing can begin. Take care of yourself!

Jan 31, 2015
Finally confronted my situation
by: Anonymous

My sister if 15 years older than me and is narcistic. Self absorbed, demanding, manipulative and yes at times overtly cruel. She has told me that my mother did not bond with me but that she was the special one who saved our fathers life after the war. She gave him a reason to live. She has a strong sense of entitlement and if you don't respond to that she gets really aggressive.

So what does she do that affects me
Well she steals my stories and identity. She will get information off me then use it as if that thing happened to her. I and my hushand have seen her do it. She will dismiss or talk over me if I shine. So maybe someone is talking to me and things are going well she will interrupt or she will change the subject to make out someone someone is already doing whatever better than me. OR she will say she is doing what I am talking about even though she isn't. She bad mouths me to others. One of her lifelong friends came up to me at a party and said very coldly and without invitation that I was a depressive , not a good thing for a doctor. I was mortified mainly because I am not a depressive although I have experienced an episode of depression but also because it was clear that my sister had been discussing me and presenting me in a negative light.

So the problem came to a head when I was 55. I had had a new worktop put in my kitchen. She came and started to chop on it and put hot pans on it. She was told repeatedly by my husband to stop and by myself. She showed no respect. This is one of many instances where she has tried to damage my stuff. Crashed one of our cars, broken my sewing machine, broken my food processor. I began to believe that she has subconscious aggression towards me and that was why she was breaking things.

I survived all this because she lives abroad. It would have been terrible if she lived near me. However, I had always felt we should separate emotionally for my sake and hers. However, she keeps ringing me. The niceness is always followed by a flip or a nasty remark.

When my mum died, She asked me to hang fire with arrangements which I did thinking that she wanted to share the arrangments with me. No she came took over again. So I kept my dignity and let her. However, I then raised the issue of our relationship issues and tried to discuss a number of her actions but she just denied what I knew she had actually done or said. I then realised we can never fix this without honesty.

Since she has now started on my husband, talking over him and changing the subject whenever his career comes up, my husband has drawn a line.

I have now decided emotional distance is my best option. I have made the break.

Mar 21, 2015
Manipulation, I think....
by: Trying to deal

I need some advice from my peers here. After almost a year of limited contact, the push is really on to draw me back in. It so just so happens to be graduation time, and a pending wedding of my niece and nephew (N's children). Ironic, eh? Yet this past Christmas, there was no contact....from anyone, not even a card. From ANYONE else in the family, nor anything for my children. This includes my father, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces..... Nada, zip, zilch...
I recently saw my youngest sister. It was a "duty dinner". Nothing personal was really shared. She cut me off about 6 - 9 months ago. Seems the only time we get along is when she's mad at the "N" sister. It's so bad, I don't even know where my father lives. Over christmas I found out he changed his number. I was not informed.
I have not been a "perfect angel" through all this. Self destruction is the term I'd use. Hiding, I suppose. Tired of beating my head up against a brick wall....I drank. No hiding it. It was a problem. It affected my health. I retired from a successful career (which the N has bashed) raised two wonderful children(whom she bashes, sometimes to my face), and have lived a good life, despite my drinking. I own property and care for it(which she is constantly puts down in anyway shape or form) Honestly for all my self destruction, I have everything I need. The things my N sister has said about me, I would expect she's talking about a person who spent a lifetime in and out of rehab or jail, but certainly not me. I've confronted her with what I know, and she denies and sometimes claims it actually happened. It's beyond comprehension....really. My heart starts pounding when I think about it. My God, what do these people she speaks to think?
I can't help but feel I'm being held over a barrel. I'm not allowed access to my family because I'm not getting along with the "N" sister. I've made it more than clear to the "N" if she'd just admit it to me, that she has in fact said all these horrible things it would go a long way to easing the tension. She refuses and it becomes a further rant of how it actually happened, or how I deserved it. I need to hear her say it, or I won't join in.
Has anyone else seen/felt this? Does it seem like classic manipulation? Many Thanks...

Mar 27, 2015
by: Anonymous

Ive just come across this post,cannot believe that I'm reading my story in your lives.ive never understood how or why this has happened.I loved these people but they never loved me at all.Until both my parents had died I had know idea what had happened.Both my Mother and sister seem to have had this disorder.It has all but ruined my every waking moment.Not one relative or past friend (40 yrs ago) has ever spoken to me,because of the slander spoken to them by them.I have always wondered what I did so wrong but no-one has ever said anything.Im still so confused by what it actually was.Ive moved away with my husband and children ,and take one day at a time.Trust issues are still with me,they will never go away.Ive tried to console myself with what I call Game Playing.I have learnt that there is an Heavenly Father and that he knows all that is going on and if this is the way it's meant to be then so be it.You have comforted me in so many ways Xx

Mar 28, 2015
by: Anonymous

Well, just like the rest of the posters have mentioned, your stories echho my own. My N sister is 4 years older. Her rage is focused on me. after over 30 years of her abuses, i said enough is enough and cut her out of my life compleltely. I was wondering what everyone does for holidays or other family gatherings? My parents and brother know my sister is crazy but they constantly walk on egg shells around her and desperatley try to just keep the peace. No one sticks up for me and they have actually asked me not to defend myself so we can all pretend like we have a normal family. I've come to hate Christmas time and seriously want to skip this year but I dont want to hurt my other family members feelings. But I also don't feel like they consider my feelings on this matter. Another wrinkle is that when I'm not around, my sister focuses her rage on my mother, who is less emotionally capabale of takinf her rage. So how do you all handle the holidays?

Mar 29, 2015
by: Anonymous

My sister is also 4 years old than I...I figured out that Narcissism was what the problem is with her at least a couple of years ago, but have not chosen to mention the term to my parents or other siblings (I suspect that the parents may be responsible for creating that monster in the first place)I was so relieved to have the answer I'd been searching for my whole life, and really didn't want to open a whole new can of worms in family...I'm 51...My parents are 80 and 83...and may have known more than they let on for many years, but just didn't know what to do about it, which could be behind their refusal to try and "deal with it head-on". They knew I suffered greatly, but were probably in denial about how much of that suffering was caused by this dysfunction...probably thought I could just "handle it" and probably have NO idea, nor WANT to have any idea of the profound damage that was caused. This way of "dealing" is not something that I believe could or would change at this point....and really, what would be the point now anyway...I'm not only fully grown, but my parents are declining...I think it would be foolish to expect any kind of true understanding or apology at this point. I do believe they probably did the best they were able...which just happened to be quite far from "enough". I usually find a way to avoid being with the family over the Holidays...Most of them live in another state...I didn't attend my Mothers 80th birthday and actually explained to her (without using the "N" word) that being around my sister was just too difficult and to have to spend a good chunk of money to fly to CA just to be subjected to that was something I was no longer willing to do (I used to be more "dutiful" when I was younger) My mother actually told me she understood and didn't try to make me feel guilty (however my N sister was a different story!) I always feel a little weird when friends ask me what I'm doing for Christmas and I tell them it will be just me and my son, because that "sounds" so "un-Christmas-like". The truth is I thoroughly enjoy this newfound freedom to enjoy peace during the holidays...After never having that before, it truly is heavenly.

Apr 10, 2015
Can I breathe yet?
by: Monica

I am two years younger than my older and only sibling. The abuse started the day I was born. There are no happy pictures of her loving her new baby sister. My parents are oblivious, or maybe just can't look at her as damaged. Everything emcompassing what these people do, she has done. I have always been known as the "sensitive" one. She was never looked at as insensitive. I have been Gaslighted, physically abused and stolen from. Everytime a boundary was crossed I had no recourse because of course, I am the crzy one. I am writing this now, at age 52, because the final blow has been delivered and I must go to NO CONTACT. I am so sad that it has to include my parents who never protected me from her abuse and are setting me up for the motherload of all times. She is in control of their will. They have told me repeatedly to "trust her" she would never abuse that power. Just last week while she was at my parent's house she got into my Barbie collection which I was going to go through in three weeks. She then posted my stuff on Facebook and paraded them as hers patting herself on the back for her keen fashion sense. Mind you I played with them years after she grew out of them so anything they were wearing was of my design. To make it worse my mother knew immediatly that that would harm me, per her phone call while it was going on yet did nothing. Can't upset princess when she is getting what she wants. I can't even have my things, why on earth do they think she would be fair to me executing a will. I cracked up and wrote a scathing e-mail. My PTSD makes that happen, and I apologized for the nastiness of my words, but not the message, I want my belongings back. So I get the crazy label again and she lives happily with my dolls. AAARRRGGGH! I truly want to crawl out of my skin.

Apr 11, 2015
Monica...Yes...Breath...Do if for yourself
by: Anonymous


I completely understand as my sister is exactly the same (I'm 51 now and my sister is 55) I found a great deal of peace and healing by distancing accepting that it is a "sickness" caused by deep pain of her own (although it's buried so deeply that it manifests in ways that don't at all look like pain, and are dangerous to others!) forgiving myself for my own reactions when all I knew was that my soul was being mangled by this dysfunction...and by accepting that I'm never going to get back what was taken from me. On the brighter side, I'm now able to protect myself from further abuse by allowing myself strong boundaries, guilt free. I suspect that the real issue with the Barbies is not actually the Barbies themselves, but just what they represent, which is just another opportunity for your sister to rip away yet another piece of what's meaningful to you. I always have what I call an "allergic reaction" the second I detect that my sister is about to pull one of these stunts. I just try to remember to ...b r e a t h e....and to stay as clear as possible about what is actually going on so that I can choose a more effective that she is not expecting is usually best, because she's probably actually FEEDING on your "usual response". If you don't reward her with that but rather find a more clever way of pointing out the facts and/or straightening out the b.s. it "might" (no guarantees with an N!) throw her completely off balance and force her to see something about herself.

In the mean time, take care of yourself, and forgive yourself for not knowing how else to handle the past situations. Our lives are more than half over, and I don't know about you but I've had enough and insist on enjoying as much of the time I have left as possible. I deserve it, and so do you!

Apr 12, 2015
Thank you anonymous!
by: Monica

I want to thank the person who responded to my story. One of the most resonating comments was that they forgave themselves for their reactions to this abuse. A lightbulb went off. The very thought kept me up all night, distraught yet free. I have much to do in this area and appreciate the guidance.

Apr 25, 2015
Monica - So glad to hear that...
by: Anonymous


So glad to hear that my comments have helped in the way they were intended...namely to help free you of what is an unfair burden.

I want to make it clear here to anyone else who may be at this point of understanding and forgiving themselves, that I don't mean it as a carte blanche to continue reacting in ways that may be harmful to yourself or others, because you now have, through your better understanding of the whole dynamic, some tools to deal with this type of abuse in a more effective way. You now have the validation (even if only online!)of those who've been in your now know that reacting in a certain ways just feeds the narcissists game and digs you deeper into their trap...and you know that you must create strong and healthy boundaries (this can be very difficult, but get's easier with practice)or just go no-contact if that's what's necessary.

Best of luck to you Monica, and everyone else in their healing and growth.

May 06, 2015
Twisted sister
by: Sally

Thank you for writing your article. It is amazing to see how many of us have suffered in confusion.
My sister is 3 years older than me and for as long as I can remember has made my life extremely miserable. I have been pre occupied for the most of my life, trying to make sense of her behaviour toward me. I see myself as a caring person and am a trained nurse by occupation.
The worst thing she has done is to manipulate my family into disliking me through no fault of my own. My dear father died in 2010 and he never fell for her lies. But now he is gone, she runs the show. She often organises family meals for my mum and brother and his daughters but would never invite me or my family ever, just enjoy telling me about it and how she always pays for their meals.
My son was born very prematurely but this was barely acknowledged and she HATED it when family actually were considerate to me. My daughter is very successful and achieving well at grammar school yet her outstanding grades are never ever mentioned.
I struggle to work out how it has all gone so wrong or am I now seeing it as I am questioning life as I get older.
I hate how she can make me the villain when I' know I am not. It's so frustrating but I gave learnt now to distance myself. I don't answer the phone if I see her number and one thing I would advise is never confide in a narcissist , even though you can forget temporarily as they are family.
Try to keep them at arms length and although they will never be completely gone, being busy really helps. I try to ensure I see as little of her as I can.
I wish everyone all the best as I know how awful it is

May 09, 2015
I hear you!
by: Anonymous

My sister is a narcissist and also has other mental deficit behaviors also. Without rehashing our entire lives, a quick history will lay it out. Whole family is alcoholics, every single aunt uncle or cousin. I am the sole sober one and probably only because I am allergic to alcohol (puke after 2 drinks).

I am the older sister and pretty much raised my little sister, we are only 3 yrs apart. Mom had to work full time and was drunk all night. I did the best I could, but a 4 yr old should not be raising a baby.

All my sister's life she has been "off". Started threatening suicide by 8 yrs old and has attempted suicide at least 15 times through out our lives. She maintains some control by remaining weak and unstable.

Her narcissistic behavior is not classical, she is more of a covert sneaky one. Always shy, never speaks of herself, sneaky and self loathing. Was diagnosed as bi polar and put on medication. This was not the right diagnosis. She is NEVER happy or feel joy. She knows when to SAY she feels happy but you never see it genuinely.

I have definite codependacy issues, as many of us do here. A good heart and empathize with those struggling. We are not bad people, we just always put ourselves lower on the list.

7 yrs ago - my sister was addicted to pain pills. We lived apart, thank god, but I was to drive 2 hrs to her home to hang out. I had my 2 yr old daughter with me. We arrive there and my sister is seriously running through the woods naked. My first reaction was to make her stop and I was so embarrassed for her! I grabbed her, threw her on the ground and held her there. She calmed down and told me she wanted to go get dressed. As I let her up, she took off toward my car with my SLEEPING daughter in it. I caught her and beat the shit out of her. Who knows what she planned on doing.

She entered rehab. And that is when she sucked me into her narcissistic cycle. I supported her, went to family days etc. Convinced myself that it was her addiction causing all this.

1 yr later

She convinces my husband and I that she is sober, doing out patient therapy and we *did* see a big difference. She wanted money to open an espresso cart. We felt proud of her and we had the money. We went in partners 50/50.

1 yr later

We have an event to do. She shows up at our house at 9am - SO drunk. Beyond drunk. Drove to our house. Her words were, "Who is the idiot? I have never been sober. Who is the idiot? Hahaha"

So after that happened, I was stuck. We had invested thousands of dollars. We remained in the business until currently. Yes. I should have ran.

Narcissists always go thru a cycle. Admiration,devaluation,discard

My sister is was so lonely. She lives with our father, has never paid rent, she is 35.

We convinced her after one of her major rage attacks that she needed a boyfriend. She hopped online and found one.

That is when my devaluation began. I soon began to be called an "user" or that I was taking advantage of her in our business. I was targetted as one who was stealing money.

Her last rage episode, i responded in a different way. I chose to not reply, not to engage. This resulted in a major meltdown where she threatened calling child protection services, threatened to come to my husbands job, threatened to harm me.

Once she went that far, there was no going back. It has been 4 months and she still hasnt stopped. Constantly coming up with more reasons why I am at fault.


I now see that I have always been her "stand in victim" I have gone through at least 3 narcissistic cycles in 38 yrs. I am so glad I am strong enough to come out of it.

Reading and learning about WHY we let ourselves become their victims is very helpful. We have a tendacy to be codependant. Get help for that and MOVE ON.

I have times where I miss her horribly. I raised her. She, at times, was a precious friend and sister. Now I know it is all fake. She has never loved me or my family. So I grieve.

Thanks for listening! It does help to write it down.

May 23, 2015
Narc Father and Siblings
by: Anonymous

My father was an alcoholic, but I always felt there was something else wrong with him. Thank to this and other sites I feel sane for the first time. I am the scapegoat in the family, when I'm not ignored completely.
My oldest sister has know filled his shoes. She is very convincing and uses innuendo very effectively. It amazes me how convincing she is. Social workers, police and priests have fell under her malignant charm. Sometimes she isn't able to control her rage and every once in a while, someone see's her for what she is.
I find it very interesting that a lot of people who are posting here are in their 50's. Anyone have comments or theories why? I'm in that age group also.
I am counting the days until I don't have to deal with her and the other narc brother and enabling others. I am ready have peace in my life!

Jun 10, 2015
age range
by: Anonymous

I am right there with you all. Out of 5 siblings only my closest in age sister and I are talking. Our father was a alcoholic N-which meant that there was no telling which direction his viciousness would take. Mostly he aimed it at my sister, but if he could turn us against each other he took the opportunity to do it. My oldest sister took up his calling early on and has convinced the other two siblings to follow her, no one wants to be on her bad side and she is very good at turning people through innuendo and suggestion against each other. She has managed to convince the others to disown our mother while she was in the hospital, that takes talent. I hope to never have to see these horrible people again, and my sister and I will hopefully live our lives out with no contact. Unfortunately we are both waiting for the other shoe to drop-there is always another shoe! Back to age, we are both in our 50's and it has taken this long to figure out the family dynamics, is this normal?

Jun 14, 2015
The Separation Begins
by: Anonymous Too

I've suspected my sister is a narcissist for some time and am lucky that I have family who also sees her illness. Sadly, she's infiltrated my life to the extent that I can't completely eliminate her from the social part of it (as opposed to the familial) and am currently going through the frustration of keeping my mouth shut during a terrible ordeal between us to keep other people from thinking I'm nuts - they're good at that, aren't they? Again, I'm lucky that I have a contract regarding the matter and am at least protected legally - and have it in writing as proof to others when the legal part is over - although I think not caring about that would be a true indication that I'm on the right path. I see so many valuable comments here and am grateful that you're all sharing - I've decided to enter therapy from it. I'm in my late 40s (I notice it takes us decades) and she's in her late 50s. My beautiful (and when I say beautiful, I mean that strangers approach her and tell her that, even at this age), charming older sister - she tells stories about her life that are actually mine, she insists she was present in my life situations where she wasn't, she started me on drugs when I was 11, left me so high with a child molester boyfriend of hers when I was 12 I couldn't escape him, she successfully hit on my boyfriends, tells people lies about me at the onset of my relationships with them to establish dominance, and becomes vicious when confronted. I see that some of you have been isolated and I highly recommend therapy and immediately severing the ties where they can be - without explanation to anyone. Have faith in yourself that you know the truth and do what you can to find happiness in this short life. Plus, the one thing that drives a narcissist crazier is by not telling them a thing. Take back your power!

Jun 30, 2015
32 yrs of hell
by: Kohia

I married my husband 32 yrs ago and his parents disliked me from day one...I didn't know it then but his father was grooming flying monkeys all over the place and also within the family I married Brother IL wife slandered me my sister IL slandered me and my Father IL was the worst. 32 years down the track I have raised 4 beautiful honest children..but I'm damaged..and I feel like I damaged my children as I tried in vain to sta sane against the onslaught of living in a small rural town where people hated me. I went from a happy 23 yr old to a bitter 55 yr old..but I have learnt so much over the past year...I was made to feel unworthy by my in laws..but after finding out my in laws are Narcs it all makes sense. The lies they spread...the threats of suing me if I dare question my sister in laws integrity. And in the past year threats of blackmailing me. I received another message the other went like this...."how dare you question my integrity. I have no idea what your problem is. Family is family and well you got everything. Well not quite. You have left me no other option than to tell your children what your husband did to me and my friends. I'm sure a lawyer would pay me to take this to court. "
I have spoken to my husband about her accusations..and he has said yes he mucked around as a kid and she was a willing participant...when she phoned me once and tried blackmailing me over the same thing I asked her how old she was. Mine said she was 8 which made him 10.. I told her to grow up and that most kids played around like this..and she needed to take responsiblity for her actions ( I found out she used her dead mothers identity to further her political career ...accidentally ...and told her it was illegal what she was doing) because I questioned her she threatened me. It's not the first time...but for once I now realise I am way more worthy than her...I have been no contact for 12 months but she is always posting to her flying monkeys on Facebook how I have betrayed her and how she is the victim..sadly they all believe her..

Jul 03, 2015
Narc sister
by: Anonymous2202

I am an ongoing survivor of a narc sister. I cannot believe that it has taken until I am 54 to realize that she has been smearing me and basically "**cking" me over repeatedly for since childhood. To set the back ground story for you.....

-Our father was abusive (physically and emotionally) so my life long lack of self esteem has arisen because we were always told as a child to shut up and keep the peace so his violence did not escalate.

My narc sister (after she managed to escape the family home) would call my Headmaster's office at primary school) when I was about 8 or 9 and I would be dragged out of class to take her teary phone calls. She was always enquiring about our fathers behaviour and whether he was angry about her leaving home (Ah yes he was but don't worry she was not impacted by it because she had escaped leaving her 2 younger sisters and our mother to deal with him).

Then when I was 15 she and her sleazy first husband had me over for the weekend and subsequently thought in their infinite adult wisdom that they would introduce me to drugs (marihuana). As soon as I was stoned for the first time, she gets up and says I'm going to bed and leaves me in the room with him. He immediately starts to try and kiss me. I push him away and go to bed as I am more than freaked out by this (apart from being very stoned for the first time). Her husband loved to screw with her mind and self esteem so presumably told her we had sex (which we DID NOT).

She has held this against me my entire life because it suited her to believe him over me and thus setting her up for a lifetime of being the centre of attention and the object of everyone's pity. Not once has she taken responsibility for putting her teenage sister in that position (instead getting defensive about her behaviour on that night by saying things like "well you were of age ").

Throughout our life together she constantly belittled me by referring to my weight issues (grabbing any ounce of fat she could find and saying "look at you skinny mini have you lost weight"). Other put downs (too many to mention) have also occurred over the years.

She is a histrionic narc as well, having melt downs on many occasions whenever she felt slighted about something or needed to vent, leaving everyone on her wake feeling exhausted.

She has now bad mouthed me to every living relative, neighbour, friend. work colleague so my name is dirt. She has actively ruined my relationships with all 3 nieces by telling them I had an affair with her first husband when in fact I was groomed by her, drugged and left to defend myself after she went to bed and left me in a room with him.

Additionally I was diagnosed with a degenerative neurological disease when I was 39 and she has had an intense disease envy from day 1. She has inferred (actually outwardly lied) to a number of people that I was not entitled to retire from my job after 33 years of work, despite having worked 12 years past my diagnosis. Hence I have received many nasty, bitter and envious comments (mainly from her toxic friends) about how lucky I am to retire so young.

I was bullied mercilessly in my job for 4 years (before I retired on medical grounds) and I really question her involvement in this bullying as the bully always seemed to be one step ahead of me?

She is now also telling everyone that I am crazy /paranoid , as conveniently for her this is one of the side effects of one of my medications. She is so convincing in her "butter would’nt melt in my mouth" behaviour" that everyone believes HER.

She has ruined every major life event (my 21st, going overseas for the first time, buying my first home by myself) with silences, lies and petty envy.

I tried to cut all contact with her about 12 months ago but was told (instructed) by another sister to stop the rot and start talking to her again.

I am reluctantly talking to her (I try and minimize contact). The games, bad mouthing and viciousness has escalated and I am left isolated, severely depressed, anxious with my self esteem at an all time low.

I have contemplated suicide but hark back to a psychic I saw in my 20's who predicted my suicidal thoughts years before it came to pass. He told me not to go through with the suicide because if I did I would only "Have to come back again and do it all again''.

I recently sort counselling from a private psychologist who toward the end of our sessions started acting aggressive toward me. I couldn't understand why she was treating me this way all of a sudden, so googled her Facebook page. I discovered she was Facebook friends with my ex boss's (who had bullied me) sister. The psychologist had gone to the same church based school as my ex boss and her sister.

I find it hard to believe that my Psychologist could have joined the dots together by herself as I had never mentioned my ex boss's name. Some one had to have joined the dots for her.

I would really value your input on my situation as coming across your Page was a life changing moment for me. Suddenly I was not paranoid, I am not crazy - people like her exist!!

Jul 03, 2015
Glad to find this site
by: Anonymous

I, too, am a woman in my 50's who didn't really have a diagnosis for my sister until a year or so ago. What takes us so long? Like others, I don't have one warm and fuzzy memory from childhood that includes my sister. I just remember her tormenting and threatening me. Once she got married and started having children, our relationship seemed to improve. I am a teacher by profession, a nurturer, and I just wanted to know her little babies. There was a difficult turn of events with her kids, however. At the age of 4, her first boy was diagnosed with Leukemia. She was pregnant with her second, and found out, when she was about 6 months along, that her son had non-functioning kidneys. They had to drain one of his kidneys en utero, and he was on dialysis from the day he was born. Needless to say, these health situations threw us all for a loop and I was very dedicated to helping in any way possible. My sister seemed to gain more self-confidence as she researched and learned about how to deal with these physical health issues. I was proud of her. But after about 4-5 years, the health problems settled down. One child became clear of cancer, and the other had a successful kidney transplant. I finally got a boyfriend myself, and quit being so available to my sister. The strangle hold became so tight...mean, belittling comments that she would never say in front of anyone else (I always felt like she had a split personality...everyone else loved her). My boyfriend and I finally moved 500 miles away so I could try and have a normal relationship.

I could say so many more details, but over the years, our family went through our parents' divorce, my dad's remarriage to a controlling woman, and our parents' deaths. I didn't know my sister likely has NPD, but I knew a long list of behaviors I kept trying to change because I try hard to live an emotionally and physically healthy life...I thought I could help her have one, too. But I finally realized she doesn't want one. Her two sons are now 29 and 32 and both still live at home with no plans to go anywhere. She has them so tied to her. Because they were sick as kids, I have heard her tell others with so much love and compassion that God gave her children that aren't able to live independently. If I say anything to call her out to anyone she knows, I am the bad guy. After all, she has "sick kids." Well, the 29 year-old is a successful diesel mechanic and has done solo flights in small planes. She controls them by catering to their desires and manipulating their weaknesses. They spend their money how they want, and are even allowed short-term relationships with girls. I don't even think they know life could be different. Oh...but they have no friends except each other.

My sister doesn't realize that because she always needs to be right, that means someone else has to be wrong, and that is usually me, or her very weak husband. She doesn't see how this has torn me apart since I have always been the "pleaser" in our family. Since our parents both passed, I have completely given up hoping for a better relationship. I never see her or talk to her unless she initiates it. I am kind, but don't open any doors that might make her think she can get a grip on me again.

Facebook has been an interesting newer tool for her to gain admirers. I crack up reading some of her posts, but she has many followers who think she is amazing. After discovering she likely has this disorder, it has been easier to allow myself to stop trying or hoping to be close. I still battle it, because I am a "doer" and don't like finding out I can't accomplish a goal, but I have ALMOST let this one go!

Jul 12, 2015
Come as a shock...
by: Another Anon

Reading the stories previous to this posting, I realise that I have nothing like the problems of some of you. I want to say how much I sympathise with those of you who have truly terrible stories to tell. I know that my complaint will seem like trivial in comparison but it is good to get it off my chest.

Having had a lifetime of feeling wary around my sister because she can so easily become 'difficult' if something doesn't suit her, and I'm a non-confrontational type of person (perhaps a 'coward'!) I have had two recent major issues with her that have demonstrated just how hostile she is to both me and my husband. We had a friendly relationship before, except that I always had this walking on eggshells feeling and didn't like to be too upfront with her, not knowing how it would be taken.

However, recently, over an issue which, by any normal person, would not have been handled with hostility, this one was, because my sister thought I had some personal family information that she didn't and she became obsessed with wanting it. As a result, instead of going about it in a friendly, respectful way, she went all out to make out that this information was required of me legally and sent me (copied to my siblings) emails denigrating me, lying about things I had said and blaming me for all the unpleasantness she had generated. In the end, she did get the information, but I then managed, belatedly, to prove to her (and my siblings) that she had actually had no legal right to it. Of course, she didn't like that and totally refused to see that she had been wrong or that she should apologise for any of her behaviour, still blaming me for it and saying she was drawing a line under the issue. She has since returned to pretending nothing has happened so I know that if I don't return to being friendly with her, I will be blamed for not getting over a silly misunderstanding. I can now see that she has definite NPD characteristics, can trust her no more and really prefer not to see her again. Unfortunately that won't be possible while we still have an elderly parent (who knows nothing of all of this and thinks we are all wonderful). It's a horrible feeling, though, knowing with certainty that a sibling holds you in complete contempt (for what - perhaps jealousy from childhood? I really have no idea).

Jul 12, 2015
Glad I Realized
by: Anonymous

I have a mother that has some narcissistic tendencies, but I don't think that she has full-blown NPD. However, I am coming to believe that my sister is really a covert narcissist. I am 32 years old and I knew from 18 years of age that she had some type of mental problem, but I didn't know exactly what it is. Like most of you, my sister is five years older than me.

First of all, she copies my life to the best of her ability. I was pretty much a straight-A student in all of my studies and schools. My sister was a mediocre student and couldn't really "copy" this, so she completely ignored all of it. Even when everyone congratulated me for being the valedictorian, she simply congratulated me for graduating but made no mention of me being the valedictorian, doing local interviews for television, and receiving several scholarships.

Nevertheless, it was our mother's idea that we should take the same courses in college because my sister was failing in college and was about to be dismissed. My sister happily agreed and I thought that it would bring us together, so I agreed. Nonetheless, she would suggest that I wait on her to go to class, and then she would goof off or walk extremely slow to the class for no reason - almost making the both of us late. If I walked to class without her, she would be sure to call mother so that I could get yelled at and accused of "resenting my sister". She began to fail those classes as well and although I tried to help her study, she would tell the professors that she was on her own with the materials because I "wouldn't help her". This actually affected me getting a position as a teaching assistant at the university later, because one of the teachers was hesitant to recommend me due to my sister's lies. Later, she would tell me that I misunderstood and that certain assignments were not due and I would listen to her and not turn them in and my grades would drop as well! When I confronted her about this, she said nothing but just looked at me with a smug look. I quickly caught on and stopped listening to her. She would also tell mother that I was not helping her and would lie and cry when I tried to tell mother what she was really doing to me in the classes.

Outside of grades, she now tries to copy every aspect of my life but she arranges it to appear as if I'm copying her because I'm jealous of her. For instance, if I buy a miniskirt and I wear it one time, she'll buy one and wear it several times successively and talk about it to everyone: "look at my miniskirt; I just bought it...". When I wear mine for the second time, at this point, everyone says "I see you went and bought a miniskirt right behind your sister; I see that you follow her lead" to which she beams even though she staged it to appear that way. All of my interests have been taken away from me in the same manner. I am a very adept classical musician, but my sister tells everyone that she is and that I took the talent from her (when she can barely play London Bridges). I can speak three languages, but she tells people that she can speak three languages - even though her English is peppered with slang and she can only say "Hola, como estas?" in Spanish - that's it... and no third language at all. I have a strong interest in the effects of music on the brain; she has recently begun to study that and always starts conversations with everyone about it - even though it was my thesis topic that she previously knew nothing about. I simply cannot have an interest without her taking it and claiming it as her interest. I feel as if she is trying to take my identity. My mother even gave me a unique nickname (started as a joke) and she took the nickname and made it her Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace name!!! I can't even have a nickname without her taking it away. Once, my mother was telling me that she almost gave my name to my sister (she didn't know that she was having another kid) but she saw a movie and decided to name my sister after that. My sister actually said that she wishes that she had my name!

I don't want to bore everyone to death, but these are not even the worst things that she has done. She has tricked me into writing bad checks but manipulated my mother so that my mother thought that I was taking out a loan to help the family. Whenever I would refuse to write the checks, she would tell my mother that I'm refusing to take out a loan to help the family. Although, I was too young to really know that I was writing bad checks, I knew that something was wrong and I was being blackmailed into it. Also, I used to be overweight and my sister would brag about her weight in my face because she was thin. She began to get too arrogant about it and started overeating incessantly because she thought that she could never gain weight. I announced to the family that I was going on a diet and I would no longer drink sweetened beverages or eat candy for the next few months. Guess who went out and bought tons of candy and sweetened beverages and put them in front of me at dinner? When I complained that I couldn't eat it, she began to cry and look to mother who then took her side and said "if you don't eat it, your sister will be very hurt". After so long, I simply started packing them away and saying "I'll have it later" which would usually be months later. My sister would roll her eyes and my mother would give me the silent treatment. However, I lost the weight and became very slim and my sister became very overweight. This made her very hostile to the point in which she would watch me get on the scale to keep track of just how much smaller I was than her... she literally became obsessed with my weight to the point in which she could be asleep and would awaken to the sound of the scale and rush to my side (still with eye boogers on) just to see the number. My weight became the number to beat for her - even though she's so much shorter than me that it's irrelevant. At my weight, she would still be fat, but it's all about a number for her.

Finally, I moved out and now, she is really irate. Every time that I see her, she tries to start an argument in a covert manner and then quickly starts crying when I set her in her place and plays the victim so that mom will rush to hug her and blame me for hurting her feelings. She nearly destroyed my life by plotting against me in college, trying to keep me overweight, and even trying to molest me when we were younger - but she's the one that's soooooo hurt in my mother's eyes and I'm viewed as the "bully".

I haven't told her yet, but I'm getting married in about a year. I really don't know how to tell her, because she has never even had a boyfriend at near 40. I know that she will really try to ruin things between me and my fiancee or do something big like announce that she's adopting or something to take the attention away from me at the wedding. I really don't want her to be a part of the wedding, but it's kind of a tradition for a sister to participate. It hurts even more that she knows exactly when to cry on point to get my mother to take her side. I almost want to elope so that there would not even be a chance for her to have to be included. My mother and sister are codependent to some degree - my sister won't even pay bills unless my mother tells her when to do it and how to do it. She won't go to work unless my mother tells her to go to work. She eats anything and everything, but once in a while, she'll act as if she has forgotten to eat until my mother tells her to eat. I just really don't want to be a part of this dysfunction anymore.

Jul 18, 2015
Truth Does Set Us Free
by: The Youngest

Reading these inspired comments is enormously helpful to me, and I thank all of you. This site is truly healing. Though I've known since I was a child that my next-oldest sister was competitive and deeply insecure, I never realized the depth of the pathology until this summer, during an extended visit with her and her family. When I returned home, sick at heart from old and new wounds, I saw a family photograph that I'd framed long ago. Seeing her little face, at around age seven, looking angry and disturbed, made me feel nothing but pity and compassion for her. All my anger dissipated. Hers is the greater hurt and for that, I wish her healing. There is nothing I could do to help her, though. Although she is quick to judge others, her fragile ego is crushed by any sense that she is being criticized, even if the 'criticism' is intended to help her. May these people, who have harmed so much, find ways to grow and find their inner selves. At one point during my visit, I realized that to expect her to show empathy was like expecting a frog to fly -- a frog with no concept, even, of wings. She doesn't even understand what empathy is. And that is incredibly sad.

Jul 19, 2015
Reply to 'Anger'
by: Another Anon

Having read 'Anger's' post from several months ago, I'd like to say to you how horrible it is that you have been treated in this way - to have your career denigrated must feel such a betrayal. I do think it might help you to write all about it, if only so that future generations, perhaps less judgmental than present ones, have a chance to read your side of the story. It might also serve as a bit of a catharsis for you to be able to release the whole story for perpetuity, rather than just on an internet blog, valuable though this is for talking to others who understand. You might think about creating a hard copy and putting it away to be found at a later stage.

I really hope that you are beginning to feel less pain over all if this though I know it is likely to go on for a long time. I send you my very best wishes.

Jul 19, 2015
Is anybody in Colorado?
by: Anonymous

Looking for someone who is like minded. I have moved far away from N sister but I found another one. UGH I need a support system. Please respond if you are in the Denver area and need a non-controlling friend.

Jul 19, 2015
Can't yet empathise
by: Another Anon

Referring back to my previous post of July 12th, I find it hard to empathise with my sister as I can't really understand what could have caused her to behave so contemptibly towards me. We had a reasonably happy childhood though we weren't the best of friends, being chalk and cheese in terms of personality. She was a tomboy and I was bookish, liking reading, drawing, puzzles and playing the piano and I was a bit nervous of playing rougher games whereas she revelled in being outside with other children. I think she occasionally got me into trouble, telling tales on me (being the eldest I'd get the blame) though I don't recall this as a blight on my childhood. Our mother was quiet and subservient to our father who could be quite domineering though not unkind to us, just strict and not much interested or involved with us, always working in his small business. He did have a temper though and was easily provoked by anyone who disagreed with him. I doubt if my mother had an easy time with him as she never argued and so I think he might have had some narcissistic tendencies himself.

My sister's really contemptuous behaviour towards me (and my husband) has only been seen on two specific, prolonged occasions though there have been numerous other ones when she has shown less respect than I would have expected. I have no idea whether others have been on the receiving end of this kind of treatment from her (perhaps her husband as she can be very offhand with him). Maybe it is because I have always lived far enough away not to be in constant contact with her that I have been spared further abuse though I have no idea how extensively she has badmouthed me to people in her area whom I used to know before I moved away.

So she doesn't really fit with the stereotypical persistent behaviour of the NPD type but what we have seen fits all the models described in this link:

The only thing I can think of is that she may harbour some longstanding jealousy from the past. I didn't see myself as any kind of favourite or golden girl but perhaps she did as I was more academically successful than her and might be thought to have had a more enjoyable marriage but there's nothing really obvious to hang it onto.

Jul 21, 2015
Fed up
by: Exhausted

I have spent most of my morning reading these comments because I am coming to the conclusion that I need to cut ties with my own narcissistic sister.

I am 26, she is 28. I am a first time Mom to a 7 month old and she has 2 children ages 7 and soon to be 5.

We always fought really bad growing up. Her and my Mom would gang up on me, make fun of my weight, grades,etc.. I don't ever remember a time where my Mom took my side. The verbal abuse has effected me well into adulthood but since becoming a Mom myself, Ive become more aware of the effect the verbal abuse has had on me. I struggle so much with finding my voice and feeling confident about myself.

During my late teens/early twenties my sister and I become very close. Mostly because I didn't know any better. We would party, get hammered, cause trouble, etc.. Until finally I had been in so much legal trouble that I said enough was enough. I went through outpatient rehab where even my counselor told me to cut ties because my sister is nothing but an enabler and an alcoholic.

It was a little over a year ago where I truly became serious about distancing myself. She's never shown any desire to better her life. She drinks and drives all the time! Sometimes with her own kids in the car. When I met the man I am with now, my sister became so jealous she would tweet nasty things about me just to hurt my feelings when i read them. I eventually deleted my Twitter because i could not take reading them anymore. This was similar to a situation a few years ago when I spent every day just about with a long time best friend after a terrible breakup. My sister would send mean texts about being "left out" because she doesn't understand the meaning of having separate identities. But now, she has a new best friend who she talks crap about every time i see her yet posts pics with her at bars, saying how she's her bff. Mind you, this new best friend is way younger and in an abusive relationship. Perfect target for my sister.

The last straw for me was having to sit at a table at a baby shower this past weekend with a man who my sister slept with, who has with his long-term girlfriend. My sister seems to think that her poor choices and morals don't effect those of us around her. This is not the first awkward situation my sister has put me in. Just a year ago she slept with this same guys best friend (who are also good friends with my boyfriend) causing unbelievable drama between everyone. And also, planning to meet one of my acquaintances husbands at a hotel last Spring. It's a great feeling to me when I run into this poor woman, ugh!

On top of all that, my sister lives at home with my parents. She cheated on the father of her kids so ended up moving back home 3 years ago! My mom is her nanny and constantly dedicates her life to my sister's kids who are becoming narcissists themselves! My mother hardly knows my child and I don't even remember the last time I spent alone time with my own Mom. Like i said, I am a first time Mom and I haven't had my own mother for guidance at all. Granted, she is going through chemo so I am easier on her about it but I am so completely fed up with my sister and my Mom enabling her crap that I refuse to have my child witness any of it.

I need strength.

Jul 22, 2015
Strength for "Exhausted"
by: Anonymous


If I had my whole "mothering years" to do over again...knowing what I know now about my sister and the whole dysfunctional family, I would have done things sooooo differently. The stress of it all took far too much time and attention from my relationship with my son. I always knew something was very wrong in our family, but because I had never heard of NPD, I couldn't see clearly how I was being manipulated....and really had the hardest time even believing that my sister was capable of such a thing, because she is the type of narcissist who's modus operandi is the whole "good girl" thing. You'll never catch her in the act because she's got her whole back=up story all worked out ahead of time about how she didn't know such and such...and truly believe such and such...etc. SERIOUS crazy-making!..and she had the whole family wrapped around her finger. My mother was basically useless to help because she just couldn't believe that my sister would be that devious.

I would seriously back way off, but do so without making it really obvious, if possible. Telling her what you're doing straight out, might just result in retaliation and more drama....especially if you live in the same area and have relationships with others in common.

You need some peace to be a the best mom you can be. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about that.

Best of luck!

Jul 23, 2015
by: Anon

I'm 29. Only in the past few years have I realized how bad my sister was to me growing up. She's 37. She used to tell me that my mother didn't like me because I didn't look like her side of the family, that her and my mom got along better because they were similar. They constantly criticized me. She once told me as a teenager that my mother buying me clothes (for school) was a waste of money, "I mean you could die tomorrow and all them clothes would be left there, what a waste of money" to be precise! Once I started getting some friends as a teenager "I'll have to put a stop to that". She used to tell me if it wasn't for me that we would be living elsewhere and a lot happier. She used to criticize anything I liked or wore, usually sniggering at whatever I was wearing. She used to tell me I looked like an old hag when I wore make-up. God I could go on and on. Unfortunately this monster is back living with us again. I like coming on here to read other people's experiences, it makes me feel like I'm not alone and that not being paranoid! Thanks

Aug 04, 2015
how do I get my father-in-law to break away from my wife's NPD sister
by: Anonymous

My wife is lovely caring and kind. Her severely narc younger sister is trying to destroy her. We have blocked her on phones, email etc. So she has tried cousins, mutual acquaintances, my wife's closest friends and their own father to try to get at my wife. Screaming fits from the narc at their father on the phone, in person and abusive emails to him about my wife with a huge list of my wife's supposed faults are the current line of attack. He can't get away from her whereas everyone else can and he's not emotionally strong enough to take her on. I don't worry so much about us, these posts are a blessed relief and full of light bulb moments for my wife and I. But the channel for her rage is causing my father-in-law increasing health problems - anxiety, sleepless nights, high blood pressure and a mini stroke being part of the list. The narc is killing him but he refuses to acknowledge she has NPD and do the necessary and cut her off. I won't do this but I sometimes feel I should kill her first? I am running out of other viable options.

Aug 05, 2015
One idea.....
by: Anonymous

I don’t know if this will help or not, but remembering these things has helped me...
That narcissism doesn’t exist in a vacuum…As horrendous as it is/can be, there is a larger context that led to it and that it exists within. I believe (from what I’ve read) that it develops as a coping mechanism…a way to deal with deep psychological trauma. Yes y’all need to protect yourself from abuse…but I think sometimes dealing with the narcissist in a very calm, honest and straightforward way is the most effective…letting them know where your boundaries are while trying to remember that they are damaged…and not evil….even though the effect is such that it’s impossible sometimes to see any difference. I’m constantly having to remind myself that I’m not a psychiatrist or psychologist and even though NPD fits my sisters behavior to a T as far as I’m concerned, I know also that sometimes these people are just unwitting "proxy’s" for some other narc/psychopath/sociopath/manipulator...The whole thing seems quite complicated to me, but I feel that, as my sister, I can’t feel 100% good about completely cutting her off when I’m convinced that she has been "twisted" by circumstances. I do try (pretty successfully) to avoid her and when I have to be around her I’m just very vigilant about being "on my toes" because she always seems to be "up to something" even when (and especially when) she’s being "charming"…and I’m ready to nip any b.s. in the bud and defend my boundaries, but I’ve found that not feeding her fears with accusations of evilness seems to minimize the trouble from her. We all have to do whatever is necessary in our own circumstances…Not all NPD situations are the same. Just thought this might be worth some consideration.
As for your father-in-law...I say let him read all of these posts and decide for himself how he needs to handle it. Best of luck....

Aug 06, 2015
Thank yo
by: Anonymous

Wow - it's really hard yards to find the right route through this - if such a thing exists. I think that getting my father-in-law to read these posts is bang on the right thing - but I need to find a way without destroying my very good relationship with him. Or maybe I just accept that as an outcome preferable to watching the narc destroy him piece by piece. If he reads the posts after I have found a way to broach it with him I hope he will have light bulb moments which restore our relationship.

Aug 07, 2015
Re - trying to push FIL to accept.
by: Anonymous

Be careful with that. Don't push too hard, or you'll push him away for good. Some parents don't ever recognize faults with their children and ostracize those that do. I wouldn't side against one of my children either.

Aug 07, 2015
I agree...
by: Anonymous

Yes, I agree. And really...all you can really say is what you "suspect" may be true. If you don't have an actual diagnosis from someone who is well versed in NPD (I would think that would be somewhat specialized) then it seems like the best approach would be to admit that you don't really know, but that you're concerned about the effect on him of WHATEVER this dysfunctional pattern happens to ultimately be. It's not impossible to learn strategies for keeping one's own sanity when circumstances are such that ditching the person just isn't an option...or a desire...etc. I believe true narcissists are a lot like addicts of other types (their "drug" is "narcissistic supply") I wonder if anyone has ever thought about or tried Al-Anon. This is an idea that just now popped into my head...It may not be a good one, but it does seem like there would be a lot of similarities..and that one could learn how not to "enable" to tweak their own actions and reactions so as not to feed into the problem, and to hold strong boundaries, etc...Something that could be tried if "no contact" just doesn't feel right.

Aug 31, 2015
narcissistic sister/ co-narcissist mother
by: Anonymous

Since I was 12 years old and my narc sister was 11, I have been bullied by this sibling. I have an older brother, also abused by her differently and my youngest sister bullied by her in similar but different ways too. I have spent the last 10 years with a psychologist friend, who has met some of my safe family members and friends and she says that I have been the victim of a high functioning narcisisstic sister, who is a doctor of clinical nursing. Imagine, nurses teaching other nurses are major abusers, controllers, manipulators, narcissists. Imagine this person teaching your daughter to become a nurse at college?
As we lived at home from the ages of say 12-18, she has to control you. You have to do as she states or she threatens you with, "you will get nothing when mom and dad die". Not only that , but, she turns your parents against you with her lies, psychological abuse is worse, trust me. Well, that is what is now happening. Before I left home at the age of 18 to go to college, she was unable to harm my reputation. But, when I went to college, not being geographically close to my mother, she managed to brainwash my mother against me, with such lies as "She doesn't have nice friends(meaning not white upper middle class rich, good looking types). She would state "how I was cheap", yes, if you do not spend like she says, then she tries to turn your mother against you with her "cheap comment", very effective with your mother.I was saving money for college, since my father is a contractor. When you move out of state to get a job, She further has your mother abuse me, by ignoring you, and not believing anything you tell your mother. Your mother only believes her favored narcissistic child. My mother was such a social climber, and she placed this 1 sister sibling on such a high pedestal, that she only believed her and not my younger sister or older brother. When I left to go out of state to get a job at my career, she transferred all the love my mother had for me to my brother's wife, and made sure that my mother only saw what this new sister in law did as important and to be recognized. So, whatever I did, was useless, any gift I gave my mother was made fun of. The narcissist claimed any friend I would make would not be good. My mother believed her. That is tragic. I had to contact my mother following the controller's rules, and had to fly my mother down to see me if she was going to love me. This narcissistic sister placed rules on me, that my mother agreed with, if I wanted a mother. Imagine in your early to mid twenties by yourself in a city where you know no one and they start punishing you and you are tormented by their lack of love and a price tag is placed on you if you want a mother. This narcisistic mother and co-narcissist sister and the new sister in law, were the holy "UNTRINITY". They are a triangle in which they could control what your father and brother and extended relatives would think about you, if you didn't obey them both, and let them control you. Yes, I could have had a mother and a sister if I allowed them to control me totally. But, being a slave to a sister ,for decades would be unthinkable.
My brother's life was destroyed, because the narcissistic sister said to my mother "that only she could find a decent wife for my brother". My brother lived with a girlfriend in college, who he got pregnant, but, claimed he didn't know it at the time. My brother also dated a girl from childhood for 10 years, both were like 15-25 years of age at the time , but, she was smart and didn't have relations with my brother, because once the mother and sister found out about these 2 women, they refused for my brother to have further contact and the baby was secretly put up for adoption by the lady in college. THe lady in college contacted the childhood girl friend of my brother and told her, she was pregnant and so this childhood friend contacted my brother and told him to marry her. But, my brother, being controlled by my mother and sister could not have further contact with either. Tragic!
So, the narcissist nurse went up to her hospital and started finding girls for my brother to date, he got one of them pregnant, and since this girl was from a white, upper middle class, family and was pretty, my mother and sister allowed that marriage. It was a horrible marriage for over 20 years, they finally divorced, but, remember, this lady was in the HOLY "UNHOLY" trinity, so, she was revered by my mother and sister. SO,she is slated to get all my parents property when they pass. My own adult children find this offensive, but, I told them, that she is a narcissist, a very powerful liar and abuser and the extended relatives believer her and not me.
I lost the mother I had from Childhood when I as about 12.My sister started feeding my mothers lies about me to my mother from a very young age. I do think there is a narcissist gene in the family, because my own mother's mother ran away from her husband when my mother was 6 and her brother 4 years old. I believe she had to run away because they were trashing her reputation and no one would listen to her. SO, there is a pattern or a gene for this in the generations.
When a very powerful , drama queen , convincing liar gets ahold of an audience and you are a quiet , lower self esteem, not as good an orator as your sister, then, your life is over. Over the decades you have a very low self esteem. The narcissist uses their money to buy off the belief system of your parents. My father is like "GOMER PILE", from the Andy Griffith show, he has no idea what is going on and he sides with emotion and not fact. So, you have no one to turn to. YOur father is not an academic, he doesn't have the skills to listen to you. My narcissist sister would state whenever I tried to tell my father what was going, that "I am talking bad about the family". That is how the narcissist is believed. Just do not listen to the victim(me) and do not go to counseling with the victim, only listen to me and no one else and only believe her. Very tragic.
If there is life after death, the narcissistic sister and co-narcisstic mother will be in purgatory a long time, hoping their sins can be purged enough and they are sorry enough to get to go to heaven, but, I don't see how?
My mother sent us to Catholic parochial schools not to learn to be christian , but, to associate with a whiter, upper middle class, more good looking, more stuck up bunch. That made me sick when I figured that out too. Social climbing made me sick. Whenever my cruel sister dated a doctor or a lawyer or a CPA boyfriend home, he was treated so nice, when I brought home nerdy ugly engineer types, my mother ignored them and either left the room, or the home. To this date, my mother looked sad at my wedding to a nerdy engineer, and all her wedding pictures look sad at my wedding. My mother never held my 2 daughters either, when they were young. I never asked her to babysit them, just to touch them for once in her life. But, the narcissistic sister would not allow it, the price she placed on being a narcisstic grandma was not paid by me. You had to obey the controller or you have no family.
I want to thank the other posts because yes, we all for years have OCD(obsessive compulsive disorder), writing letters trying to explain what is going on, but, it goes on deaf ears. They complain that your letters trying to explain are just diatribes, or worthless. It is a cry for help and for someone to listen.
THat is how you know it is a narcissist, when they have to totally control you, for example, your relationship with your mother has to be totally controlled by them, how you spend money on your mother, when you call her, what you do for her. Imagine living in another city and then in another state for college and your career job and in living far away, and not being able to be there for your mother day in and out, they are able to make up lies about you. The sister in law in the same city, also a nurse,it is easy for her to set up holiday dinners and be there for your mother, she is in the same city as her, and she agrees to be totally controlled by your narcissistic sister.
YOUr life in over, the holy "UNTRINITY" controls your blood family and what they think.
GOod news, like so many of your posts, was the day I got married, my husband and I celebrated that we have each other and 2 lovely adult daughters and his side of the family and lots of good supportive friends, some who know about this situation and others I have been too afraid to talk to about this. But, you must cut ties with a controlling narcissist, they are not happy unless they destroy your life in every way possible. DO not think you can make up with them, the moment you try this, they have "50 commands" ready for you to do , in order for them to be happy to see you are doing as they state.
Stay away, find a psychology friend who can take the last 10 years to explain how very sick your family is and get on with your life. My other nicer sister wants a relationship with my father and mother and so, she cannot have contact with me. But, my mother has alzheimers now, and I said my goodbyes to her like 20 years ago, I had to for my sanity. I tried and tried to get my mother to be reasonable, but, my only condition was for all of us to go to therapy with a psychologist or psychiatrist to help explain that a narcissist is not a healthy person to be around. My parents are naiive and guillable no 4 year degree and ruled by her and brainwashed by her to only believe her, at that point, you got to get away, you will only hurt your mental health.

Aug 31, 2015
Fasten your seat belts . . . . . . .
by: Anonymous

I have compiled 30-year list of traits of my narcissistic sister (Jennifer) that you may recognize in your relationship with yours, in no particular order:

1) The N sister can behave very charming and complementary to "outsiders."

2) When caught in a lie (and she tells a lot of them) the N sister will blow up at you and lie to cover for the lie.

3) The N sister will tell you how much time she spent on the perfect gift for an outsider but when shopping for you, lucky to get a re-gift, something at the checkout counter, or something she bought for herself. You are an afterthought in her eyes.

4) The N sister treats your husband and children like second class citizens but wants you to acknowledge her family at all times even complaining if you don't. Like her family is entitled better treatment.

5) The N sister will say she cares about your happiness which in reality wants you to be unhappy because if you give her wonderful news, you'll hear crickets.

6) The N sister is attracted to rich people to better her image or advance herself in society.

7) The N sister will never be seen at a discount store as she needs to shop around rich people.

8) The N sister will act charming around your close friends showering them with complements and even start inviting them to her place for parties.

9) Never tell a N sister something embarrassing about yourself, she'll bring it up years later to embarrass you.

10) If you are ill or hurt don't depend on the N sister to visit you or help. Doesn't do homecare. She has to be seen doing a good deed.

11) The N sister trusts no one in her home without supervision and sometimes not even you.

12) The N sister will never apologize for a thing.

13) The N sister can't keep a secret so don't tell her a thing. She'll spread it all over town.

Sounding familiar yet?

14) The N sister is extremely greedy and possessive of her possessions and thinks others are jealous of her.

15) Be careful she can swear like a drunken sailor.

16) If you call her on her behavior you'll be disowned and in her cross hairs. Watch your back!

17) Lacks empathy for others even close members of family. But will feign empathy for strangers.

18) The N sister will display nice gifts from you but when you notice them she'll say that someone else gave it to her rather you you. Her way of saying that you are forgettable even your gifts.

Good luck. I could go on forever with the Jenniferisms as we call it. It never gets better, it only gets worse with age and I'm 52. I love her but wish she would act like other people's sisters and be nicer to my daughters. I pray for her and us everyday that we can have a normal relationship someday.

Aug 31, 2015
I can relate!
by: Anonymous

You hit the nail on the head with every one of these examples! I can so relate with all on the list! When I had my baby, my sister was upset that I wasn't paying more attention to her 3 year old! I was flabbergasted when she told me. Who in their right mind would say that! My sister always acted like the victim, but she was the one who victimized people. She always would say that her girls and sister-in-law were sensitive, then when we had our blowout all of a sudden I was sensitive too! I was in my early 40s. The problem is that she would do something really ugly, then be really nice until I forgave her. Not that she ever said she was sorry. That never happened! In fact, at the very end, she told me she couldn't say she was sorry to anyone. How sad is that. And she would never lose an argument either. I am 49 years old and it took a long time to say I will not take it any more. I so wanted a relationship with my sister, but your sanity is not worth it. They do not change. I have been low contact for about 7 years. Meaning I will call and wish her a Happy Birthday once a year and not get hoovered back in to her life dramas and lies. I live close by but keep to the one phone call. The first two years of low contact were very hard and depressing for me. I still love her and you feel guilty and you miss the times when they actually can be nice to you. But what they act like and say are fake. My life is better now that she is not in it. Make sure to surround your self with a good support system and people who make you feel loved. I am thankful to have found this site. I have been visiting it for some time and have read all the postings. It keeps me from contacting her! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and stories, and may you all find peace of mind and the love you deserve. Blessings.

Aug 31, 2015
response to "fasten your seatbelts"
by: Anonymous

Funny how you made up the word "Jenniferisms"...I'm also 52...and I've found myself, on more than one occasion, needing to make up new words that describe these narcissistic behaviors, because they're SO "not-normal" that there aren't common words available. My sisters name starts with a J too...and one of my "created terms" is "J-bomb"...That's what would always result when I had the "audacity" to be happy and/or pleased with some small accomplishment...and, in the presence of others, she would almost always provide the obligatory supportive comments, but there was always hell to pay as soon as she had a chance to get her revenge and void-out any of that positive energy from others in a way that would "LOOK"....from those others' perpective....completely innocent and unrelated to the earlier scenario. She can't have them knowing just how enraged she really is when someone else is complemented...especially when that person is me....The one who can see right through her and refuses to cower in her presence regardless of the inevitable J-bomb that is always to come. I actually have a small vocabulary of these "new words" just for my own personal use, when writing in my journal (no one else would understand them without long explanations)

Hang in there and grab as much of the good stuff as possible. It sounds like most of us are in the second half of our lives and we DESERVE some peace and joy in this lifetime.

Sep 06, 2015
"To Anonymous"
by: Anonymous

"J-Bomb" sounds exactly like my sister. If someone compliments me on something, she usually fakes a smile or does nothing, but later on, she will blow up about something seemingly "unrelated" but only I can tell that she is really just making me "pay" for whatever recognition for whatever accomplishment.

Also, because our mother is mildly narcissistic, my sister uses this to her advantage. For instance, once, my mother was severely ill and I had been taking care of her more than my sister. My mother had began to compliment me (something she rarely does) for looking after her. My sister hated this because she ALWAYS wants to be the "good" one and will go to extents to make me appear to be the "bad" one. While my mother was watching us walk into a store, my sister suddenly gave me a quick evil look and stormed into the store, leaving me behind her. Since my mother was watching from a distant window, this made it look as if I said something to my sister that resulted in her walking off like that. I had not said anything, my sister simply staged it that way as "payback" for the compliments that I had been receiving from our mother. Of course, my mother reprimanded me for "hurting my sister" even though I had not done anything and then my sister was satisfied.

Imagine living a life of being a genuine, sweet kid but being constantly punished because your evil sister is charming enough to make you seem "evil" so that she can seem "good".

Sep 06, 2015
Concern About Future
by: Anonymous

As I mentioned earlier, I am very concerned about getting married and starting my own family due to my sister's obsession with me. The fact that I am getting married and she has not even had a boyfriend will make her furious. Nevertheless, she copies everything that I do, so I'm afraid that she will start a family soon afterward and try to put our children in competition with each other. I really do not want my future children to go through this and I definitely do not want my fiance, who has been very supportive about me leaving that environment, to be pulled into my sister's games.

Sep 08, 2015
Can you move?
by: Anonymous

If there's any possibility of moving out of the same area as your sister...far enough away that you'll have your own friends and acquaintances...and the dysfunction won't become a part of your kids development, It would probably be much easier. It's true that no one should ever feel they have to take that drastic a step just to live a sane life, but I think sometimes when you're avoiding a narcissist and all of the real trouble they can stir up, it may be the best option available.

When I lived in CA and my sister in KS it was a lot easier for me. Of course the long standing "family dysfunction" didn't change, but I (and my son) weren't as effected from that distance as our daily lives were completely separate from the rest of the family. If I had only known then what I know now I would never have moved back close to her...It's a lot more difficult now to make another long distance move, now that my son went through high school here and considers this his home.

Sep 12, 2015
No contact results
by: Anonymous

It's been three years of very limited contact with the N sister. I feel good. I'm amazed. I can't believe I lived my life with all that stress... This must be what it's like to live free of guilt for This site, and others have helped a great deal. Thank you. Sincerely.
She's still causing a ruckus. I remain blissfully ignorant of it until I hear from other family members. Apparently, she's slicing through the rest of them now that I'm not around and has taken to blocking those on social media that don't agree with her or want to stay out of it. It's divided us and that's painful, but it's not my fault.... (That one, I'm still working on).
Now that I've read so much, I can see all of those N traits and have compassion for her. How empty she truly is without a large audience. Sad. I guess my anger has faded too. I just wanted to share a little success. It really does get better. Thanks again.

Sep 24, 2015
RE: Not Realizing we Have an N in our Lives.....
by: Anonymous

I am 55 years old and have been mentally and verbally abused by my sister since I was old enough to start showing my own personality. She is 2 years older. She is the "smart" one, the "perfect one". She has a personality that she shows to the outside world (she even has a distinctive voice she uses) and a different one she uses with her family. I adored my sister and wanted to be just like her. She, however hated me from the day I was born because in her eyes, I stole her thunder. I am the carefree, silly, open, funny, and honestly caring sister. I always got along great with my younger siblings. That has always made her angry because I wasn't like her. Even though she didn't want anything to do with me. She didn't speak a kind word to me until I was 14 and she was 16....I will never forget that day. She came walking out of the house with her boyfriend (now I get it....she was with someone outside the family) and said "Hi, how's it going?' I remember being so shocked and thrilled that she spoke to me in a normal tone of voice....not the deep, hissing, under her breath voice she would use to say things like.."that is so ugly, I can't believe you would have that in your room" or "that shirt looks terrible on you", or "you're so stupid" ..etc... Anyway, I told my mom what she would say but my mother just didn't get it. She wanted us to work it out ourselves. She didn't understand I was being slowing picked to death by my N sister. If I would start to cry because of the way she treated me, she would hiss under her breath, "shut-up, you baby." To a kid, she was a scary person. Once when I was in 2nd grade, I tried to wake my Mom up on a school morning and my sister tried to stop me. Sis was the one who got us ready for school in the morning .(Mom had problems too) Anyway, as I was trying to awaken my mother, she got between us and picked up a bronze statue that was on the bedside table. The statue had a very pointed head on it, like a turban wrapped around her head. She lifted the statue over her head and in a downward motion attempted to stab me. I threw my hand up and she stabbed me in the hand. A 4th grader stabs a 2nd grader while her mom lays sleeping in her bed. I was bleeding, but I got a bandaid and went to school like nothing happened. Nothing was ever done or said. As I grew up, I married an N man. He pretty much treated me the same way. If I ever disagreed with him he would quickly point out how wrong I was. I told him one time how I felt about something and he actually said, "No you don't, you don't feel that way". After years of abuse from him, I left. I was a completely empty shell of a woman. I had no idea how I felt about anything or even how to express myself. Years later, through much soul searching and depression/anxiety and grief over the death of my son, and therapy, I decided I needed to stand up for myself. As soon as I did, things have gotten worse between us. I just can't let her get away with trying to control everyone's life or saying mean, hurtful, demeaning things to family members. I call her out for being mean to family members. You know what she does when I call her out.....she will say something hurtful to me just to hurt me. She has said ugly things to my kids, when they got older, and I lost it. I got in her face and screamed at her to NEVER say anything to or about my kids again. I don't act that way ever, to anyone except to her. When I saw the article "6 Signs of Narcissism You Didn't Know", I was SHOCKED.....that was my every shape and form. We have gotten along off and on over the years but since our parents are ailing she has gone downhill bad. Our "screaming fights" are even embarrassing to me. We live several states apart so don't see each other often but we talk on the phone. The last several months it has mostly been texting. That way I figured I didn't have to listen to her "deep, hissy" voice. She posted something on Facebook recently that she used to hurt my daughter. I called her on it and then posted the "6 Signs of Narcissism You Didn't Know" on her Facebook page. When I woke up this morning I tried to see if the posting for my daughter was still up. I had to go to my sister's page but it wouldn't let me on her page. I have officially been blocked!!! So to answer the question about why are there so many older women on here talking about this, is because, I think, the damage our Narcissistic Personality Disordered sisters did to us was so severe it has taken some of us YEARS to understand IT ISN"T isn't our fault....we aren't stupid, ugly, dumb, fat, skin and bones, or any of the other things we were called. We are good people whose lives were shaped by someone out of our control. We are SISTERS to each other and we can help each other by writing our stories and sharing them. Best

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